sydney sage đ¸ vampire academy (melbourne) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-03-21 20:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, * jamie, * kit, c: elias salazar, c: sofia nichols |
WHO: Sofia Nichols & Elias Salazar
WHEN: Thursday, March 21, 2019; Late Night
WHERE: Eliasâ house
SUMMARY: Sofia has dreams of Sydneyâs mom and tells Eliasâ about her fears of forgetting theirs.
WARNINGS: Mentions of parental death.
PROMPT: Platonic Bed Sharing
It had been a long time since Sofia had woken up crying. In the months immediately following her motherâs death, it had happened with great frequency but she had eventually learned how to get through the night and, at some point, to get through the day, as well. Since then, sheâd tried very hard not to think about her mom, entirely for the fact that thinking about her never failed to open a gaping wound within her that was near impossible to reclose once it had been torn open. Some people coped with loss in healthy ways, but Sofia preferred whatever way resulted in the least amount of pain. Of course, right now, her way didnât feel very effective. That night, she had dreamed about her mother. Only instead of Vanessaâs dark waves, and the sound of her native tongue, Sofia had dreamed about Deborahâs light brown hair, the smell of old cars, and the way it had felt when sheâd held Sydney through the night the very last time sheâd been sick before getting her golden lily tattoo. Sheâd dreamed of a 13-year-old girl huddled in the corner of a dressing room while Deborah consoled her and told her that there was no size that could diminish her beauty. Sheâd dreamed of days spent learning about carburetors, and evenings making secret ice cream runs with Carly, Zoe, and their mom. And with every dream, Sofia felt closer to Deborah and even further away from the mother she tried desperately to compartmentalize but was terrified to forget. Unable to go back to sleep, Sofia pulled herself out of her bed and, after making a detour to the kitchen where sheâd drank a whole glass full of water, she found herself outside of Eliâs room. She knew better than to disturb him. She had no idea how early he needed to be up in the morning, and she also had no idea if he was alone. Even so, the thought of going back to her room and slipping back into a sleep where her dreams threatened to steal her memories didnât feel like much of an option, either. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand first, Sofia took a deep breath, reached out, and knocked on his door. âEli? It--itâs me.â On the other side of the door, Eli wasn't asleep and he wasn't alone -- not technically, at least. Just as he looked up from the well worn book that he had open in front of him, leaning back against a couple of pillows as he read in the dim light of the lamp at his bedside, Jarvis's head lifted from his spot at the foot of the bed. Without hesitation, he lifted the bookmark that his free hand had been toying with as his eyes had been roaming over the words and marked his place, then set the book itself aside next to the lamp. Sleep didn't come easily to Eli. It wasn't a new development or an attempt to keep the dreams at bay. His therapist in Boston had tried to tie it to the loss of his mother and while he knew that certainly couldn't have helped, he also knew that it wasn't entirely to blame. His mind never seemed to want to stop working, churning away at whatever it was he had been focusing on during the day, trying to solve problems or answer questions that no one had asked. He'd long since learned to cope with the lack of sleep and had methods to deal with it, but sometimes he welcomed it. Tonight, for example, as he had gotten caught up in a good book. Though he didn't mind the interruption from Sofia, concern laced his features as he considered the closed door across the room. Turning in the bed, his feet hit the carpet and he started toward the door, pausing only to pick up a t-shirt from a basket of unfolded laundry he had yet to put away. Eli opened the door, tugging the clothing over his head at the same time, that worry still there. "Hey. You okay?" The moment Sofia saw her brother, her face crumpled and her tears came in earnest. It wasnât a state she liked to be seen in. She liked being the person who had everything together, who was stronger than her own emotions. But the dreams and all of the conflicting emotions they had brought with them had broken through her composed exterior. Without a shred of grace, she pulled her sleeved arm across her face and hiccuped. âI miss Mom,â she said, the words strained and her voice thick with emotion. âI donât want anyone to replace her.â She knew it didnât make sense without context--who would replace her, anyway? But sheâd already begun to think of the dreams as these imposing, invasive things that she hadnât wanted and hadnât asked for and now she was afraid that they would replace the things she couldnât afford to lose. âWhat if I forget her, Eli?â The moment he saw Sofia's face fall, Eli felt a pain in his chest as his heart seemed to squeeze. The concern on his face tripled and he didn't hesitate before he pulled the door open the rest of the way and reached out with his other hand, letting it come to rest on his sister's shoulder. Her question was one that he had contemplated himself, all too many times. There were moments where he would forget what their mother's perfume smelled like, sending him to the nearest department store just so he could spray a sample bottle for a reminder. Other times he would question whether or not he was remembering the lilt of her voice in either of the languages she spoke and he would have to find one of the many videos he had saved, watching her as she interacted with a younger him or one of his siblings as he tried to commit every beat to memory. It had only been two years, but those two years also felt like a lifetime as the world continued to march forward, with or without them. "Sof," he murmured, pulling her toward him so Eli could wrap his arms around Sofia's shoulders in an embrace. "That's why we've got each other, right? So we can be reminders." Sofia leaned into her brother, taking comfort from his hug, and drawing from his strength, but the tears didnât want to stop. It was like sheâd stuffed all of her grief into a neat little compartment inside of her and suddenly the compartment was broken, letting everything sheâd run from spill out. She thought she might overflow with it. Her own arms came up to wrap around him, but even as she let him console her, she was shaking her head. âYou donât understand,â she stammered, both feeling and sounding defeated. âItâs these dreams. I get them and theyâre so vivid, but Mom--â she hesitated, the word cutting sharply through her. âEvery day she gets further away from me.â The thought pained Eli just as much as her tears had, making him pause to close his eyes and pull in a long breath. Not only did it hurt to think that Sofia might have been struggling with this on her own until she had come to his bedroom, but the realization that he had been dealing with the same and not even understanding it until it was pointed out to him was staggering. He had been getting memories of Tony for a handful of months short of a year now and many of those had centered on Maria Stark. Tony had lost his mother, just as Eli had lost his own, and he had grappled with that knowledge already, but Tony's memories were all newer, sharper. Eli's memories of his own mother were older -- further away, as Sofia had said herself. His arms tightened around her for just a few moments, trying to give some added comfort in that moment. "Yeah. I think I do understand that," he admitted, tipping his head to the side to press to Sofia's. "It hurts." It was the sort of comment that would normally dam Sofiaâs own feelings because sheâd want to not only know exactly what Eli was going through, but also to try and fix it. But she was too depleted now, too exhausted, too caught up in her own feelings for once. With a shaking, heavy sigh, she said, âCan I stay in here with you tonight? I donât want to be alone.â She hated asking, hated the idea of imposing on someone else, even her brother, for the sake of her own comfort. She was so afraid of going back to her room, though, of closing her eyes and seeing Sydney Sage, again. She needed to be Sofia right now, needed an anchor to this life. "Of course you can, manita." Eli pulled away from Sofia, pausing a moment so he could cup her cheek with one of his hands before he moved to let her come into the room; idly, he was glad that it was relatively tidy, so she didn't have to deal with his mess, too. Jarvis, who had been watching them curiously from the bed during the entire exchange, perked up with his tail wagging a bit tentatively against the blankets. He hesitated, then asked, "Do you want something to drink? Water? Food?" Normally Eli thought he knew how to help his loved ones, but this was outside the realm of normalcy. Though it seemed like she just needed the company, he couldn't help but ask. Following her brother into the room, Sofia shook her head. âNo, thanks. I just--â she trailed off with a shrug. She didnât know what she wanted, or needed, other than her brother. And she thought that was probably enough for now. She climbed onto Eliâs bed, almost immediately reaching out to Jarvis who instinctively moved closer to her and put his head in her lap. She leaned down and pressed her cheek to the top of the dogâs head and ran her hand over him. Okay, so, maybe she needed her brother and Jarvis. âAre you sure you donât mind? I didnât interrupt anything?â Keeping the door a few inches ajar to let Jarvis sneak out in the night if he wanted, Eli stepped across the room and joined Sofia on the bed. He reached out and pushed his fingers through Jarvis's fur, though he didn't move from where his head was balanced in his sister's lap, clearly aware of just where his attentions needed to be tonight. "I don't mind," he promised, then jerked his head once over toward the novel sitting on his bedside table. "I was just reading, so you really weren't interrupting anything. And even if you were, you know that you come first." Sofia didnât say anything in return, just nodded. She did know that, even when she and Elias found themselves at rare odds. He, and Luca, and her father, came first for her, too. Instead, she just kept petting Jarvis until her sniffling eventually subsided and she felt a little more in control of herself. Shifting around Jarvis, she settled in under the covers and the patted the space next to her for Jarvis to come lay beside her. After another moment, she said, âTe amo, hermano. Donât let me forget, okay?â Following suit, Eli slid under the blankets and reached over to turn off the lamp that he had been reading to. There was still dim light coming into the room from where he'd left the door open, giving him enough to see his sister by as Jarvis made himself comfortable between them. Laying on his side with one arm under his pillow and the other gently scratching at the dog's scruff, Eli looked at his sister. "Te amo, Sof," he returned, because if there was one truth in his life, that was it. "I won't let you forget. I promise." |