kaz brekker | grishaverse. (nomourners) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-02-25 23:13:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !log, * emily, * kit, c: cash wolfe, c: connor reed |
WHO: Cash Wolfe & Connor Reed
WHEN: Monday, February 25, 2019; Afternoon
WHERE: University of Dunhaven Campus
SUMMARY: Cash finds out more details about Connor and Sorcha, runs into Connor, and is a total dumbass.
WARNINGS: Connor gets punched? Everyone feels like shit?
This was why Cash had never initiated a conversation with Sorcha. As much as he missed their old friendship, he’d known that hashing through the end of their relationship would bring up a lot of bad feelings he’d been doing his best to try to ignore. He kicked a rock laying at the edge of the walkway through the courtyard and the object went flying into the grass drowning beneath puddled rainwater with a plunk. It didn’t make him feel better. The thing was, he hadn’t known exactly what had happened with Sorcha and Connor and there was no part of him that had really wanted to know the details. He’d been miserable enough replaying what he’d seen for weeks after the party at which he’d found them together in a dark corner where Cash had been hoping to brood. Knowing now, despite the fact that he had no interest in repairing the relationship he’d had with Sorcha, had just opened up old wounds and old questions that he’d thought he’d stopped needing answers to. He wondered if this was something he needed to talk to Evan about. He wanted to, but he wasn’t sure if the rules had changed at all now that she was a Girlfriend as well as a Friend. Maybe he’d tell her later, after he had a chance to blow off some steam. His opportunity to blow off steam came a lot sooner than Cash had expected, though, when he came upon Connor Reed standing against one of the trees lining the courtyard lighting a cigarette. Cash didn’t know what he planned on doing as his feet changed his trajectory and lead him toward Connor, moving too quickly as his leg protested the movement. But then he was pulling an arm back, letting his fist clip the side of Connor’s face as he remembered that night and his mind added the new information to the automatic replay of it. The cigarette fell to the ground as Cash stumbled back, only mildly surprised that he’d done it. He had, after all, gotten more than one dose of Kaz Brekker’s anger. Connor had slunk out of the library in defeat after staring at a blank computer screen for about an hour, unable to string even a sentence of his art history paper together. Writing had never been Connor’s strong suit, even as a kid, and having Nathan Ivashkov’s words drumming through his head hadn’t made it an easier: no ambition, no initiative, no follow through...I’m not really surprised his college attempts have failed--and I assure you, this one will too. Connor didn’t even know why he was so fixated on it, which troubled him all the more--Nathan wasn’t his dad, he wasn’t even real...but that evaluation had hit too close to home for Connor. Even if his dad was too nice to say it, didn’t mean it was any less true. Taking a shaky inhale of his cigarette, Connor closed his eyes and attempted to will the insecurities away--he had enough of his own to worry about, he didn’t need Adrian’s--but the gloom hung over him like a thick fog. If he was being honest with himself, he’d been feeling low for a few weeks now, well before the dream. Eyes still closed, Connor didn’t see the punch coming, and it knocked him clear off his feet. Grunting, Connor looked up at Cash, stunned. “What the fuck?” Cash was shaking out his hand, frustrated that this hadn’t made him feel better, either. He pursed his lips and stepped back. He didn’t even know why he was so angry with Connor. It wasn’t like he likely had even cared who Sorcha was or wasn’t dating at the time. Even more likely, he didn’t even remember that night in nearly as much detail as Cash did. But Cash needed somewhere to place his anger and Connor had been there and so that was where it had gone. “You’re such a piece of shit, Reed,” he said. He didn’t mean it, but he said it anyway. Anger was an ugly emotion. “I’d say you and Sorcha deserved each other, but even she thought you were a mistake.” Connor had been in the middle of trying to stand up, but he froze at that, swallowing hard. It’s not that Cash was someone he really cared about, to be honest--they’d never really been friends, but that pretty much confirmed how Connor had been feeling about himself. There must be something to it, he thought. After a beat, Connor slouched back up, wiping away some blood from his nose. “You’re probably right,” he mumbled, gaze averted. “I’m--” Cash started, heated, but Connor had caught him off guard. He was…right? In what universe was that the appropriate response to someone who’d just punched you? He didn’t know what he’d expected of this, but at the very least, he thought Connor would hit him back. Hell, he wanted him to hit him back. He wanted a fight. “You know what, whatever,” Cash said, dropping his hands to his side. “This isn’t even worth my time. Neither of you are.” He didn’t mean that, either, but he said it anyway. Hurt was an ugly emotion, too. Connor bit down on the inside of his cheek, knowing that the fact that both Cash and Nathan, a mere phantom of his own imagination, could get under his skin like this said a lot more about his own sense of self worth than it did about them. But Cash's words--and fist--delivered the desired effect of making Connor feel utterly worthless. “Okay.” Cash hesitated. He felt bad, but he also felt somehow vindicated, even if he knew he’d been wrong to punch Connor in the first place. His guilt probably had a lot to do with the fact that there was nothing righteous in taking down someone who was barely standing on their own two feet in the first place. He frowned and, after only another moment’s hesitation, he shook out his hand again and left, nothing about the storm brewing in his head having calmed, and this one-sided altercation having not even remotely made him feel better about his situation with his ex-girlfriend. As with everything else he’d gone through in his head since the breakup, this had been completely and utterly pointless. |