WHO: Viola Vance and Jordan Wolfe WHEN: Evening of February 2 WHERE: Their hotel in Portland, OR SUMMARY: Viola and Jordan catch up with her brother and discuss how it went and their feels in their hotel room afterwards. WARNINGS: Emotionally manipulative brother in a prison?
When Viola had made the travel arrangements to Oregon for herself, Jordan, Zora, and Mal, she had specifically forced her friends into a far earlier wake up call than perhaps any of them might have wanted to ensure that their feet were on the west coast around noon. Though she had hoped that she might be able to sleep through a movie or two as they crossed the country by air, the reason she had chosen these early flights had kept her from doing much of anything outside of holding Jordan's hand and using his shoulder as a pillow -- nerves. As soon as they had their bags and sorted out their rental car, they were to leave Portland to make the hour drive south to Sheridan. They might have had several days that they were spending in Oregon and Viola knew that any of them could have been spent seeing her brother, but she knew that the knot in her stomach would make truly enjoying and being in the moment with her boyfriend and friends difficult to accomplish and it wouldn't go away until she saw Victor.
And so, they did exactly that: claimed their bags, picked up the rental car, and topped off their air travel with a short road trip. It had been several years since Viola had been to the prison, but the landmarks were familiar nonetheless. The last time she had been this way, she had been sitting in the backseat with her grandparents driving. This time she was driving. It made her feel like more of an adult than filing her taxes had.
Jordan had been more than generous with Viola, making sure she knew that she could change her mind either way as to whether or not he would join her in the prison. Part of wanted to do it on her own, to show Victor just how far she had come without him, but a bigger part of her knew that she needed Jordan there. It wasn't that she was afraid of her brother -- far from it -- but after a few weeks of nearly nightly dreams about Lena Luthor and her own complicated brother, she just didn't know if she could go into the situation without her boyfriend's support. Sometimes she wondered if he would ever tire of being such a rock for her, but she doubted it; she would never tire of being the same for him.
Her brother had looked much the same from when she had last seen him three years prior, if not more haggard. He was tall and thin, with his blonde hair cut shorter than it used to be before this had all happened and glasses framing his green eyes. That was the oddest thing to see, Viola thought, even more than the prison uniform; he wouldn't have been caught dead without his contacts before. Still, he had smiled when he saw Viola enter the visitation room, ignoring the other visiting inmates and their loved ones around them. In that moment, she wondered if it would be okay to hide behind Jordan and then immediately chastised herself; she was better than that.
The visit went more or less exactly as Viola had expected it to. Victor had largely ignored Jordan outside of the nod and brief handshake when Viola introduced them. He kept the conversation on Viola, making furtive glances down to where she kept her hand firmly clasped with Jordan's between them. It was easier to just talk about herself, almost as if they were having a conversation on the phone. Like those conversations, though, Victor couldn't seem to help himself from making comments that she could never decide on if they were meant to be honestly helpful or passive aggressive. In each one, she heard Lex's voice echo in her mind.
"Business would have been a smarter major for you, you know. Your plants are a fun hobby, I suppose." Cute. You should make it pink.
"You should be working. Your resume isn't going to build itself." Your position with the company will depend on how impressive you are in school.
"Your hair is so long. I think it looks better shorter, Vi." You're wearing that? No one will take you seriously.
Though they were sprinkled throughout the hour long visit and there were moments where Viola thought she saw the Victor that had brought her into the fold of the Vance family without question as a child, each comment was like a chip to her heart. Near the end of their time, she realized just how hard she was squeezing Jordan's hand and released it, her expression apologetic.
Just as they were about to leave, Viola shared a short hug with her brother and managed a smile as they pulled apart. The smile froze on her face as he said, "Once I'm done here, you can come back to Portland and together we'll make everything right. Don't worry, Vi."
And then that was it. He was taken back to his cell, at least Viola imagined as much, and they were permitted to leave. Their belongings, including the key to the rental car, were returned to them and they made the drive back to Portland. Though she tried her best to fight through the storm that was her mind by chattering cheerfully about their plans for the next few days or singing along to whatever song was playing through the speakers, the levity didn't quite reach her features as she did her best to avoid talking about prison or her brother. Viola was good at masking her emotions, the idea of being vulnerable, even in front of the people she cared about most, making her stomach spin. This was harder, though. There were just too many emotions to tackle.
It wasn't until they were checked into the hotel and had brought their things to their rooms that Viola let the facade start to slip. With a bit of time before they would all need to go in search of dinner, she took advantage of being alone with Jordan to just be. Though she knew that neither Zora or Mal would fault her for being off after seeing Victor, she could only take being but so emotionally exposed.
After changing out of the nicer dress that she'd worn specifically because she thought her brother would appreciate the efforts (he had just commented on it showing too much leg, despite the hem falling past her knee) and into jeans and a hoodie that had belonged to Jordan a couple of years prior, her gaze fell on her boyfriend. Stepping up behind him, Viola let her cheek rest on his back and then breathed a long sigh.
"Sorry," she said, not moving as she leaned into him. "That was melodramatic of me."
Jordan had wished he’d been able to do more. He had promised to let Viola take the lead before they even entered the visitation room at the prison. He was just there for her and possibly the one opportunity he’d get to meet Victor in the next several years anyway. The picture that Viola painted of him before was always mixed. He knew that she loved her brother in the complicated way that siblings did sometimes. He had just been there to be her steadfast means of support, and as such he had never let go of her hand. She hadn’t seemed to want him to.
There were times when it was difficult to bite his tongue. His instinct was a desire to jump to her defense. The little remarks that he made seemed backhanded to Jordan. They were phrased as would-be compliments, but they were also unfailingly critiques. His family was usually honest with each other. They didn’t practice the art of being passive. Things were hashed out, and even when people fought, it didn’t usually last for long. They were sometimes nauseatingly the prime example of healthy family relationships, and he had no complaints about that. It just hurt his heart to see the difference between that and how Viola’s brother treated her. No matter how much he wanted to say something, he kept his lips pressed together.
His hand still ached a little bit from how hard she had been squeezing it through the end of the visit, but Jordan wouldn’t complain about that either. It was a small price to pay. It was telling of how much Victor’s comments were biting into her. Secretly, as he heard Victor’s parting comments to Viola, Jordan’s stomach turned, but he scuffed a shoe against the floor and said nothing. The thought of Viola moving back to Portland didn’t do his own heart any favors, but that...was entirely her decision in the end of things.
What he could do, at least, was put on a big smile when they rejoined Zora and Mal. He tried to carry the conversation the best that he could and bring up topics that in no way related to the side trip they had just made. He tried to be the buffer, drawing attention and cracking jokes so that Viola didn’t have to except for when she chimed in. Finally in the hotel room (and grateful that a separate one had been booked for their friends, if only for the sake of a tad of privacy) Jordan was quiet. He had waited there in the main room for Viola to change and had taken up looking out the window at the view that they had. It was kind of nice, really.
He felt her hands at his sides, then a press to the center of his back and smiled a little even though he couldn’t see her. The sigh was heard and almost felt, but he didn’t mind it even as she apologized. Jordan took her hands in his and pulled them around his chest to bring her in more snuggly against him, “You don’t have to apologize, Vi. Not to me.” He paused a beat or two, mulling over his words, but maybe it was best to just check in with her first, “How are you holding up?”
As Jordan pulled her in a bit tighter, Viola let her eyes flutter closed and the smallest of smiles hinted at the corner of her mouth. Sometimes she thought back that girl that she had been, torn from this very city amongst scandal and news headlines to a small town on the opposite coast, completely out of her depth and feeling out of control. She had no idea the goodness that was in store for her in Dunhaven. Even now, Viola sometimes felt like that girl, but Jordan could always bring her back -- just like he had then.
She hesitated, though, mulling over her own words before she even attempted at forming them. Viola was good at masking her emotions and hiding her true feelings at any given notice, but she didn't like doing that with Jordan. He was among just a handful of people that she felt like she could be truly herself; he had, after all, accepted her without question back then and she knew it was something that wasn't going to change. "I'm okay," she decided, because it wasn't a lie. "Just glad to be on the other side. I know you're not supposed to feel that way when you spend time with family, but..." Her head tipped forward as the unwarranted guilt that her brother and mother always seemed to inspire bloomed in her chest, cheek sliding along his back at the movement. "I guess we might be a special circumstance."
“That’s the thing about family. There’s no set pattern or model for all families to follow, Vi. It’s OK that you feel that way. I think it’s warranted,” Jordan knew first and foremost that he wanted her feelings to be validated. She couldn’t help the way that she felt, and he didn’t think she should be blamed or guilted for it, “Some of the things he said…a lot of them, really...were framed like they were supposed to be nice, but they weren’t, Vi. There’s nothing wrong with your major or your hair or anything else. Maybe I should have said something to him there, but...I didn’t want to make things worse for you going forward by opening my mouth.” He also wouldn’t mince words with her, though. They’d always been honest with one another, and Jordan wouldn’t pretend that he was fine with the way that Victor had talked to her.
He put his hand over hers there at his chest, but didn’t move to turn around, just in case maybe it was easier for her to handle the conversation just like this, “I know it’s all complicated...and I probably couldn’t understand. I just wish he could see you the way that I do...because he should be extremely fucking proud of the person you are.”
Viola felt herself sink a bit deeper into Jordan with every passing word, the chips in her heart that each critique her brother had made smoothing at the edges. It wasn't that she necessarily believed everything that Victor said to her, both during that visit and on any phone call she accepted from him, but they did take their toll. One could only hear the same criticism but so many times before they started to consider that maybe it was true. Still, Viola knew logically that Victor didn't know her -- not anymore, not like Jordan did. If she were to believe anyone's opinion of her, she knew exactly whose it should have been and it wasn't her brother's.
Though she appreciated his words now, Viola was grateful that Jordan had stayed silent when they were with her brother, even though she knew that was a selfish feeling. She knew that she could always count on him to come to her defense, but Victor was, well... a special circumstance. It couldn't have been easy for him, though. It wouldn't have been easy for her, too. That had never been an issue for her, though. His family had become much like family to her as she had become a regular at family dinners or activities; she'd already had a head start with Cash thanks to her integration into their circle of friends, but soon enough she had formed some sort of relationship with the rest of Jordan's huge, loving family. That was never going to be the case with Jordan and the Vances, with the exception of Viola's grandparents.
Letting out a soft breath, Viola loosened her grip around Jordan to step around him until they were facing one another. It really had been a bit easier to have this conversation when she wasn't looking at him, but her desire to see him was too much to ignore. Her hands went to his sides automatically, then looped around him just as they had from behind. "I know you're right. Honestly, I really do." Her gaze dropped from his, landing on his shoulder as her brow knit together. "He just has this way of getting under my skin." Her eyes darted back up to him an instant later, the expression on her face softening. "I'm sorry that I made you sit through all that."
Jordan didn’t honestly care much whether or not Victor liked him. He knew that her brother’s opinion held some sway with Viola, but not so much as to taint the way that she saw him. She definitely deserved more than how Victor really treated her. From what Jordan could tell, Victor was good at putting forth the idea that he knew what was best for her and what she should be doing with her life, but those decisions were really hers to make.
He was a little relieved when she stepped around in front of him, if only because it was easier to gauge this conversation when he could actually see her face. He didn’t want to put his foot in his mouth, but he couldn’t just pretend he’d been all right with the things her brother had said. Jordan smiled softly and lifted a hand, brushing his fingers along her jaw for a moment. “No apologies, “ he reminded her again gently, “but I would do it again in a heartbeat. A hundred times over. More than that and I can’t guarantee I would have stayed quiet, but…” He tried to keep his tone light, at least, “I think those comments would get under anyone’s skin. It almost seems like they’re meant to. Maybe he doesn’t see it that way, but...I didn’t get the impression that he was concerned about anyone else's comfort. Maybe I shouldn’t say that. Stop me if I’m out of line, Vi...I just don’t like to see you upset.”
Before Jordan could drop his hand from where his fingers had brushed Viola's jaw, she raised her own to catch it. Her head tipped, letting her cheek press a bit into his touch for a moment, seeking out that added bit of comfort, though she knew he would have given it to her willingly. "You could never be out of line," she said once Jordan had finished, shaking her head once. "I always want you to be honest with me, even if it's something like this -- especially with something like this. Your opinion is the one that means the most to me, you know?" And it was true. In the years she had known Jordan, he had easily become the most important person in her life and there was no one else she trusted more.
Breathing out a sigh, she let her hand drop from his and she instead reached out toward him, letting her hands rest at his waist. "This isn't something new," she admitted, considering Victor once again. "Even before he and our mom were arrested, he was very adamant at telling me what to do. I thought it was just him trying to look out for me, but as I've gotten older... I don't know. It's hard to take his life advice seriously when I see what decisions he made and where they landed him." Swallowing, she hesitated just a moment before adding, "Sometimes I wonder if it's just more about control at this point. Maybe it's always been." It was a thought she'd never voiced before, not even the therapist her grandparents made her see, but one that she felt she could only voice to Jordan.
“Honesty is what you’ll have, Vi,” he promised. It was easy to make. He didn’t like keeping things from her, and he refused to lie to her, “I’m glad that you hold my opinion in such high esteem. I know this is family, though. It adds a layer of complication.” She’d had loyalty to them before she had ever met him, and he understood that the feelings there were a bit muddled from all the events that had transpired over the last several years. He had earned her trust and her love over time, and those were things that he wouldn’t take for granted. Thanks to his dreams, he understood that familial situations were not always black and white. There was often a lot of grey area.
As she continued to speak, Jordan listened and his hands tightened a little at her waist where they had found purchase. He considered her words a moment before he spoke, “I can’t speak for his motivations, but I don’t think that gut feeling is entirely wrong. It seemed like he needed to be right...and had to assert his opinion as if it were fact. People like that...they tend to take, you know? It never seems to matter much what the cost is to anyone else.” He thought of Regulus’ relationship with his parents and it felt similar. They knew what was right and everyone else in the whole world who disagreed was wrong. Perfection didn’t come without a price, either, “Do you think there’s a part of him that genuinely cares? Or would it be healthier for you to maintain distance?”
Viola considered his questions for a moment, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as her face turned thoughtful. She had only been a couple of months old when she had been brought to Portland from Vietnam, so she had no memories of meeting Victor or integrating into the family. While her mother was always some shade of chilly to her and her father had always been loving, Victor had always been welcoming to her in those early years. She couldn't really recall when it had changed, though she knew it had been sometime around their father's death; perhaps it had been the stress of taking on the company or some misguided attempt to be "the man of the house", but whatever it was brought change. Now, with such little contact, she barely got the good moments to weigh against the more difficult.
"I think he cares," she admitted, her mouth straightening into a line for a brief second of further consideration before she added, "but I don't think he has any idea on how to express that. As for distance..." Viola tipped her head to the side, her gaze on Jordan's. Though she knew that he probably just meant less phone calls now and keeping the visits to the previous minimum of not at all, her thoughts went back to when she was saying goodbye to Victor and his obvious hopes for what might happen once he was eventually released from prison. She moved her hands, letting them both rest on his chest. "Jordan, you know I don't ever want to come back here permanently, right? Not unless you're with me and even then?" She shook her head, her lips actually forming a hint of a smile. "This isn't anywhere near the top of my list of places to relocate to."
Jordan didn’t want to discourage Viola from keeping in contact with her brother if that was something that she genuinely wanted. He just didn’t want it to be something that she only did because she felt she had to as an obligation. It wouldn’t do her any favors in the long run, and if she did maintain some semblance of a relationship with him, Jordan thought something was going to have to give. Victor shouldn’t just be allowed to walk all over her feelings any time he pleased just because he had some idea in his head of what Viola should be.
He let out a breath when she assured him that she didn’t want to move back to Portland, his hands rising to cover hers against his chest. He hadn’t wanted to say anything or assume. He had hoped that she wouldn’t move back, especially because it was difficult for him to think of moving too far away from his family. Perhaps that was selfish on his part, “I think Virginia suits you, honestly. I don’t know where I’d want to live if not there, but…I know I can’t live without you. I’m glad that you don’t want to move back. I didn’t think it was in your plans, but when he assumed...well, I’m glad you brought it up. Just for absolute peace of mind.” Jordan paused a moment before he voiced, “I don’t know how far away from my family I’d want to go. I’ve never thought much about it, honestly.” Separation from Cash would be the worst part. It had been a little strange just to think of the fact that they were away from each other now...for possibly the furthest distance and longest time of their entire lives, even if it was just a short trip.
"I'd never ask you to leave your family," Viola promised, because it was one promise that she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, she could always keep. It wasn't just because she knew Jordan loved his family and would want to stay near to them, but they had become family to her, too. In many ways, the Wolfes felt more like her family than the Vances did, with the exception of her grandparents. They had accepted her into their fold in a way she had never truly experienced before. It might have initially been for Jordan's benefit as he first introduced his girlfriend to them, but as their relationship had marched forward, she had fallen in love with his family as she did him.
"And, you know," she continued, her hint of a smile growing a little stronger, "Virginia has been pretty good to me. It gave me all of these great friends and this really amazing boyfriend who I absolutely adore. I feel like it probably has more good things in store for me, so I'd better stick around."
“I know,” Jordan let out a small sigh of relief, but he had never thought Viola would want him to relocate. Maybe it would be better for them to at some point, if opportunities down the road led them down such a path, but that would be a long time from now. Nothing was definite. Their future might be a little muddy on some details right now, but Jordan knew that they would take it on together. Meeting Viola had been a major event in his life. He hadn’t ever imagined himself to be the high school sweetheart type, but now that they were together, he couldn’t fathom not being with her.
His grin broadened, dimples forming in his cheeks. Jordan couldn’t resist leaning in for a sweet, gentle kiss, “I think Virginia has a lot of good things in store for the both of us. I, for one, would be lost without you, so Oregon can’t have you back.” He felt better saying that now that he knew she didn’t want to come back. He would never want to crush her dreams, “You fit in perfectly with our group, Vi. You were the missing piece.”
Viola smiled at that, her heart warming and feeling so very full, despite everything to do with her brother. Letting him -- and Zora and Mal, for that matter -- come along on this trip had been smart; Jordan and Zora had immediately volunteered at coming, but standing there with a smile on her lips when she had been a storm of different emotions only a few moments before only told her what she already knew and had already said as much. Her life had been so different when she'd been in Portland, but it was this life, the path that she was on right now, that she knew was the one for her.
One of her hands rose, catching his cheek with a gentle touch as she brushed her thumb over one of those dimples. "Best puzzle ever," she teased, then added a bit more seriously, "I love you, Jordan." Viola knew he was well aware of that fact, but she couldn't help but remind him in that moment.
It didn’t matter how often she said those words. Jordan never tired of hearing them. He liked the reassurance even if it wasn’t necessarily needed. He could still remember the first time he really saw her there in that science class. She’d been wearing red. His getting assigned on that project with her was something he was still grateful for to this day. It was likely that he’d have befriended her anyway, but it gave them a lot of time working closely together so they’d become friends quickly. At least, they had in his view.
“I love you, too, Vi,” he leaned in for a slow, lingering kiss. No matter what challenges life tossed their way, he knew that they’d be able to take them on together. It didn’t matter if it was family drama or dreams or some academic crisis. They always had each other for support, and that made him feel almost invincible.