emilia lyon. (swanless) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2019-01-31 19:52:00 |
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Standing in Emilia's kitchen, Kiera moved around it as though she was an expert. There had been a time where the other woman had to coach her around, letting her know where dishes were held and which drawer was the one that held all the spice or silverware. Now, though, she had it all committed to memory. Though she still spent plenty of time at her apartment that she shared with her brother, largely because she wasn't willing to test just what would happen to either of them if the Malone twins didn't see one another at least once per day, it had become almost natural to split her time between there and Emilia's. The feeling had started soon after the defining of their relationship and was comfortable in a way that Kiera still wasn't sure she could ever put to proper words. Whatever it was, she wasn't about to question it; Emilia and her place in Kiera's life was something good that she was more than willing to simply accept. Sitting on the counter were two mugs from the cupboard, both of them filled with hot chocolate and topped off with a perfect swirl of whipped cream. After putting the whipped cream back in the refrigerator, Kiera spun back around to where she knew the cinnamon was tucked away. A little sprinkle to dot the whipped cream prettily on top later and her creations were complete. She had become quite good at making a decent hot chocolate since the temperature had gone colder as winter had marched into Virginia. Though she would have dosed hers with a healthy shot of Baileys or Rumchata before, Kiera had more or less given up on drinking altogether, outside of special occasions with Niall, since she'd found out Emilia was pregnant. She doubted that her girlfriend would demand such a thing of her, but she'd wanted to. It was what little solidarity she could give as Emilia's body changed and the pregnancy symptoms became harder to ignore. Really, though, Kiera had been doing anything she could manage to make Emilia's life a little bit easier. She had felt that draw long before she found out about the pregnancy, back before when they were just two new friends that liked to have long chats over multiple plates of cheese fries and pie. Now, though, the need felt grander. Picking up the two mugs, Kiera meandered out of the kitchen and back to the living room, where she had left Emilia on the couch. With a steady hand, Kiera took her place right next to her, holding out one of the mugs. "It's still a little hot," she warned, leaning forward to set her own mug down, "but I blew on it, so now you'll get my breath germs." She smiled at her silly joke and moved to lean back in the couch, then caught herself. "Do you need anything else before I get all comfortable?" “Mm, just one more thing,” Emilia replied as she took the mug and steadied it against her belly, the blanket beneath it taking the majority of the heat. With a free hand, she hooked her fingers around the back of Kiera’s neck, pulling her down to steal a kiss from the other woman before letting her get comfortable. “Okay, there, now I have a matching set of breath and mouth germs.” Though it had seemed impossible to imagine it, Emilia had found herself loving the way Kiera so easily fit into her knew life and how, at this point, it seemed as though she’d been in it forever. It wasn’t just Emilia’s flat that Kiera knew her way around, it was everything about Emilia’s life, and it was impossible now to imagine her not being in it. She thought she’d once felt the same way about Giovanni but it wasn’t the same in retrospect, not even a little bit. There was no comparison. Blowing on the hot cocoa herself, Emilia lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip, closing her eyes as the warmth spread from her lips and down her throat. Hot cocoa, especially with cinnamon, was good for the soul. “I think you’ve perfected the art of hot cocoa making, Kier,” she said, a small smile playing at her lips. Kiera had to admit that she watched Emilia a bit closer than was probably necessary as she took that first sip, just because she wanted to make sure it actually was okay. It was a silly worry, since it was hot chocolate of all things, but she also didn't want to give her girlfriend anything less than what she deserved -- which, in Keira's opinion, was the most perfect hot cocoa, in this very instance. Relaxing into the couch and bringing her own hot chocolate with her, Kiera took some of the blanket from Emilia and let her mug balance on one of her knees, her hand wrapping around the handle to keep it steady. "I'm going to put that on my resume," she determined, turning her head to look at Emilia, her mouth splitting into an amused smile. "Hot chocolate maker extraordinaire. I'll be the talk of all the radio circles." “I’ll write you a letter of reference,” Emilia offered, taking another careful sip. “I hold a lot of clout in the hot cocoa circles.” And then she gasped, one handing dropping to her belly. Biscuit’s movements had become less acrobatic in nature and have moved into something more akin to rebellious and aggressive teenager. Emilia was half convinced that she was about to give birth to exactly that, but she also found that she didn’t exactly mind the jabs and kicks outside of the obvious physical discomfort with which they came. Gasp quickly turning into a smile, she carefully leaned sideways to set the mug on the table and pulled the cover off and her shirt up over her belly. Taking Kiera’s hand, she said, “We’ve been learning a new game. See?” And she found where the tiny child’s foot was pushing against her belly and put Kiera’s hand there. “Push back on her foot. She’ll put it back out there.” Emilia didn’t actually know what she was having. When she’d been more certain about what came next, she’d told Dr. Deforest that she didn’t want to know what the baby was, or any other information more than she needed to know. She’d decided it was a little girl, though, and there was nothing that could convince her otherwise until the baby was born. The momentary panic that had gripped Kiera's heart passed as she let Emilia place her hand on her belly. Pregnancy and everything that went along with it had been so far outside the realm of anything that she'd been presented with in her twenty-seven years of life and it had taken her some time to learn that not all gasps or symptoms were something that required an immediate call to the nearest doctor. Though she had known people back in Los Angeles that had children, none of them had been so deeply ingrained into Kiera's life that she'd needed to learn any of it. But, life had a way of surprising her time and again. Kiera did as Emilia instructed, pushing back against the tiny foot. She immediately felt the pressure back and a wide smile crossed her face, clearly delighted. It wasn't the first time she'd felt the baby move, but she reacted the same way every time. "Hey there, Biscuit," she said, lifting her other hand to rest on the opposite side of Emilia's belly, as though reaching out to the baby. "I know, it's getting pretty cozy in there. At least you're not getting elbowed in the face by a dumb brother, though." While still addressing the baby, Kiera's eyes lifted to meet Emilia's, her smile softening and turning into one that was just for her. “It’s kind of amazing, isn’t it?” Emilia asked as she felt another jab closer to to Kiera’s other hand. “I don’t know how likely it is that she can actually hear us, but it kind of feels like she can, and like she knows it’s us talking.” Biscuit wasn't nearly as active around other people, but when Kiera was near, it was like the baby knew it. Maybe Emilia was giving birth to both a rebellious, aggressive teenager and a genius. The silent joke made her smile and her hands came up to rest over Kiera’s, holding them against her belly. "That's because she's the smartest," Kiera said, unknowingly following Emilia's train of thought. It had become increasingly hard to not become attached to the growing baby, even as she constantly reminded herself that there was as much of a chance as any that Emilia would decide to put her up for adoption. The choice was entirely hers and Kiera knew that she would support her in every way, no matter what she decided, but it had gotten harder to not form a bit of a bond as Emilia's belly grew and the baby's existence became even more impossible to deny with the visual evidence. Looking back down, Kiera found that little foot again to give one more gentle push. "Right, Biscuit?" she asked, as though she would actually get confirmation, "You're the smartest." As if in agreement with the assessment, the baby pushed its foot out again and Emilia couldn’t help the way a warmth spread through her body as easily as the bright smile spread across her face. Her fingers closed affectionately around Kiera’s wrists as her eyes fell on her girlfriend, drinking in the way she looked longingly and lovingly as the baby growing inside of Emilia. It wasn’t difficult to imagine not having anyone there to support her through all of this. All she had to do was close her eyes and she was right back in that jail cell playing tag with her unborn child. For the past several weeks, the one dream that had plagued her was the dream of giving up her son--Henry, as he would eventually be named. It had broken something fundamental inside of Emma when she had let him go, even knowing that she was giving him his best chance. That was exactly what Emilia wanted to do, too, and what had driven her these past many months in her adamance that her baby would be put up for adoption. But…was that still what she believed was giving her baby its best chance? When she thought about Emma, she thought about how she was giving birth behind bars, how she was completely and utterly alone in the world with no one to help her, and no more than a few gas station trinkets to her name. That wasn’t true for Emilia who had family who loved her despite her frequent distance from them, a woman who was prepared to be by her side and support her regardless of her choices, and the means to care for a child both monetarily and emotionally. She wasn’t Emma, as much as she was Emma, and she had to wonder if having these dreams, finding Henry, were all a part of showing her how things could have gone, and how she could change things now. Letting out a shaky breath, Emilia let her hands run over Kiera’s arms. “Babe?” Kiera's eyes darted up to meet Emilia's, the smile on her face wavering as she recognized the bit of a hitch in her girlfriend's breath. She lifted one of her hands, tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind Emilia's ear. "Yeah?" Emilia pressed her lips together, instinctively leaning toward that slightest of touches. She hesitated a moment and then looked back at Kiera, deciding to say it before she overthought it and ended up not saying it at all. “I think I was wrong before, about what’s best for Biscuit. Kier, I think we’re her best chance.” In her chest, Kiera couldn't tell if her heart ceased beating altogether or began to race. Straightening up just a bit so she was on a more even level, she let her hand drop to fall gently on top of one of Emilia's. She knew exactly what it sounded like she was saying, but Kiera had to know absolutely for sure before she let her mind go too wild. "Are you -- " she started, then hesitated as she fought the multitude of emotions that wanted to fill her face before amending, "You do?" Saying it aloud was even more terrifying than thinking it, Emilia thought. Saying the words added a kind of surety that sounded much more certain than she felt. But when she really thought about it, Emilia knew she’d been building up to this moment in little ways the whole time. She’d told her parents, after all, and she’d started calling the baby a name despite her own insistence that she didn’t want to get too attached. At some point, she’d stopped thinking about this whole situation as a reminder of her past, and started seeing it as a hope for her future, and that of her child’s. Maybe it was spending so much time around Lucy and Yuri that had given her a glimpse of what she could do, or maybe it was the constant dreams of how Emma felt about giving up her son. Whatever it was, she could no longer deny that she had serious doubts about making a choice that had seemed so obvious all of those months ago. Slowly, she turned her hand over in Kiera’s and nodded. “I do.” And then, with a tentative breath, she asked, “Do you?” For just a flash, Kiera thought of her parents. She thought of that conversation with her mother and the pointed comments and looks that her parents had made while they were in Dunhaven over Christmas, none truly meant to hurt her, even if that was the outcome they had. Just like then, she wondered if they were right. Maybe she was too immature, too irresponsible, too selfish. But then she looked at the woman she was sitting with, their fingers lacing easily together. It was Emilia's support that she needed, not Sean and Rachel Malone's. For as much as she loved her parents, they didn't know her. Even after twenty-seven years, they didn't understand her like her girlfriend did, nevermind that they had only met in the summer for the first time. Emilia knew Kiera and she accepted her, strengths and faults alike. That was what she had been searching for in all of those failed relationships of the past, Kiera realized. She had changed herself for those people, become someone she didn't like when she was with them and then reverted back to the real her when she was with her brother or Danielle. It wasn't that way with Emilia, though; she could just be Kiera. And it was together with Kiera that Emilia thought was her baby's best chance. Kiera nodded, her mouth splitting into a smile before she let out a soft breath. "Yeah," she agreed, trying to ignore how her eyes started to blink rapidly to fight back the tears that threatened to spill. "I really do." Emilia couldn’t even pretend like she had control over her own tears. “Okay, well, I didn’t think much past that,” she laughed, “so I guess we’ll need to figure out what comes next together.” Kiera laughed as Emilia did, even as the thoughts began to form and swirl about in her mind. Babies needed a lot of things, at least she had gathered as much from the few baby showers she'd attended, and they wouldn't have a lot of time to procure it all. She thought of Niall's offer at the house he and Eve looked at. She wondered if a car seat would even fit in her backseat. But even as pressing as some of the thoughts were, they weren't hard to push down -- for now, at least. Leaning in, she pressed a kiss to Emilia's cheek, the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth, then squarely to her lips. When she backed away, she was smiling. "We'll figure it all out, you and me. I promise." |