vega rodriguez ☆ sirius black. (headbitch) wrote in dunhavenic, @ 2017-08-30 09:55:00 |
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"Where are you going?" Vee, but not Vee, stopped on the first step knowing in her her--his--heart that this would be the last time he descended these stairs. Subconsciously, Vee knew that this person was both her and not her at the same time. In looks, he was quite different, not in the least part because he was a he. She could see through his eyes, though, and feel what he felt the same as if they were her own feelings, as if she herself had experienced everything that had led him to this moment. She acknowledged the fact that, for all intents and purposes, she was him. Sirius. The dream continued. "I'm leaving," Sirius replied, back still turned to the boy behind him. If he looked, he knew he'd stay and he couldn't stay anymore. Not in this godforsaken house with parents who hated every part of who he was, who believed in things he could never tolerate, who tried to change him at every turn. This house was toxic and if he stayed here another moment the poison would kill him. It was already killing him. He added, "But I'll come back for you, Reg. I promise." He could hear the boy shift uncomfortably on his feet and the pregnant silence that hung suspended between them was suffocating. He bit back the lump in his throat--he would never let them see him cry. "Don't make promises you can't keep," Regulus said and the even, cold tone of his voice pierced Sirius' heart. He closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and then turned toward his brother. "I will, though. You don't have to play their games anymore, Reg. We can start our own life, you and me, and you can be whatever you want to be with no pressure to be something you're not. You have to know that none of this is right. You have to know that they're wrong, right? Their ideology is wrong, they're hateful. You and me, we can get away from it. We can do that, right? Together?" Part of him needed Regulus to reassure him. "Don't be so bold as to think you know anything about what I want. It's been abundantly clear that you've only cared about yourself and the so-called brothers you replaced me with." Regulus replied coldly. "You couldn't just try, could you? You tore this family apart. You betrayed us. They'll strike you from the tapestry, you know. Good riddance. If you think my life is ruined by staying here, good. I hope you live with the fact that you're responsible for that. Leave. Just leave, Sirius. They don't want you here and neither do I. You're destructive. You're selfish. I am better off without you. We all are." Sirius stared back at his brother, each word cutting more deeply than that which preceded it. Did he mean it? Was he just hurt that Sirius was leaving? But Sirius knew that, whatever motivated the response, Regulus was a boy who chose his words carefully. He never said anything he didn't intend to say. Sirius wondered why he'd never considered the possibility that Regulus hated him as much as his parents did. Maybe that was because Regulus was right--he didn't love anyone as much as himself. Maybe he was just a selfish kid whose only accomplishment in this life was being a disappointment to everyone in it. His shoulders sagged with the weight of it and he nodded. "You're probably right about most of that, Reg. But I do love you. You're my brother. I want to protect you." "I neither want nor need your protection." "So, what, this is it? That's really what you want?" Silence. Sirius tightened his grip on the handle of his trunk and turned away. He hesitated for a moment, hoping that Regulus would ask him to stay. He didn't. Without looking back, Sirius took the first step and then the rest of them and, before he could change his mind, he was outside, the front door slamming shut behind him for the last time. There was only one place for him to go now. Only one place where someone somehow wanted him despite the fact that he was a broken boy from a broken family. He didn't know how it was possible--even he had to admit that he hated the broken parts of himself. Vee woke just as the Knight Bus pulled up for Sirius to board. She knew it was a product of watching too much Harry Potter on Freeform, that it meant nothing other than the fact that she was too invested in a fictional world that only existed on paper. But it was so real to her in so many ways. She knew it wasn't real and yet she couldn't stop the involuntary way her body curled into a protective ball beneath her sheets or the way the tears came and her heart ached. |