WHO: Alex Nikolaev → Nikolai Lantsov, with a cameo of Alina Starkov WHEN: Evening of January 11 → the day before Nikolai's birthday WHERE: At home, in his office → the grounds of the palace, by the lake SUMMARY: Nikolai shows some vulnerability to Alina and it only confirms to Alex just how much he loves his wife. WARNINGS: None, though this did get long, thanks to all the dialogue from the book!
It had been a good day, a day that had brought them here. The water from the lake lapped pleasantly against the struts of the pier, against the sides of the Kingfisher. The sound calmed him like nothing else did; perhaps it was simply due to the nature of waves or maybe it was thanks to his years at sea as Sturmhond. Whatever the case was, the day had left Nikolai in a good mood and his mood was only bolstered by the ease he felt now, amplified by Alina's presence next to him.
His gaze was drawn to her for just a moment, before he looked back across the lake. His foot kicked through the water, their trousers rolled up to allow their feet to dangle off the pier. While it was easy to be glad of the success that were the dishes and the hope that he felt at their existence and use, Nikolai had to change the subject, his tone somewhere between long-suffering and disappointed that he had to ruin the levity.
"Try not to let the excitement overwhelm you, but I have more good news."
A smile twitched at Nikolai's lips at Alina's groan. The smile was born partially of amusement, but also from the simple fact that she'd predicted his words before he could even say them. "Don't say it."
"Vasily is back from Caryeva."
"You could do the kind thing and drown me now."
This time, Nikolai actually did smile, pairing it with a raised eyebrow. "And suffer alone? I think not."
"Maybe for your birthday you can ask that he be fitted with a royal muzzle."
His birthday was tomorrow and part of the reason his brother's return to court had been scheduled in such a way. Nikolai would have been far from broken-hearted had Vasily not attended the celebration that their mother had insisted upon, but the rumors and gossip would have abounded, as though the Lantsov family had never had to deal with either before.
"But then we'd miss all his exciting stories about the summer auctions. You're fascinated by the breeding superiority of the Ravkan racehorse, right?" Nikolai paused just long enough to allow Alina to whimper in response, before he added, "Be of good cheer. Maybe he'll propose again."
At that, Alina sat up and sharply met Nikolai's eye. "How do you know about that?"
"If you recall, I did pretty much the same thing." Of course, that had been before Nikolai had truly gotten to know the Sun Summoner. At the time, it would have been a marriage alliance made purely of convenience, strengthening both of their positions. Now, he wasn't so sure if simply a marriage of convenience was something he'd truly want. He doubted he loved Alina like something from a fairytale, but he cared for her. "I'm just surprised he hasn't tried a second time."
"Apparently I'm not easy to get alone."
"I know. Why do you think I walk you back from the Grand Palace after every meeting?" "For my sparkling company?"
"That too." Nikolai looked away from Alina, instead letting his eyes fall on his wet foot as he lifted it from the water. He wiggled his toes, staring at him as he tried to decide what he could say next that wouldn't ruin the night. Normally he was good at reading a situation and stepping into the role that was needed of him, but it grew more difficult as true emotion came into play. As a rule, he did not become vulnerable. Alina had a way of making him so. "He'll get around to it again, eventually."
Despite wanting to, Nikolai didn't look back to Alina as she sighed. "How does one say no to a prince?"
"You've managed it before. And are you so sure you want to?"
"You can't be serious."
Nikolai was serious and his body betrayed him as he shifted in a show of nerves he preferred to stifle. He couldn't have blamed Alina had she decided to skip over him as an obstacle and go straight to Vasily, securing herself a throne alongside the rightful heir, rather than the spare that just had ambitions to step around his brother as peacefully as he could. "Well," he started, voicing those thoughts exactly, "he is first in line for the throne, of pure royal stock, and all that."
"I wouldn't marry Vasily if he had a pet firebird named Ludmilla and I couldn't care less about his royal stock." Nikolai could feel Alina's gaze on him. "You said the gossip about your bloodlines didn't bother you."
"I may not have been completely honest about that." A grain of truth, in an admission of lies. He was young when he first heard the whispers of his possible parentage, spoken between two servants that had thought the young prince had left the room. Even then, he knew that it wasn't something to ever be spoken of, especially not to his parents. People could talk and spread gossip, but addressing the rumors would only breathe more life into them.
Besides, Nikolai might have had his own suspicions as to whether or not his father was actually his father, but he wasn't sure he wanted that truth confirmed.
He laughed as Alina made a joke about lies from him being a shock. "I guess it's easy to say it doesn't matter when I'm away from court. But no one here seems to want to let me forget, especially my brother." He glanced toward Alina then, shrugging his shoulders in some shade of nonchalance. "It's always been this way. There were rumors about me even before I was born. It's why my mother never calls me Sobachka. She says it makes me sound like a mongrel."
"I like mongrels. They have cute floppy ears." Nikolai could hear how Alina's voice took on a new tenderness, even if she didn't necessarily mean for it to.
"My ears are very dignified."
Nikolai considered for only a moment when Alina asked if the rumors were why he had stayed away from court as long as he had, barely hesitating before he decided to be honest with her once more. There were few that he felt comfortable with such honesty, get she was pulling it from him again and again, even if she may not have realized it was the truth. Besides, he had a feeling that if anyone were to understand what it felt like to not quite fit in where they were supposed to, it would be Alina Starkov, the Sun Summoner.
"You know what I hate about you?"
The question startled Nikolai and it was apparent by his expression. Surely there was plenty that many people hated about him, the change in conversation more startling than anything else. "No."
"You always say the right thing."
"And you hate that?"
"I've seen the way you change personas, Nikolai. You're always what everyone needs you to be. Maybe you never felt like you belonged or maybe you're just saying that to make the poor, lonely orphan girl like you more."
It was a logical thought, Nikolai realized. In the short time that he'd known Alina, he'd shown her again and again how talented he was at duplicity. She had no reason to trust his words. He knew that they rang true, but why would she? Why should she? He could reassure her that he was speaking truth. Perhaps that would have been the right thing to do in his situation, but instead he chose levity.
"So you do like me?" He smirked -- it couldn't be helped, especially as she rolled her eyes in response.
"Yes, when I don't want to stab you."
"It's a start."
"No, it isn't."
Nikolai turned, his whole body moving so he could give her his full attention because, while he might have joked before, now he knew he wanted to be serious. "I'm a privateer, Alina. I'll take whatever I can get." A beat passed before he admitted, "I want to kiss you."
Alina laughed, but Nikolai could detect her nerves in it. "You already kissed me."
Nikolai smiled. It wasn't one of his prince smiles, wide and full of charisma that he used when trying to win someone over. This was just him. "I want to kiss you again."
"Oh."
They were so close to one another, but Nikolai knew how to read people. It was yet another one of those skills that he'd been forced to learn at court, knowing when certain facial expressions betrayed what someone might be saying. While it almost appeared that Alina might actually kiss him, he knew that it wasn't really him that she wanted to kiss.
"I want to kiss you," Nikolai said, his voice quiet and restrained. He did. He really did. But. "But I won't. Not until you're thinking of me instead of trying to forget him."
Alina shoved him back, jumping to her feet. She teetered just a bit, but she straightened herself out before Nikolai could try to steady her. Though he didn't regret what he'd just said as he knew that it was the truth, he still felt a surge of guilt.
"Alina -- "
"At least now I know you don't always say the right thing."
Nikolai turned as he watched Alina walk away with her shoes, leaving him and the pier behind as Alex woke up. He sat up slowly, blinking as he took in the surroundings of his home office. He was seated at his drafting table, a pencil still gripped between the fingers of his left hand while his right arm throbbed gently from the pressure of having held his head. He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, but clearly the building that he was working on hadn't kept his attention like he'd expected. His intention was to only put in a short burst of work, so he could take a short day come Friday and start the weekend early. Instead, sleep had overtaken him.
Setting down the pencil, he leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes gently with his fingers. As he did, the events of the dream he'd just had drifted through his mind. Alex sighed.
It had been a while since Alex had one of the strange dreams about Nikolai Lantsov, though it was becoming ever more clear with each passing dream that he was meant to be him in the same way that Annie's dreams were of her as Queen Mary. It was odd how all of this was just becoming a part of their lives, something that was a nuisance that they were forced to accept simply because there was no way to turn it off or control it.
This dream, though, had brought about feelings and emotions that Alex didn't like. He'd seen Alina before and recognized just how complicated a web she and Nikolai seemed to have woven together. There were lies hidden within truths and half truths hidden within honesty. Even in that dream, with Nikolai contemplating his possible desires for Alina, Alex had recognized how complex it all was.
Naturally, his gaze went to a framed photograph from the wedding, displayed with prominence on one of the bookshelves. Even as he sat, frustrated by the memory he'd been given, a smile tugged on Alex's lips at the beaming grins on his and Annie's faces. He didn't know why he was dreaming of Nikolai. He didn't know where his story would end up going. But what he did know that while his love life was complicated, Alex's was far from. Maybe they had the same relationship hurdles that all others had, but there was no question in his mind that Annie was the woman that was meant to be by his side. He spent each day convinced that his love for her had grown to its full potential, only for it to grow yet again come the next day.
Even if he could still recall Nikolai's attempt to come to understand just where his feelings began and ended, it couldn't even begin to overshadow what he felt for the woman that now shared his last name. There had been other times when he had to convince himself that this was his real life, not the other world of Ravka and a monarchy he sorely wanted. No, he knew that he was Aleksandr Nikolaev. He knew that he was in his home that he shared with his wife. He knew that this was real. Maybe later he would overthink the comments about Nikolai's bloodline. For now, though, his focus was elsewhere.
Getting to his feet, Alex reached for his phone. He'd only been asleep a short while, meaning that Annie was almost certainly still awake. Turning, he smiled as he left his work and the dream behind.