WHO: Vivi Ornitier WHAT: Existentialism on war night. WHERE: Balamb Garden, cadet dorms. WHEN: Backdated shortly after the night of Thursday, June 25 WARNINGS: N/A
The last time Vivi had gotten involved in some apocalyptic event in Balamb Garden, he’d been taken to the clinic to recuperate properly. That last mission he was in had also found him waking up in the same ward, two weeks after he fell in a coma. After having been rescued from the Mimic Queen’s spawns and pawns, the cadet was tracing the familiar path back to the clinic until a guiding hand fell on his shoulder and steered him clear of the medical bay.
“But why?” Vivi asked the shorter man next to him as they headed for the back staircase that would lead them to the cadet dorms. “I thought we always went to the clinic after something like this.”
His escort winced at his choice of words. How sad that such was the kind of life that they lived. “The clinic’s umm...a little messed up right now and anyway, you’re looking great! I mean...for a guy who was trapped in a cocoon for two days…”
Vivi said nothing.
He scratched his bald head. “You know, you’re probably one of the luckier ones. I know there are people who’ve been stuck there for a month and you...well, I’m not saying good for you, you only stayed two days there ‘cause it’d be much better if you hadn’t been caught but...well, two days is a lot better than a month, right!”
Since he said so, Vivi nodded. His escort in tattered clothing smiled, looking visibly relieved.
They stepped into the corridor and made for Vivi’s dorm room. “You’ll stay here first and then we’ll get some medics to look into you. I dunno if you require some medications or what aside from the ones on your injury but it’s best to stay in bed until they tell you you’re good, anyway. I mean, right after you shower, of course!” He was really trying hard to lighten up the dour mood of Balamb Garden after an attack.
For his efforts, Vivi offered a genuine smile although it wasn’t meant to stay on for long. An ajar door mobilized the bald man into the room ahead of him, asking, “What’s going on?” over the sound of a familiar hiss. Vivi froze in his steps, reminded of the spiders that surrounded them in the basement and could not move beyond his place until the bald man returned to his side and placed his hand on his shoulder yet again. Startled and uncertain, he watched a procession of SeeDs depart the room with a familiar-looking man between them.
The exact copy of himself.
Vivi gasped, jumping and stumbling clumsily against his companion. Two of the SeeDs at the back turned to look at him. Finding an opportunity, the shapeshifter smashed the one to its right onto the wall and flung the other one away. Orders were barked for the capture of the creature. The bald man aimed a gun onto its head but the spider was relentless, bounding over him with murderous intent.
He didn’t know what got to him when he forced himself between them. The bald man cried for him to get back while the other Vivi stood on its hind legs and hissed threateningly at its original. Vivi stumbled back, the look of horror painting his sallow face white.
“Don’t let it get away!”
“Why did you copy me?” Vivi suddenly spat, confusion messing up with his smarter side which told him to run and hide. “Why did you copy everyone?”
“It’s for the queen,” it hissed in an underdeveloped voice. “The queen wants, the queen gets. We do as she bids.”
“But she’s gone,” Vivi said. “They...they killed her. I, I don’t think she was really thinking about you when she gave you her orders.” There came another hiss and he jumped back, farther away from the growing maw. He gulped, tried to keep the tears off his eyes but he didn’t run behind the bald man.
“You killed her!”
“She was taking my friends!” Vivi defended himself. “And...and I wanted to live! I still have a lot of things I want to do…” Shouldn’t this be obvious yet?
The spider’s teeth remained bared, air whistling and seeping through the gaps of his fangs.
Vivi gulped. “I don’t want to hurt you. Y, you don’t look like a spider so I think it’s hard…”
“Why?”
Vivi flinched, looking down to those clawed feet on the floor. The truth, of course, was that he was too scared to do it. Theoretically, he could burn it to a crisp but so long as it looked human, dealing it a killing blow would only be a little different from murder. Besides, why would he want to kill himself? He didn’t want to know what he looked like dead…
“‘c, cause…” he tried. “I don’t know...how to do it.”
Metal clicked lightly as its SeeD captors crept closer from the back very slowly. Vivi was distracting it from their presence while the bald man behind him readied himself to cover the cadet if the time came.
“...why?” it asked again after a pause. “Why aren’t you like them?”
Brown eyes looked up to sick green orbs. Did it know? Did it have its own PMMS devices, too? It didn’t occur to Vivi that that wasn’t what the spider meant. “I, I’m just…” He just…
Vivi shook his head. “I’m just not,” he said. “G, Grampa tried to make me live a normal life...but…”
“Is it working?” It looked eager, like it was holding its breath.
Regretfully, Vivi shrugged. “I’m still learning. M, maybe it did…after all,” he looked at his grazed palms, “I’m still here…”
But would the spider be? There was silence in that side of the conversation. Vivi hazarded a cautious glance back to his copycat and was surprised to see that its facial structure was softening to return the mirror image in all its faithfulness. Now it looked like him on any given day. Maybe that was all it wanted, after all -- to belong to something bigger, something greater than itself.
Vivi couldn’t blame it. Being alone was hard. It wasn’t a life he would choose for himself but there it was in the palms of his hands. In those silent eyes, he could read the same questions that made sense to him. How could you say that you were alive? How do you prove that you exist?
Maybe we don’t exist…
Maybe he really was one of the luckier ones. Vivi almost felt guilty he couldn’t share his fortune to this spider. The bald man’s hand fell on his shoulder again but this time, his other one closed his eyes. Vivi didn’t know what was going to happen.
And then he did. Just like that. He had been thinking about the mimic in front of him until he jumped and suddenly, there was nothing.
Nothing. That was how Death felt. Vivi didn’t know what was more frightening -- that a spell existed solely for that or that there was nothing, after all their biting and scratching.
He wasn’t allowed to look at the spider’s human corpse. He heard the four SeeDs carry it away while the bald man led him through the door and sat him by the bed.
He smiled at him kindly, and Vivi was a little comforted. “It’s been a long day,” he said. “Get some rest. This time away from a cocoon.”
Vivi smiled at him again and bade him goodnight, despite the rising sun. Left alone, though, Vivi couldn’t yet go to sleep. Sleeping was suddenly like dying but with the promise of breakfast the next day. One short trip and there would be nothing.
The worst part was that he didn’t know when that nothing would come...