In Other Lands - Elliot/Luke, Woodsinger
“Cadet Schafer. What exactly is going on here?” Commander Woodsinger was using the voice that Elliot, over the careful study of years, had come to recognise as her Elliot Risk Mitigation Voice – very controlled, very calm, very much under constant strain.
In this particular circumstance, he didn’t think he deserved The Voice. Someone had clearly snitched on Elliot’s quarters, which was a cheap tactic, and because he’d been unprepared, the several dozen tall white stacks against his wall did look a bit conspicuous, unfortunately.
Elliot straightened. He was prepared to defend his loo rolls to the death if need be.
***
“It’s toilet paper, Commander,” Elliot explained patiently, handing over a roll. “For, you know, personal hygienic ministrations. Instead of” – he grimaced and turned to Luke, who was trying to stand at attention while only wrapped in Elliot’s bedsheet. “What do they use here?”
“Leaves and sometimes sticks,” Luke supplied.
“Leaves and sometimes sticks!” Elliot repeated.
“These really are much nicer,” Luke assured the Commander awkwardly.
She frowned and sighed. “Yes, well, you may keep it. For now. But I will just, uh, take this” – she grabbed a pack of 12 – “for my records and further investigation. As you were.”