unluckyant (unluckyant) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2012-05-22 00:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | hank pym, mary jane watson |
Who: Adam, MK
When: BACKDATED: before the Vegas plot
Where: Adam's flat
What: Talking after the prison times
Warnings: Not much, actually. Just Pym related stuff.
Adam had been doing his very best to keep his head underwater. Living in Pym’s brain felt like a drug that pulled the curtains and lulled him to sleep for decades if he wanted to. He didn’t know what Pym was up to and eventually learnt how to just not care. He wanted to burn the world, kill the Avengers, make the popular kids bleed. Maybe if Adam was lucky, someone through the Marvel door would have the gumption to kill Pym before he got his hands on the particles and made the world just a little worse for wear. He didn’t care if he died, too. Even if it would hurt Maddie K for a short while, he was certain that she’d easily get over it.
When the Marvel door opened and spit him out, Adam nearly stumbled back in, but took a moment to check his messages and write to MK. She missed him and it was hard to say no, so with a quieted Pym resting in the back of his mind, Adam dragged himself home. There he found a litany of messages, mail and mess. He made a small attempt to clean up and take a shower before she came over and pulled on the last clean sweatshirt and jeans he had left. He was excited to see her, or rather happy she pulled him out of his haze, but there was still hidden resentment not unlike the kind she likely felt for letting their hero died all those years ago.
Soon, the doorbell rang and Adam got to his feet, answering the door with a small, sleepy smile. “Thank you for coming over, Maddie K.” He said as he opened the door, eyes lifting up shyly.
When MK had reached out to Simon first in a hellish panic and newly processed in prison, she justified it completely in her own mind. Adam had a clinic to run and patients to care for, and he couldn’t be pulled away from them. Couldn’t be focusing on a stupid model getting her ass in trouble again. Simon had connections and could move more quickly. Or, at least, that was what she told herself over the subsequent days. In the end, though, she knew she had screwed up royally, and the guilt nipped at her brain for days upon days, particularly following her conversation with Pym. Oh, yeah, she screwed up. She definitely did.
So, she was glad, really, when he actually responded as himself, not as Pym, and agreed to see her. She had missed him, especially in the wake of all the ridiculous shit with Luke and Wren and Gus, with Alexander, with the paparazzi, with prison. He’d become another escape over the past few months, and she wanted to crawl inside to hide and never, ever return if she could. She was tired and she missed him and wanted him, and that was what she thought about as she shimmied into one of those dresses that managed to hit her in the right places. (Okay, was it so bad that she wanted to look good for him?)
The shutterbugs seemed to be giving her the day off, thankfully, and she made it to Adam’s with relative ease. That did nothing to quell her nervousness, however, giving her nothing to focus her thoughts towards, and when he opened his door, she flashed him a shaky smile. His fatigue was noticeable though, and that earned him a worried look. “Are you okay?” she asked as she took a step forward. MK wanted nothing more than to touch, to kiss, to be with him, but she didn’t want to push, not yet.
“Fine. Just haven’t used my own legs in quite some time.” Adam finally caught her gaze, finding it more glossy than usual. Maddie K was known for having a little too much trouble revolving around her, but Adam could tell she let some of it in and was paying the price for it. The reports of her drinking and partying had been troubling the last time he checked, which made him wonder about the validity of Wren’s claim.
“Come on in. I was just working on some client files that I’ve neglected.” Adam opened the door for her and moved to the couch where files and folders were organized on separate cushions. He made room for her next to him and picked up an open file near him to fill out perscription history, check boxes and sign his name. In truth, it was just a way for him to put some distance between himself and her. Adam did love his emotional walls.
MK loved her emotional walls, too. Of course. It was one of their most prominent similarities. They liked to hide and ignore and brush away all their problems through whatever means necessary. She sneaked a couple of drinks in while she was talking to Adam over the journals earlier and managed one more before making her way over to his place. It was nothing terrible, definitely less than she had been drinking in the past few months, and more gave her the pleasant buzz she needed at the moment. Otherwise, she would go running for the hills right now and not face the problem.
She sat in the designated place on the couch for a moment, legs tucked underneath her as she watched him ignore her for one of his patient’s files. The exact reason she hadn’t contacted him, but before where she felt guilt, a sharp sting of jealousy licked at her. So, he wanted to play that game? Tempted to snatch the folder out of his hand, she huffed quite like a child and padded over to his kitchen in search of her own little escape. “Have you got anything to drink?” She definitely needed another if this was how this was going to play out.
“Not for you.” Adam said with a coldness that was unfamiliar in his voice. “Can tell you’ve already had a drink or two. Wonder if you can talk to me sober.” He didn’t look up from his files, carefully checking the right boxes and and signing his name precisely. A moment passed as a part of him commented on the cruelty in his voice and Adam finally looked up, placing one hand in the middle of the file to keep his place. “The only reason why I came home was because of you. Living in Pym’s head is better than any drug I could possibly prescribe myself.”
The coldness in his voice caused her to pause her journey, and she stood half way between the living room and kitchen a little stalled in the brain. She’d heard firmness from him, sure, and big old adult-like voices, but never something so sharp and uncaring towards her. Crossing her arms over her chest, she took a few steps back towards the living room until the back of Adam’s head was visible over the couch again. “I’m not drunk,” she snapped, showing a little too well that another drink would have her well on the way to being just that. “And don’t you dare say I can’t talk to you sober when you’re hiding behind those stupid fucking files. What was the point of inviting me over if all you’re gonna do is ignore me?”
“Didn’t say you were drunk. Though, I suppose that would be a rare turn of events according to the gossip that gets shoved down my throat about you.” Adam tossed the file to the side and stood up. He was more gaunt than usual. Pym didn’t eat and neither did Adam, so the very little meat he had left on his bones was almost completely gone. “What happened, Maddie K? When we first got to Vegas you had it under control. The last time we talked-” Adam didn’t expect it to hurt so much to simply think about how happy they had been only a couple weeks before. To have some other man, one that had been waved in his face by Wren, tell him she was in trouble made him feel insignificant. Unwanted. Like she had only been humoring him this whole time.
He paused, steadying himself by holding the back of his couch and looked at her. “Thought we had made things better. Don’t understand how it got worse.”
“Whatever you think I don’t have under control, I’ve got under control.” Her voice was low, but still just as angry. His comments flamed her up considerably, and the buzz of the alcohol in her stomach and her head fed into it all, too. “This whole place is fucked, that’s why. That’s why things got worse. Everything is so fucked up.” She pursed her lips and dug her fingers into her arms and looked at him for a moment without saying anything. The exhausted look in his eyes and the thinness of his frame caused her to frown, just a little, but she tried her best to keep her concern guarded. “You look terrible, Adam,” she said. The alcohol robbed her of what little filter she had on a good day.
“So do you.” Adam’s tone had moved away from the chill Pym had put on everything. In its place was a doctor’s concern. A truth that he had learnt to be comfortable sharing. “Had patients that looked just like you days before they jumped off a bridge or ran their car into a tree from overdosing.” He stepped towards her, hands reaching out to grab her elbows as she crossed her arms. “Wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Adam’s natural gentleness shown through in his touch and expression. His voice barely a whisper. “I want to leave. It’s the only way to keep Pym from his door. I don’t care if he drives me insane, I can’t hurt anyone without my vigilantes.”
The blunt honesty was something so typically Adam, but it still shocked her enough to stare quietly for a moment. No, she didn’t have a problem, and she wasn’t just another of his patients. The way she felt wasn’t her fault, it was every little messed up thing that slapped her in the face during her time in Vegas. But his touch brought her crashing back to reality. It comforted her, steadied her, and one of her arms unfurled so her fingers could skate up and down his own arm. “No,” MK said immediately, eyes that drifted down to watch her fingers meeting his with a sharp look. She felt a little selfish, and she also didn’t really care that she did. “No, you can’t do that.”
“You have other people. You weren’t cursed with a monster like I was.” Adam hated to admit he wasn’t the only person in Maddie K’s life that could keep her above water, but it was true. She could easily get help from any one of them, while Adam had nothing. It was better that way. “Do you know what’s going to happen if Pym finds his particles? He’ll be able to slap Iron Man out of the sky like a fly. He’ll kill all of you or let Loki do it himself. Pym doesn’t care how it happens as long as that whole door burns.”
Adam looked down at her fingers, knowing that her touch had the ability to calm his mind, but that wasn’t fair to her. He couldn’t keep relying on her like that. “Always said I want you to live your life how you want to. I’m interfering. Must go. Only way to fix it.”
“No, no, no,” MK repeated her dissonance with a violent shake of her head. No, that was not going to happen, not if she helped it. Her hand drifted from his arm up to his cheek, and she cupped his jaw, the pad of her thumb brushing his overly pronounced cheekbone. “Stop it, you’re not leaving. You’re not leaving, and you aren’t going to be alone. I was--I wasn’t lying to Pym when I told him all those things, Adam. I need you, too. No one else gets it the way you do.” She left what ‘it’ was up in the air, though it could clearly be a number of things. The pain of loss, the desire to escape from it all. “And you’re not interfering. Alexander and his fucking threats are. Luke and Wren’s fucked up problems are. Kidnapping a fucking kid and landing in jail is.”
“Threats? Kidnapping?” Adam looked down at her with concern and disappointment. “All these things happening and you don’t tell me any of it. Why? I’ve kept vigilante names a secret and other things. Worse things.” He tried to hide the look of guilt over his face, shaking it off once he was aware of its presence like a spider. There was no way he’d tell her about the man that he had Luke kill. And, yet. Maybe it would start a thread of honesty between them, even if she hated him for it afterwards. “Much worse.” Adam said quietly, leaning into her hand before walking away towards the kitchen. He needed a drink for this.
She registered each emotion that flickered over his face -- from the worry to disappointment to guilt -- and though she liked to think she could read Adam well enough, MK’s mind was too wound up to figure out where that guilt came from. She resisted following him for a moment, letting her hand fall as she stared at the space he had just occupied, as if to teach him a lesson. But she caved in the end, stung by anger and fatigue and sadness but still wanting figure out the fundamental problem in all this. “It’s not like I could tell you, Adam,” she replied to his question of why as she drifted into the kitchen behind him. Her hip leaned against the counter, one arm wrapped around her waist while her free hand rubbed at her neck and collarbone. “I couldn’t, even when I wanted to.” A pause. She couldn’t resist. “How much worse?”
He ran his fingers over the small wine rack in one of his cupboards and pulled out an old red he had bought while in California. “There was a man that not only beat his child and wife, but desperately wanted to hurt a lawyer and myself after we put them in a safe home.” Adam placed two wine glasses on the counter, popped the wine bottle open and poured generously. “He threatened me and then hurt my friend so badly she ended up unconscious in a parking garage.” There was a pause as he held his glass and looked down at the wine. It was terrible seeing someone so brave get punished for doing the right thing. Adam took a sip, and then another, before making a small tisking sound. “So, I had him killed.”
MK kind of wanted to say ‘I told you so’ when he reached for the wine, but kept it to herself. She picked up the other glass as soon as he finished filling it to the brim and immediately lifted the glass to her lips. It was good and strong and just what she needed at that moment when harder liquors were not in her grasp. As he spoke, she continued to hide behind the glass like she always did, pursed lips pressed against the outside of the glass while she watched him. In the pause, she moved to take another sip, but just as the blood red liquid reached her mouth, he continued, causing her to choke on it. Coughing, she put the glass down on the countertop near her and looked at him incredulously. “You what?” she squeezed out in between coughs, using her fingers to blot away the little splutters of wine around her lips.
“I called a vigilante that was in town, gave him information and had the man killed.” Adam repeated simply, guilt still in his voice but there was always a sort of evenness to the way he spoke. As if he were simply recounting a horrible event that occurred in history. “I knew it wasn’t something you’d approve of, so I kept it to myself. I only feel terrible about the whole thing because I knew it wouldn’t sit well with you.” He had no remorse over killing the dead man, that was clear in his expression. He took another sip of his wine and said with certainty, “That man was like a sick dog that needed to be put down.” A phrase he used frequently back in Seattle.
MK flitted through the catalogue of vigilantes in her mind, trying to decide if his vigilante would be any that she knew. Wren didn’t approve of Adam, and Luke would never do that, and while she could point to Jack Corvus, MK had a feeling he wouldn’t do that either. “Adam.” She saw the look in his eyes, and her voice, usually so raspy and sultry and playful, reflected the sadness and concern and slight defeat she felt. She realized, too, that his name fell from her lips a lot like that lately. A quiet lingered for more than a few beats, and she used the time to look at anywhere but him, to drain the red from her glass, to try to process what he just told her. She wanted to say how disgusted she was, and she was, but she couldn’t quite find the words. MK knew men that needed to be taken care of -- men like her father, men like Briggs, men who beat and raped and murdered without remorse -- but she never imagined taking a life, even one so wasteful.
“Was that the only time?” she asked finally, and out of all the questions she could ask, it probably wasn’t the most prevalent or pressing, but she didn’t want to ask the other questions. Did he regret it? Was he sorry? Would he do it again? She was scared of the answers.
“Yes, but-” Adam topped off both their glasses and walked back to the couch, bottle in hand. “I’d do it again. This Alexander man. The one who taunts you on the forums and terrorizes your friends as well? I’d kill him, too.” He was silently surprised that Luke hadn’t taken care of it himself. Wren was close with the vigilante, so it made sense that he’d protect her. Maybe something changed with the boy. That was unfortunate. “It’s my job to save lives. My calling.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back after taking a seat on the couch. “If that means killing people who threaten everyone else, then so be it. Don’t see the point in allowing dangerous threats to exist.”
It was the answer she feared, but still suspected, and MK rubbed her eyes roughly before trailing behind him. In the back of her mind, she recalled Wren’s cautious words about Adam, and maybe the blond was right. Maybe the lanky man that sat before her was dangerous, but then again, so was Wren once upon a time, so were a lot of people they knew. She didn’t sit next to him or at all, hemming and hawing between bolting for the door or yelling at him or holding him in her arms. It harked back to a time when a young boy told her his own secret, one that was dangerous in its own right, and that deteriorated into a shouting match. But this MK, much older and who claimed to be much wiser, she was tired and at a loss. She stood close enough to brush her knees against his, and she blinked a few times, and she tried to find the right words. They didn’t come, however, and she buried her frustration in the glass again. “I can’t--” she began, but cut herself off again. What was she supposed to say? She didn’t approve of it, and nothing he said would make it okay that he basically ordered a hit on some man. But anything she said certainly wouldn’t bring the man back either.
“They went after him, after Alexander. Luke and Simon did, but it didn’t stick. Or he’s not scared. He wrote me on the forum even after, tried to get in my head.” She wondered if she should mention the file he sent her when she left prison as she rocked a little on her feet, grazing her knees lightly against his calves. “He sent me other things, too, but I don’t--no, Adam, there are other ways to help people. You do help people already.” A pause, where MK took another sip. “What would he have said?” He didn’t need any clarification at all, and it might have stung to bring him up, but the wine disengaged her filter more.
“Of course it didn’t stick. Probably enjoyed being beaten. He’s no different than an internet troll.” Adam turned his head to look at her, hand lightly touching the top of her knee. A small wave of relaxation started to wash over him as he sipped wine. Even in the darkness of Pym’s brain, he couldn’t say he felt at ease like this. It made it easier to think about him and what he’d do. In a way, Adam almost missed their long arguments about what was right. “He’d find a different way, of course.” Adam smiled at her. “It wouldn’t involve beating some psychopath to teach him a lesson. He was always much more clever than that.”
“And so are you. You’re so much better than all that, too, Adam. I know you are.” She stopped short of blaming Pym, but what else could it be? She heard about Alters influence people on this side and knew that Mary Jane had a little bit of a tug on her own brain. Pushing herself away from him, she began to pace back and forth in front of him, half-empty wine glass in one hand and phone in the other, which she had just pulled out of her pocket a moment before. “Alexander is a scared little dick that thinks he can get into my head just because he’s read a couple of magazines about me. He’s not worth doing that to yourself. He’s not worth anything.” MK stopped then, staring down at her phone for a split-second. Then, with another large swig, she unlocked it with a slide of her finger and opened up the .mp3 Alexander sent her the week before. “When I got home from...well, when I got released, there was this waiting for me.” She held out the phone to him, and the file was paused, giving Adam the option to listen or not. And then she resumed her pacing, a mildly frantic movement back and forth. “It’s from him, I know it, even if he doesn’t admit it.”
Adam leaned forward to set his glass down and looked at the phone in her hand. He knew listening meant he would have to be involved in this mess. That’s what he wanted, truly, but his methods were severe. Punishing. A man who obviously scared Maddie K so badly deserved more than just a beat down. But, now their old mask friend was swimming around in the back of his head reminding him that murder wasn’t always the best solution. After a moment of hesitation, Adam took the phone and listened carefully to the file.
There was a darkness in his eyes when Simon was mentioned. Pym had a way of rearranging his emotions like a child’s puzzle. Sliding the little tiles into place until he felt that real twinge of jealousy. It was a new emotion, a volatile one. Pym made sure that Adam was aware he wanted Simon to suffer, but never at the price of Maddie K. Never. That’s not what’s important, Adam reminded Pym who slunk off back into his shadows. “Why does he torture you girls? He seems transfixed.”
As she handed off the phone, the drunken haze lifted for a milisecond, and she realized how Alexander’s involvement of Simon in all this might look. Might make things worse between she and Adam. But she needed to tell him about everything, it was only fair, and Simon was a big part in all of this. A big part in her life. It was hard to see Adam like this, so angry and with a cloudiness in his eyes that caught her off-guard enough to pause her steps. Draining the glass, she shrugged while she swallowed, a half-hearted lift of a shoulder. “I have no fucking idea. He’s sick. He’s trying to get inside all our heads and make us play his little games, whatever they are.” MK deflated a little, her bravado of bravery and nonchalant care giving away just a tad to that fear and worry that plagued her sleepless nights and tiresome days. “He ra--he attacked Wren. Selina told me -- Catwoman, whatever -- but I don’t know when. Maybe that’s why, maybe not.”
The glass was suddenly a burden, and she placed it on the floor and started moving around the living room again. Listening to the file again reawakened the fear and frustration she felt that first night back from hell, and the alcohol teeming through her system made it near impossible to hide. “Worst welcome back present ever,” she said, wringing her hands together.
“Killing him would be easiest.” Adam admitted reluctantly. “I doubt anyone cares for him and vanishing bodies in the desert is child’s play.” He knew it wasn’t an option, though. Not if he wanted Maddie K to respect him. “Breaking his spirit is impossible. You have to take away his tools or trick him into doing something incredibly illegal and public. Men like these aren’t different from Nazi doctors.” Adam poured himself another glass of wine, leaving the phone on the table as he stared at it. “You have to publicly rake them across the coals.”
MK stopped burning holes in his floor, but kept a little bit of distance between she and Adam, even while she rocked a little on her feet. The wine was getting to her now, even more, and she wanted to just push this all to the side and forget about it. “He’s a fucker. A sneaky fucker. It would be so hard to even try that.” Biting on her lip, she looked at him with glassy eyes and sighed. “There isn’t any proof of anything. No proof he was the one who drugged us, we can’t even trace that,” she waved her hand towards the phone, “to him either. It isn’t fair.”
“There’s a reason why Luke didn’t kill him. And, from the sound of it, Simon would have been on board if he did.” Adam looked up at her and sighed. “I’ll speak with him. See if I can help. Doctors are good at getting information and supplies.” He didn’t like that glassy look in her eyes, so he set his drink aside and held his hand out towards her. “Can’t stand you being all the way over there. Come here, please.” Adam cracked a gentle smile and wiggled his fingers a little as a silly enticement. He wanted to forget about Simon. Wanted to believe that he was the only person that really mattered to Maddie K in Vegas.
His soft smile, the one she adored so much, tugged one out of her, and after a second, she shuffled over and took his hand. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled as she laced their fingers together and squeezed. Her eyes pricked with tears, just at the corners, and she rubbed them with the back of her hand. “I really am. I wanted to tell you, I did, before they took me away, but Wren told me to keep everything about Gus secret in case things went bad. Which they did anyway, I guess.” She pursed her lips before finally sitting next to him on the couch. “The movies make lady prison look way cooler than it is, Adam.”
“I bet you were bored to tears.” Adam put his arm around her, leaning his head a little against hers. “At least it helped your popularity with the gossip blogs. The kidnapping case is the biggest this city has seen in a long time. Being involved with it could get you a reality show.” He teased. With a celebrity model, there was no such thing as bad press, after all. She could have actually stolen that kid and demand for her to be in the next ad for some gaudy perfume would be higher than ever. “Sometimes patients ask me about you. There’s been sightings of you visiting my clinic and even leaving with me, so they assume I know everything.”
Rolling her eyes, she scoffed, but scooted into his embrace more, tilting her head until it rested on his shoulder. Despite herself, she smiled at his teasing. “It’s gonna make a great special on E! one day, I’m just sayin’.” She wouldn’t be seen as the world’s best role model any time soon, but it was true that MK’s name was on the lips of the people in every household. Kidnapping Gus, buying those baby clothes, jail, it all weighed heavily on MK, but at least everyone knew who she was, even more than ever. “Oh, yeah?” she asked with an amused voice and sat up a little to look at him. “What’d you tell them? You better have come up with something good.”
“All sorts of things.” Adam grinned. “Sometimes I claimed I was only your doctor, trusted friend of the family and nothing more even if I wished otherwise. Sometimes I told them how sweet you were to people who recognized you until they asked for a picture or an autograph. Then you charged them ten dollars for even a handshake.” He was especially proud of that one. It was best to tell well-meaning middle aged women who were easily shocked by such snobbery.
“I only told one person the truth. Teenage girl. Maybe fifteen. Sweet, but born to rebel whether her parents liked it or not.” There was always a hint of care in his voice whenever he spoke of his patients. They were all so different to him. Special in their quirks and strange illnesses. “I told her you had convinced a lot of people that you were a simple girl who liked to do simple things. But, I knew the truth. I knew you see things people don’t. That you can feel more than any other party girl that you’ve tried to become.”
“Adam!” MK exclaimed in amusement and swatted at his chest with her hand. “You’re terrible, you know that? Total jackass. At least you could have made it fifty bucks. I’m not a cheap whore.” She teased with a sharp smirk, and while the booze still moved through her system, he had managed to quell the tears, at least. And as she listened to him go on, her smile softened, something genuine and affectionate and a little watery, and she sighed again. “Yeah?” She could imagine him comforting some teenage girl really similar to herself at that age. Her chest ached, but in a good way. “Okay, maybe you aren’t a total jackass.” Her fingers reached to brush through his hair and against his jaw before trailing down his neck. “Maybe.”
“Be a lot less interesting if I didn’t have a little of that in me.” Adam smiled and his eyes closed for a moment when she brushed her fingers through his hair. He looked like a wild animal that hadn’t found a safe place to rest in months. There was a comfortable silence between them. His eyes still closed as he just focused on her light touch. “I’ve never been so upset over a girl before.” Adam said, chuckling softly at himself. “I don’t think it’s all Pym’s influence. He fuels the smallest flame.”
Adam opened his eyes, his hand catching her fingers gently as they rested on his collarbone. “Promise to work on it. Trust you. Despite jealousy.”
She looked at him for a moment, head tilted and a soft smile on her face, as if considering him, as if soaking him all in. Did she trust him? Not one hundred percent, not yet. There was still too much there -- both her own issues and what he was responsible for -- but she would try. He meant enough to her to try. “I’ll try to be better with talk about things,” she said, not sure how well she could actually keep to her promise. After a moment’s hesitation, MK leaned up and kissed him. Softly at first, then deepened it hungrily, greedily. As if he was the breath of fresh air she had desperately needed in the past few weeks. “Promise me you will too,” she demanded quietly in between the crush of her lips against his. “Promise me you’ll come to me first instead of running away or...doing what you did to that guy. Promise.”
Adam made a sound in the back of his throat when she deepened the kiss that was a mix of surprise and pleasure. He had expected them to kiss and make up, that was their way, but her greedy need for him would always throw the doctor off. Still, he returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around her to hold her close in a way to prove he felt the same. What she asked for next was harder than it sounded. Adam didn’t have the ability to lie very well and it would take a great deal of self control to do what she asked.
He paused, looking up at her as he weighed the consequences. If she was really the most important person to him now, then he’d have to promise. He’d have to try. “Promise.” Adam said finally against her lips, earnestly as he could.