Chris Jackson (allmother) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2013-12-25 22:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | frigga |
Who: Chris
What: Holidays back home
Where: Vegas -> Texas -> Vegas
When: Christmas Day
Warnings/Rating: Angst, families, secrets spilled
The plane was the first one out of Vegas on Wednesday morning. The airport was surprisingly vacant on Christmas morning, most people having done their travel in the days leading up to it. He was able to get through security with no issues, getting smiles and thank yous when his ID betrayed him as military. He smiled in return though, but stayed quiet and moved quickly to his gate. He spent his time waiting with his eyes closed, trying not to think of everything that might go wrong.
He hadn't been back home since enlisting, and that parting hadn't been amicable. Filled with shouting and accusations, assurances that he was making exactly the wrong choice by joining the army. But at that point, he hadn't seen any other option. He'd lost his college scholarship and his knee still wasn't healthy enough to try to find a place at any other school. He hadn't received the sort of loving send-off that some of his co-enlistees had, and if that had maybe been disappointing, had maybe hurt a little, he hadn't let it bother him too much. Though the fact that he hadn't been back home since might prove otherwise. He'd had enough opportunities - for leave between tours and just recently after returning to the country. But he hadn't gone. Not until Christmas and some weird sort of hallucination made it seem like maybe it was the right time.
Maybe.
A few hours on a plane and a ride in a taxi to a still-familiar address found him standing on the front porch and ringing the bell, taxi staying parked on the road out front until the driver saw him go inside. He had to admit to himself that he wasn't holding out a huge deal of hope.
But it was his mom that opened the front door, confusion on her face at first until she got a good look at him, and then tears sprung to her eyes. She covered her mouth with her hands for a long moment before he heard "Christian" from behind her fingers. And then he was in her arms, leaning down to wrap his own around her as she cried and whispered "welcome home, darlin'". Long moments passed before his father appeared in the opening from the living room, asking who was at the front door. He stopped and stared at the embrace, and then he sighed. "Might as well come on in, then," he grumbled before shaking his head and turning back and returning to a room back farther in the house.
Pulled in and fussed over, his sisters eventually appeared, older than any memory he had of them, a fiance and a long-term boyfriend along for the holiday. There was talk of college and graduations, and his throat was tight with how many years had passed. He found it almost impossible to say what he had been doing, even when someone asked him. The closest he could come was to say that he was currently on leave and apologize for the notice they'd received about him being missing in action.
His father never said a thing.
Not until dinner was done and dessert was being dished up, when the girls were in the kitchen and the boys were in the living room with a loud action movie on the television. That was when his father pulled him aside with a scowl on his face.
How dare you show up unannounced. Yes, Chris was expecting that. He was expecting the Your mother was worried out of her mind and the Your sisters too. He nodded through the Haven't heard from you in over five years. What he didn't expect was We welcomed you into this family when you were a baby because yours didn't want you, and you can damn well show some appreciation if you want to stay a part of it.
He stared at his father, certain that he was missing something. That he'd misheard. That the words would somehow change the more he turned them over in his mind. They didn't. And it took him too long to muster a confused question. A single worded what? that hung between them. But his father shook his head and returned to the movie in the living room.
He knew his mother's desserts were always delicious, but the pie was sawdust and ash in his mouth. He had to choke it down and stood soon after. He couldn't even manage a demand to do the dishes from dinner, only stammered out an excuse of needing to leave because of work in the morning. Anything said so him rolled off of his awareness, and when the taxi arrived again, he delivered hugs and forced smiles along with promises to not wait another five years to return.
Then he was out the door, in the cab, at the airport, presenting a ticket to get him back to Vegas that day. He didn't even blink at the last-minute cost, just knowing that he had to get back.
He didn't remember the rest of the journey, and only truly woke up when he was walking out into the desert sand without even a flashlight. There was nothing to light the way when he finally cracked and screamed at the sky.