Marina Savain (neeevans) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2013-11-03 12:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | door: harry potter, lily evans, severus snape |
Who: Lily & Severus
What: A run-in.
Where: Obscurus Books in Diagon Alley.
When: Way backdated because I lost a month apparently. I think this takes place right before Severus polyjuiced that chick.
Warnings: Nada. Well, mild violence as Lily hits him with a book.
Diagon Alley was thriving this afternoon. With school starting in the next week, young children and families flocked to the marketplace to gather their supplies for the coming semester at Hogwarts. Everywhere one turned, there were boys and girls teetering with stacks of spellbooks, bouquets of parchment, boxes of the new, trendy self-inking quills, and potion bottles in every shape and size. Lily found herself immersed in a pleasant nostalgia as she watched the students frantically gather oddities, marking through their Hogwarts supply lists in seriatim. It naturally reminded her of her own school days, although something else overcame her as she watched young, first year children pick out their owls at Eeylops with the assistance of their mothers.
She had a child. Even if Lily had no memory of motherhood like Narcissa apparently did, it struck her quite seriously in that moment that she had a son she'd never met. A son who was completely grown, one who would never need for her to help him pick out his owl. A son who did not even need her because he'd already lived through the horrors of war without her. That realization alone managed to strike the lighthearted joy she'd come to the Alley with right through the heart. There were quite suddenly warm tears in her eyes and the cold scratch of heartache in her throat when she turned to dart into the nearest shopfront, Obscurus Books.
It was a good place to get lost for a moment, away from the clutter of wide-eyed children and proudly beaming parents. The dark corners of bookstores were ideal for soothing the malcontent, and Lily gravitated to the arcane, old magic section with the mazy shelves. The books were padded with mold and dust, and Lily used her wand to illuminate the titles as she perused. Exiguous and lissom in a green dress that was more in the fashion of muggles than magic, Lily frequently stood out in quiet places. Despite her peaceful intensity, there was nothing particularly quiet about Lily Potter. Verdant eyes and moonbeam fair. Her hair was down and perfectly waved, harvest auburn that fit the season just like candy apples.
The promise rang in his ears and the mark upon his arm burned with an intensity that was likely wholly in his own mind. It was a better hurt than the one in his heart, a declaration that was tossed aside despite the sincerity with which it was made. But Severus was quite used to pain, to hurt, and though he would never grow fond of it, he held it close nonetheless, a trusting friend that had never let him down.
He was a swift figure down the streets of Diagon Alley, not one to stop and ponder at a storefront or one to marvel at the children that bustled this way and that, preparing for the start of semester at Hogwarts. He had been left to do much of that on his own during his days at school, coins snitched here and there and stowed away so he could at least afford the books that never offended him or called him names. But now, he was on another quest, not for books or wands or ingredients for potions, but for information. Yes, it was possible to gather it from those that lived in this time, the ones that had seen the war, that knew of his eventual death, but Severus had no desire to hear the words from them. He wanted to read it for himself, in what had been written since the war.
He was deep in the maze of the bookstore, a faint blue light from the tip of his own wand illuminating the text he had spread out over his lap. Immediately, he bid the light gone, looking down the aisle towards the one that ventured closer with each and every step. There was no mistaking her, even now, the burnished red of her hair, the light in her eyes that had drawn him in even as a child. But seeing her made that ache in his chest intensify sharply, a drawn in breath before he tucked his head back in the book, nose nearly to the page as though he could read the words in the dim light. Perhaps she wouldn't notice. Perhaps she'd walk away and turn those green eyes upon someone else.
The empty docket of her afternoon was what brought Lily to the Alley today. She might not come with a shopping list, but Lily was also notorious for buying things on a whim regardless of whether or not an itemized list was involved in her planning. Yet on this day, she'd managed to keep her capricious consumerism to a minimum, and rather devoted her time to wizard watching. This was the future, after all. There were differences subtle and not-so-subtle everywhere she turned. Documenting the ways in which their world had changed seemed like the responsible thing to do. This afternoon was intended to be one of research and not pleasure.. but if there was any shoppe that reduced Lily Potter to a glaze-eyed shopaholic, it was a bookstore.
She'd been inside the store for only a handful of minutes and already discovered two volumes that were necessary to add to her collection. Sonnets of a Sorcerer was tucked under one arm, and she bespelled a copy of Merpeople: A comprehensive guide to their language and customs to hover open before her, the wand between her fingers skimming the printed lines of the introductory chapter with a soft glow that illuminated the text despite the dusty shadows that thrived in the old shop. As she read, she walked. Lily blindly navigated the aisles of the bookstore with her nose crammed in the softly glowing spine of the bespelled book.
The sound was what made her look up, the distinct hiss of a sharply drawn breath, like one taken in surprise. Lily glanced up, immediately noting the figure that occupied the same aisle as her. He was sitting, hunched over the book spread in his lap. Just like he must have recognized the autumn burn of her hair and the ironically slytherin colour of her eyes that caught the glow of her wand's tip as she raised it away from her own book, there was no mistaking Severus. That dark hair, unkept in a way that was entirely different from the charming flop of James'. Severus hair was black, and always seemed almost-greasy with the way it hung in his face. His robes were the familiar, borderline ratty things that he'd worn during their Hogwarts years, and even the way he crammed his face in that book was just the same.
Lily took a breath too, although her's was for calm, as she approached him. He'd obviously seen her, after all, and she was far too Gryffindor to pretend she hadn't seen him when she had. Even if he'd angered her during their last conversation, Lily had never been the type of person to coldly walk away. "Severus," she spoke whilst in approach, announcing herself in case he wanted to keep pretending that he hadn't seen her.
The footsteps that drew closer, the soft breath that was drawn in, and then the voice that followed shortly after, the combination of them had Severus wishing he could simply melt away into the background of the bookshop, something invisible and unnoticed. But there was no hiding away from Lily Evans - no, Potter, bloody Potter - but even so, Severus looked up uncertainly towards her, dark eyes squinted slightly, the light from the tip of his wand fading as he did so. "Lily," he said simply, gaze dropping moments later as he gathered himself up to his feet, the book slid back home on its shelf as he did so. "I'll just be going now," he tacked on a moment later, giving her the smallest nods of his head before he turned away from her, swift steps taking him further down the aisle of books, the image she presented burned further into his mind.
It might have been tempting to try and change his ways, to be able to tell Lily and Remus and even Narcissa that he had no intention on going back to him, but Severus felt it would bring more harm to do that than to continue down the path he had trod once before. At least there, he would not have to see him with her, be reminded of what he had ruined in a foolish moment of hurt.
Lily wasn't sure what to expect of Sev, there hadn't been an instance where the two of them were alone with an opportunity to talk since Hogwarts. She didn't believe that his obvious lack of acknowledgement was out of deprecation toward herself, but rather a listless avoidance in what was promising to be an uncomfortable conversation. Her chin lifted when he said her name, waiting for.. she didn't know what, an apology late in coming which she would take pleasure in refuting and not needing. He'd said he was sorry, but not to her face, and she very much wanted him to know that she didn't care if he was sorry or not. It hardly mattered, the past was the past, and they could happen upon one another in the same shoppe aisle without making now about then.
She didn't know if she was over it really. It had seemed fairly easy to feel that she was until this moment, when assuring herself that she was over it became its own curious obsession. That determination whirled in her head until it became difficult to think of anything except how to give the appearance of not caring while still obviously caring a great deal. Lily thought that she might be able to say something to puncture the strange bubble of awkward silence that she'd fallen into. But her mouth was dry with fear of saying the wrong thing, and then Severus was getting to his feet and making for a perfect escape while she stood there, still the mute somehow frozen in the lapse of her self-righteous displeasure, which had originally carried her over to him. He was leaving. Nothing to say to her, after all.
The anger was quick in rising when his back was to her. Gryffindor red creeping up her neck when she extended her arm, wand pointed and flashing silver as a stray book was jettisoned to the back of his head.
It had been foolish of him to expect an easy departure from her company, though Severus had greatly hoped he could simply slip away and pretend that this meeting had never occurred. He was not given that privilege, however, and there was only the soft sound of the book zipping through the air to warn him of what was quickly incoming before it slammed into the back of his head. Severus stumbled forward, a hand creeping up to press against the quickly swelling goose egg on the back of his head, fingers half-disappearing in the dark locks. Had it been anyone else other than Lily, he would have been quick to turn around, to throw a hex in their direction, but Lily was not anyone else, and no matter the harsh words he had thrown at her in the past, he had no inclination to hurt her any further.
So instead, Severus turned, his head throbbing with pain, and stooped down to scoop up the fallen book. Its pages were put aright once more and he held the volume out towards her, steadfastly avoiding meeting those green eyes, a green that would have gone well with Slytherin's colours. "You dropped this," he stated flatly, his hand unwavering as he waited for her to take the book, though his brow was furrowed in discomfort.
The resounding thud of that text as it collided with the back of Severus' skull was specious. Pleasing for that initial moment, but also significantly marred in its pleasure for the worry that promptly accompanied it. Lily was not very accomplished in spite, she wasn't quite mature(or perhaps immature) enough to appreciate the complexity of holding a grudge. Her vengeance suffered from an acute case of paucity, and at the sight of Severus' wincing stumble, Lily threw her hands, the confessed culprits, over her mouth. Nearly blinding herself with her wand in the process, she was quick to drop it into her pocket a moment later. It didn't occur to Lily that such a self-disarmament might have been fatuous after having just attacked a man, just like it didn't occur to her that Severus might one day turn on her. Even in the magical world, some things were just impossible for Lily to imagine, and Severus coming at her in any physical manner was one of those things.
Lashing out in the way she had was the perfect complement to an already ruined reunion. When Severus turned toward her with his familiar, taciturn expression accompanied by a notably wounded wince, she started forward with a floundering apology. Lily Potter was very rarely at a loss for words, being annoyingly verbose came so naturally to her, but she found herself quite lost in the moment that Severus straightened despite his discomfort in order to present her with her book, the weapon, once more. His words, deadpan and desert flat, reduced her to a quiet sniff. The furied knot of eyebrows weakened, and her frown deteriorated with a slight wibble when she reached out to claim the book into the crook of her arm once more. "Thank you," she whispered.
For the longest time, Severus simply looked at Lily, the hands that came to her mouth, the shift of her expression as she reached out to take the book from him when he held it towards her. He hated to see her brows knit together like they were, the tremble of her lip as she murmured the quiet words of thanks. His hands emptied, Severus settled his gaze somewhere over his shoulder, not quite able to muster the courage to meet her gaze just then.
"I am sorry," he finally said, and there was a heaviness to the words that spoke of being sorry for a lot of things. His chin dropped slightly, his shoulders dropping slightly with the apology. Even though he couldn't meet her gaze, he was brave enough to reach out towards her, fingers ghosting over the fabric of her sleeve, the motion full of melancholy. Severus still couldn't believe the words he had flung at her, unthinking, only wanting to hurt her as he had been hurt, but he hadn't really meant it. But they weren't the sort of words that you could take back once they were said, so they continued to hang between them, cloudy and full of poison, as hurtful now as they had been years prior.
Lily stared at him with green eyes gone a little sad, worrying her teeth together as she held her book close to the chest. She knew that whatever was supposed to have happened to James and herself in whatever other life, at least some part of it was Severus' fault. Peter's too, but Peter wasn't around to blame rightfully. And she found that it did not matter that Severus had not really betrayed her yet, he'd done it then, whenever and wherever then was. She shook her head, pulling away when he reached out for her sleeve. "Don't," she whispered.
Lily dropped her eyes and moved past him, setting the book back in its shelf as she did so. She no longer had an interest in purchasing anything, and rather found that she just wanted to leave. "You're always sorry, Severus." It seemed like he was always apologizing to her for something, and Lily skirted the corner of the next shelf of books as she went for the door, back into the Alley.