Tim Drake / Callie Noon (ex_thisismym190) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2013-10-07 22:53:00 |
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Entry tags: | door: dc comics, red robin, stephanie brown |
WHO: Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake
WHERE: Drake Manor
WHEN: Laaaate night of 9/18
WHAT: Steph and Tim meet up, awk conversations ftw.
RATING: Pretty light, PG for some angst at most?
STATUS: log; complete.
Dick got the most of his immediate reaction to everything going on. It was a tumultuous amount of emotions. Tim was usually the most self-possessed of the Robins, able to keep a cool head in the middle of any stress. It was something he prided himself on, before it all went to hell. Before his father, and Kon, and Bart, and then Bruce. It piled up, and he was lucky to have the Teen Titans to insist he let it out somehow. It still didn't come to him easily. He was held to a high standard, since Bruce ran him harder with Jason's death heavy on his mind. The Dark Knight was always in control of himself. But on the other hand, Tim never wanted to be Batman. Who he wanted to be, he didn't know, but it wasn't that. As much as he loved Bruce, that wasn't the path he saw for himself. So why did he snap and push away everyone, becoming exactly the cold hearted bastard he saw in the future? That was still a big question mark for him. There was no way of going backward. He raged about his family not knowing him here. Bruce wasn't Bruce. Babs and Cass had no idea who he was. Dick made Damian Robin, oh yeah that wasn't forgotten any time soon, and now Steph was dating the Riddler. What sort of crazy Door did he step through? At first, Tim thought about turning right back around and leaving. The way things worked there, he could just stick to that hippie girl's mind and maybe he'd be sent back to where he belonged eventually. He could mend those burned bridges if he was lucky. That impulse he moved past. He focused on the here and now. If they were stuck, he might as well be useful, and right a few wrongs, and suck it up. He was a Gotham Knight. He was better than that. Right? Tim was tired. He went to Wayne Manor to sort a few things out, and eventually left to go back to his old house. It was eerily similar. He expected it to be different somehow, and it was in a few ways, he saw possessions that wasn't his. It was rearranged differently. But it still felt like his house. After wandering around, he ended up on the front steps, checking the strange tablet he was given. By who? Were these questions they got no answers to? He hated unsolved puzzles. He came through in casual wear, having been on the road at the time, and he looked as tired as he felt. Instead of disappearing or going to sleep, he waited. He promised Steph, and while he wasn't sure what he was going to say, he broke enough promises to her. Stephanie Brown was beginning to wonder if whatever Door-esque higher power thought it was a good practical joke or fun time to continually throwing wrenches into her life. Because if it wasn’t one thing, it was another or another or a slew of things all at once, wasn’t it? She was equipped to roll with the punches, she always was, but some days, she just wanted a breath of fresh air. But, when it rained, it poured, and of course this would be the time that Tim Drake would pop back into Gotham. Right when Eddie was locked away and fighting to keep his sanity, and she was trying her best to hold it all together. Of course he would. Not only that, but he wasn’t the same Tim who was in Gotham months ago, the Tim who spat vitriol at her because of her decisions, who didn’t trust her because of who she loved, who hated her because he didn’t approve of what she had done. No, this was a fresh chance, a restart, and that, if possible, was worse than anything. Stephanie could be angry with the old Tim Drake. This one? Oh, this one apologized and said he didn’t hate her, and that right there was what she needed to hear. It made her weak, and it filled her with a sort of sadness that was different than the desperate ache that throbbed in her chest for Eddie. Despite herself, she thought about what might have happened had it been this Tim back then. If it would all turn out the same, or if she and Eddie would still be nemeses at each other’s throats. But, god did she love Eddie, and Tim Drake reappearing would not change an ounce of that. Still, it was a change to have someone around that knew her almost as well as Eddie did now. Steph adored Cass and Kara, but they didn’t know her. They were getting to know her, but they couldn’t burrow into her head the way that Eddie or Tim could manage with a look or a sigh. She needed a friend, mostly, but at the same time, the little blonde bat didn’t know if she and Tim could ever be that. But, she had to try, right, and they needed to speak face-to-face. So, she headed to Drake Manor, which was still around after the last Tim had disappeared, sans her Batgirl outfit. She didn’t know what Tim knew about her vigilante life at the moment, and Steph could at least respect him enough to show up outside of the suit. After knocking, she stood outside his door, thick purple cardigan over a black shirt, short hair pulled back by a hairband, and skinny jeans keeping her warm, and with puffy blue eyes that she tried to cover away as much as possible. When he opened the door, she greeted him with a shaky smile. “Hiya, boy wonder.” He'd have to get a new suit. That was one of the first things he thought, because he was trained for certain priorities. Tim walked through in jeans and a hoodie. Maybe the other him had one around. He hadn't gone looking yet, and he sure as hell was not getting in a Robin suit right now. That was still a little too raw. And apparently the other him wasn't exactly someone to emulate. He didn't get all the details, but he could see it at the same time. Depending on when he was from, and he was starting to catch up on the time differences, it could go a lot of ways. He loved Steph, she was the only girl he'd ever loved, but they also hadn't really been together for awhile. They were exes and friends, before he went and screwed it up on the road of his mental breakdown. So he knew he had a lot to answer for. The Nigma thing, well. That one he wasn't even close to figuring out how to react to. The last time he saw Steph, he kicked her. It was a bad memory for them both, and Tim was glad they were both in normal clothing at the moment. So it was Tim and Steph, not Red Robin and … whatever she was now. He did want her to get out of the vigilante business, but she'd been in this place for awhile. He was a good detective. She'd never stay out of it with everything happening here. Still at the moment they could both use a little distance from the masks. His smile was no less shaky when he opened the door to her. "Hey. Come on in." He curbed the impulse to physically touch or get closer to see if she was all right. She'd have to tell him how she was. As weird as everything was, he was also glad to have someone who knew him. They had a lot of history. If Steph and Dick hadn't known him either … he definitely would've gone back through that door and never come again. Tim rubbed a hand through his hair and ruffed it a bit. "If the place looks a little cluttered, it's not on me. I just got here." He was probably going to stay there, now that he thought about it. Staying in Wayne Manor felt strange with a not-really-Bruce, at least for the time being. There was something unexpectedly comforting about being in this house, even if it reminded him of his father. "How was patrol?" He figured it couldn't hurt starting there. If she thought he'd be surprised or unhappy about it, that was one more thing that he learned to let go of. For now at least. Speaking to Tim and seeing Tim were two entirely different problems. Speaking to someone who was supposedly Tim Drake on the journals was worlds different than having him standing there in front of her, in the flesh. Now, her heart launched into her throat, and a pain shot through her chest, and if she wasn’t upset already, she would probably be knocked breathless by the sight of him. But, she was already breathless from all the crying she’d been doing lately and everything she had been worrying about since Eddie entered into Arkham City. Having Tim around was just another thing in a long line of problems she just wanted to go away. But, as awful as it was to have him around at the worst time possible, it was a strange comfort to see him. Steph flashed him another smile, this one a little stronger before falling away again, and she followed him inside, eyes flitting back and forth to take it all in. She hadn’t stepped foot in this Drake Manor yet, and so she had nothing else to compare it to. “It’s fine. You should see my place. You’d think having a ninja live with you would make things clean as hell.” The little blonde bat’s attempt at playful didn’t land fully, but she was trying, okay? Trying to make it less awkward or normal for both of them, she was kind of failing miserably. When he asked about patrolling, she rolled her neck away, stared at the ceiling for a second, before focusing on something else on the wall. “Oh, the usual. Kickin’ some good ol’ goon ass, working on my quips, making sure Dick doesn’t get too egotistical.” She pursed her lips and turned back to him, hands shoved in the front pockets of her jeans. “That’s the least you’re mad about here, I’m sure.” "I have no end in sight of the things I'm mad about today, Steph," Tim said wearily. Anger was good sometimes, it drove and focused them. It made them get work done, when it needed to be, when they were too tired otherwise. Right now, he knew it was a hindrance. His anger wasn't going to lead any place good. If there was an easy way to shrug it loose, he would've done that. For now he just folded arms across his chest and looked at her. Stephanie Brown. They had history. Not just romantic history, because they went back before that happened. It was some kind of requirement for the Bat Family to have complicated relationships, and that was putting it kindly. He was just glad now she seemed officially adopted into the family. No more fighting with Bruce about it. He realized he left the last sentence on an ominous tone and shrugged one shoulder. "But I don't want to fight. With you or anyone else." Tim almost started a fight or two with Dick, and it lacked bite. His edge was gone. Now more than anything else it was desperation. The ground was shifting beneath him, and Tim was used to handling whatever came at him. This was way outside of his bracket of acceptable. He took a good long look at her and something in his sharp eyes softened. Tim was a gentle guy when it came down to it, he'd been trained over time to harden, the way they needed. But he never fully learned. "Did I make you cry or ….?" Cassie kept accusing him of it, and he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I don't know what other me put you through, Steph, but that's not my intention, all right? I'm not here to make any trouble." There was an edge of bitterness there. Everyone kept acting like he wasn't supposed to be there. “I know,” she said of being mad about everything. She could understand that, being so goddamn angry about everything around her. He knew her like that, the angry little girl in eggplant who wanted to teach her daddy a lesson, and there were times even in this Gotham, where everything was so different, when she couldn’t shake off that flaming rage. And, she knew that shaking such anger proved difficult here, especially when the culture shock could shake someone to the core. She thought of how much Eddie had changed since arriving here, how much more open Bruce became, how damaged Dick was, how miserable Helena turned. Stephanie found herself wishing desperately that Tim didn’t turn out angry or damaged or depressed. Hoping that he could find his way in this brand new Gotham the way that she and Eddie had. The way that she really hoped one day the others would pursue, too. When he folded his arms, Stephanie immediately did the same, wrapping her own around her waist in a move that was both protective and defensive. She was in no place to battle with him in whatever way that came -- physically or emotionally -- and was relieved when he said he didn’t want to fight. Even more relieved when she saw that flicker of something softer in his eyes. Something she hadn’t seen in a long time. It drew a flash of a smile from her, but a moment later, she bubbled out a laugh. “Oh, god,” she groaned, unraveling her arms to swing them at her side and rolling her chin up again for a moment before measuring her bright blues on him. They were a little bloodshot, a little puffy, and trying so hard to seem okay. “I know--well, the other Tim--it’s complicated.” With that, she cut herself off with a sharp sigh and paused, pursing her lips. “The one before you, we never saw eye-to-eye, not after...there were a few months where I couldn’t be Batgirl. I didn’t have the heart for it anymore. I thought I didn’t deserve it. And, he was the loudest, pushiest voice. And it sort of ruined whatever we had -- friendship, whatever. He didn’t support me or understand me the way I needed. I know you don’t want to cause trouble,” she continued, shooting him an earnest look before placing a hand casually on her hip. “There’s just...a lot of hurt. From before here even, Tim, and I think you know that. And,” she laughed sadly, “you have the most impeccable timing, boy wonder. I’ve been crying a lot lately, and maybe I was crying a little about you, but don’t tell Eddie that.” The arms across the chest was a defensive pose, it always had been, and Tim realized it when she mirrored him. And the difference in the tension when she let her arms drop. After a beat he did the same. Maybe he was defensive and angry right then, it was hard not to be when he showed up to open hostility. It could be karma biting him in the ass. He said he wanted to be alone, and he'd never felt more alone than right now. The strange thing was, of everything, it was Cassie's open hostility that hit him the hardest. Or maybe it was the whole thing adding up and that was the breaking point. After everything they'd been through together. He was in no way ready to consider this a Gotham worth being in. "You know I wasn't happy with the idea of you as Batgirl. But it's not because I think you don't deserve it. I just looked around at where we all were, and how messed up it was getting. I wanted better for you. Or someone to get out and have a normal life." There were times Tim thought about it himself, but he was too far in. Way too far in. He was dedicated to the cowl. All of his personal connections were in the superhero community. He had no life left outside of them, no school friends or family. "When you were gone ---" She was 'dead.' One more person he lost, even for a short time. "It was because of all this. It wasn't my call to take you out of the suit, and I know that." He would still hope for her to get rid of it one of these days. Edward Nigma was not the person he wanted her to get out of it with, but if that's what it took, he'd have to accept it. Tim did hurt her. He knew it when it happened. He said he didn't trust her, and that was mixed truth. Right then he did want to hurt her. "I was lashing out at everyone. I'm sorry I did that. We'd been through enough you deserved better than that from me." They went through a ridiculous amount of pain and strife together. Maybe that was why pushing her away was the last thing he thought he needed to do. "I don't plan on talking to him about anything. I hope you don't expect me to, because that's not something I can promise." He was the enemy. The enemy who currently was loved by someone he loved, and that was going to take a long time to adjust to. Stephanie shrugged and flashed him a sad upturn of the corner of her mouth. Oh, she knew he was unhappy about her vigilantism as of late. It was how they met, sure, but Steph suspected he had wanted her to ditch the Batfam and this kind of life for a long time, long before he ran off in search of Bruce and begged her to stop being Spoiler. But, she tried and tried again to prove that she had every right to don a cowl and fight crime. “It’s something I’m good at, Tim,” Steph said with a shrug. “I’m good at it.” Nowadays, it wasn’t so much a matter of her sometimes crippling self-doubt and self-deprecating attitude that weighed her down when she spoke of her yellow bat symbol. It would always be there, of course, but now, it was more of a worry of sharing the name with the two women who came before her. But, that was another issue entirely, and she was Batgirl now, and that was the only thing that mattered at the end of the day. “It makes me feel good to do it. Like I’m making a difference in the world, y’know.” She rubbed her hands together nervously, then took a step to the side to lean against the wall. “I’m just saying it really hurt, okay? You were the person who knew me inside and out, and then to just throw me away like that? It hurt.” She shrugged and rolled her eyes. “And I know, I know, I’m not one hundred percent innocent either.” Steph waved her hands dismissively as if to brush off the topic completely. Whether she meant it or not wasn’t clear. But, then she laughed a little. Something quiet and actually amused. “No, Tim, I don’t expect you to. I’ve been having this battle with Dick for about a year, too. I just want you to understand me, and to not hate me for being with him.” Because she couldn’t take that now, the hate, and it was selfish, but true. “I...I kinda need you to not hate me now. You’re the only person, aside from him now, who actually got me.” "I do know," Tim said with a smile that didn't touch his eyes. "It's why I've never been able to walk away for good." He did like being Robin, most of the time. He didn't need super powers to make a difference, that was their MO. They kept to the streets and fought where the superheroes missed, while they were off saving the world or other galaxies. Tim worked on a team with superheroes, and he joined them on some adventures, but nothing felt quite as right as being in Gotham. That was where they were needed. "I don't think we have much of a choice here, from what I can tell. Our lives will never be normal." They had more of a chance back home, but being Alters and back and forth through some kind of magical door? That took a lot of choice away from them. "I can't say I'm happy about it or that I understand. Or that it doesn't make me uncomfortable, because it does. If our positions were reversed and you showed up here to find out I was dating a criminal, it would be uncomfortable." Steph was the jealous type. Their tumultuous relationship involved a lot of problems with jealousy and mistrust, on both sides, so it was always going to be a struggle for them. Tim was not going to lie to her and act like it was all fine. There were enough lies they went through, especially recently (for him). He shook his head and stepped closer to her. He lay his hands on her shoulders and made eye contact, feeling like this was something she needed, an anchor. "I don't know what the other me was thinking, but it would take a whole lot more than this to get me to hate you. I thought you would hate me. So don't worry about that, okay?" Stephanie’s blue eyes flashed with that sort of understanding the bats and birds had for each other. The need to fight back against the worst in the world. The desire to foster good in a city that seemed to be built for anything but. Gotham housed both the best and worst of humanity all in a couple of square miles. And she and Tim were both children of Gotham, even if they were on wildly different points on the spectrum. He had the perfect family growing up, and she had the worst. But they were both kids who grew up dreaming of being like Batman or Superman or those guys that saved the day. “We don’t really,” she agreed with a slight shrug. “I tried before, and then everything that goes on here kinda makes it impossible to just ignore. For months, I stopped. But, at the end of the day, I couldn’t.” While she appreciated his honesty immensely, it was just another person important to her that didn’t approve of her relationship with Eddie. It wasn’t surprising, of course, but it was discouraging. Eddie made her better than she’d been in a long time, especially in this Gotham, and she loved him wholly and stupidly. She’d gone through so many things with him there, and it hurt to have everyone doubt his intentions. After everything he had done for her, how could he not love her? But, it was harder to explain that to people that weren’t them. Eddie had been right; no one else got them but well, them. Still, Tim was right, too. Had it been a year ago, had she been the one to stroll in on a Gotham with Tim in a relationship with say, Harley, she would have rightly flipped. She nodded when he said that, looking away because she understood too well how he felt. Jealousy ran rampant through her veins when she was dating Tim, and still did now when she was with Eddie. When he stepped forward, she looked up at him again and couldn’t quite find the energy to twist away from him. “I’m trying really hard, boy wonder,” she said with that trademark teasing smirk that he must have seen a thousand times over. A hand wandered up to squeeze his fingers as if to assure him that yes, she was here, too. She understood, too. But, she dropped her hand quickly and flashed him a cheeky grin. “You’re harder to hate than I remember right now, but I’m in an emotional state right now. Maybe you’re just taking advantage of me.” Tim was rare in the Robins because he didn't lose his family until after he started wearing the cowl. He wasn't entirely certain that was a good thing. He had more time with them, but in his case, their deaths directly corresponded to him being Robin. Not a horrible situation leading to him finding satisfaction in fighting evil. He was driven at first by enthusiasm and hope and idealism, believing in Batman, believing in the cause. And he still did. Most of the time. It'd just been a really long few months. "So what are you now? Spoiler again? Unless Cass and Damian aren't Batgirl and Robin here." He had yet to see Damian pop up and that was for the best. Tim didn't think he would have a more hostile relationship with anyone more than Jason Todd, but Damian surprised him. And Cass. Cass didn't know who he was, so she might be pre-Batgirl. Tim was hostile to the idea, more than he let on, and he was suspicious of it. She did say her father showed up and the Riddler helped her. That meant something. Bruce and Dick told him their version was attempting redemption. He was not in any mood to give this one the benefit of the doubt, but he'd have to see for himself. Tim could shut doors and push her out and leave it there. That sharp mind of his made it impossible for him to make everything black and white, and at the same time, he was highly skeptical. Some people changed. Most people didn't. He knew she wanted a different answer, but she'd accept the one he gave her, because it was the truth. On that at least they could agree. Tim smiled wryly and the little touch to his hand was appreciated. With his message through, he dropped his own hands and put them in his pockets. "I don't think you want to hate me, Steph. Hate is a lot of energy to waste right now, especially if you're in an emotional state." It was why he leaned toward weary acceptance instead of emotional instability. He moved away from her and sat on the end of the couch arm. "I've been here a few hours and I'm planning a jailbreak on Arkham. The more things change …." Stephanie watched him back away, though there wasn’t hostility or sadness in her eyes at the moment anymore. The touch to her shoulders did the trick, just like his reassurances had, and she felt grounded for the first time in what seemed like eons since Eddie had been locked away. Cass had been wonderful trying her best to understand, and her friends at school offered her comforting words now and then to let her know they were there. But, it wasn’t the same as someone who knew her implicitly the way Eddie did, the way Tim hopefully did. She was different, sure, but there were still fundamentals that would always be Stephanie Brown, and it was the first time in a while that she’d found someone appear and know who that was. It was comforting, and she hoped that meant they could manage to foster some sort of friendship now. Her mouth twisted into a funny little line when he asked about the status quo here in Gotham, and she twisted her fingers a little nervously. “Damian is here, but he’s grown up now. He tried being Robin at eighteen, then hated it and picked up Talon as his name, but then went back to Robin, I think. He spent a lot of time with Dick in Bludhaven, but now he’s back. I’m sure Dick told you some of this.” She, of course, didn’t know to what extent Dick had. Had he told Tim how her boyfriend had poisoned the first Robin’s brain by dipping him in the Lazarus Pit? She kneaded her lips together for a moment. “Cass isn’t Batgirl, either. She’s not the Cass I knew, she’s still kinda...anti-social. But, she’s learning. I know she like, told you to back off or what the hell ever, but try with her, okay?” Steph flashed him a tentative smile before continuing on, beaming in a way that she probably shouldn’t, but she didn’t care. “I’m Batgirl, actually. I’m this Gotham’s first Batgirl, too.” And she was damn proud of that. There were plenty of moments of uncertainty surrounding the cowl, but goddamn was she happy that it was hers. Tim grimaced when she referred to Damian. He normally had a great poker face, but he let his guard down when he was with Steph. Damian as an adult. That was worse in some ways. A lot of his bull could be written off at times to him being young and trained by his mother. He had less of an excuse now. "It's better for me and Dick right now if we don't talk about Damian." That was less to do with Damian himself, and all to do with Dick and Tim. It was a wound still fresh for him, and seeing each other wasn't going to automatically fix it. Talking about what happened was probably pointless right now too. It wasn't the first time they disagreed, but Tim didn't remember a time they were this at odds. It felt wrong. For whatever reason, being with Steph right now felt all right. Maybe they were both too tired and desperate for a connection to be angry at each other. He'd take it. "Back off? She basically told me to go away permanently and I wasn't welcome here." It bothered him and it showed on his face, until he squared his jaw and frowned down at the floor. "It's been awhile since I saw her like that. I'd almost forgotten. It's like I've gone ten steps backward with everyone." More than that in some cases, like Bruce and Babs, who never met him before now. Tim managed to find a smile for her when he saw how proud she was of claiming the title. He remembered how rough it was after Bruce made her Robin just to push Tim, and her subsequent choices weren't the best, but he understood why she made them. Everyone went above and beyond to impress Bruce. "The Batgirl. That means if you ever want to move on, the next girl will have to learn how to fill your footsteps, not the other way around." He knew a thing or two about being the replacement, so he appreciated she wanted to own the title for herself. After a pause he looked back up at her. "Have any of my Titans been here before?" He wasn't sure if he would feel better or worse if they were, but if he came back, one of them could too. He could really use one of them right about now. Stephanie didn’t respond or offer anything more about Damian. The youngest Robin was her little brother for all intents and purposes, and though he could be a raging goddamn brat sometimes, she could be incredibly defensive when it came to him. He was still a kid, after all, and never got the chance to go through what she and Tim had, or any of the other Batkids pushed through with their growing pains. But, Tim would learn how Damian was in this Gotham for himself, and that was that. (Also, Steph hoped that at least Tim and Damian could learn to work with each other, but she wasn’t holding her breath for that either.) And she shrugged just a fraction when he lamented about Cass. “I know. I know exactly what all that’s like. Cass didn’t know me at first when she got here, and neither did Kara. They aren’t from either of our times, but everyone learns to get to know each other. Give her time.” The blonde bat beamed, even if Tim didn’t get it exactly right. She still saw herself as a replacement, even in this Gotham. Even after everything. But those were insecurities buried deep and stemming from long, long years of trying to find herself. She grinned. “We’ll see how long this lasts.” And that was all she could say on that matter. She didn’t want to delve into problems like that when he just came back. There were more important things at hand, like the fact that her boyfriend was locked up. Shaking her head sadly, Steph said, “No, not that I know of.” She shrugged again. “They might be here soon. And, you’ve got other people around. Cass, Kara, the boys. Me.” The last bit was said hesitantly, but she shot him an openly and honest look that told him she wanted to try to repair their friendship. She wanted him to be as important to her as he had been all those years ago. This Gotham was about second chances, after all. "I will if she will," is what Tim decided to say. He was the last person to give up on Cassandra Cain. He fought for her when everyone was sure she went evil. It was hard to pinpoint why he'd bend over backwards and forgive some people for anything, and refused to in other cases. It all came down to trust, and Tim had very little of that left in him now. But she was right. As negative and stubborn as he felt right then, it wasn't all a loss. Alfred was there. Bruce was alive. Not the right one, but alive. That was everything he wanted not too long ago. He would adjust and adapt. The Gotham Knights were good at that. He met her eyes with a hesitant and slightly guarded look, guarded because it was hard to think they could repair what happened between them. And whatever more damage his other self did to her. But Tim knew he let her down enough for a lifetime. If he was forced to live a second life there, he wasn't going to start it out the wrong way. "That makes me lucky then, Steph." He hoped the message got through to her. They'd have to rebuild the bridge, but he was in. |