cv (ephemeras) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2013-03-29 00:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | boy blue, gwen stacy |
Who: Sam and Casey
What: Wall abuse, rollercoasters, and advice from a Broadway diva
Where: Adventuredome
When: Recently
Warnings/Rating: Language
Sam hated the fucking rock climbing wall at Adventuredome. Tucked behind a multi-loop roller coaster and countless spinning rides that filled the air with screams, the wall was a serious pain in the ass hidden beneath a harmless looking dome at Circus Circus. Sam had, unfortunately, just gotten her ass handed to her by said wall, and she was trying to decide if anyone would care if she just walked up and kicked the fucking thing. She had her hair back in a messy bun, grey fingerless gloves protected her hands, and she looked Walmart-cheap in denim and a white t-shirt. Her face was red from exertion and pain, and she hated the entire motherfucking world. All of it, seriously. Her doctor had told her it was too soon to actually expect to manage a handhold, and she knew she'd pay the price for her stubbornness later that evening, hands tucked in bowls of ice and stitches screaming. But right then, she was just fucking pissed.
The bar was in sight, and she couldn't go near it, which only aggravated her more. A drink would make things better - or not. She sighed, and she looked around, and she walked up to the wall that had just ruined her evening. She gave it a swift kick at the base, and no one noticed. She looked around, a guilty-looking blonde thing, and then she kicked it again. Her toe hurt, but it felt good. And, yeah, fuck this. She started hammering the fucking thing, and by the time security came around, she was cursing at it, calling it everything from MK, to Adam, to Liam, to Neil.
She didn't know the eldest Donovan was at the visible bar, hitting on some hot guy, or she would have behaved. But she hadn't seen Casey since Thanksgiving, and he wasn't really on her mind. She yanked free of the security guard, gloved hands up in an apologetic gesture. Her face was even redder now, but she felt better. Well, everything but her toe felt better. Yeah, take that. Fuck you, wall.
Casey wasn’t sure what had brought him to the Adventuredome of all places, it wasn’t usually his cup of tea, but he also had never really given it a fair shot and living here afforded him the proper opportunity to do exactly that. And truthfully he had met a guy the other night that apparently worked there and he was going to try and give that a shot. He was talking to said guy, the bartender, and drinking his cokes and enjoying the conversation quite a lot when he heard the commotion. And Casey loved a good commotion. He turned slightly, looking over his shoulder and saw Sam. He couldn’t help a smile, a chuckle, a headshake, a sigh. All of the above. He turned back to the bartender, told him to give him a call (please and thank you) and went to go find out just what the hell was going on.
He approached and grinned and called out, “Don’t mind her, there’s one in every family, and ours has no less than 12. So if you haven’t got one it’s because we’re hoarding them. I’ll take her on a walk and we’ll get to the bottom of what this wall did,” he was handsome, and well put together, his jeans were dark blue, his boots were unscuffed black, his dark green button down shirt was pressed and his leather jacket cost more than some people’s mortgage. Plus he was foreign. And charming. All of these things served him well in Las Vegas. “Come on love, lets get a hot dog.”
Yeah, everyone turned right the fuck around, and Sam knew it was that fucking accent. And the good looks. And fuck the Donovans. Well, not literally, not all of them. But, shit. She groaned, but she didn't duck tail and run. Instead, she scuffed her cheap shoes against the floor and closed the distance between them. "You know, it's really unfair that you're Scottish. Seriously. You can stay nothing and still be fucking charming, not to mention that you're hot. And there's too many of you here." She sighed, and she nodded away from the temptation of the bar. She wanted to pet that expensive jacket, but she hesitated, fingers twitching. Yeah, ok, no, too soon for touching. She fell into step at his shoulder, enough space for her to feel comfortable left between them, and she looked up at him hopefully. "Rollercoaster?" she asked. And she might not really be family - well, she was Lou's family just not his - but no one would realize it just then. Her expression was all hopeful little sister, and she actually felt endlessly better with Casey there, amid all the unknown voices and shit. "How have you been since the holidays, baby?" she asked, because maybe he'd hit the jackpot? Someone had to have it good right now, yeah?
“There’s too many of us in the world I’m afraid,” he said giving her a sympathetic look because he knew, he really really knew what happened when there were too many Donovans in one place. Not that it was entirely cause and effect they certainly didn’t do it to each other. Mostly it was more of a strange and mystical phenomenon.
He looked down at her and nodded, “I think we’d better,” he answered to the question of a roller coaster and started off in that direction. “Has it been that long already? Time flies,” he said absently. “I don’t think I can complain, haven’t seen as much as my brothers as I anticipated when I moved here, but I seem to be faring alright. All things considered. And you?”
She appreciated the sympathetic look, even if it was unexpected. "I don't mean to dog on your family, baby," she assured him. And she didn't. Shit had just been hard lately, and she'd spent more time convincing Lou to help Neil than she had helping Neil herself, and fuck if she even knew how to do that anymore, when it was all she could do just to keep her own head above water.
His agreement about the rollercoaster made her smile, though. She'd always been a serious fucking adrenaline junkie, but life had caught up with her lately, and she hadn't been able to feel her stomach dropping out lately. She hadn't even had an I-Beam to climb for work, and the prospect of just screaming her head off without anyone thinking she'd gone insane was awesome.
"Yeah, it's been kind of crazy this year," she admitted, because there wasn't any point in lying about that. "You should check in with them, if you haven't. Lou is having a hard time being responsible, and it turns him into a judgemental asshole. And Neil is-" She paused, stepping into the line for the two-loop coater. "Neil's just having a hard fucking time all around." She had no idea how much he knew, how much he didn't know, so she left it at that. "Tell me about you. What the fuck does Casey Donovan have going on these days?"
“You’re not dogging on my family, we dog on each other as is. We can be a lot to handle sometimes - we’re gifted like that,” he said trying to sound reassuring. He didn’t like the thought of his brothers not being willing to rely on him if they needed something. But it was clear there was a bit more going on than he likely knew. He was the oldest, he was supposed to be paying attention to things like this. “I check in fairly often,” he answered easily enough. “I usually wind up being told everything is fine, or being asked who put me up to checking in,” he said with a slight chuckle. He understood what Neil was going through, provided that he was still going through the problems they’d talked about earlier. He’d been there, more than once. Rehab was hard. It was even harder when you weren’t actually in rehab. It was all hard and complicated and Casey was feeling more like an outsider than ever, but it wasn’t about to stop him from pushing, it didn’t usually end well for him, but he was a pushy bastard. “Absolutely nothing, love. Casey Donovan is unemployed, out of ideas, and spending all of his time wandering around the desert aimlessly waiting for inspiration to strike. Or lightning. I’ll take either one.”
"Oh, yeah, Neil's shit at asking for help, and Lou thinks he's everyone's fucking father," she acknowledged, shifting from one foot to the other while they waited in line. She had no idea that Casey thought Neil's problems were all booze related, or she might have corrected him, and she didn't want to shove herself into a family dynamic that she regularly felt she'd bulldozed herself into, so she let it drop. Instead, she looked up as the coaster looped overhead, a car and screams coming close enough to almost taste, and then she looked back at him. "That doesn't sound fun, baby. You should come get greasy at the garage. Lots of hot guys," she said with a teasing grin. She was getting used to the garage, to the repetitive work of answering phones and filing shit. It wasn't anything like being on a work site with a torch in her hand, but the guys were the same, and they were far enough from her little office to be familiar, without freaking her out all day long. It wasn't bad, really. She wouldn't want to stay there forever, but it was a good stop for her.
Casey nodded, “That’s a Donovan family thing. None of us need any help with anything, but we are all ready and able to tell you exactly where you’re going wrong,” not so much with him, he had made enough bad decisions in his life that he didn’t begrudge anyone theirs. Until it started to hurt, then he just wanted to make things better.
He laughed as he leaned against a post that was helping to guide the line a bit, “I’m afraid I have no marketable skills,” he paused, “Well rather I have a very specific skill set, and certainly none that would serve me well in a garage,” he grinned, “Except the looking at hot guys, that’s always a top priority.”
"Huh, and I told Lou he inherited it from pops," she admitted, because she had told Louis that very thing. Her father was great at being judgemental. "No offense, but everything I've heard makes me think your pops is a total dick." She realized Casey might have a different relationship with his parents, so she added some inflection at the end of the sentence to make it sound like a question, giving him a chance to clear that shit up if it wasn't true. "Not that my 'rents are winners. They sold some of their kids, after all." Because, yeah, it didn't get much worse than that, even if her mom did claim it was for their own good. And her mom did miss Lou and Iris. Her dad? Not so much.
She grinned, all gapped teeth and tired, when he talked about his marketable skills, and she moved forward with the movement of the line. "Yeah, I have one marketable skill, and it isn't customer fucking service. But, yeah, I was kind of talking about the view, baby. Nice view at the garage." She glanced in the direction of the bar, where he'd clearly been hitting up the bartender, a quirk of brow and a nosy question. He wasn't family, but he might as well be, yeah? She was shit at not collecting Donovans, apparently.
Casey smiled at that, as far as he was concerned Louis was his family, so Louis’ long lost family was his family too. Congratulations. “Our father? He’s,” he furrowed his brow for a minute and tried to think diplomatically. “He’s a dick, yes. But I like to think he means well - or maybe I like to think he doesn’t mean ill...He can’t be arsed to mean well it takes too much effort. I think our parents bothered my brothers and sisters more than they bothered me. I was born to fight that man, our mummy too. I didn’t care from day one what they thought, and continued to do what I wanted, and I learned something very valuable from it. And that was that there was no amount of pushing that I could do to make them care enough to stop me. And neither one of them have a bone in their body that can be arsed to make the effort to be proud of any of us. And it’s not even that they’re always disappointed - every now and again my Mum adds something about us in her form letter at Christmas. They came to see me on Broadway once or twice. But when they’re disappointed you never stop hearing it, and when they’re not disappointed they may as well be on … Mars for a spa holiday. My mum learned to text recently. She called me Sharon for a week and a half, had no idea who she was talking about because the idea of my mother having a friend that actually wants to spend time with her? It’s appalling and I immediately want to go rescue that person. My mother smiled once at my sister’s wedding, I almost died of a heart attack on the spot,” what he was talking about was quite serious, but he told it just as he might tell a joke. He was captivating on his own, his hands moved, his eyes danced, and he was smiling. As much as he didn’t see eye to eye with his parents (who did?) they gave him great material to work with.
“I can definitely appreciate nice views,” he said following her gaze to the bartender and smiling at him even from the distance. “I could fall in love there, he’d probably break my heart, the bastard.” Then again, Casey’s definition of love was a bit more inclusive than most people’s. He was more inclined to love easily, quickly, and enjoy it before it got horrible. There were commitment issues, there was the delight at having butterflies in his stomach and the fear that they’d go away. And frankly, he was a really superb ex-boyfriend. That was his area of expertise.
Nothing that he said surprised her, but it was the most she'd directly heard about the Donovans since she'd found Louis and met Neil. Neil had talked a lot about his pops, but it was always an aside, always some shit he said when he was actually talking about other shit. The most direct thing she'd ever heard was that Neil was a disappointment to the old man, and that the Donovan family had loved the fuck out of Chloe, which made her doubt their sanity altogether. Lou didn't talk about them much at all, which she thought was telling. But, yeah, she listened like a greedy fucking thing. "When I was young, I thought rich families had all the fucking luck. And when I met Lou, I was so jealous that he'd gotten sold off and lived this fucking fantastic life. But it doesn't sound so hot when you describe it." And, yeah, she already knew you didn't end up as apathetic as Neil without some shitty upbringing, but still. She reached out, and this time she did manage to brave a forearm nudge to Casey's arm. "I'm glad you got out, baby," she said. Because, when it was all said and done, Casey seemed much more solid than either Louis or Neil.
She looked back at him, while he was still smiling at the bartender. "You don't have any of Lou's or Neil's relationship issues? Because Lou only dates assholes who are bad for him, and he has absolutely no fucking self-esteem. And Neil has commitment issues, and not being apathetic issues, and going after what he fucking wants issues." The roll of eyes she gave him said she knew way too fucking much about Neil's issues, and more than she wanted to know about Louis.'
They got to the front of the line, and she waited for him to pay for their seats on the next coaster. He was a Donovan. He could pay, right?
Casey shook his head, “Rich families have all the opportunity," he said easily enough. There was absolutely no denying it. “And some people squander it you know, because opportunity isn’t always medical school or finding a way to be successful, it’s being successful with your family too. My parents spent most of their lives acquiring children, in one way or another, that they didn’t know what to do with. But yes, we were fed and clothed well, we saw the world, we attended all the best schools, and yet here we are...Louis is a mess, I’ve been to rehab three times, Neil is completely emotionally unavailable, and one of our sisters married a republican. That’s just off the top of my head.”
He laughed and shook his head about the relationship issues, “I have my own set of relationship issues, I’m afraid.” He paid for the roller coaster without much thought, and let her go first, as was polite, while they were sent toward their seats.
She was surprised to hear that he'd been in rehab even once, and she turned in her seat, after tugging down the safety bar. "You fell off the fucking wagon three times?" she asked, and she sounded mournful to her own fucking ears. She sounded young and scared, and she fucking hated it. The car moved forward, but there was a wait before it actually took off, and she sighed and gave him an honest look, all inky blue eyes and just a hint of gapped teeth between parted lips. "Neil isn't emotionally unavailable, exactly. He just isn't willing to fight for anything, and that makes it really fucking hard to figure out what he wants, what matters, where he stands. Anything." And that was the recent problem, yeah? She had no fucking clue. "Do you like Chloe?" she asked, just before the coaster moved.
And then there was nothing but screaming, and the desire to puke, and her stomach dropping out. She loved the feeling of falling. She loved the coaster's illusion of impending fucking doom. It felt so safe these days, that thrill. A safe thrill. Shit, but she had changed. She wasn't sure it was an improvement.
She was jelly legs as she climbed out of the coaster, hoarse throat and her bones ached from the jostling, but it was good, and she waited for him before climbing off the platform. "Buy me a hot dog," she suggested. It wasn't the sushi she'd gotten used to at Aria, but she wanted it anyway. "Chloe threatened Neil with bringing your parents here if he didn't go to England with her for the weekend." It was a lead in, and it came with a curious look. "Do your relationship issues have issues?"
He was about to answer her in full before the roller coaster took off and he was stuck having a grand old time, he was a fan of roller coasters. Of fun things in general. He hollered and put his hands up and really damn well enjoyed listening to her scream and chuckled when she wobbled out of the roller coaster car. He nodded at the “suggestion” that he buy her a hot dog and made a face that could only be horror when she said what Chloe had done. “Look, Chloe is,” he paused. “Well she lost her bossing Neil around privileges a long time ago. And I swear to God if she brings our parents here she is going to unleash a whirlwind of horror that the world simply isn’t ready for. For the record I have no idea if I like Chloe or not, her sister and I get along well but we’re almost cut from the same cloth because we both dance around on stage. But Chloe? She hurt my brother. That’s not exactly going to score her a million points in my book. But seriously? She threatened to call my parents? It seems fairly clear that she doesn’t know half of what she thinks she does if she thinks that is going to result in anything helpful for anyone.” He was not pleased even as they meandered toward the hot dogs. He had a bad taste in his mouth with this kind of meddling. And Casey loved meddling, but this? This just seemed foul.
Sam got over her fear of his jacket long enough to pull him to the hot dog stand, because she thought maybe he needed the time to breathe after that anger. And, yeah, she pretty much always looked at Casey as being the calm one in the Donovan family, and she didn't expect him to lose his shit, even after hearing him talk about his parents. She ordered them both a dog and cokes, and she leaned against the stand as she waited for the food. "Yeah, no, she's trying to wind him all the fuck around her finger again," she explained, and she didn't sound jealous about it anymore, and she didn't sound weepy. She sounded tired, and like she didn't know what to fucking do anymore. And, fuck it, she'd already made an idiot of herself, so what the fuck did it matter if she continued the behavior? "Yeah, he was drunk, and she threatened to bring your parents here, if he didn't go away with her for the weekend. He agreed, and then he tried to cancel a meet-up with me in order to go." She shrugged. "I love your fucking brother, Casey, but things are fucked up with him. Lou just makes him feel more worthless than he already feels, and I don't know what to do anymore. I want him to get better, but I don't know how to make it happen, and I'm kind of all fucked up on my own." She didn't go so far as telling him that Neil had left her high and dry when she got hard, because whatever, that didn't matter just then.
She grabbed her hot dog and coke, and she gave him a look. "Rehab," she repeated. "Once you're calm again, can we talk about your shit there? Your experience?"
Casey was used to being dragged along by girls places, so he took it in stride and just went with it. “Look, I’m going to institute a rule where I’m in charge of everyone until they can all prove that they’re capable of being in charge of themselves. How did I become the responsible one this family? I bought a motorcycle when I was 15 with the sole purpose of nearly being killed on it just to see if my parents were human. And I’m the smart one of the bunch?” God he was sick of everyone, but he was having fun with Sam, and he did enjoy the fries he was eating.
He grinned when she asked about rehab,” Oh I can talk about that in my sleep, love. I don’t need to be happy or sad to go on about that. And for the record I fell off the wagon many more than three times. I just went to rehab three times. The first time was my parents forcing me vis a vis an intervention they didn’t even show up to, the second time was court ordered, and the third time was on my own. Not long before coming here.”
"Are you going to make Neil give a shit about things? Are you going to make Lou realize he isn't a judgemental fifty-year-old?" she asked, licking ketchup from her finger. "You feel really fucking normal, you know that?" she asked, and it sounded like a compliment. It was a compliment. Lately, she just hadn't been around many people who acted like the world was going to be fine, but he acted like it would be, and she could get so fucking used to that. It reminded her of the girl at the rink, the way she'd smiled in spite of everything. Yeah, and maybe it reminded her of the way she had been, back before everything had become so fucking serious. She stole one of his fries with a very young, very gap-toothed smile. "You're definitely the smart one," she added, "fucked up motorcycle story or not. I'm working on one at the shop," she admitted of the brokedown bike, even though her fingers could barely hold onto the fry she was eating. "You can come help. I don't know shit about motorcycles." But the rehab topic, that made her expression go somber. "The shrink I had before said 70 percent of people couldn't stay clean, and that I was an addict, and there would always be some fucking reason for me to fall off again." She sounded hopeful, like she really wanted him to tell her something positive, even if it was just about picking his ass back up again, and about being ok with it.
“I’m going to make everyone give a shit about things, and make sure that everyone they come in contact with gives a shit about them too. It’s not easy feeling like you’re the only one who gives a shit.” He was impressed that at least this lovely young person considered him the smart one. “You haven’t met our sister - she married a republican but she wears suits every day,” he said with a fond smile. He was interested in hearing about her motorcycle, he had a few, but he always liked to see new ones. “I’ll come have a look at your bike, sounds like a fun project.”
He listened when she talked about her own struggles, he didn’t know the details, but the talk he’d heard before. “Maybe they’re right, maybe there are always reasons for us to screw up again because we’re addicts and that’s what we do. The Universe is waiting around to be disappointed in us. But that’s the Universe’s problem really, Sam. Maybe we always have this one thing a little bit rougher than everyone else. And we always wonder if getting drunk or high or both just one time is going to screw us up. Maybe we try it and maybe we’re okay, or maybe we end up back at square one. Regardless though, I’m not a statistic on a pamphlet. And,” he shrugged a little. “And I ask for help. All the time. There are several people in my life and my family that I can’t count on for anything. Not one thing. But the few that I’ve picked out that I can, I do. Regularly. Not help with big stuff, but even the small stuff.”
She grinned when he agreed to come look at the bike, and she took another long sip of her soda. She felt better, too, that Casey was around because, yeah, Lou and Neil needed looking after. And she knew they were full grown fuckers. She knew they shouldn't need looking after. But they did, and that was just the way it fucking was. Maybe it had something to do with having villains behind their Doors. And she listened so fucking attentively when he talked about his own struggles. Ok, yeah, she could get behind that. Maybe tripping and stumbling was alright, yeah? If there was someone there to hold a hand out and help steady shit again. "Neil's usually that person for me," she admitted. "When I ODed, he dragged me in. And he cleared the booze out when I came home. Shit's just hard now, and I'm having to rely on me, which isn't the easiest fucking thing." But she felt stronger right then, like maybe all of the weight of the world wasn't resting on her fucking shoulders. "Another coaster?" she asked, puke-full and a brightening smile on her features. She was glad she'd come, and she was glad she'd run into him. She leaned against his side a tiny bit. And, yeah, ok, this wasn't so bad.