Helena Wayne is (the_huntress) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2013-01-13 03:37:00 |
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Entry tags: | door: dc comics, huntress, red robin |
Who: Helena and Tim
What: Talking
Where: Drake Manor
When: After this
Warnings/Rating: Morbid conversations regarding what ifs and a kiss. Mild, tame, it's all Kara's fault.
The asian soup spoon clattered back into the bowl of phở as Helena pronounced herself done, one hand already holding her belly. She always thought better with a full stomach and if Ra's was going to release this plague, she knew she should eat now before all the stores were closed and there was nothing but what was in the pantry. The very well stocked pantry, but it was all food that required one of them to cook.
With the sigh of a very full person, she stood up and grabbed her own bowl to wash up. "We should go over everything again," she said as she turned the water in the sink on. It didn't matter how many times they went over it though, there was nothing she could really figure out beyond what they all knew: Ra's was going to hit with something big and it was going to be very, very bad.
Tim had ordered his own dinner along with her favorites but he’d mostly just picked at it. Spencer was trying to convince him to eat a little more when Tim firmly and solidly pushed the other man out. It was bad enough that he had to worry about his family, but Spencer wanted him worrying about everyone else too and it was a bit too much for him to handle. All of this was, but at least with the Ra’s stuff it was more of a collective effort and they could all share some of the burden. Of course, that didn’t stop Tim from blaming himself for what happened with Damian. It had been his idea to go looking, his idea to ask Damian along, and his idea for Damian to be the distraction. That all boiled down to Damian’s injuries being Tim’s fault and that was a lot of guilt for him to be carrying around. He was so lost in how screwed up everything had gotten that he almost didn’t hear her.
“What? Oh. Sure, if you want,” Tim replied, but he knew it was useless. They only had the information Ra’s wanted them to have and as much as Tim wished it was something like the clench just so they could have a better chance at finding a cure, he knew better. They all knew better. He finally gave up with the pretense of eating and looked at her. “I think we should talk about what we should do if we get sick,” he offered quietly.
She glanced back at him and his nearly full plate -- she'd eaten, he'd pushed his food around to make it look that way. "You should eat, even if you don't want to." Her Dad had thrown her into enough situations at random that she'd learned how to do it, if for nothing more than to make sure she had the energy and sustenance for whatever he was going to do. "We're not going to be any use to anyone if we're dead on our feet." Which meant eating and sleeping, going through the motions even if all they wanted to do was be out on the street in case they could possibly stop this thing.
Rinsing out her bowl, she left it in the sink to walk over to him, one arm sliding around his shoulders as she tucked into his side. "We go to the bunker," she said quietly as she took his spoon and dipped it into his bowl for another bite. Delicious. Helena licked her lips. "We don't know that it's going to kill yet."
Tim shrugged when she made her point about them not being useful if they didn’t take care of themselves. He just wasn’t hungry and although he was exhausted, his brain was going a mile a minute trying to figure out anything that could possibly help them prepare for the crazy that Ra’s would bring. He didn’t even think for a second that they’d be able to prevent something from happening. It wasn’t possible, not with Ra’s.
Hels tucked in against him and he immediately draped one arm around her shoulders, keeping her close without being too overbearing. What he really wanted then was to enjoy the last bit of calm before the storm but short of that, at least he had Hels with him. Selina’s words echoed through his mind, but he tried to shake them off. “It’s Ra’s,” Tim countered somewhat dryly. Still, he took the spoon from her and took a bite for himself. “I’d be shocked if it wasn’t deadly.”
She didn't have a Ra's in her first world, but she did have Morgan, and Morgan knew his comics. No matter how hopeful she tried to be, there was the other woman in the back of her mind reminding her that Ra's was the type of man to sacrifice his own family -- something that Helena could never do.
"That's what Morgan says," she said quietly as she gave up any pretense of wanting space and slid into his lap, both her legs between his, her arm slipping lower so it curled around his back. "We don't know that any of us are going to get sick, either." Hels wanted to look at the bright side of this, the possibility that they could make it out of this okay, even if that possibility was rapidly diminishing.
At least Morgan was being honest with Hels instead of trying to protect her optimism. Gotham was too bleak for optimism. Hope they had, but it was a hope that one day, things wouldn’t just happen over and over and over again. Tim might have been optimistic at first, but this Gotham had quickly taken that aspect of his personality and tore it to shreds. His pessimism was interrupted as Helena slid into his lap, something that surprised him in a really good way. His arms wound around her waist, loose and comforting, or as much as he could manage. Holding her was a good way to enjoy the calm.
“You should listen to her. She’s right about Ra’s.” Tim paused for a second to just enjoy the moment, figuring she’d move sooner rather than later. “We don’t, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t prepare for it,” came his honest and somewhat serious response. Who knew what the others were doing but he could guess. The pits raised an important question for each of them and he had Spencer had already had that discussion. He just wasn’t sure if anyone else had. “And whatever it is, it’s going to be bad. If we can’t find a cure in time...” Tim couldn’t bring himself to ask her. He just tightened his arms around her and inhaled deeply, his nose against her hair.
Kara wasn't around for her to curl up with and though she wouldn't have minded a snuggle with Selina, her mom wasn't here either and Hels had always felt better with someone close. Always. She wrapped her arms around Tim's neck, her cheek pressed into the front of his shoulder. "I know she is. We haven't gotten time to read the comics but she gave me the highlights." Or the low lights, as the case could be made that there were no high points, just ones where Gotham was dragged low by the insane man.
Her eyes closed at the unasked question. What if they couldn't find a cure in time? Gotham was more than just them -- and if the plague was deadly, everyone was going to suffer for it. She let out a slow breath, eyes remaining shut even as she felt his nose in her hair. "I don't want to be Pitted," she said quietly. For a moment, there was only silence from the other woman in her mind before there was the smallest feeling leaking in: acceptance. Neither of them wanted to die, but Helena... If she was going to get sick, she didn't want to come back here. She wanted to go on to wherever her parents were, in whatever afterlife there might be.
Tim didn’t even care about the first part of their conversation. It was filler, before they could talk about what he thought they really needed to talk about. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when she made her decision, arms tightening just a little bit more. With time quickly slipping away from them, there was a very good possibility that this would be the last time they’d have a moment like this for a while. Maybe ever, came the pessimistic whisper he wanted to hate just then. “I don’t either,” Tim agreed. “Spencer and I have talked about it. Whatever happens...” But again, he couldn’t finish it. He didn’t want to think about it.
One hand drifted up to her chin, to turn her so that they could look at each other. “Hels, whatever happens...I’m glad for everything that’s happened. I’m glad I have you in my life, and I-” But he didn’t. Was he just saying it because there was a possibility one or both of them might die in the coming days? Tim didn’t think so, but he didn’t want to risk it. He shook his head slightly and forced himself to continue. “I just want you to know how much I care about you.”
In that brief cut off, Hels didn't know what he was going to say, but there was a little voice inside her that heard it anyway. "You're not going to give me this speech," she whispered as she looked up at him. He was so close and it'd be so easy to lift her chin up and close that distance. Kara kissed her all the time, didn't she? Friends did that. But Tim wasn't just a friend was he? No matter what she said, there was nothing about their relationship that fit into an easily defined box. Tim wasn't Kara, wasn't her brother like Damian, or an old friend and mentor like Dick. He was something else and she didn't want to hear this from him. The maybe, the what ifs, the possible goodbye.
"You're not," Hels whispered and then made sure he couldn't as she closed that distance. It wasn't like all the kisses that Kara laid on her, a press of mouths and lips, enough for Helena to get the other girl's taste on her. This one lingered and as her hand slid back to the nape of his neck, her lips parted, pressed and retreated, coaxing his to do the same.
“I want to,” he replied softly, the first time she negated what he was trying to say. What he really wanted to do was force her out the door and not let her back, but there was no way in hell that would happen. No way in hell she’d ever forgive him for it either. Before he could insist on the conversation, she kissed him and Tim was honestly surprised. They’d been teasing the line between physical and emotional intimacy for weeks now, sometimes crossing, sometimes pulling back, but this time felt a little different. He didn’t expect anything more than a kiss so he relished it, the hand at her chin sliding around to the back of her neck, the hand at her waist gripping so tightly it was clear he didn’t want to let her go.
“Hels.” They naturally broke apart but he didn’t want to let her go too far, not just yet. Tim had always let her dictate what they did and now would be no different, no matter how much he wanted to kiss her and lose a few hours of sleep being with her. “I promised I’d keep you safe, Hels. I will, as best I can.”
Tim was right -- if he'd kept her on the other side of the door, unable to come back, she never would have forgiven him. It didn't matter that this wasn't her Gotham, it was a city in trouble and she wouldn't have been her father's daughter if she turned her back on it now. "I don't," she said, nearly growling. It'd been bad enough to see Kara die on Christmas Eve, she didn't really want to think about the possibilities of Tim actually dying because of what Ra's al Ghul was planning.
The tight grip wasn't lost on her, but neither were his words. "I'm not made of glass, Tim." She didn't need him to keep her safe, she needed him to watch her back, just the same as she'd do for him, for any of them.
He sighed softly but didn’t press the issue further. He had what he needed to know, that she didn’t want to get dipped in the Lazarus Pit if it did get that bad, so there wasn’t any reason to fight. “I know you’re not, and I’m not trying to say that you are. I just mean...that I’ve got your back and if you need me, I’m there.” It didn’t matter what he was doing, if she needed him, he’d find a way to get to her side. He’d do anything to keep her alive too, and although he didn’t realize it, he’d already decided to find a way to make a deal with Ra’s if something happened to her. “That’s all. I just want us to come out of this together,” he admitted softly. “I want all of us to get through this but it’s going to be bad.” It was a bitter pill to swallow.
The only good thing about this was that Apokolips wasn't involved and later, when this was all said and done, she would have to start making some sort of preparations. If all the villains that showed up here were worse than the ones they knew, then it stood to reason that if they ever came here, the same would be true of them. Helena wasn't sure how much worse they could get and she wasn't particularly interested in finding out. Sighing quietly, she laid her head back on Tim's shoulder, but didn't move out of his arms. "It is going to be bad," Hels said quietly. "But at least we're all mostly talking to one another this time. Bruce isn't hiding anything."
Tim was glad she didn’t move away completely, if only because she provided a comfort that honestly made him feel better, like they really could get through this and that everything would be okay. “Both good signs and maybe Oracle will find something in the information Ra’s gave us that he wasn’t intending to give.” See? He could be hopeful too. He sighed and pressed a kiss against her forehead. “Will you stay tonight?” he asked, voice barely a whisper, after a few long moments. If this was the calm before the storm, he wanted to at least have Helena close by.
Hels wasn't sure about that, but she was sure that as long as they stuck together, they could weather this, right? They had to. She looked away from him for a moment, considering. They'd already spent so many nights together, what was one more? A kiss didn't change that. She nodded and looked up again, pressing a brief kiss to his lips before she slid out of his lap. "Only if you finish eating."
All of this kissing was surprising, but Tim knew better than to think it would lead to anything else once they made it upstairs. He didn’t want her to stay for that though. He just wanted her close by, safe and sound for one more night. Any night after that he’d count as a blessing because he was terrified of letting Selina down. It would mean that he failed and that Hels had gotten hurt or worse and Tim was grateful for the food to distract him from his thoughts. “As you wish,” he murmured, giving her a small smile before dutifully turning back to his phở.
"I'm calling you Wesley," Hels quipped. Tim could clean up his own dishes. "And hurry up." Her belly was full of warm food and there was that little twinge, a tickle that shivered right down from her throat to the warmth in her stomach as she headed upstairs and toward Tim's room. Sleeping with someone was always better than sleeping alone.