mk robinson wants to be a star. (hitjackpot) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2013-01-06 03:09:00 |
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Entry tags: | catwoman, mary jane watson |
who MK and Wren
what concerned visits
when recently fuzzy timeline
where MK's bellagio suite
warning the usual at this point lbr
Passages's parties never were without their complications, and MK Robinson knew that just as well as the others, if not better than most. She never came out of them unscathed, but more often stumbled out or blew through leaving a disaster in her wake. And, certainly, the last two shindigs at the hotel didn't turn out well for her. At all. The taste of fire still hung on her tongue from the Halloween party where she ruined everything the first time with Wren and Luke and Adam, too. Accidentally or not, under the guise of anonymity, she had hooked up with Luke. She nearly slept with her best friend's boyfriend, and she had cheated on her own. She lost all of them, and her world came crumbling down, down, down. The few weeks without Adam in particular was hard and made her more destructive than ever. But, he had come back to her, and he only wanted her. Not his vigilantes, not his clinic, not those other women. Her. And, she knew deep down that it was selfish, all that cloying moments of desperate affection and stealing almost every moment of evey day from him, but she wasn't used to being the center of someone's world. Even if it was a lie. Even if Adam was shattering underneath the surface and MK was never really whole to begin with. It was nice to be in love with someone who focus only on her instead of saving the world.
But, the Christmas party ruined all of that in one fell swoop, and MK had no hope of restoring any of it. They both saw alternate realities where they were happier without the other. Adam was happy and fulfilled and married in a world with no MK. And he deserved that happiness completely. She wanted him to have it all, but did she have to be out of the picture? That was the entire point of the visions in the woods though. He has his health, and his job, and a beautiful, vivacious, stable wife who didn't drain him dry.
Without her, his life was infinitely better. But, without him, MK's life was in shambles.
After the hotel released the guests from its grip, the redhead hadn't recovered in the slightest. She was devastated beyond comprehension, dizzy and retching from all the sobbing, and it was a miracle she made it to the curb and into a cab to the Bellagio. She wasn't aware of her surroundings, and she certainly wasn't aware that the cab driver took notice to the broken paparazzi princess in the back of his car. All she could focus on was the bevy of texts she sent to her dealers for a fix. She needed her pills and something stronger to make her forget the crippling heartache Adam was causing her, and by the time she made it to the hotel, a few deliveries waited for her at the front desk. The staff wasn't intrusive, thankfully, or at least turned a blind eye from how much of a wreck their resident model was. She paid for everything, and her residency brought plenty if curious tourists and paparazzi alike. MK didn't care either way anymore. She just returned to her room and wanted to drink until she couldn't remember anything, not expecting anyone in the world to care about her at all.
When MK heard a knock on the door hours later, she stumbled over to the door in a tank top and shorts with the stench of booze on her breath and the tell-tale blown pupils in her eyes and a few fresh and angry marks on her arms. She swung the door open regardless. If it was the cleaning ladies, they could neaten up the wrecked suite behind her. Clothes were strewn everywhere, empty glass bottles scattered across the floor, and other signs of a shattered woman. "Listen," she said as she opened the door without looking. Instead, she looked over her shoulder. "Clean it up without a comment and you'll have some great tip money in your future."
Wren hadn't called in advance, and she hadn't contacted MK on the journals. She hadn't let her friend know she was going to drop by the Bellagio to see her at all, though that was entirely her reason for being there. If pushed, she could say she needed to check on Evie, who might be working. But she was worried about MK, and she knew that MK would clean everything all up if she gave her friend a heads up about dropping in to see her. See, she knew MK well enough to know that if the hotel hadn't ruined her friend's Christmas, MK would have already been in touch. But MK hadn't, and Wren was worried. She considered, briefly, checking in with Adam first, because that had been the easiest way to deal with MK since Halloween. And, admittedly, she hadn't seen her friend at all since the incident with Luke. But it was time to put that behind her and, with any luck, she'd have worried for nothing, and she'd fine MK fine and happy.
That was what Wren was hoping when she walked into the Bellagio that morning wearing cream linen shorts and a thin white sweater. She went up to MK's room without stopping at the front desk, because she didn't want them to call up, and she knew the hotel backwards and forwards since Evie had purchased it. And okay, so she was more than a little nervous. The hotel's games had left her scared and stressed, not to mention how they'd torn Luke apart, and she was still worried they wouldn't be able to recover from it completely. But she needed to do this. She needed to make peace, because she'd let it go for months, and she wasn't going to let jealousy eat at her forever like that. Anyway, MK was happy with Adam. Somehow, they had recovered from him sleeping with that Val woman, and they seemed okay. So there was nothing to worry about, right?
When the elevator dinged, indicating MK's floor, Wren knocked and took a deep breath. She wondered, just then, if she should have brought Luke with her. But no, that would just been harder. And then the time for worrying was over, because the door was opening.
Wren smiled, and that smile lasted for approximately five seconds. Because five seconds was how long it took her to smell MK's breath, notice her blown-wide pupils as she turned, and to see the angry marks on her arms. "I'm not here to clean," she said, stepping forward before MK could change her mind about letting her in, and crowding her past the doorway.
"Shit," MK said before she could help herself and before she even turned back around to see Wren standing in the doorway. She knew that voice just as well as her own. She'd heard fear and joy and pain and everything else in between from that voice; the redhead knew Wren's voice in her sleep. So, she turned around with pursed lips that strained into a tight smile. "Hi, kitten." MK started to step forward to block the blonde, but Wren was always too stubborn at times. She snatched at the open air as Wren passed, trying to prevent the other woman from exploring and coming to a (correct) conclusion.
MK probably looked thinner than the last time Wren had seen her, and she definitely looked worn around the edges. Nothing like the happy portrait she painted when she and Adam reunited just under a month before. The model was still a wreck, and now it looked worse than ever. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone." She stepped away to grab a cardigan to cover up the marks running up and down her arms. Pulling it on, she flashed Wren a shaky smile. "I was just--busy. I was busy."
Wren didn't say anything right away. She was too busy looking around the wrecked suite, her grey gaze lighting on everything in its path before she turned to her friend again. "You didn't need to bother with that," she said, motioning to the cardigan. "I already saw them." Her voice was quiet, non-judgemental, but inside she was terrified. This was so much worse than she'd imagined. It was so much worse, even, than she'd imagined it to be months earlier, back when everything had happened with Luke. She wondered if it was the hotel, or Val, or something else. Because, like she'd told Luke a hundred times, MK wasn't okay. She knew it. She tried to pretend, tried to live her own life like everything was fine, but she knew better. She took a deep breath, newly determined not to let this happen again, all these months and things going so out of control that she couldn't even believe what she was seeing. She liked Adam more now than she had, but what was he doing about it? What was he doing to make it better? Anything at all? Because this wasn't better.
Wren walked further into the suite, gingerly stepping over things, and she nudged some clothing off the edge of the couch and took a seat. It was intentional; a way to let MK know that she wasn't going away. "Come sit down and tell me what happened?" she asked softly, no pressure, because as much as she wanted to scream and insist and demand, she knew it wouldn't help; she was going to try not to do that.
Wren was right; MK wasn't okay in the slightest, but then again, when had she been okay since arriving in Las Vegas? Even before that? Little snippets of time gave her a taste of sunshine and happiness, but not enough to make her feel like everything was okay. Because it wasn't. And all the insanity of this fucking desert city exacerbated all the problems, rubbed salt in all the fresh wounds, and ground glass into her eyes. Her life was perpetual waves upon waves upon waves of pain and torture, and only occasionally did the water break long enough for her to catch a breath.
She tugged the cardigan around her tighter, but didn't respond to Wren. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe she should have been wearing that sweater when she opened the door. She could give someone hush money about the drugs, but cuts up and down her arm made anyone whisper. Money or not. Biting down on her lip, she watched Wren maneuver her way through the mess to the couch. "Nothing happened. It's fine. You shouldn't be here. You should be with your family, not with me." She wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself tight. "Get out of here before I ruin your life more. Because that's what I do, right? I ruin lives." And, oh did she want nothing more at that moment than to kick Wren out, lock herself in the bathroom, and drink herself stupid.
"I've had worse people than you try to ruin my life, MK," Wren replied, watching as the redhead tugged that cardigan tight, as if it would change anything at all. "Luke's at work, and Gus is on a playdate. Sit down, please," she repeated, her fingers tracing the threads on the cushion beside her hip in invitation. Coming here had been hard. Facing MK again, and knowing that she and Luke had- Imagining- No, she wasn't going to think about that. Not now. Not now. "I just want to talk, okay? And you haven't ruined my life. Now tell me what's going on," she coaxed, and she sighed and nodded toward the wet bar. "We can have a few drinks, if you want," she suggested, because it could hardly hurt anything now, could it? Like she was? And if it got her to open up, then she'd consider it an acceptable compromise.
"The hotel was pretty terrible, to me at least. I'm guessing it showed everyone the same thing, right? What everyone's life would be like without them? It was a really cruel thing to do on Christmas. It's like this terrible Catch-22. If people are happy without you, it hurts. If people are hurting without you, well, that hurts too," Wren added, hoping that was a safe way to lead into any conversation. It wasn't about MK and Luke, at least, which made it easier. She let her gaze skirt around the room again, taking in the chaos and destruction there. She wanted to make an offer, wanted to tell MK she could come back to the house, but she figured she shouldn't rush it.
MK hadn't thought about what happened at the Halloween party or Wren and Luke very much in the preceding weeks, far too wrapped up in Adam and their borderline psychotic redux of their relationship. The twisted, obsessive, all-consuming affair that blew up in her face anyway, but it helped her bury away the guilt and nightmares for a little while. Seeing Wren, however, had the guilt clawing at her insides so roughly she almost cried out. Instead, she took the blonde's advice and went over to the bar, where she grabbed a bottle of whiskey and two tumblers. That would be the only thing Wren would let her indulge in, even if her fingers were itching for the straight razor in the bathroom or the cocaine tucked away in her bedside table.
"If you walked into those woods, yeah." MK sighed in frustration as she finally tiptoed over to the couch to sit near her friend. She kept a cushion between them, resting the bottle and glasses in the space, and she tucked her legs underneath her. "We could have avoided the entire fucking thing." She poured generous helpings in each cup and took a quick nip from the bottle itself before replacing the top. "What did you and Luke see?" Because MK assumed that of course those two were paired up.
Wren watched MK grab the bottle of whiskey and the tumblers, and she wondered how they had come to this. It was such a far cry from Seattle where, even when things were terrible, they'd been able to wrap each other up in blankets and cry it out together. She knew things changed, and she felt so much older than most of her friends these days, but she longed for the days when they could patch each other up with a hug and a kiss. But there was distance there, and she couldn't pretend she didn't know it. Maybe it was because she kept thinking about the redhead in Luke's arms, maybe it was because they'd had such a hard time talking to each other lately; she wasn't sure.
Reaching a hand out for one of the tumblers, Wren swirled the amber liquid as she watched MK take a nip from the bottle, and it made her want to cry. But she didn't; she took her own, long sip instead, almost finishing off the entire tumbler in two swallows, because she needed it just then. "I tried to avoid it. I've seen It's a Wonderful Life a thousand times, but the way the hearth was set up, all inviting, I thought the hotel wanted us there, so I dragged Luke into the woods, thinking it would be safer." She laughed a mirthless little laugh, and she poured herself a fresh tumblerful. "It was terrible. Luke was married three times over, and he hated me. Really, really hated me. He was mean, and he was all messed up, and everyone we knew was dead or crazy or in jail. And that was just his life without me. And I was a chicken, and I didn't go with him to see mine, but it was bad too. What did you guys see?" Because she assumed MK had been with Adam, in much the same way that MK assumed she was with Luke.
As MK looked over at Wren, she realized in that moment how much she really missed Seattle. How the two could cuddle on the couch and gossip or worry over their boys. There was pain, of course, and there was constant fear, but there was always that flicker of hope permeating from the sadness and hurt. Everyone in Seattle hoped for a better future. Now, years later and in Las Vegas, the future was here, and MK knew she had never even fathomed this as a young adult. A shattered ghost of a person with no one who she could rely on or trust. In Seattle, she thought things would be okay eventually. Good, even. How wrong she was. She didn’t need the vision in the forest to tell her what she wanted or missed or whatever twisted thing it decided. It hung in her bones and clouded her thoughts during her vulnerable moments.
MK quirked an eyebrow at the other woman as Wren downed her drink without a second thought. But, who was she to judge, and she shrugged at Wren’s question, chugging down the whiskey like it was water. There was no tell-tale shiver of the burn because things like that didn’t burn her throat anymore, and even if it did, she would take pleasure in the pain. “We saw how great our lives would be without each other.” Her voice sounded hollow, and she glanced away from the blonde to stare at the wall ahead. “At least it told you that you two need each other. Which, you do. You and Luke need each other.”
Wren had spent plenty of months drinking away all her troubles before moving in with Luke, and it was only Gus that had forced her to stop picking the bottle up as a way of coping. But she'd never had an addictive personality, so it was easy for her to stop; she knew that wasn't the case for her friend. The balm was nice, but she didn't need it. That didn't keep her from taking a sip from the fresh tumblerful, though, because not needing it, that didn't mean it didn't help take the edge off; it did.
"I was married to Silver, I guess, with a bunch of kids," she said of what Luke had seen, and she shook her head at MK's assertions. "No, it wasn't like that. He was bitter and mean because he'd been alone when Jude kidnapped him, so she'd had more time to focus on him. Not because of our relationship, but because of that one, tiny thing," she explained. "He hated me, MK. I don't know, I always thought we'd like each other wherever we met," she said thoughtfully, before taking a sigh and refocusing on what was going on with MK. "How great your lives would be?" she asked, quoting MK's words back at her. "What did you see?" And, pause. "Where is he, anyway? I thought he might be here." But, obviously, he wasn't. No matter how little Adam seemed to help MK with her issues, even he wouldn't let her get like this without doing something, right? It brought to mind his insistence that she not push when she saw the redhead. If this is what came of not pushing, well, it was long past time that someone pushed, wasn't it?
MK snorted and inclined her head toward Wren again. Oh, she was sure Luke loved seeing that future, didn’t he? “Were you happy? In that future, were you happy with Silver?” Because if she was happy, then why not try to go for that instead? As much as MK liked Luke and thought he and Wren should be together, she had stopped thinking about destiny and love that night in those fucked-up woods. Love wasn’t the only thing that could keep people together. No, there was life, and loss, and everything else that wriggled their way in between two people. She and Adam were the perfect proof, weren’t they?
She polished off the glass and grabbed the bottle, pouring herself another three fingers full. “He didn’t know you, Wren. That doesn’t mean this Luke would ever think that. You were there, and things happened the way they did, and you exist, so that Luke won’t exist.” It reminded her of her own memory, and MK licked the excess liquor off her lips before continuing. “He’s not here. We--he was so happy in his vision, and he couldn’t stand another second of sacrificing his life for me.” Her eyes burned with tears, and she had to swallow hard to quell the sob crawling up her throat. “Without me, he was so happy,” she said, her voice still thick despite her attempts. “Married to Ainslie, of fucking course. Still a doctor. Here.” She shrugged, using the drink as an excuse to fall quiet for a moment. “So, he can still be happy. He’s just gotta cut me out of his life, which he did. Then, there. Merry fucking Christmas.” She heaved a shaky sigh, running a hand over her face to wipe away any sneaky tears. “My life without him--we were all still in Seattle. He was still alive.” And they both knew which he that was. “But, that’s never going to happen. That’s over. Done. He’s never coming back. Adam, at least he has a fucking chance.”
"I don't know. He said I was lonely, but I didn't see it. He was more hung up on the fact that I was dead," Wren explained, giving MK a curious look. Because that was different, that question. Even in the tone, Wren could sense that something had changed, that a future where she was happy with Silver wasn't being immediate discarded just because of her love for Luke. "You think I should be with Silver instead? If I was happy in that life?" she asked, curiosity seeping into the question.
But then there, there it was. The reason for it, and Wren couldn't help but frown. "What? He didn't- He didn't end it-" she stammered. Wait, because that wasn't even sacrificing for MK. If what the redhead was saying was true, then Adam had broken up with her because he'd seen himself being happier with someone else, and that made Wren so angry she could barely sit still. She finished off her drink, and she poured a few fresh sips into the tumbler, hoping the time spent in the ministrations would help her anger simmer. "Okay," she said calmly, downing that fresh sip and, at least, the warmth of the whiskey was starting to swirl comfortably in her belly. "You don't make Adam unhappy, and if he thinks you do, then he's crazy. He loves you. He's said it a thousand times. He told me a few weeks ago that no one else mattered to him. What is he thinking?" she asked, because he had to see that MK was falling apart, and doing this now was the most unbelievably selfish thing she had ever heard of in her entire life. She wanted to find him and shake him until his brain rattled in his head. "You both have chance. Together or apart," She looked around the suite, and then she looked back at her friend. "Come home with me?"
MK shrugged because happiness didn't equal love for her, not anymore. She loved Adam, loved him so much it consumed her in a way she hadn't know for years, but that didn't mean they were happy at all. But she didn't respond to Wren's question. The redhead didn't really want to open up that can of worms in her condition. No, she just wanted Wren to leave so she could resume her spiral of destruction. Picking at new wounds, rubbing salt in them, she could hardly think of anything she wanted less at the moment. "Yeah, but he did. He did end it, and I'll never see him again. It's fine, it's whatever. Maybe he'll track down Ainslie or hook up with Val. Whatever makes him happy. Love isn't enough, I guess." She shrugged again and ran a shaky hand through her hair. "I can't go home with you. You know that. I'm fine. I'll be fine."
Wren sighed when MK didn't answer the question, but she didn't push it. Even she knew it wasn't going to come to anything to keep on the subject, and she had enough worries and concerns swirling in her head about what the hotel had shown them for Christmas. Instead, she focused on what she could focus on, the thing that might change something. "You can't be sure you won't see him again. He'll regret it, MK. He'll come groveling back." Or he better, because Wren's good will toward Adam Waterhouse was starting to run thin. "Yes you can," she said of MK coming home with her, and she set her tumbler aside before continuing. "We have a house now, and it's huge. Jack is coming to stay, and you are too," she said, changing it from a question to a statement, hoping that would help. She was buzzed a little, and she wasn't stopping to consider just how bad it could be with MK and Luke under the same roof. Right then, she just wanted to help her friend. That was all she was thinking about. "Luke's hardly home. Come on. Just for a little while. A visit."
MK flashed Wren a wistful, pathetic smile and shook her head. No he wouldn't be coming back, not after how things ended. Everything was so resolute about it, and it made her heart ache just to think it over again. "I think he's making it stick this time. I knew this would happen. Remember when I didn't believe in relationships and love and shit? Well, I was so right back then." The redhead looked over at her friend with suspicious eyes. "You aren't worried about having me around them?" Wren hadn't really spoken to her for months, but now she was offering her place? She didn't think that would turn out well for anyone involved. "It's okay. I can stay here. I'm okay here. I just want--I need to forget. Forget him and everything else."
The wistful smile made Wren so sad, and that headshake just made her heart ache for the girl MK had been all those years ago. She wanted to tell her that she hadn't been right, because if MK was right then it meant they were all doomed in the end, didn't it? And she didn't want to think that, not even for a minute. "I'm not worried," she said instead, a moment later, and she stood and held out a hand, her expression very much that young girl's back in Seattle, the one who still thought they could fix everything if they just sat on a couch together long enough. "No, please. I want you to. I could use the company. I'm still unpacking everything, and I hate doing it alone. Just for a little while." She wriggled her fingers, in the hope MK would take the offering. It was her way of making peace, maybe. Or just her way of worrying. Either way, the desired outcome was the same. She was scared for MK, really, really scared for the first time, she just didn't let the redhead see it.
As much as she wanted to, MK couldn't resist the look Wren gave her, the one that harked back to all those years ago when a bottle of cheap wine and some cuddles could mend the heaviest of problems. She wished more than anything, more than wanting Adam back or her mask alive, she wished she could go back to those times. It was so much simpler back then. Simple might be good for her. So, she took her friend's hand, and she smiled up at her as she squeezed her fingers. "Fine," she said, defeated but trying to think of ways she could sneak her habits around in the new home until she returned. She could figure it out. "Just for a little while."