the pilgrim road (hospitaller) wrote in doorslogs, @ 2013-01-01 16:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | hospitaller, legolas, pepper potts |
Who: Gemma, Justine, and Malcolm
When: Before the Christmas plot, while Malcolm is through his door
Where: Malcolm's apartment
What: Justine keeps Gemma company while Malcolm is frolicking through Middle-earth.
Justine didn’t waste any time getting into a cab to head for Gemma’s apartment with her brother. Whatever it was that had her upset, they could talk about or she’d just do her best to distract her former mentor. Armed with a DVD of the best of the Birmingham Royal Ballet, she fidgeted nearly the entire way there. The cab ride felt like forever, but it really wasn’t much more than twenty minutes and then she was on her way up to the designated floor. All she had to do was knock, but she chimed in with a, “Gems? It’s Justine!” just so that the older woman was prepared.
Gemma was sitting in front of the blank book, staring at the page where Malcolm still had not replied. Sonata wuffled slightly at the knock, but when Gemma stood up and opened the door, the dog lay back down by the couch. “Hey,” Gemma said softly. She opened the door wide enough for Justine to come in. “Don’t mind the dog, she’s sweet.”
As soon as the door opened, Justine slipped inside and wrapped her arms around Gemma’s middle tightly. “Hi,” she said after a moment, pulling back to give the other woman some space as well as to shrug her jacket off. “What’s her name?” she asked, moving over to the couch where the dog was and hesitantly holding out her hand for the animal to sniff. She was worried about Gems and why she didn’t want to be alone, but she was sure they’d talk about it if she wanted. The last thing she wanted to do was push anyone away. Soon enough, there wouldn’t be anyone else left to be her friend.
“Sonata, she’s my brother’s dog,” Gemma said. She was grateful for the hug and returned it warmly. Something grounding seemed to help. “Sorry about the weird invitation. Mal’s been gone all day and I... I’ve had a weird day. Something awful happened to... uh, Miles, he’s... I think he’s disappeared.” She bit her lip nervously. “Is that normal? I was trying to watch the movie you found, he’s definitely in it, but he got upset and he... I don’t know, I can’t hear him right now.”
Sonata was a pretty name, Justine thought, and very appropriate for Malcolm’s dog. Her smile reflected as much. It disappeared a moment later, when Gemma explained the invitation. “No, it’s okay. You can always call me,” she promised, looking up quite sincerely at the older woman. It was very obvious that Miles’ disappearance was bothering Gems quite a bit, but Justine was more than ready to offer her reassurances. “It happens, I promise. Pepper used to talk to me a little bit, but now if it wasn’t for the journal, I’d never even know she was there. Honest. I’m fairly certain the key and journal disappear if the voice does,” she explained. “Some people have come and gone. He might just be upset about the movie? Maybe he just needs some time to himself.”
“I could barely even follow it,” Gemma confessed, embarrassed now. “He’s some kind of priest-knight, and I was barely twenty minutes in when he just said he was done! I don’t know. Some guy died. I think he was important.” The television screen was still stopped where Gemma had paused the movie, on a sweeping view of the beautiful and terrible desert. “I’m so rude, do you want a cuppa? Malcolm has the proper stuff. We don’t have any milk, but almond milk is nice instead, and he has lemon juice, too.”
Justine hadn’t seen the movie, but she was at least glad they knew who he was now. “Maybe he was really close to the man who died? Pepper was upset after I watched The Avengers, but I think that was because she and Tony here are a lot different than the her and Tony from that movie,” she explained. She wasn’t too worried. “I’d give it a few days, and if he doesn’t come back, then we can start to worry. Deal?” She even held out her hand for them to shake on it. “And I’d love one, please. He mentioned that he was vegan and that you don’t eat...gluten? Is that right?” She couldn’t remember properly. “Did he talk to you about Christmas dinner yet?”
Gemma shook Justine’s hand after a moment. Justine seemed so much more confident about everything going on. It seemed Justine had been dealing with it much longer, though. If a few months was ‘much longer’. “I guess I’m worried about him, I’ve never seen him upset before,” she admitted as she moved to make Justine a cup of tea. “He’s been... well, really kind to me, I guess. This wasn’t what I expected from a voice in my head.”
Justine smiled and followed Gemma into the kitchen area, sliding in comfortably at the kitchen table. “That’s completely normal. I’m glad he’s been kind to you. Sometimes it’s hard to have a good relationship with them. Probably best to not watch the rest of the film until he’s ready,” she suggested. “I brought a compilation of the BRB for us to watch. That should distract you a bit, yea?” Justine smiled encouragingly, hoping it would cheer Gems up a bit.
“Oh God, is it time to squirm awkwardly at videos of myself being the awkward swan in the background?” Gemma asked with a laugh. But her mood seemed brighter already as she bustled around making a cup. “I just got used to it! To him. To him being here. Talking to me. It just seemed so... comfortable. But you’re probably right, he’s probably just upset, I’m sure he’ll be back.” She was thoughtful and quiet a moment. “How do you get on with... Pepper, is it? You said she doesn’t talk much. But how is it otherwise?”
It was nice to hear her mentor laugh and she did as well, nodding along as she did. “Of course! How else are we to cheer you up?” she teased. “I’m glad you’ve gotten used to him so quickly! He probably knows how much you miss him and he’ll be back before you know it. Pinky promise.” She smiled again, though it turned to a frown at the mention of Pepper. “We used to only talk while either one of us was sleeping, but then she started getting nightmares about Tony when he was in the cave in the first movie and then something happened at a party and she just...withdrew a lot. So we don’t talk anymore. I leave her notes now, on our phone, but otherwise. There’s nothing.” She shrugged.
“Oh,” Gemma said uncertainly. “I haven’t seen films in years. Since 2005 at least. I... used to go, with a boyfriend, but then I stopped.” That sounded so odd, so awful and flat and uncomfortable. “Didn’t have time anymore,” she added uncertainly. “I don’t think I saw Pepper’s movie.” After a long hesitation, she asked, “if she isn’t talking anymore, what does she do here? I wouldn’t even know Miles is here if he didn’t natter on all the time.”
“No movies?” That was strange, but Justine didn’t comment. Instead, she offered, “We can watch some of the more popular movies from the past couple years if you’d like?” That could be fun and it was a good way to pass the time. “Just at night maybe, or something for you and Malcolm to do?” She could still supply the movies in any case. “She doesn’t do anything here, but sometimes she’ll get angry with me if I don’t let her through the door. I just let her through because it’d be kind of rude for me to not, you know?” She thought it made sense.
“Well, Malcolm fell, and then it took a lot of work to get back into dancing, and I just..... haven’t seen any films, really. Malcolm used to love watching movies though, he’d probably be into that.” The words felt odd, stilted, obviously awkward. Maybe Gemma was obviously awkward. Miles would have had an opinion. But no soft voice came to reassure her. And she felt unsettled by the question of doors, but instead of saying anything immediately, sat down with a cup of tea of her own. “I don’t know anything about the doors. Malcolm mentioned it in passing but didn’t explain it, and Miles has never talked about a door,” she said at last.
She didn’t know the specifics of Malcolm’s fall, but she assumed it was pretty bad if Gemma had dropped everything for it. She could understand a little bit though, considering she’d dropped everything for the chance to see Benji again. Hopefully it would turn out better for Gems and Malcolm though, without the complications of people who knew each other through the door. “It might be nice. I can bring by a few, just in case,” she promised. And she would. “The doors, at the hotel. Maybe he’ll come back if you cross over into his world? You should’ve gotten a key of some kind with the journal and that’ll open up his door at the hotel,” she explained.
Gemma nodded slowly. “Yeah, I have the key.” She had taken to wearing it on a necklace, and pulled it out from underneath her shirt slowly, before putting it down on the table between them. It was on a chain with a pretty silver ring with a dark amethyst stone. “I didn’t know what to do with it,” she admitted. “He never said anything except that I shouldn’t lose it.”
Justine pulled her own red lacquered key and set it on the table as well. “It’s to the hotel. Passages. The key, it’ll open up to his homeworld. It’ll be somewhere important to him. Pepper’s opens up to her offices or to her apartments. It kind of fluctuates,” she explained. “I can take you when you’re ready, if you’d like? Just so you don’t have to go by yourself.”
Gemma looked at Justine’s key curiously. “I have no idea where his would go,” she admitted softly. “Will go. I should probably finish his film eventually and give it a shot then. His world is so... violent, though.” Her voice was reflective, curious. “I see it in my dreams, sometimes. Horses dying, people screaming, so much noise and blood. And he kills, too, but then when the fighting stops he tries to save people, or comfort the dying. I don’t know why I’d ever want to go back. But I guess if people I loved were there, I might try.”
“You don’t have to know. It’s okay. The important thing is that you’re willing to cross at least once. Give it a chance. You don’t know what will happen or what time his world is at. It might be scary, but it seems like you have a good relationship with him, which means he’ll probably do his best to make sure to stay safe to keep you safe.” Justine wasn’t too worried, though perhaps that was because it wasn’t her door. “You can try later, Gems. Right now, we’re going to have a cuppa and watch the ballet from when you were younger.” And that was that. She tugged Gemma up and reached for the tea cups to get them started. “Come on!”
The afternoon turned into evening, and evening turned into delivered Chinese food. Chinese food turned into some wine, and some wine turned into most of the coconut ice cream in Malcolm’s freezer. Malcolm still hadn’t answered any of his texts, or picked up his phone at all. Gemma tried not show she was worried, but the evening got later and later, and there was still no sign of him. She was upset enough that even Miles came back, halfway through watching a performance of Don Quixote. She had laughed her way through most of her own appearances in the corps de ballet, pointing out herself or dancers who had gone on to be soloists and principals, but this one had made her tense and uncertain. She and Vadim had worked so hard on their solos in the gypsy camp. Their big break, he’d called it. But barely a few weeks after the show would end, her stepfather would be calling her, upset, a little drunk, telling her Malcolm was in the hospital. And it would be all over.
It’s all right, Miles told Gemma softly as she fidgeted with her phone, waiting for a message. All is well. You mustn’t fret so.
“You’re back!” Gemma blurted, before looking awkwardly at Justine. “Uh, Miles came back,” she added sheepishly.
Justine hadn’t once thought to leave. She would’ve stayed for however long Gemma needed her and it was really good for her to be out of the apartment, away from Silver, her brother, and memories of Mike. She missed him quite a bit, and everything was starting to feel a bit topsy turvy. The Chinese food, the wine, and the coconut ice cream (surprisingly good, she thought) were all welcome distractions and it was nice to see many of the previous performances that gave Gemma the opportunity to be the star she deserved to be. The worry and tension, Justine just attributed to Miles being gone and Malcolm not getting in touch. She’d have to remind him about brotherly duties and the like, probably suggest that Gems know who he was through the door so she’d be able to check.
When Gemma greeted someone so warmly, Justine turned confused to the door, expecting Malcolm. She saw no one though and the older woman clarified a moment later. “Oh! That’s lovely! I’m so glad he’s back. I told you, there was nothing to worry about Gems!” She grinned and moved over to give her a tight hug.
“Now if only that asshole would text me,” Gemma said, trying not to sound too grumpy. Justine was so openly affectionate, and Gemma began to realize how isolated her life had become. When was the last time she’d sat around eating ice cream and watching ballet, just to watch it? Not to critique it or beat herself up or cry into a glass of wine about how her career was ending.
Give it time, Miles chastised her gently. A moment later, he added, a little more kindly, you really ought to just stay calm and keep breathing. He’ll be home soon enough.
“Do you mind staying with me until Mal comes back, maybe?” Gemma asked Justine, almost shyly. “It’s getting on, I can’t imagine he’ll be out that late. I’ll pay for your cab ride back.”
Justine grinned at that. “Don’t worry. I’m an expert on inattentive brothers,” she reassured. “Do you have any idea where he’s gotten off to?” she asked, not remembering if they’d talked about it before or not. She settled in kind of sort of tucked in against Gemma, only because she was too lazy to move unless the older woman said she wanted her to. “I’ve got a car service, actually. Daddy’s still footing the bill for everything since Benji is here and he’s less mad now that I’m working toward joining a new company,” she replied, waving off any concern. “I can stay as long as you need.” She grinned. “And I make killer pancakes in the morning if need be.”
“He said he was going off to yoga class. I don’t know. That was all he said yesterday. But now he’s been gone all day, and... and I just don’t know.” Gemma sighed. “I wish he’d just let me know where he is. But he’s not used to my being here, I guess, I’ve only been to America once before, to see him graduate. Not that he was very attentive when we lived in the same timezone, either, he frequently vanished for days at a time.” She fidgeted a little in her nervousness, sliding the purple-stoned ring up and down her necklace as she stared at the television, watching the handsome Russian beginning his solo. Did Vadim even remember her? Why would he ever think of her now? “This part coming up was fun,” she said, talking to fill up the unhappiness she felt, “I watched lots of videos of flamenco dancers to figure out how to move my arms and feet so it felt like that, though it’s all ballet. And the costume was brilliant.”
“Hmmm. Has he gone through his door yet? I’m sure someone’s mentioned them. Or maybe he’s performing and he’s turned his phone off?” She imagined the latter was more likely but she hoped everything was okay regardless. “You’ll figure out a system. Something that works for you guys. I’m sure of it,” Justine reassured Gemma, snuggling in a little despite the older woman’s fidgets. “You dance so beautifully, Gems. I’m always impressed when I watch you dance. Flamenco must have been hard to get the hang of though.” She looked up at the older woman. “Thank you,” she said softly. “For agreeing to work with me. I know I left really suddenly. A few of the girls didn’t understand, I suppose. They’ve told me to just have fun galavanting wherever across the States.” It had been hurtful, but she was trying to focus on the positives.
“Oh, of course I’ll work with you,” Gemma said, almost embarrassed by Justine’s sudden display of gratitude. “If I had been a little younger and someone had worked with me, I might...” she faltered a little, looking at the screen. “...I might have had a real career when I came back, instead of being too old for anything but the corps de ballet. You deserve better than I got. You’re young, and you dance so well, your future could be so bright.”
If it was possible for Justine to smile any wider, she would have done so after Gemma’s reply. “It means a lot. Dance, ballet, it- when my brother left when I was sixteen, I was miserable. Ballet made me happy again and now that I have Benji back, I want to be able to do what I love too. And I hope that one day, when I can’t dance professionally, I can teach and mentor others just the way you’re doing. I told Olive, you know, about you. She said you’ve the job if you want it. Teaching at her studio, I mean.” Her smile turned softer, more encouraging. “I’ll introduce you to Eti, too. He’s an aerialist with Circ du Soleil but he was classically trained in ballet. He’s been helping me with the partner work,” she explained. “I think you’ll like him very much, and he’ll adore you. I know he will.”
Gemma smiled, her expression relieved. “Really?” she asked. “I wouldn’t mind teaching. I mostly don’t... don’t want to stop dancing. It’s never going to be like it was when I was younger, but I can’t imagine a life without dancing. I’m trying to get certified to do yoga teaching, but I don’t love it the way I love dancing. It’s just... something to do for money. I’m always hoping I’ll have a life when I retire, but I don’t really know what it will be.” She suddenly felt embarrassed. Justine didn’t need to hear all this. She was young, still. “God, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, “just ignore all that. I’ll be glad to teach, really.”
“Really really,” Justine replied, her ear to ear grin coming back in full force. She was glad to see the older woman smiling and happy. “It’s lovely, really,” she promised. “I taught primary school children and they’re just the cutest little things in the entire world. You’ll be able to decide how many classes and what age groups you’d like. Olive’s very open about what we can do so long as there’s students. The majority of them aren’t quite interested in the very very technical. They just want to dance for the enjoyment of it, and they’re very talented. I think you’d quite like them. The little ones have a way of always making you smile,” she explained, though she paused to let Gemma speak, a slight blush coloring her cheeks with how rushed she was in her excitement. “Oh no, Gems!” Another tight hug was given, in the hopes that it would be reassuring. “You can tell me. I promise, I’ll listen to anything, yea? I’ll help you find your way. I promise.”
“My career is over, really,” Gemma admitted, closing her arms around Justine. “But I can teach. It’ll be a nice challenge.” She took a deep breath. It’d be a nice challenge, surely. A decent way to close out a career that had been, if not good, and it hadn’t been famous or exciting, at least it had been good, maybe? She let go of Justine and settled back on the couch. There was Vadim again, jumping in the corps de ballet. Her eye moved to him as it always had. “Do you want more ice cream? I could use more ice cream. I’ll get a start on working out what I can offer at the studio tomorrow.”
She wanted to push, to get Gemma to open up and talk about her fears, but she also didn't want to end up pushing the older woman away. Gems had other things to worry about, like Miles and where her brother was off to, ignoring his phone. "Ice cream is always always a brilliant idea, Gems. Just the container and the spoons right?" That was the best way to eat ice cream when sads were involved.
“Exactly,” Gemma agreed. “Just like that.” Her old colleagues would have been horrified -- two dancers polishing off the better part of an entire carton of ice cream? At least it was coconut ice cream. At least. That counted for something, right?
It’s hardly gluttony, Miles replied gently, as if he could hear her thoughts. And even if it is, that’s only a little sin. God would understand.
It was hours before Malcolm came home. There was no more ice cream, and the ballet videos had stopped to, played through to the end and never started up again after Gemma and Justine had fallen asleep on the couch. The dog lay on the floor by their feet, wuffling softly in her sleep.
The key rattled in the door, accompanied by a few muttered bits of choice profanity. Then, finally, the door swung open. Sonata launched from asleep to barking in 0.3 seconds, on her feet immediately. Frantically, Malcolm tried to hush her. “It’s me, it’s me, girl, it’s me,” he hissed, closing the door behind him and crouching down to try to get Sonata to quiet.
Gemma jerked awake unexpectedly. She hadn’t heard her phone text, and she nearly kicked Justine as she scrambled on the couch to see what was going on. “Malcolm!” she called, confused. “God, Mal, what time is it?”
Justine didn’t quite remember falling asleep, but the next moment, Sonata was barking and Gemma was kicking and Justine was just confused. It took a few blinks and a yawn before she focused on Malcolm and Gemma, looking at them over the back of the couch. “Hey,” she greeted sleepily, waving at Malcolm before turning to stretch and to give the pair of them a little bit of privacy to talk. She’d go, she just needed to wake up a bit more. And call a car. She started to look for her phone, lost somewhere on the table.
“Er, half-two,” Malcolm admitted, straightening up from the floor as Sonata quieted, thumping her tail on the ground in happiness now that she knew who was in the house. He looked pale and tired, but he tried to smile. Smiling was good. “Nearly three, I think. I’m sorry. Hi Justine, didn’t know you were here, actually? Er. Right. Sorry.”
“Uh, I invited her, sorry, you were gone, you didn’t answer your phone, I couldn’t ask for permission,” Gemma said awkwardly. “She... I was having a bad day, she came to see me.” Well this sounded awkward now. Malcolm looked exhausted.
He’s had a rough day, Miles said, maybe you should just let him sleep and discuss things tomorrow.
“You don’t have to ask permission,” Malcolm said. “I’m sorry. I ... I went through the door and mobiles don’t much work there, really, and I texted you as soon as I got out and ... I’m really knackered and just want a percocet, mostly. Which I know sounds really bloody irresponsible, I know, I know.”
She found her phone after a moment and quickly called herself a car, knowing she was intruding on their discussions. “It happens sometimes. Just something for you guys to work through,” she offered, commenting on Malcolm’s Alter not being able to use his mobile. “I’m ah...just going to go,” she said, collecting her things and slipping on her shoes. “I don’t want to interrupt and you both are exhausted.” Justine gave Gemma a hug and then turned to Malcolm. “I’m glad you’re okay. I hope you feel better,” she offered, and she wanted to hug him but she wasn’t sure why he needed the percocet so she just kind of lingered there awkwardly for a moment before clearing her throat. “Right, yes. I’ll just- Go.” Before it got anymore awkward.
“Thank you for staying with me,” Gemma said, feeling suddenly awkward. How must this all have looked to her? But Justine surely understood how strange families could be. Wouldn’t she? “I’ll talk to you soon,” she added, an awkward promise, “so we can start working together.” She glanced at Malcolm uncertainly. He was hunching again, a sure sign he had hurt himself somehow. The dipshit.
“Nothing to worry about,” she promised. “Call anytime.” And with that, she slipped out around Malcolm and through the door. Justine promised herself she would check on Gemma in the morning and bring up the idea of Christmas together again as well. But later, when they’d gotten themselves sorted.
Gemma stared after Justine for a moment, then looked at Malcolm. “Where have you been?” she managed, at last. Maybe that was too aggressive. She didn’t run his life. She tried again. “I hadn’t expected you to be gone all day. Sorry I... spammed you, I guess.”
“I went through the door,” Malcolm tried to explain. “I don’t know, I was tired of bloody arguing about it with him, so I did it.” He dropped his backpack on the floor and rubbed his face, every movement jerky and uncomfortable.
“What does that even mean?” Gemma replied, trying not to sound anxious. But she went immediately to support Malcolm’s weight. For all that she was slender and light, she was more than strong enough to support him on his hobble back to the bedroom where he would sleep.
“There’s keys. To a door. You go through it and you ... swap. I rode shotgun. The film seems pretty close to reality,” Malcolm said, hobbling along with her. Sonata followed, whining softly.
“So you went through and...” Gemma shook her head, trying not to think about it too much. They went through the door and then it was Miles, Miles walking around in his desert, and her in hiding, riding in the back? It’s not so bad, Miles said gently. Being the one in the back. “Are you okay, Mal? What happened to you there?”
“Nothing much, he just ... he moves with every muscle he’s got, and it’s a lot of strain, a lot of energy,” Malcolm explained, dropping on the bed as soon as they reached it, like a sack of stones. “He saw his friends. I haven’t seen these movies in forever. But it was the short guy and the scruffy king guy. He’d be cute if he shaved, pretty fit all around.”
“Mal, there were at least four short guys in those movies,” Gemma complained. Hadn’t that been Vadim’s complaint when they’d seen it? Gemma moved automatically to pull off Malcolm’s shoes and set them by the side of the bed. “And a lot of scruff. Where’s your meds? What are you taking now? I’ll bring it to you.”
“Kitchen, they’re all in the basket in the kitchen. Muscle-relaxant, anti-inflammatory, painkillers, and supplements,” Malcolm said, wiggling his toes as the shoes came off, a familiar, comforting thing. “The bottle with the red dot on the top is the percoset, I think that’s what I need.”
“Right,” Gemma said, moving quickly into the kitchen to find the basket of pills. It didn’t take long to find the percocet, and she returned with a glass of water. “Here you are,” she said. She showed no signs of flagging, despite being tired, and sat down on the edge of the bed as he took his medication. “What can I do for you, Mal? You look completely beat.”
Malcolm took the pills and shook his head a little. “I don’t know. I think I need to sleep. I didn’t realise it’d be like this. I missed work tonight, too. I mean, I had a secondary lined up, but I don’t know how many times I can do this, you know?” Balance. He had to find some kind of balance in it all. Wasn’t that always the key. “Or maybe it’s all doom and gloom because it’s nearly three am and I have yoga in six hours.”
Gemma could take a hint. “...goodnight, Mal,” she said, standing up. She nearly tripped over the dog, but caught herself on the wall before she stepped on Sonata. She suddenly wished Justine hadn’t left quite so suddenly. It stung, oddly, that Mal didn’t even ask why Justine had come over or what had happened or..... anything at all, and he wasn’t say much about where he’d been. But that was typical Malcolm, wasn’t it?
“You okay?” he asked as she went for the door, not quite an afterthought, just a slow realisation. His realisations were often slow.
“Yeah,” Gemma said, a little flatly. “You’re not dead in an American ditch, everything’s fine now.” Gently, Miles suggested, he’s tired, be gentle.
“It would be a downgrade from being dead in a British ditch, I’m sure,” Malcolm replied, the joke flat, too. “I’m sorry. I should have left you a note. I just didn’t think I’d be gone this long. I didn’t know how it would go. I’m sorry.”
Gemma took a deep breath, and then another, before she turned around to look at him. He always got so upset when they had these sort of conversations if she wouldn’t look at him, paste a smile in place, and act her way through it. “It’s okay,” she said, what she always said, “this stuff happens, I guess. We’re all on new ground with this whole... voices things. Just get some sleep, okay?”
“Okay,” Malcolm said. He sounded contrite, or at least chastened. “We’ll talk tomorrow. I promise. We’ll talk.” His eyes were starting to dilate, tell-tale sign of the percoset hitting hard and quickly -- he had eaten, and it always was worse when he hadn’t eaten.
“Night, Mal,” Gemma said gently. “Come get me if you need something, okay?” She closed the door quickly after that. What was wrong with her? She was so upset and tired. Go to bed, Miles urged her gently. Just go to bed.