Re: The woods
The cruel laugh almost broke her heart. It wasn't even directed toward her, and it still twisted and ached. Luke had never liked Sebastian, not back then in Seattle, but he would never have laughed that way about him. Her Luke wouldn't have laughed that way about anyone, cruel and bitter and cynical. "I know," was her quiet response to his assurance that a lot happened without her being there for it. A lot had happened without her existing. Period. And none of it was like she'd imagined whenever things went really bad. She wasn't sure what was worse, this, or the nirvana she'd always assumed would have occurred in her absence.
It took everything she had to remain seated when he looked at her with that derision, and the fabric of her skirt suffered more impossible twisting, her fingers going white with the effort. She looked up when he said she couldn't justify herself to him, and it was all confused then. That was what she always expected him to say about her leaving while she was pregnant. She'd feared it for years, and years, and years, and hearing it come out of his mouth - even a not version of him - hurt in that way that expected things did, dull and throb-numb. "I know," she repeated, but this time the words with hitch-thick with unshed tears, and all she wanted was to leave, to run, cowardly as it was. But it was her old fallback when things got too hard for her to deal with, and this was definitely too hard now. It was like the past had caught up with her and turned the entire scene into something she'd always feared. He hated her. He didn't love her. And that was all of it.
"Is she the one that hurt you?" She asked of Jude, and she winced when he turned the full force of that anger on her, and she wanted to turn to her Luke so badly, but surely the man in front of her would notice. And, despite everything she'd ever thought impossible in the world, she was frightened. And it was a welcome thing when he stepped back in fear of her. She glanced down when he stumbled, and she inched closer to offer to help. But, no, no, no. She needed to go. They needed go. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned Jude," she said, and she should have known better, she should have. "I wasn't thinking." Which was beyond the truth, but Jude was something she had never, ever discussed with Luke since the prison. They'd brushed it away, hidden it somewhere deep and dark, and even that time in the freezer never, ever came up. She should have known better.
She put out a hand, one that indicated she wasn't going to come closer. "I just want to get past you to the door, okay?" she asked, and she didn't know when she'd started crying, but she had. "Please?" she asked, and she did glance at Luke then, her Luke, if he still wanted to be hers after all this. Please, she mouthed at him, because they'd walked in this door for him, and she would stay if he wanted to, even though she wanted to run so badly she trembled with it.
And, of course, silly thing that she was, she didn't stop to think that whatever might be waiting beyond the door might be worse. Surely nothing could be worse than this. She'd feared so many men in her life, but never him, not until just then.