Why is it that it's Vegas on the side of this door that I'm not on? That's just not fair. Seriously not fair. Think of all the women I'm not getting a chance to meet.
I mean, I could drive there, but it's literally three feet away from me if I could just walk through this door and maintain control over my own body. Which is a really shitty situation. I'm sure you can all agree.
[ ... ] Also. Sam, if you're out there, tell me you're okay you put a dent in my car. Prepare for retaliation.