At first I thought maybe you were just too close to the mic or something because parts of it sounded kind of weird on my speakers but, I couldn't tell if it was you getting strained in the high notes or just being too close. I don't know though, with the melody you have going on the acoustic, I think it'd be really kickass if you brought the vocal down a key and could belt it harder or even better, take it way low and make it dark, like the guitar sounds. It's a dark melody, I really love it.
I used to write crappy little songs when I was a tyke so you've definitely got me beat on originality alone, but that's why I'm kind of taking it serious! I would love it if any of this helped you in any way. I hope that it does.
PS what's the first verse? I can't make it out entirely :( I wanted to try this out on my guitar (rofl with the 3 chords I know) to try to be constructive.