1/2 believe it or not this was longer before
What was the point? The point, Tony wanted to say, was that staying alive - being alive - had been a fucking blast. Every bite, every laugh, every windy night on the roof overlooking a city that did nothing so well as shine - those were joys that didn't factor into the tawdry calculus of whether something was worth it. They weren't convertible into units. If he were more sentimental, he might have thought of them as priceless. Being alive was always worth it, because the only thing you could ever trade it in for was the nothingness of death. And what was the point of that? Something was always better than nothing. That was just math.
But maybe for her, it was different. It made him suddenly, unexpectedly sad to think so - it took him by surprise, that revelation and its accompanying sting. But all she'd said was that she didn't know, of course. And that was the point: as long as you were alive, you didn't know what was around the corner.
"Well, see - that's good." He slid off the vanity again, restless but trying to tamp it down, and stepped up to her, planting himself between her and the mirror. "If that's what you want, that means you can't stay here." It meant winning was off the table. Life as it had been wasn't an option. "So that's what we'll do. We'll get out. See?" He put on a smile, and threw her some of the cocky, gruff bravado he knew she'd see through in half a second. "Easy choice."
And honestly, it should always have been an easy choice. It was better for everyone: for their friends, for the country (eventually), for Jarvis, who was the reason he was neck deep in this in the first place. It wasn't necessarily better for him, the realized with that feeling like a splash of cold water to the back of his neck that always tended to presage someone about to be mad at him. He was going to have some trouble, maybe a couple weeks after they got out of here, if all went according to plan. But - well, he could figure that out later. Right? Once they were in Thirteen, they'd have doctors, surely; they were going to owe him, they'd have to help him; it would be fine. He could probably figure it out himself. He could probably have done it here, if finding his own cure wouldn't have gotten him into more trouble than it solved. Definitely. It wasn't worth raising now, when she had to focus on carrying off this larger plan. When it the only thing it would accomplish was scaring her, or starting up another shouting match -