2/2
But he remembered. "Yeah," Bucky said quietly, into a silence that stretched too long after the question. "Mara, a couple of times before we split." There'd been a couple of other girls he fooled around with, but not gone that far. He hadn't been Mara's first, but she'd been his. Bucky had been nervous and it had been awkward and rushed. But it had been good, too; better the second time. She'd been beautiful and kind, and Bucky had liked her a lot. But somewhere after that second time he'd started to realize it was just like, and where his real interest was, and he'd broken it off. Then the Reaping.
But they hadn't ended bad - just strange, the way break ups usually were, and avoided each other afterward. Bucky had been more torn-up over what he realized about himself and Steve and let Steve think it was because Mara dumped him, and then he'd been Reaped and none of it mattered.
But it was a good memory. The Arena hadn't just flat out taken it, the way it had taken his kiss with Natasha, it had just made Bucky forget to think about it. It felt like a movie of someone else's life now. But it'd been good. He was glad he had it. Glad he'd done something with someone he cared about, before the rest of it, even if he hadn't been in love. He should have remembered to remember that sooner.
Steve probably wanted more than that, Bucky realized, too-slow again. It wasn't much different than when they were young, he guessed, and Bucky tried to explain what it felt like to kiss a girl, when Steve didn't think he'd have a shot at it because none of them gave him the time of day. "It was nice," Bucky added lamely. "I ... it feels like a really long time ago. Before. But it was nice. She made me laugh when I got too nervous." Her hands had been both rougher than he realized and softer than he expected, since she was working and the chemicals in the fabric dyes roughed up skin pretty easily. They'd kissed for a long time afterward and he'd been starry eyed and not come down for a while. Bucky always had really liked to kiss. "Nobody else. I was just a kid - didn't know what I was doing, anyway," Bucky said, shrugging the metal shoulder not budged up against Steve's. He meant it as reassurance - that he hadn't known anything either, the first time out. He didn't mention anyone who came after - they didn't count. "It'll be a good memory to have, Steve," Bucky added quietly, right hand turning to tug lightly at Steve's hair once. Don't let them make you forget it afterward, he almost added, but then didn't. Steve wasn't Bucky anyway. Too damn stubborn to let them drill anything out of his head he didn't want to let go of before the end.