"Yeah," Bucky said quietly. He gave her a thin smile, wry and rueful. "Some other life, huh?" If Bucky had remembered her overture when he came out of the Arena and made an effort sooner, if he'd actually been there sooner, in his own head, maybe things could have gone different. But nothing really worked out for any of them, and Bucky was getting tired of kicking rocks over how unfair it was. They all knew it. They were all fucked, and some of them were sitting back thinking he was luckier than them right about now.
He didn't feel that way. Bucky was pretty sure everyone who'd been in that room with him knew he didn't. But anyone else, they had that illusion, Bucky didn't think he should try to talk anyone out of it anyway. They probably needed to be mad at the people whose names weren't pulled out.
He looked at her again, thinking about that, about the last time they'd texted. He'd tried to pretend it could be him going in, because he'd been clinging to the blind, dumb hope that it could be. Bucky wasn't doing that anymore. He was trying to ... face what was real and just slog through it. Stark's plan could be the outside hope, but it couldn't be what he fixated on, either, or he'd shut down when it failed, and he'd promised people. He had shit he had to push through to do first, however he could manage it. Bucky hadn't figured that part out yet exactly, he was just taking it moment to moment. So far he was dealing.
Bucky'd tried to pull her into his illusion though. He could at least try to say he wasn't still doing it. "My person's not coming out," Bucky said quietly. "Only way he walks out is if Stark's plan works out. But if it doesn't - they'll rig it against him. They won't let him win. Maximoff and him - there's no shot they'll come back out just by winning." He hesitated, trying to find words. "I don't wanna watch any of you die. But we don't get that call probably. So it wasn't me picking a favorite horse, Natasha. It was just ... saying I care. I coulda done it without saying where it comes from probably." He nodded. "But if you don't want me to, then I won't. What I wanna do doesn't really matter - just what makes things easier for you." He paused and then asked. "Hey - you seen Rumlow eat? What's he really fucking hate? I could send that instead." It was lighter and stupid, but Bucky wanted to let it go. He'd said his piece, and she'd said what she wanted.
They were on the same page, he thought. As close to friendly as they were going to get before it all crashed down anyway. Might as well bullshit instead of make each other miserable.