Ang.
I got into it because of how I felt over Liam and what happened to him. I never knew how to handle how I felt about it, I just buried it all the time, and that anger came out every now and then, like when I got kicked off the team. Having people say it was some 'tragic accident' was insulting. Even if it wasn't intentional you fix things that lead to accidents so it doesn't happen again to anyone else. It was too late for Liam, but I knew what it did to me, to Natalie, to my parents. But I guess that wasn't in the cards or maybe any solution was never going to be enough for me. It's not even like Liam was an isolated story. There's lots like that out there, usually they don't end so poorly though. Quidditch and trying to be a Hit didn't work for me in the months leading up to it because I flunked the psych profile, and the guy that killed Liam had the gall to move into the other side of Upper Flagley again. I was in a really fucked up spiral. There's no justifying it. I went in with it. I wanted to segregate things further, I wanted to do something for once rather than holding it in, so I did the shittiest thing in the world. I was mad and twisted enough to burn things down with me and not give a damn what happened to me or that it'd hurt others. It's the most fucked up thing in the world, but it's how it happened. I didn't get into this to hurt you guys or because I thought people like Bellatrix Lestrange were right about everything. I wanted to get my point across. And once you're in, it absolutely feels like there's no getting out.
And it snowballed fast. Overnight suddenly they were in charge of the Ministry, the MRC was rounding everyone up, and very quickly it turned into 'dealing with all the mouthy detractors' and things like that. They knew I was friends with you all and they wanted you all to be shut up, or better yet kill you. I wouldn't. I argued with them, I defended you guys, I made excuses and dragged my heels. It didn't help that Montague was salivating over you guys probably being vigilantes. They put more pressure on as the months went on, and they wanted proof, or really I don't think they gave a damn. What they really wanted was for me to kill you all. They'd have preferred that I'm sure. That was never going to happen from me, though, no matter how much trouble I was getting in. I tried to say I'd deal with you all so that the others didn't step in and just kill you guys while you were at the pitch or something. I know you're probably not going to believe that, but it's the truth. I was in denial by January that I could keep balancing it or warding them off enough. I figured if I could find proof that you guys weren't involved, or enough that I could scuff it and wash out anything potentially damning, maybe they'd back off. The solution I came up with is if I tracked you guys I could point to it and go 'look, they went to x, y, and z and its all innocent.' Except I had to at least check so I could tell her them I was diligent. So I walked in one night to that safehouse where Alicia's parents were. I didn't know they were there, I didn't even know what the hell I'd apparated into, but I tripped the proximity wards on the place, and I panicked so I called for back-up — I’d waited until Alicia had gone by then. It was right after that I found the Spinnets & Tonkses, and the only thing I could do at that point was blow them an exit. And then all the stuff right at the end of January was basically a last ditch effort. The note to Alicia, breaking into Francine's place and not hurting her — most of them literally wanted me to up and go kill her mum and were mad I wasn't being brutal to her. I don't know how I thought it was going to end, but then you guys found out anyway. I know my intentions don't change what I did, and I'm not trying to say it does. That's we got to the end of January, though, and why I did what I did to you both.