Remus
As amazing as that sounds in theory, I wish it was as easy as that to make up my mind. The thing is--and it kind of sounds bad, but I think it's actually normal--the Order feels more concrete than motherhood right now, so it's hard to really think about walking away from that and you. But I know that's in part just normal parental psychology or whatever you want to call it, everything changes at birth and you can't just fake all that bonding and emotions beforehand. So I also know I'm probably not going to feel that way about the Order in a few months. I'll probably still feel that way about you, but I wouldn't want them to lose us both. Another thing is I feel like Dedalus is making the right choice for Marjorie, so how could I not also think it's the right choice for our child? But right in this moment I know that I don't really want to go anywhere or be on my own because lol this is hard enough as is, but if I do later on, it's just going to be harder to do.