barnaby 'baz' snell (broadcaster) wrote in disorderic, @ 2017-10-31 19:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | barnaby snell |
MARY FRANCES PERKS: This cannot happen again. BARNABY SNELL: It wouldn’t be a problem if we didn’t have Death Eaters on the show— MFP: Do you want to know why Apollo isn’t here today? He’s off having his wards redone because he’s afraid Lucius Malfoy is going to pop into his foyer for a spot of murder. BS: [ nervously ] ...because of what I did? MFP: You should’ve treated that man like he was the salt of the fucking earth, Snell. BS: He’s a Death Eater! He shouldn’t be on any show, let alone a show that’s supposed to be about Quidditch. MFP: You’re exactly right. He’s a Death Eater. Ergo, he can do whatever the hell he wants. BS: [ hotly ] This is a load of— MFP: Lucius Malfoy complained. The Malfoys aren’t the sort of people you want to upset. Neither are the Lestranges, or the Traverses, or all the other murderous bastards you managed to argue with on the network. BS: Boo hoo, Lucius Malfoy complained. I hear he complains about everything. And I looked into it, just for my own peace of mind, you know? He was on the Quidditch team for two months. Two months! MFP: I’m going to be honest with you: I don’t care if the man was on the Quidditch team for two hours. You want to stay on the air, you treat him and all the rest of them with the respect they think they deserve. BS: I’m not prostrating myself at the feet of like, attempted child murderers. And adult murderers! Which they are! MFP: If Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange want to come on the show and tap dance for an hour, I expect you to be able to tie it into the Wronski Feint with a smile on your face. BS: Bellatrix doesn’t seem like the tap dancing type. MFP: Don’t be cute. BS: I’m just saying! MFP: Snell. You are already on the thinnest of ice. BS: Why would they want to tap dance on a radio show? It’s not as if anyone would see it. MFP: I’ll kill you myself. BS: You adore me! And I adore you. You plucked me, a lowly podcast host, from obscurity and gave the world an opportunity to hear my dulcet tones— MFP: [ curtly ] You pull something like this again and you’re fired. BS: Are you serious? MFP: Very. [ pause ] I have a family. I can’t afford to get on the wrong side of certain people. BS: So this is it? We just… do nothing? Because we have an opportunity to speak out against— MFP: [ with a dry laugh ] Don’t go getting delusions of grandeur, Snell. You host a morning sports program. BS: [ defeated ] Right. |