ANGELUS ROSIER: Welcome back to another edition of everyone’s favourite morning Quidditch programme, The Pitch! Angelus Rosier here with my co-host Barnaby Snell. We’re here with an absolutely fabulous guest for all our listeners today. I’m talking about philanthropist and business magnate Lucius Malfoy. Now, now, Barnaby, turn that frown upside down — Lucius is our guest. Lucius, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule and joining us today.
LUCIUS MALFOY:[ slight pause ] I'm very happy to join you today, Angelus. I've certainly been… looking forward to it.
BARNABY SNELL:[ grumpily ] Oh, I’m sure.
AR: So tell us, Lucius, we both know you played Quidditch back in your school years, but ended up having to leave the team to concentrate on your studies. Do you regret that decision?
LM: That's a complicated question. Of course, I can't be disappointed that I had more time to focus on my studies, especially since I was made Prefect the year after, but Quidditch was always [ pause ] exciting and I enjoyed my time on the team. It was, if you'll excuse the cliche, a necessary evil.
BS: Did you ever participate in a match? I heard you were only on the team for two days.
AR: Barnaby, honestly. That’s such a ridiculous question. Lucius, rumours abound that you’re looking to purchase a team. We’re all well aware that some teams could use a firm hand guiding them these days. Has that piqued your interest?
BS: One would assume Mr. Malfoy is too busy with other activities to add managing a Quidditch team to his plate.
AR: Why are you suggesting Mr. Malfoy can’t multitask? Surely the Cannons could use his expertise.
BS:[ obviously livid ] The Cannons are principled. They would never.
AR:[ amused ] I guess that’s why they’re constantly last. That’s where “principles” get you.
LM:[ with slight surprise in his voice, but with a quick recovery ] I've never managed a Quidditch team before, but I can't say I don't have the kind of experience that would lend itself to such a task. [ a laugh ] I'm not sure how Narcissa would take it. I'll have to ask her how she feels about investing in… [ slight, but evident disdain ] that team.
BS:[ crisply ] Oh, I can’t see why she would be opposed to the idea. But Mr. Malfoy, let’s move on to a different topic. You don’t play Quidditch yourself — in fact, I heard you were only on the team for 36 hours before you were kicked off — but perhaps you have a favorite Quidditch book? Quintius Umfraville’s The Noble Sport of Warlocks, maybe?
LM: Oh, I think she might prefer I invest in a better ranked team, but I suppose you'd have to have that conversation with her. [ easily, as if barely sparing him a thought ] I'm sorry, was I on the team for two days or 36 hours?
BS: I don’t know, how long were you on the team? It’s a mystery.
AR: Barnaby, honestly now. Mr. Malfoy, I apologize for my co-hosts attempts to attack your credibility. He hasn’t been trained in manners yet.
LM:[ a little tense ] It isn't your fault he wasn't brought up properly. It's often the case with people of his breeding.
BS: Excuse me? What is that supposed t—
AR:[ sympathetic ] Agreed, but nonetheless, you are our valued guest, Mr. Malfoy. I can tell all our listeners that the Malfoy family has always been patrons of Quidditch through the ages, starting from the sport’s official organization into a league centuries ago as do all families with long lineages. Anyway, let’s move on: How do you feel about the recent politicizing of Quidditch?
LM: It's heartening to see someone here who knows the history. We've always been big… fans of the sport and Narcissa and I, especially, attend as many games as we can. It's why the recent statements made by certain teams have been so disappointing — we go to enjoy the game, not to listen to them attempt to hold a moral high ground. Have they forgotten that they directly benefit from their fans, many of whom dislike their politics?
BS: Athletes have personal lives beyond the pitch. Several players have been directly affected by recent controversial policies. The idea that they aren’t allowed to express their unhappiness about the situation is absurd.
AR: That’s fine, and all, but when they’re trying to do it as Quidditch players and teams that it becomes a problem. Anyway, Quidditch has been a wizarding world institution for centuries, and it’s a shame to see some people using it for their own petty goals. I’m sure many share your sentiments, Lucius. To show support for the teams that aren’t doing such, we’re going to award you and your lovely with Narcissa with a pair of box seats to the Wasps home game closest to Christmas so that your son Draco can attend, too.
LM: That's… wonderful. We'll be delighted to attend. Draco, especially.
BS: Speaking of your son, Mr. Malfoy, is it true you bought the Slytherin team brand new Nimbus 2011s in order to secure Draco a spot on the team?
LM:[ clears throat ] I have too much respect for the Slytherin team to resort to such underhanded tactics, and that's not to mention the fact that I would be undervaluing my son's talents. To celebrate Draco earning his rightful spot on the team, I gifted him a new broom. Why not extend the courtesy to the rest of the team? After all, teams work better without petty jealousies. It's unfortunate that you haven't let yours go, Bartholomew.
BS:[ coldly ] It’s Barnaby.
AR: Barnaby, Bartholomew, Barthandelus, close enough. Another great example of Malfoy patronage and support of Quidditch, I’d say. [ his hands clap audibly ] Well, the Slytherin team undoubtedly thanks you. I’m sure Draco is doing marvelous this year as well. That’s all the time we have for our interviews today. Thank you for joining us, Mr. Malfoy, and best of luck in all your future endeavors.
LM: Thank you, Angelus. [ pointed pause ] If you don't mind, we'll have to discuss these rumours about purchasing a team later. I'm rather intrigued now.
AR: That’s great to hear, Lucius. I’m sure some teams are rejoicing at the potential for new, amazing leadership. Up next, Barnaby and I will give you a rundown of what to expect this week on and off the pitch! Stay tuned.