katie bell (scatty) wrote in disorderic, @ 2018-02-25 18:52:00 |
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Entry tags: | katie bell, layla fairbourne |
WHO: Katie Bell & Layla Fairbourne.
WHAT: Meeting up
WHEN: Sunday 25th February
WHERE: A coffee shop, Muggle London
WARNINGS: :(
The bell above the door jingled when Layla entered the muggle coffee shop, one of a countless many in London, with a maelstrom of competing emotions. She’d taken Katie up on her gracious offer to meet in person and talk about things, which she did want to do… but also didn’t want to do. It obviously wasn’t going to be easy to talk about anything, and the fact that she couldn’t simply walk away from everything was apparent and felt like an immensely heavy weight against anything she could say. I’d like to, but… was shit even if it was the truth, and the brand on her arm made everything seem impossible. Nonetheless, here she was, shifting through the tables to one near the back corner that her hexts had indicated. Sure, maybe she should have paused at the risk to doing this, but really, the actual risk was on Katie and she wasn’t about to do anything to further jeopardize any tenuous connections she had with her old life, as out of reach as that was. “Hey, Katie,” Layla greeted, sounding solemn and almost mourning because that’s how it felt — they were mourning something that had died between them and would never be recovered. She kept her hands in plain view, gloved but empty, as she got closer. Maybe it was stupid, or reckless, or just too trusting of her but Katie desperately wanted to believe that Layla was thinking things over. Since their brief chat she’d entertained all sorts of wild ideas that she could get Layla on their side or even just help keep her safe. But none of these ideas seemed quite realistic enough, and before jumping ten steps ahead she needed to appear neutral and see where Layla’s thoughts were. She looked up as her friend approached, ponytail bobbing up and down as she nodded and waved in greeting. Her shoulder still ached from the previous night, despite the good amount of healing magic she’d been given, but she almost didn’t notice. She couldn’t resist her natural inclination to smile at her, even if it faded a little as she recalled the circumstances behind this meeting. “Nice coffee here,” Katie told her. “Sounds good to me,” Layla answered before flagging down a server to order a mug. She then slid in across from her friend, and that’s when the awkwardness truly set in. In the past it would have been to drum up a conversation about any number of things, but not now. “So,” she began, “thanks for trusting me enough to meet me here. It means a lot.” Because it did, Layla had realized. Sure, Katie maybe had people watching this place, but that didn’t matter. Usually she would’ve rushed to tell Layla that she hadn’t told anyone, but Katie was strangely hesitant to match Layla’s own awkwardness. She just nodded, a little bit of a smile, and focused on her coffee for a moment. “I’m really sorry about the blocking your number thing,” Katie offered up an apology, perhaps for the smallest offence on the table. “I kinda just — you know. Emotions.” With a sigh to settle herself more than any exasperation, Layla nodded. “It’s fine — I get it. I know a thing or two about emotions.” She paused as the server set down a mug of coffee for her as well. Once she was sure that the woman was out of earshot, Layla gave Katie a little look. “I’m sorry I was a shit the other day, too.” She wrinkled her nose at what she’d said, not because it was wrong, but because it wasn’t even remotely enough. “I mean, for starters.” It was enough to make Katie’s smile grow that little bit more. “It’s a good start. For both of us,” she admitted softly. There was no way that she could open up about her own involvement in this war, or even hint at her being a member of the Order, but appearing to be neutral (or, at least, a very biased but uninvolved stance) was already proving difficult. As the type to talk openly about her thoughts, this hesitation felt horribly unnatural to Katie. “So I’m not really going to talk,” she started, running through what she’d tried to prepare. “Or I’ll try not to judge. But I just want to listen, okay?” Katie looked to Layla, unable to hide her concern. “I said I would when you wanted to talk, so I owe you that.” Layla took a gulp from her steaming mug, but then she nodded again. “You can judge all you want. I’m not trying to sell you on this,” she stated bluntly before running a hand through her hair. She wasn’t here to try and convince Katie she’d done the right thing. Far from it. It wasn’t like she was delusional enough to not know she was wrong, either. She drummed her fingers on the table for a moment in thought. “I have about a billion things to say but I have no idea where I want to start.” She looked helpless and unsure for a moment, and hated herself for it. “I never wanted things to happen like they did,” she started with. “I mean that. I just —” she shook her head and sighed unhappily. “I was in a bad place. I am in a bad place. I was, and still am, angry and upset over Liam and what happened and that nothing was ever going to change with how that happened, because it didn’t need to, and not changing made it seem like no one really cared, in the end.” A grimace. “And I let that take me down a real shitty path since I guess I never knew how to deal with it, the anger was always there. Most of you were still in Hogwarts when the Wasps never worked out, or when I washed out of Hit training — the psych profile.” A derisive snort. “That was honest, by the way. That whole chat about hit training. They absolutely bring up everything you especially don’t want to talk about.” She took another sip of her coffee. “So that was a no go, and I really did think I’d be able to do something there, or at least help out or whatever. After that I got to talking to some terrible people about things.” Layla bit her lip. “Sorry,” she muttered, “This is hard, and I don’t know what kind of details you want. Really, the point is, I know this is wrong and fucked up, and I’d go back and change it if I could, but I can’t. And none of this was easy for me, like with Alicia or anything.” For her part, Katie was silent as she listened. She kept even the gentlest of contradictions unsaid, instead pursing her lips slightly before taking a long sip of her coffee. It was difficult to hear some of this, but she’d had enough time to realise it was probably difficult for Layla to say too. She cleared her throat softly. “My mum, she’s pretty clever right? Whenever I fucked up she’d always say you can’t change the past, but you can do what you can moving forwards to make it better. Even if it is, you know, pretty monumental.” Katie resisted the urge to dig that point in further. “But that doesn’t matter so much. I believe you,” she nodded slowly. “I don’t think you wanted things like that to happen.” It wasn’t like Layla disagreed with the sentiment that it was monumental, and so she merely nodding, accepting the judgment without trying to defend it. “I know I can’t,” she agreed, warming her hands on the mug. “Like I did want it, at the start, because I did it — not going after people I cared about, that is. I was in a shitty place, but I did it because it felt like the only way to do something because nothing else seemed to be working in my life.” She bit her lip for a moment. “And it was an outlet that no one else could give me for what I was feeling. It was wrong. I’m not trying to justify it. Really fucking wrong.” Her eyes flicked down to the table, but then she forced herself to look back up. “I don’t mean I was out there doing —” she glanced around the coffee shop, they were still in public after all “— things, I’ve never enjoyed that like some of them. But dark arts is a release for some of those emotions, in a way, so practicing them was… enjoyable, admittedly.” A pause. “This was before you had that incident, for the record, not that it ultimately changes anything. I was furious about that, and still am.” “And then August came, and it snowballed so fast, and suddenly they were all harping on me to deal with my outspoken friends, or they would. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want to, I had to look and do something like I was trying or they’d probably just rip the knowledge they needed from my mind and do it themselves.” She brought her mug to her lips again. The truth hurt. That statement was definitely a fact. “But you’re right. I didn’t want things to go like they’ve gone for the last however many months, and I don’t want to do this anymore, and I’ve felt that way for longer than just the last month, trust me, but you don’t just… leave this and everything is fine. There’s a huge, huge danger and it’s more than just for me.” Katie picked up a teaspoon and started twirling it lazily through her fingers, listening carefully. “So where do you want to go from here? Taking into account the danger?” She looked across at Layla, dropping the spoon before gently pressing her hand onto her still-aching shoulder. “Because it’s all dangerous right now. You see what’s happening, we all know what’s going on.” The million galleon question, and one that Layla had… already begun to answer the other night. “I know I’d rather just leave,” she said, sounding firm. “If it was just me, this would be different. But Natalie and my parents, and then I’m not sure they wouldn’t just take it out on the people they obviously know I’m still shielding — so it’s… risk reward isn’t it?” Layla sighed heavily once more, looking decided unhappy. “I’ve been talking with Percy and Oliver a bit the last month, they’ve been good about it. About some of the problems here regarding leaving.” She picked up the mug. “And then I talked to Alicia the other night about giving the Order information in the meantime, for however much they’ll believe me not that I blame them.” Katie considered this for a moment in silence. “So if we do it stage by stage? I know so many people that’d look after you and Nat and your parents, honest,” she was eager to have something more concrete. “I know it’d be a long process, it’s not like you can just flip off Bellatrix Lestrange and not expect anything back.” Katie hesitated for a moment. “I mean, you kept it from us long enough. Maybe the other way round can work the same way?” She forgot to feign surprise at the information that Layla had been talking to Alicia. “I think it’d have to be,” Layla said in agreement before the mug touched her lips again to give her a moment to clamp down on the flux of emotions. That failed. “If it’s rushed we’re going to mess up. But yes, if you can convince them to leave properly do it. It’s not like they’ll listen to me. I’m not going anywhere if they’re not gone, I can’t.” She rested her left arm on the table, palm up, but it wasn’t to show her hand. It was about her forearm, covered as it was by her coat. “They can likely track me no matter what, so. You know. We’re going to have to think this through.” And she was likely going to die, one way or another. Despite the mood, and to banish that thought from her mind, Layla snorted. “Let me tell you that telling Lestranges to shut up publicly apparently is a capital sin.” Even if Katie had failed to mask her surprise, Layla had enough on her mind that it went right over her head for the moment — there’d been enough she’d dropped on Katie today as it was. “We can make a plan,” Katie told her, trying to sound more confident than she really felt. “But when you do it, I’m here for you.” She reached out to take Layla’s hand, squeeze it gently before dropping it. “I’m glad you’re here.” “Okay. I’ll… work out what I think the problems are and let you know soon.” The big, massive, almost insurmountable problems. Layla squeezed Katie’s hand back instinctively, but as her (former?) friend pulled away it was only another stark, cold, reminder of everything she’d thrown away for the Mark on her arm. “Thanks,” she said, softly, “I’m glad you are too.” That there were a few people that still had some degree of faith in her, as undeserved as it was. “I can’t stay too long,” Katie told her, already feeling guilty for the fact. “I don’t know how to undo the blocking thing Joe did on my phone but you can always ward me until I fix it, okay?” A pause. “But maybe if we keep it quiet. I can’t tell my brother, or Alicia or Angelina or anyone.” Her stomach turned a little as she recalled the messy anger that she and everyone else had experienced over Layla. “And we can build on a plan. Maybe I can speak to Oliver and Percy if you’ve been speaking to them?” Katie was starting to think out loud. There were far too many secrets around, she might need to share a little bit of them. “That’s fine.” It wasn’t like Layla was going to demand Katie sit and stay with her. “It’s just safer… anyway,” she added. The less time they were physically together the better overall. “You can tell whoever you want to, as long as you trust them and it’s not going to get out.” Even if they were furious and wanted to hurt her. “Percy and Oliver have been really good, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind, and I don’t. In the meantime I’ll just, try and figure that out and see what I can pass along.” Layla downed the rest of her mug, as warm as it still was, and looked ready to stand. But before she did, she looked at Katie fondly, emotionally. “It means a lot you came. Like, more than you know.” “It means a lot that you were ready for it,” Katie told her, standing up too. She threw her arms around Layla in a quick hug without hesitating, something she’d been so used to doing. There was a split second where Layla’s brain lagged, still caught in reality, but then she returned the hug by pulling Katie in with her arms. Dark Mark be damned. |