Dedalus Diggle (misdirection) wrote in disorderic, @ 2018-01-26 19:47:00 |
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“HELGA, can you believe the nerve of him? He’s lucky I only punched him in the nose instead of eviscerating him completely!” Demeter Diggle was shouting, dramatic as always; to the tiny brunette, every offence was the Worst Thing That Had Ever Happened, and she expected her friend and housemate to be onboard with her righteous rage. When she was done gesticulating wildly to emphasise just how angered she was, she balled her hands up into frustrated fists, then began to adjust her hair, piling her dark, loose curls into a loose bun atop her head and tying them up with a bow. “BAN EVERY BOY, they don’t deserve to be here if they don’t know how to behave like civilised human beings!!” Demeter loudly opined. “Why did you do that anyway?” Ted Tonks asked. “He would’ve deserved an evisceration.” While Demi adjusted her hair Ted attempted to braid her own. It was the only way to keep it at least somewhat contained, and even that only worked half the time. Once reasonably satisfied with the result she flopped back on her bed, waiting for Demi to continue. Worked up Demi was the best Demi, as far as she was concerned. Demi was more than happy to elaborate; Ted was such a good listener. She sat down on the bed next to her, ready to regale her with her grievances. “He said that witches were INFERIOR at potions despite the fact that YOLANDA HOFSTADTER is worth more than every boy put together when it comes to potions! And then when I pointed that out, he said I was just hormonal because I—and I regrettably quote—” She held up air quotes with an expression caught somewhere between horror and disgust, “—’longing for his schlong’. So I caved his TEETH in for ever bringing such a repulsive mental image into this world.” “Boys are so gross.” Ted pulled a face. “Excuse me, what does a ‘shlong’ which by the way is the dumbest word in the world?... have to do with potions? Unless they’re, like, stirring their potions with it, it’s completely irrelevant.” That was not an image she should’ve put in either of their heads, however. Why had she said that out loud? “And anyway, I’ve never seen anyone do that in Potions. So. Argument 100% invalid.” “RIGHT? Thank you!” Demi said, extremely validated despite the fact that she was still fuming. “I’m going to brew a dick-shrivelling potion and pour it into his pumpkin juice just so that I never have to hear about it again!!” She let out one final cry of exasperation before switching back to her normal, cheery self. “So how was your day?” she asked Ted sweetly. “Ugh.” Ted sighed. “It must be Stupid Day or something, because you know what Melinda says? She says she can’t ‘commit’ or whatever, which basically means that she wants me to wait around her her while she decides if she wants to ditch her boyfriend or not.” She pulled a face as she tried to recall what her Totally Not Girlfriend (Unless You Ask Ted) had told her earlier. “First of all, we’re fourth years! Who even ‘commits’,” she emphasised with air quotes, “at our age? I’m not telling her to love me forever, I’m telling her that things are pretty cool right now.” Another sigh, so theatrical that it could’ve rivaled one of Demi’s. “Slytherins.” “Uuuuugggggghhhhhh! Ban Slytherins too, to be honest! Her ‘boyfriend’ looks like a sloth! Clearly she doesn’t have eyes if she thinks there’s any contest between you and him!” Demi raged in solidarity. “I’m going to go fight her on your behalf!” “Ban everything!” Ted added. “Except for us.” One of her favourite things about Demi was that she was always happy to throw herself into whatever issue Ted happened to have. It was nice to have someone who cared so much about literally everything. “I bet she can’t even throw a punch.” “Except for us!” Demi agreed wholeheartedly, flopping back on the bed beside her. Loyal to a fault, it didn’t take much for her to jump on the hater bandwagon. “Right? What kind of a girl can’t throw a punch? You can do better, Ted love. I will set you up with someone TWO HUNDRED PERCENT better at making decisions and throwing punches, just watch me!” “You have great taste,” Ted termarked. “Better than me. Maybe I should just let you pick my girlfriends for me, you would be so much better at it than me.” She glanced over at her friend. “Or maybe make Dedalus do it. I bet he’s a lot better at that than he thinks.” Demi rolled her eyes. “Dally is socially hopeless. He'll scare off all your potential suitors with conjured unicorns and inappropriate fireworks displays. Not exactly what you want in a wingman.” she teased. “What about that purple-haired one? Her family runs a winged horse farm. You could invite me over and we could fly around, dropping horse shit on the people we hate.” “To be fair fireworks are awesome,” Ted argued, though Demi might have a point. Not that Ted minded much. She was an only child. Having a sibling built in from the womb seemed great, even if they were quiet and shy and really into fireworks, for some reason. “She’s pretty cute,” Ted had to agree. “I’m not doing the horse thing, though! At least not if they have wings.” She pulled a face at the idea of being that far up in the air. Magical people were crazy if you thought about it. Demi sighed. “Fine, but you’re missing out on all the fun. Maybe I’ll date her and we can do horse shit sabotage without you,” she said, giving her dormmate a teasing nudge. “Actually, we should get some fireworks, set them loose on Slytherin. That would make you feel better!” “I’m too muggle for horses with wings!” Ted protested. “But fireworks sounds great. I bet setting them off in the dungeon would be amazing. We’d get like seventeen years of detention if we were caught but so worth it!” “I’m half-muggle and I get along with them just fine! But FINE,” Demi relented, springing to her feet at the promise of mischief. “Dally’s got some, let’s go bother him.” The girls found Diggle by the Black Lake, a smoking cauldron filled with what looked like plain water in front of him. The answer was probably more exciting, so Ted ran up to him to find out exactly how exciting it was. “What are you doing?” she asked, peering over his shoulder without bothering to announce their arrival. The small, excitable boy turned suddenly, though he appeared to be thrilled by the intrusion rather than bothered. “Ted! Demi! You’re just in time! Wait’ll you see what I’ve just invented! It’s amazing!” Dedalus exclaimed, jumping to his feet, positively bouncing on his heels at the prospect of sharing his latest invention. “Where’s the smoke coming from?” Ted said, reaching out to poke it but snatching her hand back at the last second. “Ow. Seriously, what is it?” She loved Dedalus’ enthusiasm. “Liquid fire? Is it fire? It looks like water but it definitely doesn’t feel like water.” “Oh! It is water!” Dedalus declared excitedly. “But wait’ll you see what’s in the water!” Using his wand, he began to lift whatever-it-was out of the pot—it turned out to be a bushel of assorted cherry bombs and other small muggle firecrackers with their fuses still sizzling, seemingly unbothered by the water they’d been dunked in. Much to Dedalus’ evident delight, they all exploded momentarily in a flurry of bangs and sparks. Demi clapped her hands together, equally delighted by this impromptu lightshow. “Brilliant! What is this?” “Unquenchable fireworks!” Dedalus explained, with a hand gesture that seemed to suggest TADA! “For when you want to explode something without any narcs interfering! And look amazing doing it!” He picked up a couple of dry ones off the ground and tossed them to the girls. “Here, try them!” “Oh brilliant!” Ted echoed Demi’s assessment. “Let me!” She lit the fuse of her handful of firecrackers and dunked them into the water. “How long do we have to wait?” “Pfft, waiting is for losers,” Dedalus said joyfully. “Go ahead and try them!” Ted pulled her wand and lifted the firecrackers out of the water like Dedalus had said, just to see what happened. She levitated them as high as she could in the air and let go, watching with a smile on her face as they tumbled through the air, exploding at random intervals. “We know the perfect use for these,” she said. “Right, Demi?” Demi rubbed her hands together, her expression devious. “Let’s go make some Slytherins pee their pants.” “Come on, Dedalus,” Ted instructed. “Put all of them in there, and we’ll tell you the plan on the way.” With a smile on her face and her heartache temporarily forgotten she did what she did best: getting herself and the Diggles into some serious trouble. But it was, as every time before, totally worth it. |