barnaby 'baz' snell (broadcaster) wrote in disorderic, @ 2017-09-04 17:28:00 |
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BARNABY: Two days ago, five League teams -- the Chudley Cannons, the Falmouth Falcons, the Holyhead Harpies, the Montrose Magpies, and Puddlemere United -- sent shockwaves throughout social media by condemning the Ministry's new Muggleborn Registration Committee. The decision to take a firm stance has been met with support and outrage. How do you feel about the statement? Hoot us at @ThePitch or call in now! CALLER: Listen, I don't go to Quidditch matches because I care about the opinions of some bloke who's been smashed in the head with a bludger a few too many times. They're celebrities! They're athletes! No one wants to hear them talk about politics. BARNABY: Athletes don't deserve to have a say on current events? CALLER: Who cares what they think? It's not going to change anything. That's energy they could channel into practice. BARNABY: Hooter user "@merlinspants" says, "Quidditch players are role models to our children. Happy they're stepping up and doing the right thing!" [pause] They also want to know if I know Oliver Wood's shoe size. Why would I know that? CALLER: Listen, you're a statistics guy. You know that [the airquotes are audible] "muggleborns" are often the weakest players on a team. BARNABY: That's patently false. I could list dozens of talented muggleborn players -- remember Magpies seeker Eunace Murray? The man actually petitioned for a faster Snitch. CALLER: There's always a few flukes, but the facts will back me up. BARNABY: [derisive snort] What facts? A pamphlet from the Society for the Preservation of Magical Heritage hardly counts. Next caller. CALLER: --and you know what else? I don't think Dumbledore is really dead! I think it's all a cover up! BARNABY: ... a cover up for what? CALLER: Dumbledore has harnessed the power of a Time Turner and gained the ability to time travel! He isn't dead, he's just gone back in time! BARNABY: Okay, I'll bite. Why? CALLER: Well, do you know the Weasley family? I believe one of their sons is— BARNABY: Right, okay. This has nothing to do with Quidditch. Next caller. BARNABY: Hooter user "@oliversgirl91" had this to say: "Good on Puddlemere United! But why didn't the rest of the League sign?" Good question! There are thirteen teams in the British and Irish Quidditch League. Were the other teams reluctant to draw attention to themselves? Personally, I think it's brave to take a stand against -- oh, it's apparently time for a commercial break! We'll be back after a word from our sponsors. |