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Tweak says, "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"

Oubai, Kouchisei (daioujou) wrote in disappear_rpg,
@ 2010-08-05 02:10:00

Entry tags:

kou, renju

WHO: Renju, Kou.
WHAT: Talking, investigation, association.
WHERE: Cram school, lesson break.
WHEN: After Hikaru fled and during Reizo's disappearance.
WHY: I don't know.

Kouchisei had welcomed the break with relief, and had chosen to read, and was thinking that he should not have brought a textbook quite so large because he would have to take it home.

He shrugged with indifference as he took a leaning position on the desk, normally more exhausted than what these lessons left him as. He saw complications wherever he looked for ways out, and greater challenges whenever he tried to rationalise the situation to himself. He liked everything to be clear and completely calm.

Two recent situations had changed that, and he did not like the feelings it rose.

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lotus_beyond
2010-08-05 11:41 am UTC (link)

Classes at Nanakamado might have stopped, but it appeared that that wasn't about to stop classes at Kainou. In fact, it was a strange regular dose of normality in the midst of a situation that was anything but. The only reminder of the danger of the outside world was the gossip that spontaneously broke out during these breaks, and in the halls afterwards.

No, Renju mentally corrected herself, there were two. Kou was sitting nearby, as he'd offered to do at the beginning of summer, browsing through a rather hefty-looking book. The two of them still hadn't spoken much, but as things had proceeded... well, Renju would be lying if she said it wasn't at least somewhat reassuring to see someone familiar on a regular basis.

She tapped her pen against her own book a few times, then closed it and set it aside. There was still a little while before the break ended, at least, and it was getting a little difficult to concentrate on reading when there was so much else going through her head. "What do you make of all of this, Oubai-san?" she asked suddenly, looking sidelong at him; she hadn't been keeping up with the journals much lately, so she hadn't paid particular attention to that little exchange between him and Kiriko.

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daioujou
2010-08-05 11:55 pm UTC (link)

The sound of Renju's voice disturbed the mental recital of the words of his textbook. So he tried to pretend she had not questioned him and, with all the politeness and thought he could muster, appeared to carry on reading.

Truthfully, he found it hard, and his hours spent revising had increased as consequence. His current opinion on the situation was that they must be careful. He had at first felt confident - risk-taking, hopeful, certainly a good deal expectant - and now they were overreaching because they all lacked rational deliberation and thought.

His next thought was simply about Reizo Shirai. It was clear from his exchange with Kiriko that he thought some people were better than others. Well, it was not just because most people did not take a gun and shoot people. They were understanding, and he was scared.

The feeling he had was the kind of feeling he got when it came to disagreeing with family elders. There was a period where he felt awkward and cold, and sick at least, and there was a need to stay at least three days underneath the covers of his bed in his room.

He mumbled something, and then looked around the room. Renju was not as intimidating as others he knew. He'd never really bothered talking to her. If he wanted to see what she was like then he would have to.

"It's loathsome." His hands propped the book in front of his nose, and so it seemed he was reading it. "I'm not even sure what to think, now. You don't seem that enamoured by it either."

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lotus_beyond
2010-08-23 01:13 am UTC (link)

"I'm not."

It was immediately clear how Kou had taken the question, and 'loathsome' was not the word Renju would have used to describe it. Then again, from what she'd seen, it seemed as though Kou's opinions of most of the group were stronger than her own (or, at least, the negative ones were). Nonetheless, there were a few reasons why she didn't relish this particular prospect, and she imagined that at least some of them matched up with Kou's own.

"But there's no choice in the matter," she went on, realizing as she said it that while her answer might have been the same back in the spring when all this had started, the reasons behind it were not. "Not a meaningful one, at any rate. Leaving anyone there would be unconscionable."

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daioujou
2010-08-25 11:14 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not sure I agree."

Kouchisei's attention was focused more on his book than ever. From what he knew of the group, most would grow up to be good people. Renju seemed the type of person who might understand why he had doubts, at least - or guess who he had doubts about. Sometimes he was envious about her ability to be as logical as him, yet keep her cool.

"I guess that makes me a terrible human being, huh?"

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lotus_beyond
2010-08-26 01:24 am UTC (link)

It wasn't entirely surprising, really, when she thought about it for a moment, but it was still more of a shock to the system than she would like to admit. She was certain that Kou wasn't the only one on the team to harbor such thoughts (and admittedly, she'd considered it when she found out who Reizo's father had been, however briefly), but actually hearing it expressed was something she hadn't expected.

She weighed her words carefully before speaking them. "It's understandable. But that place shouldn't be the means by which these situations get resolved. Even if it might seem like the simplest way..." She shook her head. "That's not our responsibility, or our place."

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daioujou
2010-08-28 10:33 pm UTC (link)

"It's not the place of the Angels, either. They call us irresponsible but we can't trust anything they say. Maybe that world is their responsibility. All I know is that I would be happier staying at home."

Kou traced circles on his desk with his finger. Everything should be simpler, because he would know his place and be comfortable. He deferred to authority at home and at school, but those were people he respected as having a right to tell him what to do. Renju had impressed him as the sort who left him to it. Others were not as considerate.

"Have you considered what you will do once this is over?"

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lotus_beyond
2010-08-31 12:30 am UTC (link)

Renju wasn't certain which of those topics of conversation was less comfortable. She decided to go with the one that was safer for public consumption.

"Some," she admitted, almost certainly looking about as edgy about the matter as she felt, "but I don't have anything concrete as of yet. I suppose next year won't change--I have no intention of not taking entrance examinations, regardless of my situation."

She looked up from her desk and to Kou, and realized with a start that she really knew nothing about him. She'd joined the team after he'd entered and been rescued from Paradise; she wasn't going to have the shortcut she'd had with the others besides Toru (and Toru had, as of late, done quite enough personally revealing things for her taste). "And you?"

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daioujou
2010-08-31 01:33 am UTC (link)

Kouchisei shrugged. Now he'd been asked, and the conversation had swung round to make him as uncomfortable as Renju looked. The way his hands clasped under the desk and how his lips made a line showed that he was considering how close and personal such a request was; and for all the nervousness and hestitation he closed the book that was in front of him and pulled off his glasses.

"Medical school," he said assertively, as though his successful entrance examination had already been graded. He didn't like to doubt himself, partly because of a fear his work would be wasted. "Getting outside Iburi will do me good."

He looked nervous compared to how he sounded. That was enough information for her, and he decided to place the conversation back on Renju's shoulders. "Surely you've considered a course?"

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lotus_beyond
2011-01-11 01:48 am UTC (link)

"Not until recently." Renju shifted uneasily and glanced at the clock; it didn't seem like the break was going to end anytime soon. So much for the indirect approach to ending this conversation... no, that was enough of that. She'd hidden from this topic long enough.

But did it really have to be Kou, of all people, she discussed it with?

"My parents had it planned out. I'd..." She took a long breath. "I'd rather not follow what they set out for me."

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	daioujou 2011-01-11 02:03 am UTC (link)
	Renju was already on her own path. He did not know whether that was a mistake; his own experience was different and he struggled to relate to hers. He was trying, however. "What were they thinking?" He was curious to see how their experiences related, but he respected Renju's privacy enough to not pry deeply. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lotus_beyond
2011-03-07 01:10 am UTC (link)

"Business." Renju frowned and drummed her fingers on the book resting on her desk. She hadn't really given much thought to whether she'd actually enjoy it, come to think of it; back then she had simply followed it because it was what her family wanted, and now she was running away from it for much the same reason.

But that wasn't necessarily bad, was it? She needed to define herself as a person, after all. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thought about leaving it told her all she needed to know. "I was supposed to go to Toudai and enter a prestigious company."

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daioujou
2011-03-07 01:33 am UTC (link)

The words seemed to sink in more when Kou leaned back in his chair. He hadn't thought that the two of them would have something in common that they treated so differently. The end goal was the same, but getting there wasn't.

"It sounds like you're not sure you want to go," he said in a slow, thoughtful manner, and the thought of telling her to disobey her parents was a sour one. "If it's a problem, there's lots of things you can do about it. It's not as hard as it seems."

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lotus_beyond
2011-03-07 10:09 pm UTC (link)

"It's not a problem, precisely." The frown shifted to a more thoughtful quirk of the lips as Renju's gaze drifted towards the ceiling. "What they wanted is... no longer a concern." Or shouldn't be. But there was still that sick feeling, that deep fear that she followed now rather than fled from.

"But I haven't had the time to think about what I might want, nor the desire, until recently." It was probably fairly clear what she meant simply from the context. Her Shadow had been oblique, but she and it were touching on some common themes.

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	daioujou 2011-03-08 12:16 am UTC (link)
	"That's understandable." Kouchisei spoke without much emotion, but it was clear from how he was gazing at Renju that he knew what she meant. "Our experiences weren't similiar, but I believe we're both strong enough to handle them." He wasn't looking directly into her eyes, but he seemed sincere. "Maybe you just need to get used to the idea of having this time." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lotus_beyond
2011-03-10 12:48 am UTC (link)

Renju was curious about what Kou meant by his experiences, but decided not to pry. If it became relevant, she was sure she'd learn it at some point, and Kou was a private enough person that asking would be rude.

Though that was not to say that she didn't have some hunch.

"That may be so." She nodded slowly. "That is," she added with a huff, "if this doesn't all turn out to be moot."

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daioujou
2011-03-10 01:16 am UTC (link)

"I don't think it is," he answered honestly. "We're fighting for ourselves. Others."

He was silent for a while after that; the implications of failure were distressing and worrysome.

However, he had considered it at length and seemingly forever. The initial worry had disappeared. Except he had gone on some, and though he liked peace and quiet, this particular silence was aggravating his sense of formality.

"Sorry. I never thought I'd ask these sorts of questions. It must be rude of me."

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	lotus_beyond 2011-03-10 01:29 am UTC (link)
	"It's no trouble." And though it was the polite response, Renju actually found it to be surprisingly true. "It's allowed me a chance to think about a few things." And talk about them, which had helped far more than she'd expected. "Thank you, Oubai-san." And as she said that, the door opened to allow the teacher back in. Break, it seemed, was over. (Reply to this) (Parent)