InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "NEVER stop, keep on walking."

Freakshow, betch. (freakydeaky) wrote in devolve,
@ 2011-02-04 02:33:00

Entry tags:

jimmy_proudstar, kevin_allen

Who: Freakshow and Jimmy
What: Training Aftermath
Where: Jimmy's Room
When: Monday, after the training thread
Warnings: N/a
Status: Complete

Freakshow practically fled to Jimmy's trailer once he was freed from the standard "return policy" for those who left the colony. He had no reason to go to his room, and honestly wasn't sure he wanted to deal with the questions he knew would come from others in his age group, especially considering they all lived in the same area of the main house. He was still a bit rattled, wired, and dazed by the whole thing. Jimmy knew what it was like. Jimmy had experience. Jimmy handled it well-enough, right? And Jimmy was Jimmy. There was little reason beyond that the blond felt he needed just to feel justified.

It was strange staying in unaltered human form for an extended period of time considering how much shifting he'd done through the whole day. He was glad for it for once, happy to just be Kevin Allen for a little while, as if that separated him from the person who had been on the other side of the wall all day.

He knew the way to Jimmy's trailer like the back of his hand, and probably could have navigated the distance with his eyes closed if pressured to do so. He knocked on the door and took a step back for the door to eventually open, bouncing a bit on his heals in the snow, the thick hoodie doing little in the way of protecting him from the cold wind kicking up flakes along his legs.

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little_jim
2011-02-04 07:58 am UTC (link)

Jimmy had watched from the wall from just before sunset until the truck returned. Only then could he relax and try to settle in for the night. He had been worried about Freakshow all day, even if he hadn't shown it much.

There was very few things that had a prayer of hurting Little Brother in one of his mighty forms. But the dangers of the world went beyond just the zombies and the raiders. Those were the things that he was worried about the most.

He wasn't all that surprised when Freakshow came looking for him. He opened the door, stepping back so he could enter. Jimmy's trailer was sparsely furnished, he spent very little time in it outside of sleeping. And furniture sized for him took up a lot more room and his trailer wasn't that big.

He'd donned a pair of shorts before answering the door, for Freakshow's sake. His long black hair was completely loose and it might have seemed that he was ready for bed. Truth was, Jimmy didn't sleep much, his dreams were disturbing and every noise made him stir.

Settling down on the floor, he let Little Brother get comfortable before he spoke. "How did it go?" he asked quietly, his dark eyes meeting Freakshow's blue ones.

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freakydeaky
2011-02-04 08:14 am UTC (link)

Freakshow felt pretty darned okay prior to the door opening, and then felt a million times better when Jimmy opened the door, becoming the foundation of what was home for the moment. Freakshow was good, Freakshow was composed and a mature, and pretty proud of himself.

Then Jimmy asked that one little question, and after a second, when Freakshow's mouth opened to reply, instead of words coming out his eyes welled over and all he could do was clamp his lips shut again and look pathetic, dejected and ashamed. He'd been holding it in since the roads had become familiar again on the way home, when he'd wanted to explode most of all out of sheer relief that they were safe again, but he'd held strong, and had fooled himself into thinking that maybe he wouldn't have to cry like a little kid after all.

But no, he couldn't even make it past the first question.

When he could finally get words out they were quiet and weak, and he felt even more like a little whinerbaby. "I survived." He threw his hands up a little and tried to smile, but his voice merely squeaked, only adding insult to injury.

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little_jim
2011-02-04 08:24 am UTC (link)

Even though he rarely showed emotion himself, Jimmy had no problems with anyone expressing them. There was no shame in tears for the fallen after the battle was over. The fact that Freakshow had survived told a great deal about his strength.

"That is all you must do," Jimmy assured him, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder gently. "Tell me what you saw. Please." It would be easier to help Freakshow if he knew exactly what he had endured out there. He felt a bit like they should have had this talk before he'd gone out. Still it was too late for that. The only way to go now was forward.

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freakydeaky
2011-02-04 07:04 pm UTC (link)

Freakshow actually moved to sit on the floor too, rubbing a bit at his eyes and grunting at himself in disgust. "I was fine. I was totally fine. I don't know why this crap is happening now." When it became apparently that the water works weren't exactly stopping, and probably just needed to run their course, he let his hands flop down to his thighs, sighing.

"I figured I'd see dead people. Like, not the ones walking around or whatever, but, you know, bodies. That's what we were out there for and all that, but actually seeing them is totally different. Totally, totally different." He sniffed a bit, looking down at his hands and grimacing at the water covering them. "And there was a little kid." He didn't want to go into detail with that, just trailing off as he sniffed again and shook his head as he looked back up at Jimmy. "The friggin' easiest thing that happened was when the weirdo guys showed up and started shooting as us. That I could handle. What the hell is up with that?"

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little_jim
2011-02-04 07:10 pm UTC (link)

Jimmy listened, letting Freakshow vent out a little. It wasn't surprising, the way he had reacted. Some things were just injustices, and there was no amount of preparation that made coming to terms with those injustices any easier.

Dead children was an injustice of this war. A cold, hard reality none of them liked to face.

"Because children should not have to die," Jimmy said simply. "It is wrong, our hearts know this and that is why it tears us apart to see it." He heaved out a long breath. "And the reason it is easier, is because an enemy that is tangible, one you can fight, one you can defeat. is much easier to face than the spectre of the virus. Who kills everyone and nothing we can do yet will stop it."

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freakydeaky
2011-02-05 06:13 am UTC (link)

Freakshow was quiet for a few seconds, rubbing enough at his eyes that the skin around them was red and swollen by the time he was done. He eventually stopped crying, focusing on what Jimmy was saying, deciding that it was a good opener to a slightly easier-to-discuss topic.

"We went to this warehouse district and these guys came at us. Like...people people." He looked back to Jimmy, looking a little curious now. "Does that happen a lot? I didn't realize there were a lot of survivors still hanging around out there. I mean, I know we get some here once in a while, but it was weird seeing them out there."

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little_jim
2011-02-05 09:29 pm UTC (link)

Crying was fine. Jimmy might have joined him, but he felt like he ran out impotent tears when his tribe was destroyed. Now, death just made him feel empty and alone. Like he had failed again.

He nodded slowly. "There are more than even I expected," he admitted. "Some are like us, some seek to survive by preying on others. They usually don't bother our patrols anymore." That was because too many of them had died. Their deaths didn't plague him the way the deaths of the innocents did. They were not worth even an honorable death and certainly not the warriors they thought they were.

"What did you do?" Jimmy asked quietly. If he survived, and had to kill the men to do so, that would explain part of Freakshow's emotions. Killing for the first, even in self-defense, was never easy.

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freakydeaky
2011-02-06 02:45 am UTC (link)

Freakshow straightened a bit, looking a little proud of himself for the first time since he arrived, the corners of his mouth turning up a bit. "Turned into a big friggin' dragon." He waved a hand dismissively in the air, shaking his head. "They ran off. Kurt started yoinking their weapons and stuff so it was pretty much the only thing they could do." The stopped before adding, once again, proudly. "That and I was a big friggin' dragon. I spat ice." He moved his hand in the standard hand puppet gesture, opening and closing its mouth like it was coughing something up. "It was pretty cool. I mean, I didn't hit 'em or anything, but I turned the parking lot into a skating rink so they couldn't really get any closer."

When he was done, he clamped his hands against his knees, shrugging his shoulders a bit. "I don't know if they were gonna kill us or anything, but I'm glad they ran."

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little_jim
2011-02-06 03:03 am UTC (link)

He was glad that it ended that way. "I'm glad as well," he agreed. "They probably thought to. You'd think you turning into a dragon would have been a big enough deterrent."

It was a wise choice of forms and a good plan. Hopefully, the raiders didn't go pick on easier targets. Unfortunately, they probably had. Jimmy wasn't certain if he should tell Freakshow about that part or not.

"Sometimes, they don't give up so easily," he admitted carefully.

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freakydeaky
2011-02-06 04:07 am UTC (link)

"Yeah, I was thinking about that." Freakshow nodded to himself, sounding a little sad. "I mean, I'd totally rather have them run away, and I don't actually want to hurt people, but I don't want them to hurt Kurt or Kevin when we're out either, or anyone else we're out with." He glanced back up. "Everyone's just sorta scared, right? What if they just freak out and attack because they don't want to die, not because they don't want to hurt anybody. How do you know you're not...you know...killing good guys?"

He didn't expect an answer, knowing that it was probably pretty impossible to tell real enemies from people who just acted like they wanted to fight you. "Seems really bad to just go around killing people when they survived this long."

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little_jim
2011-02-06 04:18 am UTC (link)

That was a possibility, although in Jimmy's experience, people who wanted to survive didn't attack people minding their own business, even in this world. "It isn't always easy to tell," he admitted. "Usually, the ones who attack us want to steal from us or keep the competition as it were. By now, most of the survivors are part of colonies or raiders. The other colonies know who we are and wouldn't attack us. The raiders generally attack immediately and only run if they're at an obvious disadvantage. Or when they recognize us."

Jimmy heaved out a long breath. "It is never simple, the decision to take a life. No one enjoys it. It simply is something that will likely happen in our world. I do not want you to have to face that reality, but I do not want it to hurt you like seeing the dead child did today. Forgive me, for not warning you about that possibility beforehand. I have seen so many dead-" he winced, because the memory never was pleasant, even if he'd become numb to seeing bodies in general,"-everyone over the years, all of the faces run together."

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freakydeaky
2011-02-06 06:20 am UTC (link)

"That doesn't make me feel any better." Freakshow replied gloomily, lifting his legs up until his knees were close to his chest, his arms wrapping around his shins lightly, though not in a way that made it look like he was curling up in discomfort.

"I'll get better, probably. Maybe." He shrugged a shoulder. "If I don't I'll just do something else. I mean, we need help doing a lot of things around here. Maybe I'll get good at something. Right now I'm good at this, so it's not gonna hurt too much to try it out for a while, right? I'll see bad stuff but I'll be doing good too. Like, making sure Kev doesn't get eaten, or shot, or....abducted by aliens." He didn't know why he'd thought of that, but the mental image made him laugh a little. "If other people can do it I should be able to too."

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	little_jim 2011-02-06 06:25 am UTC (link)
	Jimmy shrugged helplessly. "I wish I could tell you something else," he admitted. "But that is the truth. I'm sorry." He looked at Freakshow, shaking his head. "What makes you think you're bad at it, Little Brother?" he suggested. "You did exactly that. You protected Kevin and Kurt, and survived. That is all you have to do. You're being too hard on yourself." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

freakydeaky
2011-02-06 06:32 am UTC (link)

"I don't think I am. I'm new, I have a lot to learn, I'll man up or I won't." He grimaced after a second, realizing how stupid and adult that sounded. "If I did a bad job somebody woulda said something, so if I use my brain I'm not gonna get anyone killed, probably. And I probably don't always have to be on the ground where all the dead things are, so that'll get easier. And being able to get out and actually do stuff is gonna be great." Optimism. He was good at that. It made him feel better to think that he wasn't going to be limited to doing what he did that day, and that there might not always be corpses and raiders and infected everywhere.

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	little_jim 2011-02-06 07:32 am UTC (link)
	Jimmy chuckled softly. "I think you're doing better than you think you are," he told him. "You're already finding the bright side." He stood up and stretched. "Are you hungry? I was about to fix something." As large and as much energy as his body needed, Jimmy ate quite a bit. So he kept things in his trailer's kitchen. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

freakydeaky
2011-02-06 07:36 am UTC (link)

"That's me, bright-side guy." Freakshow offered a little lamely, though sounded much more chipper than before. When Jimmy stood up, Freak's eyes followed him, then he noticeably perked at the mention of food. He hopped to his feet and wandered after the big guy like a puppy, as bushy-tailed as he ever was. "OhmyGodI'mstarved. You read my mind from, like, hours ago."

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	little_jim 2011-02-06 07:48 am UTC (link)
	"You're always hungry, Little Brother," Jimmy reminded him. "Not that I'm any better." He wasn't and had been as bad as Freakshow at the same age. Especially right after his powers manifested and he learned new meaning to the term growing pains. "I'll even fix something incredibly unhealthy just for you," he said. "If I have it on hand at least." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

freakydeaky
2011-02-06 07:59 am UTC (link)

Freakshow was half-tempted to turn into something that had a tail to wag, but he knew that pretty much anything he could think of would either be way too big for the trailer, or would have a tail that could break everything in sight. He settled for being regular old Freaky, grinning widely. "I have total faith, big guy."

Not that an bad end to a relatively bad day. He just hoped any he might have in the future would learn by example.

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