He heard what she was saying, but it was hard for him to absorb it just then. When she crouched before him and and touched his arm he didn't move to touch her back. It was like he was on auto-pilot, and in a way he had to be so that he could say the things that he was about to say.
He didn't tell her how he had cried so hard that he'd actually blacked out and woke up covered in flies and blood. He didn't tell her the more gruesome details, because those were things he knew that he could never ever speak aloud. He felt his chin tremble and strengthened his resolve against the tears that threatened his eyes. "Things were bad, and at one point I was resolved to the fact that we would starve to death." He remembered scouring the house for even one more bullet, just so he could put his mother and himself out of their misery.
"Not long after that I fell asleep on the porch. I woke up to my mother's screams." Those screams had been the first noise he'd heard from her mouth in more than two years. "When I ran up the stairs and into her room there were three men there. One was on top of her." There were details in that image that he couldn't recount. He was already trembling. He'd never spoken these things aloud.
"I tried to stop them, but they were too strong. I was so weak...My mother was screaming at me to leave, she was telling me to go and leave her. By that point I couldn't have left if I'd wanted to. They were hurting her and all I could do was turn away. I struggled but one of them knocked me out with their gun."
His eyes had become so full of tears that they finally spilled over and down his cheeks. He covered his face in his hands, his voie muffled as he tried to continue. "I woke up in the field you and I used to walk in. My wrist was tied to Sparrow's reigns. I didn't know what had happened at first, but when I remembered... I rode Sparrow back to the house as fast.. It was all in ruins. Everything was destroyed. It was still smoking. I searched for my mother, I was yelling for her... and then when I found." He had to stop, because a sob choked back his words. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't touch her. I couldn't do it. I knew that I should, but it was awful." He lifted his head and wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
"I don't know why they left me alive. I wanted to die too, but I couldn't. I got on Sparrow and let him go. I can't even remember how long or how far we rode. I was attacked just north of Devil's Tower. A group of people stole Sparrow and left me for dead. That was when Hawk found me, and now here I am I guess..." He shook his head.
"I've tried for so long to erase Allejandro." He had broken his promise to Ellie from fear, and his inablity to deal with the horrors of the past. "I'm sorry Ellie, I'm sorry he's gone."