Ryder felt his stomach turn with anxiety as Ellie and her horse came into view at the other end of the field. He was glad that she'd decided to come, but he knew that it wouldn't be easy to say the things that he had to say and in all honesty, he wasn't looking forward to it. Some of the things he had to say would not be nice to hear, and more than anything he was afraid that she would hate him.
He stood up on the last step of the porch and smiled when she rode up. "Hi. I'm glad you found me all right." She'd only been to his cabin once before and so he was rather impressed that she'd remembered how to get there.
He was so nervous that he sat right back down on the porch step where he'd been sitting. He didn't want to waste any time in getting to the things he needed to say, the longer he waited the more difficult it would be and he'd already waited three years.
He waited for her to get off Cabello. "I have to tell you something that I've never told anyone before." When they'd first met in the field he'd touched on the subject of his mother, but all he'd said to Ellie was that he had been unable to bury her. He had not revealed the agonizing weeks that had lead to that nor what had happened to him after he'd left the ranch. He had never spoken of those things out loud, but he felt he owed it to Ellie, and he wanted to tell her about it before he got into the letter.