The way he was looking at her sort of surprised her. Normally he looked at her and smiled, yeah, but this was different. Different from the look of acknowledgement that she normally got for being the young girl who always tagged along. Whatever it was, she couldn't say that she didn't like it. Kelsey was sort of hoping that he wouldn't talk to her like she was some hopeless case. The few kids from her class that had come to visit talked to her like she was going to die in the middle of the conversation. Frankly, she was sick of it already. When Bobby held her shoulder, it did sort of hurt. But that's because everything on her hurt, pretty much. "Uh...I wasn't talking about the leukemia, Bobby. I was talking about my cold." She wasn't stupid enough to think that her cancer was contagious...
"But thanks for the games. I really appreciate it." She noticed that it was hard for Bobby to smile. It wasn't hard to understand that it might be for anyone. But right then, she wished that he could smile. His smile always made him feel better, no matter what. Mrs. Caldwell came over than and Kelsey tried her best to smile for her. Even if on the inside she was scared and hurting...
~ ~ ~
Of course, one memory related to her leukemia tended to just flow into the next. Remembering her time in the hospital right after her diagnosis made her think about being in the hospital when the virus hit. When all of the people around her were dying. There wasn't anyone left to take care of her. She remembered being scared and alone. Thinking that she was going to die any second. It was scary, and the thought alone brought tears to her eyes. Mouse tried to keep them from falling, willing them to stop welling behind her eyes. But by the time the first tear fell, she knew there was no stopping it.
~ ~ ~
It was so quiet. All Kelsey could really hear were the sounds of her own ragged breathing and the horrible sounds of crying from people in the hospital who were still alive. She herself had been crying for hours while people were still dying left and right. She was scared. Scared to die, scared that the virus was going to get her. Even so, Kelsey knew that death was a better alternative than being alone and helpless because of the virus. Still confined to her hospital bed, she had IVs hooked up to her arms and hands. She felt like death, being so nauseous from the chemotherapy she'd received and the medications the nurses had given her before they died too. Her body was in so much pain that even her sobs racked her with pain. Why couldn't she just die? Why couldn't her immune system just give into the inevitable? Why did her disease see fit to torture her and leave her alive?
"I just want to die..." she said between sobs. "Why won't I just die?" Her breathing was labored and her body felt so weak that she could barely move. It was awful, being in such an in-between state. Death would take her and living was like torture. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Kelsey closed her eyes then, not wanting to look around at the empty room and be reminded that there was no one around who would save her from this pain.
"...I wish my mom was here...I wish my dad was here...I wish Emily was here...I wish anyone could be here." She couldn't even lift her hands to wipe her tears away. "...I wish Bobby was here..." But it was no use. No one was coming to help her.