Who: Ben and Fitz What: Punching the Stress Away When: 14th July, just after midnight Where: Clearing in the Forest Rating: Mid - some language and suggestions Status: Complete
Some people might say that Ben didn’t look all that smart, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Fitz was annoyed at something (or someone) and had been for going on three weeks now. Most normal people would ask what was going on, what had gotten him so angry or what had pissed him off so much, but neither Fitz or Ben were normal people. Fitz was a man who didn’t exist and sometimes that made it hard, Ben couldn’t just tell others who he was going to spend his evening with or even that he might be smitten with someone, the only one he could tell with Kyrie and there was some things she didn’t really need to know about her ‘brother’.
Many late nights (and early mornings) were spent running through the woodlands of the island with Fitz’s mountain lion form, well Ben would jog and Fitz would run circles around him. Literally. Some nights they’d just run and end up collapsing tired back at Ben’s, some nights they’d end up in a clearing where the two men would lie on the blanket that Ben started bringing with him and talk, well really Ben talked most of the time and Fitz just listened. Tonight though, Ben had another idea. He had managed to find (and borrowed) a pair of boxing gloves and sparring mitts, sometimes punching something was really good for getting rid of that frustration.
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At first, Fitz chuckled at the idea. “Have I really been that bad that you need to beat up on me?” He commented before Ben revealed it was for him to punch. The sentiment was appreciated and Fitz had taken the gloves apprectingly. It had been a while since he’d really had a chance to punch something, he didn’t realize how much he’d been needing that sort of release. Ben was a pretty good partner too, taking his hits.
“So,” He grunted as he felt anger build and release with every strike. “I have been that bad-” He’d tried to keep his frustration and anger inside. But it built up slowly, everything- longer than finding the recordings at Daryns, her release. What had started as relief that his friend was back ended up being anger over everything they’d done to her- and continued to do. All of it just threatened to destroy him, have him snap and do something rash. He was trying to focus and help Ehren, but he couldn’t help that everytime he tried to help, he fucked it up more. Like with trying to out what happened to Daryn. The thought had been two fold. Bring more onto their side by showing proof of what the government had done and also out that they knew what they’d done in hopes they wouldn’t try it again- because they’d stop it again.
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Ben had seen the frustration building and knew that Fitz had to find an outlet for it sooner rather than later before he snapped, he didn’t want that to happen because he actually cared for the other man and doing something rash was never good. He stood there, the mitts taking each punch and his arms absorbing the shock, even though he was on the receiving end Ben could feel that release with each hit. “We all need our release mon amour, and sometimes just punching can make you feel better. It’s not like you can go and use one of those sparring machines, so it’s me or nothing.” Not that he particularly minded being Fitz’s punching bag.
There was more than one day that Ben wanted to ask what had gotten Fitz so worked up, what had turned the usually calm man into a 6 foot fire cracker, ready to go off at any time. But Ben gave Fitz privacy, he knew that there were many things that the other man couldn’t tell him, that if he knew his own safety could be at risk and he didn’t want Fitz to have that burden on top of everything else.
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“I just-" feel so useless, trapped, like a mistake. Fitz bared his teeth, pointed canines giving him an animalistic appearance. A guttural growl rumbled in his chest as he struck hard against the pads, that slightly increased strength from his animal forms coming through. The impact on the mitt cracked louder than before and Fitz blinked, taking a step back.
“I’m sorry.” He furrowed his brow.
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"No. Don't be sorry." He said, stepping forward and putting his mitt covered hands on to Fitz's shoulders. "I want you to channel it, let it flow from here…" A pat on the chest. "And let it drive your arms and hands, don't be afraid you'll hurt me, I'm tougher than I look."
Ben stretched up onto his toes and pressed a quick kiss to Fitz's forehead before stepping back and taking his position again, stance wide and ready for the added power he knew would be in the next punches.
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“This place.” Fitz sighed, raising his gloves after smiling at the kiss. “If it weren’t for Kyrie and you…” Well, if not for Kyrie he might not have been on the island. But had he been on the island and without her, he'd probably have been arrested. Worse. “Everything I do.” He struck the mitts. “Every time I try to help, do good.” He spoke between strikes, a bit of sweat started to bead along his brow. “I just fuck things up.” He wasn’t really talking to Ben as much as just talking.
There were no easy answers, he felt aimless many times. Trying to find a point to his existence, but that knowledge that to all but less than 1% of the island, he didn’t exist. That knowledge made him feel like a ghost.
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Ben knew that Fitz wasn’t talking to him but just verbalizing his frustrations, he wasn’t going to take any of it to heart but just getting them out in the open could be somewhat therapeutic. He didn’t think that Fitz was a fuck up, he tried his best to help others and given his situation Ben thought that he was doing as good a job as anyone could when they theoretically didn’t even exist.
The ‘thump, thump, thump’ of the gloves hitting mitts was quite loud in the quiet of the night, though here there was no one but animals around to hear and once Ben had told them that they didn’t pose any kind of threat the critters nearby just ignored them and went about their nightly activities. “You don’t fuck things up. They’re just battles that seem hopeless.”
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“And endless. And pointless.” He retorted, the look on his face immediately after showed he didn’t mean to snap. It was a while later, sweat beading more on his head, until Fitz spoke again. “Maybe if I hadn’t hidden. Maybe if I’d just come to the island like normal. I couldn’t even find a way off to save Kyrie like we’d discussed.” It was a good thing that Ben had braced himself, because Fitz wasn’t fully paying attention anymore- except to the two targets. He’d learned the basics of hand to hand in the military and gotten supplemental training while working private security. He wasn’t going to be winning any boxing matches, but at least he knew how to hit a target. “Fuck.” He threw a final punch and staggered back a few steps, resting his hands on his knees.
He breathed heavy, trying to catch his breath. Sweat dripped down his brow mixing with a few stray tears of frustration. He felt his whole body tremble slightly as he tried to calm back down. Fitz couldn’t bring himself to look at Ben again, not right away. He felt shame. Shame for getting so worked up. Shame for unleashing it all on the kind man. Shame for keeping the cause of everything secret.
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What could Fitz have done if he had come to the island like everyone else? Ben didn’t think there was a lot that the other man could do if he was registered like the rest of them, he had seen the post from ‘Henry’ on the network, although he didn’t know who the subject was it didn’t surprise him that whoever was running this island was treating residents like this, trying to gaslight people and make them feel like they were the one’s going crazy. He just hoped that he wasn’t getting of this ‘subliminal messages’, if he was surely Fitz would’ve picked up on it by now.
Ben took the mitts off, letting Fitz get his breath back. “Come here. Sit down.” He could see that the other man didn’t want to look at him at the moment, and also that Fitz’s body still held a lot of tension. “Close your eyes and just listen to me.” Relaxation techniques may or may not work but it wouldn’t hurt to try them at least.
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Fitz pulled at the velcro and removed the gloves, sniffing in some air as Ben spoke. He nodded and sat. “I don’t think-” He started, but stopped when Ben gave him a look that seemed to just reiterate what he’d just said. A long sigh was let out as he closed his eyes and shut up. He waited, listened.
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“Take a deep breath in to the count of four, hold it for four and then out for four.” Ben’s voice was soft, soothing and the French accent seemed to disappear slightly as he spoke. Moving he sat down behind Fitz, a leg stretched out either side of the other man’s hips and strong hands gently started massaging the tight shoulder muscles. “Do it a few times and then breathe normally. Imagine with each breath out that the tension and stress is getting expelled with it.”
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Fitz did as he was told, it did take a few times, but he felt some of the tension fall away. “That feels good.” He hummed, not able to remember the last time someone rubbed his shoulders like that.
He sat there for a few long moments, head lowered as he slowed his breathing and tried to let himself relax under Ben’s touch. Eventually, he reached up and placed a hand on Ben’s hand. He could feel the other man’s presence behind him. “Thank you.” He said softly, giving the hand a little squeeze. “I know it’s probably all a bit confusing.” Ben was one of the few who knew he posted as ‘Henry’. He’d thought about lying- saying someone else could access the account too. But he couldn’t do that. “What’s happened to- what I do- or everything. I’m sorry I’ve been-” Fitz reached up and wiped at his face. Body relaxes and the emotions hit, is that the way things went? “I really like you.” He said, lowering his head. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
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The gentle massage stopped when Fitz’s hand came to rest on his, a smile spreading across his lips that he was able to help the other man get out some of his frustrations and then calm him down, it wasn’t an easy thing to do when so worked up.
“You don’t need to tell me anything, Mon Amour, you’ve got secrets that you can’t share without putting me in danger, I know that.” The hands gave the shoulders a gentle squeeze again. “I like you too, but I don’t want you to risk your own safety for me.”
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“It’s not my safety I’m worried about.” He said, turning to the side, legs bent at the knee to go over Ben’s. Fitz reached out and brushed his soft fingers over the other man’s cheek. “It’s you, and Key. I want to keep you- her safe.” He had to keep Kyrie safe, he’d promised her mother. “But I thought I could help make a difference too…” Fitz sighed softly and shook his head, lowering his hand. “Instead I’m just failing my friends.” Daryn had said as much. They hadn’t rescued her. He’d tried, but failed. Now she was broken and tortured. What good was not existing when you couldn’t find and rescue a single person?
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“You are making a difference, maybe not in the ways that you envisioned but you’ve made a difference. In my life, and Key’s too.” Ben didn’t know about Daryn or what he had gone through, he hadn’t lived here nearly long enough to know about this friend of Fitz. “There are times when we try our best and it’s never enough, other forces are at play that we didn’t expect or can’t control. It’s not your fault if these things happen, you can only try your hardest and I know that’s what you are doing.” With Fitz turned half way in his lap Ben pulled him closer, arms wrapping around shoulders. At least he could do that.
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Fitz couldn’t help but smile slightly. “How did I get lucky to find you?” He asked with a chuckle. “Don’t answer that...“ He was fully aware it was by creeping on a yoga session. “One day I’m going to find a way to get Key off this island. And we’re bringing you with. And we’ll find a place where we can be ourselves and not be captured or tortured or hated for it.” If such a place even existed. He leaned against Ben, being a bit taller he slunk down a bit to curl in his arms.
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He knew how Fitz found him, or should that be how Ben found Fitz, as a little grey cat. That swore. “I’m just lucky that you let me take you home after that guard hurt you.” It had taken a while from that first meeting but it was one of those ‘how did you meet?’ stories that was unique at least. The idea of getting off the island and finding a place with both Fitz and Kyrie actually sounded like a really good plan, while he had no idea how it would be possible, or where they could go, just having people to share it with was something he never really had before. “I’m sure we could find somewhere… preferably near a volcano of some sort.” Ben smirked, not caring that Fitz was still all sweaty, they had cuddled together in states worse than this.
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“Not too close or one, maybe an island far away.” At one point in time he thought he’d go crazy living on an isolated island. Everyone dreamed of getting away, but he’d always loved being around people. Now that he’d spent six years in isolation, he knew he could take it. “Or maybe some non-extradition island country. We could get a villa and wear white and Panama hats and maybe open a cafe.” Fitz knew it was all just dreams, but it was nice to dream sometimes. “That could be nice. Just living as outlaws.”
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“You’d only have to go around as a cat if you wished and we could enjoy midday siestas.” As long as the volcano didn’t pose an immediate threat to this dream location Ben didn’t really mind, if he was able to see or visit one (even a dormant one) he’d be a happy man. Though he had learned in the past few weeks just what other kind of things could take his mind off the mountains and lava that he loved so much - such as someone who liked him and enjoyed spending time together. “But I make no promises about keeping my hands off you.” He was pretty sure that Fitz already knew about that little problem of Ben’s, what could he say - he was smitten with the other man.
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Fitz slipped his arms around Ben. “Good, because I have no plans on keeping my hands to myself.” He leaned in and stole a kiss. A much needed kiss. It was funny, before he never dwelled on a normal, simple connection of lips before. There was always more to get to. It seemed like a race to get laid and get back to his life. At least after he came out. But now, now he wanted to savor the small moments. They seemed more precious. Maybe it was because of the limited human contact he’d had, or maybe it was his chosen partner. But he didn’t feel rushed with Ben.
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It was nice to be able to take things slowly, there wasn’t any kind of rush to their intimacy and they could (and had) spend just hours lying together talking, touching and kissing. He hadn’t scared Fitz off after that embarrassing ‘boyfriend’ remark that Ben had made while high on painkillers and that was something he was glad about, he wasn’t exactly knowledgeable in the skills of relationships and moving around a lot hadn’t helped in that matter. “Mmm…” He hummed against Fitz’s lips. “You know I don’t want you to, I like your hands.” And the rest of him but that was a given. Another slow and lingering kiss was just what they both needed right now, bodies relaxing after their workout.