Dorian Sloan (nullumpotentia) wrote in destructionisle, @ 2019-06-28 07:58:00 |
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Entry tags: | !june ac, dorian sloan, ehren clemens |
Who: Ehren and Dorian
What: First Meeting - Managing a panic attack, talking and dinner
When: Mid afternoon, June 19, 2019 [backdated]
Where: Library, Facility and then Ehren’s apartment
Rating: mild for trauma feelings ; long scene
Status: Complete
He wasn’t sure why any of this was happening or why at the library, of all places, he was being harassed. Ehren was an easy target for the guards because he didn’t fight back and would often times pass out after a few nasty words. Except that he didn’t actually pass out, he would have visions. Some of them were worse than others but the physical toll it took on his body could add up quickly.
All he’d been doing was looking for a book when a guard approached him and told him to get a move on. When Ehren refused he felt the strong fists in his shirt project him across the narrow aisle. Pleased with himself, the guard walked off and Ehren was left on the ground, his heartbeat quickening and his breath coming in short shallow gasps.
—
Calm and settled in, Dorian was doing well in the library now. The first time he had visited as a short tour with Riley, he felt claustrophobic. But with some encouragement, the tall man was okay as he browsed through some more fantasy titles at the end of an aisle. As for his ability, it was almost always active with a radius of five to ten feet. It took a conscious effort to expand or contract that radius.
Then he heard the guard harassing someone just on the next aisle. Then he heard and saw Ehren almost fly across and laid a few feet away. His brown eyes looked through the open-shelving to make sure the guard was gone before he took careful steps towards the other man.
Kneeling down and setting his book selections on a shelf, Dorian asked in an almost whisper, “Are you okay?”
---
His breathing was growing erratic now, the breaths becoming shorter and harder to control. He didn’t think he’d ever gotten this far with a panic attack before and he waited for the moment when his eyesight would blur, a vision on the horizon. It never came and he sat there with this tall stranger, perplexed as to why it wasn’t happening.
Now he was gasping and he honestly didn’t know what to do. He’d never had a panic attack without having a vision before and so his memory of “techniques” they’d told him about were gone. He pointed to himself as to say “I can’t breath” but the words wouldn’t come out without him feeling like he was drowning.
—
Dorian frowned, knowing a panic attack when he saw one. He had his share in the past. Sitting down, the taller man breathed a few deep breaths himself to keep memories of his own traumatic incidents at bay. Nodding, he whispered calmly as he thought of the calmness of Caspian’s voice in the early days of their friendship, “I know you feel like you can’t breathe...but listen to my voice. Take in a deep breath for me.”
---
Ehren did as he was asked, counting out the seconds as he breathed in and breathed out. Who was this man? Something was clearly different about him because by now, Ehren would have been on the floor with a full on vision. Still, it would take much more than just breathing in once to get him back from where he was so he continued, trying to focus on the soft calmness of his voice. He nodded toward the man, indicating that he still wanted his help, and to continue with the exercise.
—
Dorian watched Ehren and listened to the other man’s breathing. “Good,” he nodded, still speaking softly. “Focus on your breathing - how your chest is expanding when you breathe in and the gentle breathing out with your chest contracting. If you want to close your eyes as you breathe, go ahead. Bow your head when you exhale if you want...let the panic leave with each breath.”
---
Ehren followed his instruction, nodding his head when he exhaled and taking long deep breaths. His voice comforted him and he found his heart rate slowing down and his body temperature start
to return to normal. After a few more times of that Ehren was able to finally breathe normally again. This was awful, he felt as if he was going to die, and yet here was this stranger, helping to bring him back to life. He was grateful, more than grateful that he was here to help but something else lurked in the back of his mind. With glassy eyes he looked up at the stranger, his bright blues almost trying to look through this man.
“Who are you?” He asked, although what he meant to say was ‘What are you’.
—
Dorian continued to watch Ehren, nodding as the other man breathed in and out. He whispered “good” a couple of times, but refrained once he could see Ehren calm - the flushness leaving his face. The taller man watched the other man’s eyes. Breathing deeply himself, he saw the glassiness.
“I’m Dorian.” He replied, his voice still in a whisper.
---
Riley had mentioned that name before, though he didn’t mention that somehow, around him, their abilities would be gone. Ehren didn’t wear an ID badge because he kept his ability to himself, but he couldn’t stop the shock on his face. He couldn’t tell this stranger how he was feeling, couldn’t even begin to explain why his mere presence shocked him, but he could be polite.
“I’m Ehren.” He replied, taking another deep breath, his eyes glued to the man beside him. “Thank you.” He muttered, pushing himself shakily off the ground so that he could stand on his own two feet again. He briefly grabbed onto his new acquaintance for support and offered him a hand to stand.
—
Dorian didn’t advertise his ability. But he did wear his ID badge. There weren’t many occasion where he was stared at because of said ability here on the island. He often wished he had a more interesting ability.
“You’re welcome, Ehren,” Dorian replied in the same soft voice. The brief grab for support was surprising, but he didn’t outwardly react. But he did smile as he took Ehren’s hand and stood. He turned and retrieved the books he had sat on a shelf. “Did you hurt anything when you fell?”
---
Finally breaking his gaze to look down at himself, he brushed the invisible dirt away before looking back up at the other man. Riley was right, which he hadn’t noticed until now, that Dorian was handsome. “Uh, no I don’t think so. You said your name was Dorian?” He asked, trying to remember if he’d heard right or just heard what he wanted to hear. “Riley’s friend?” He added for good measure to make sure what he was hearing was right.
—
“Yes, that’s me,” Dorian replied as he looked Ehren over in case he was injured but didn’t want to show it. “Yeah.” He smiled, noting to himself that the other man was good-looking in his own way. But he hoped he was okay. Panic attacks could take a lot out of someone.
---
He was staring he realized now, which was very rude and he shook his head. “I’m sorry, this sounds like an awful pick up line and I promise that it’s not. You seem different...or or I guess what I mean to say is that…” he shook his head again and realized he didn’t know what he meant. Only that he’d never had an experience like that, not without receiving a vision.
He couldn’t tell him that, there were few he could trust with this information and Ehren didn’t know anything about Dorian, only that he was Riley’s friend. “I’m sorry, I think maybe I’m just a little dazed.” He decided. It seemed like his side effects from his visions were also present during a regular panic attack.
—
Dorian inwardly frowned, feeling bad that Ehren was having trouble saying what he was needing to. Then he realized the other man wasn’t wearing an ID badge. Maybe he was ‘normal’ or perhaps he was like the rest of the residents and Dorian’s ability was throwing him off by negating his ability.
“It’s okay.” He breathed, ready to reach out and catch Ehren if the dazied shifted to dizzy. “Or...perhaps my ability is hurting you and yours.” Dorian’s voice still a whisper, not wanting everyone to hear.
---
His brows knit together, shocked to hear him announce his ability. He looked around sharply and then back to Dorian. He wouldn’t say that it was what was happening, but the look on his face was a definite yes.
And the daze did turn to dizziness as he felt his legs crumble beneath him. “I’m...I’m sorry.” He said as he fell into the strangers arm. “I think I need to go home.” But it was clear he wasn’t going to get far in his condition.
—
He stilled, watching the bit of paranoia and panic Ehren was now experiencing. Then Dorian saw the answer in the other man’s face.
Moving faster than he thought, Dorian tossed the books on a shelf and caught Ehren with his other arm. He held him carefully, frowning. “Easy...easy,” he breathed as he looked down at the other man. “Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?”
---
He shook his head to the idea of the doctor. He’d experienced the aftermath of this many times before and he knew the best thing for him was to get him home. “No, I have some stuff at home.” He said, trying to regain his balance on his own. He clearly wasn’t going to make it there alone.
“I’m sorry, I know this is a lot to ask, do you...do you think you could take me home?” And as soon as he asked he felt stupid. The answer had to be no, because he was being a burden on this complete stranger.
—
“Oh, okay,” Dorian whispered. He curled an arm around Ehren to support him as he gently grasped the man’s arm. The taller man was sure he would need to help him get home.
He nodded. “I can do that.” Dorian gave Ehren a little smile. “It’s okay. Let’s go.” He gently motioned towards the door, keeping an eye out for a guard. There was no way he was going to let the other man run into another guard today. It was the right thing to do.
---
A small guarded smile came to his face as the handsome stranger lead him out of the library. He was struggling with how he felt about all of this. If he were around Dorian, he’d never have to see the future again, never have to know what was coming for him. The idea alone was appealing if not for the fact that his gift helped strengthen the faction. He couldn’t just give up his duty for the comfort of being blissfully ignorant.
Dorian was quiet, reserved, but something in his eyes suggested he was also kind. Ehren himself tended to be more reserved but not to the same level he was. Something was haunting him, continued to haunt him and Ehren could see it in the way he carried himself. “Thank you, really, I mean, that’s never really happened to me before.” He wasn’t sure if Dorian would understand what he meant by it, but he hoped their silence would answer his questions. One couldn’t be too careful anywhere.
—
Dorian hoped that he wasn’t hurting Ehren by being around him. It definitely seemed that his ability was negating the other man’s ability or abilities. But since the panic attack was over, he hoped everything was okay. Rest was often the best thing after something like that.
Ehren seemed quiet, shy, sensitive. Those blue eyes seemed to have a bit of history in them. But he wasn’t sure if he was just attracted to blue eyes. “You’re welcome.” Then Dorian breathed as he looked down at Ehren as they walked. “I’m glad I could help you...I hope I am.” he spoke and then asked, “Uhm, where is home?”
---
Ehren laughed a little, the first positive emote since his panic attack. “Uh yeah I guess that would probably help.” He replied, cheeks reddening as he kicked himself for not saying where before. “Liberty street, 107” he said, pointing in the direction of the complex. Nothing was really that far from anything here so it wouldn’t be an awfully long walk for them. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before Dorian.” He said, his senses coming back to him slowly.
—
Dorian smiled brightly at Ehren’s laughter. That was a good sign. “Maybe,” he joked. Then he looked over to where the other man pointed. Nodding, he lead them in that direction. “Oh..uhm, I live on Justice drive. And...uhm, I got here last month.” Then he shrugged. The taller man had his small group of usual places he went, usually keeping close to the house.
---
They walked along the street toward his apartment and he found himself feeling better and better around this stranger. Without thinking, he leaned in and whispered into the other mans ear. “I can see the future, and it happens during my panic attacks.” He whispered, before leaning back.
Why did he do that? Why did he just admit to someone that he didn’t know that he had an ability. It was stupid but for some reason, he felt safe telling him.
—
Dorian slowed as Ehren leaned in and whispered into his ear. Slowing turning his head so he could look at the other man, he blinked. That was an interesting ability. A much more useful and powerful one. But gently he breathed.
“...makes sense now,” Dorian spoke quietly enough for only the two of them to hear.
---
Well that was the stupidest thing he’d ever done, he bit his lip as they made their way toward his apartment. The building was in view now so it wouldn’t take much longer to get there. “I shouldn’t have said that, please, don’t tell anyone.” He said quietly, his eyes pleading with the new acquaintance. His whole world could change if that information got into the wrong hands.
—
Bowing his head a little more, Dorian looked into Ehren’s eyes at that quiet plea. He understood the fear of having a secret, an important part of oneself exposed. Dorian slowed his walking, drawing a little of his lower lip into his mouth and under his upper teeth. “I won’t tell.” He whispered.
---
“Thank you.” He replied as they finally made it to his building. “I, haven’t had a panic attack without ever slipping into…” he said, inferring his visions since he couldn’t really risk enough to say it out loud. It felt freeing in a way, to tell someone what he was going through without having to bottle it up all the time. When they reached his doors he fished his keys out of his pocket, still holding onto Dorian to keep his balance as he opened the door to his apartment.
It was bare, save for millions of papers strewn about, manuscripts for books he’d never get published, because they were his visions of the future. Some had already happened, some had not.
—
Nodding a ‘you’re welcome’, Dorian continued with Ehren - paying attention to where they were and the other man’s balance and stability on his feet. It must be a nightmare to have a vision compounded onto a panic attack. Perhaps there was a way to control both.
Loosening his hold on Ehren once the door was open, the taller man didn’t enter as he waited to be invited in.
---
Ehren turned to look at Dorian, confused by the fact that he didn’t follow him in, but appreciative nonetheless. “Please, come in. Can I get you some tea or something?” Dani had him stocked up on teas which helped with his general anxiety, and he had to figure out some way to repay this man for helping him. Ehren was too intrigued by him to let him go, yet something about this revelation that there was someone out there who could stop him from having to see the future, but could also stifle his work with the faction.
“Do you mind shutting the door behind you?” He asked, his anxiousness ever present. He wouldn’t be surprised if a guard came in after him just to traumatize Ehren again.
—
“Okay,” Dorian spoke softly as he entered Ehren’s apartment, keeping a gentle arm around him just in case. The other man was interesting, curious, and had beautiful eyes. He was concerned about him still. But Dorian was respectful, not wanting to pry anymore than he inadvertently had.
Shaking his head, Dorian turned once he was past the threshold and closed the door behind him. He didn’t glance to see if there were any guards nearby. Who knew what any of them would do now?
---
They walked together to a nearby chair where Ehren settled himself down on it, letting go of Dorian. “I’ll fix you some tea in a moment, let me just…” he took some pills from a nearby table and used his water to take it. After taking a few deep breaths he looked up at Dorian again, his presence so calming. “Tell me about you. What is it that you do with your...ability?”
---
Dorian remained at Ehren’s side until they reached the chair and the other man sat down. He gently let go of him and sat down in a chair beside him. His brown eyes followed Ehren’s actions, curious as to what the pills were and if he was going to be okay. “There’s not much about me. I...usually try not to use it less I need to or someone wants me to use it.” The taller man shrugged a little.
---
“So you negate other people’s abilities? That’s amazing. How long have you known about this?” He wished he’d known about it before, before his first date with Meg, before he watched his parents die over and over again, before he knew he’d be stuck in a place he might never be able to leave. “You could help so many people.” Especially himself. There were times when Ehren never thought he’d recover again and all that could have been avoided if Dorian had been there with him.
—
Slowly clasping his hands together, Dorian nodded. He blinked at his ability being called ‘amazing’. “Uhm, sixteen years.” The young man had grown to value his ability, but often feared that some people with abilities would resent, fear, or hate him for negating a part of them they valued. ”Maybe.” Dorian nodded. He had first realized his ability when he was still being trafficked and rented out.
---
After a few minutes Ehren’s iron levels were back to normal and he stood going into the kitchen to fix them both tea. They weren’t far from the kitchen so he didn’t have to tell. “You knew what to do with me back there, when I was having a panic attack. I’ve been suffering from them all my life and I never really felt what it was really like until just then.” Which should have been a bad thing on all accounts, since it was terrifying but what started all this anxiety in the first place was because he could see the future. “How did you know?”
—
When Ehren stood, Dorian almost stood as well but instead sat back down as he kept his eye on the other man. “I...don’t know if what I did was a good thing. I don’t know if it was good that you felt a panic attack completely.” His voice had become less confident, not liking the idea of a panic attack. “How did I know what? What to do for a panic attack or about my ability?”
---
As the kettle boiled, Ehren shook a little at the high pitched sound it made before pouring it over two cups with tea bags in them. He walked back to where they were seated before and handed Dorian a mug. He sat down next to the taller man so that he could address him face to face. “Hey, don’t feel bad about it. I would much rather go through all of that than the alternative. You have no idea how awful it is to know what’s going to happen and being absolutely powerless to stop it.” And it was true, he wished he could figure out some way to go back in time and find Dorian. Maybe then he’d be more of a functional human being.
“I mean, with my panic attack. Have you had them before?” He asked since it did seem wise to find someone who he could share his pain with.
—
Breathing deeply, Dorian watched Ehren and didn’t react to the high-pitched whistle of the kettle. It was expected and he had learned to cope with most of his triggers. “Thank you,” he whispered as he took the offered mug and held it in his hands. Keeping eye contact, he nodded. There was a deeper truth in that and Dorian simply acknowledged it for the both of them. Thankfully Caspian had saved him from a terrible life and helped him reach the point where he was now.
“Yeah,” he nodded and sighed to himself. He broke the eye contact for a few moments as he looked down at his mug of steeping tea. Then Dorian looked back up at Ehren. “I’ve had them.”
---
It was clear that Ehren wasn’t going to glean any real information from Dorian without asking him specifics and he suddenly understood how overwhelming he might be right now. Ehren was constantly in a fragile state but he tended to grasp for people to talk him down instead of quietly face it alone. He realized yes or no questions weren’t going to cut it.
He placed his mug down on a table and took Dorians from his hands, putting it down next to Ehren’s. Grasping his hands, Ehren hoped this would make the other man look up. “You are fascinating. Tell me about yourself.” It wasn’t really a question but it was up to Dorian if he wanted to answer him.
—
Dorian didn’t want to induce another panic attack for Ehren. But he could see the trust he had inspired. He was a guarded person for the most part, but Caspian had helped become centered and Riley had brought out the young man he was - nerdy and all. He had grown since the trauma. He was better, stronger.
Then the taller man stilled for a moment and then relaxed as he watched Ehren take the mug from his hands and then grasp his hands. Sometimes touch made things worse in a panic situation. Dorian looked up, catching Ehren’s blue eyes. He blushed a little at the ‘fascinating’ comment. “I’m not too fascinating,” he smiled a little. He wanted to tell the other man more about himself, wanted to make another friend.
“I...like to read, listen to classical music. I’m originally from the Bronx, but my parents and I moved to Portland, Oregon when I was eleven.” Dorian offered, stopping to see if Ehren wanted to hear more. Those blue eyes were beautiful, he thought.
---
A smile came to his face as Dorian began to speak a little more. Ehren felt a kinship with him because so often he’d been described as shy, bookish, and guarded; Dorian seemed to fit that description too. “Do you have a favorite author? Or a favorite genre of book you like to read? I’m a William S. Burroughs fan over here.” He added, trying not to focus on the sharp edge of his jaw. He imagined if he got to see a real smile from him it would be like a beam of light.
—
That smile had Dorian smiling on the inside. Ehren was quite a looker when he smiled. “J.R.R. Tolkien though I am starting to like Anne Rice. Fantasy mostly.” He smiled softly. Two book nerds. Sometimes it was hard to find someone so similar to oneself. And when you did it felt a little off-putting but also so great at the same time. “I’ve been sticking to old favorites since coming here.”
---
“Me too.” He admitted, both to the fantasy genre
and to sticking to old classics. He’d read through the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy at least five times and lord of the rings more than that. The feeling of electricity through his hands made his heart beat a little faster, but nothing he had to worry about yet.
“Have you ever read ‘A Book of Tongues’? It’s about witches in the Wild West.” If he'd read it he’d know but Ehren didn’t know if he had.
—
Dorian hadn’t notices that he had closed his hands around Ehren’s. Touch was something he had learned, grown to like it again. And the other man’s hands felt safe and familiar. He kept reading through The Hobbit and was enthralled by the book Roman had suggested and Dorian was interested in by the spine alone.
“No,” Dorian shook his head. “I don’t think I have. I had found some more books at the library that I plan to check out. I’m...a little surprised they have so many books here.”
---
Ehren felt the grasp around his hands and looked down at them momentarily, smiling at it. He was single, sure, but he’d kind of started seeing a girl and somehow his interest in him seemed deceptive, even though they hadn’t discussed exclusiveness yet. “I uh…” he let go of Dorians hands and grabbed his mug of tea. Maybe if things didn’t turn out with Meg, but Ehren wasn’t the type to play the field. He looked back up at his new friend.
“..yeah I found this book by a scientist named Terence McKenna there last week. Really interesting stuff, surprising that they’d allow that sort of reading here.” But maybe whomever was in charge of that didn’t notice. It felt wrong to notice how cold his hands were, even holding a hot cup of tea, without the warm hands he just abandoned. He tried not to notice how smoldering his eyes looked often covered by his long straight hair.
—
Dorian had only a couple of friends outside of the Finn family. He hadn’t had the time or been ready to begin a relationship beyond talking and sharing interests. But the taller man wanted to try some day...with the right guy. But it seemed he was striking out. At Ehren’s letting go fo his hands, Dorian suppressed a telegraphed exhale of disappointment. Perhaps he’d startled him, perhaps it was just Dorian who was the problem.
Letting his hands rest loosely in his lap, Dorian focused on the book Ehren described. “Sounds interesting. I’m surprised about a lot of the things they seem to allow or ignore.” He replied and slowly turned his head to look over at the numerous sheets of paper strewn about.
---
The look of disappointment on his face caused Ehren’s eyes to soften and a pang of regret to hit him deep in the chest. He watched Dorian look around at the manuscripts in his apartment and realized how alarming that must look. “I write, a little, I have five books I’ve finished but none of them have ever been published.” Because Ehren never sent them to any publishers.
Cautiously he looked down at Dorians free hand and switched the mug in his hand to the other. He reached out to the hand slowly and placed his over it again. “They’re...glimpses. Some of them have happened and some have not.” He thought that word was the most subtle way he could tell him what he meant. He’d experienced all of this in his visions.
—
Dorian gazed at the manuscripts and decided to turn his frown into a smile. All of the pages were fascinating and it was easier to look happy than show the opposite. “That’s a lot of writing.”
Then Ehren’s placing his hand over one of his motivated him to look back over at the other man. “It must be terrible sometimes...” Dorian said honestly.
---
Finally he got to see a short glimpse of his smile, before it went away. “Sometimes.” He agreed, turning Dorians hand over his between taking sips of tea. “Sometimes it’s beautiful. Seeing two people marry each other, witnessing birth, things like that. They don’t happen as often but it’s a relief when they do.” He looked down into his tea. “It’s rare when it happens but sometimes I see bad things happen to me, to the people I love. There’s really never any getting over that.” And there wasn’t, he still remembered the horror of seeing his mother die in a hospital bed, of his father hanging from rafters.
—
Dorian gave Ehren a bittersweet smile as the other man spoke. He didn’t reciprocate any curling of fingers or grasping his hand in return. It may have been too forward the first time. “I’m glad I was able to keep you from any bad visions in the library.”
—-
Ehren could see he was making the other man uncomfortable so he withdrew his hand. Regardless of how many dates he’d been on in the past, he was always oblivious to the reactions of his advances and often looked like an asshole because of it. He placed his other hand on the other side of the tea mug and began to sip at it less cautiously now that it had cooled down.
“I’m sorry for dumping all this on you, you’ve probably got better things to do with your day.” He said as he sat back. He literally just monopolized this strangers time with really personal information and he wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see Ehren around again.
“This is crazy, I know we just met but would you be interested in coming to my birthday party on Saturday? Riley will be there and a few of my close friends. It’s cool if you’re busy I just thought I’d ask.” Foot in mouth, always with his foot in his mouth.
—
Dorian didn’t want Ehren to be made uncomfortable by anything he did. Sometimes he wanted affection. He had a routine while in captivity of being forward if the person wanted. But since Caspian freed him, that routine was put away. He had never had a true and organic romantic relationship beyond with that one boy in school. But that was brief and tinged with emotion. He rested his hand on his knee.
“It’s okay. I honestly don’t have anywhere to be.” Dorian blinked as he looked over at Ehren.
The taller man blinked. Normal sort of things like a birthday party was novel to him since being brought to this island. He wanted he normal, the things everyone did. “It’s not crazy. I would be interested!” Dorian smiled a little, hoping he could ease any discomfort he may have accidentally caused.
---
A smile grew on Ehren’s face as Dorian accepted his invitation. “Yeah? It’s at Josie’s, Saturday 9pm. I’m not really big on parties, social anxiety, but I was promised it wouldn’t get too crazy.” Although those promises were made by friends who liked to push him out of his comfort zone a lot. His face tinged with red, he looked down into his mug to hide it, hide the freckles that popped up high on his cheeks when he was nervous.
What he didn’t want to tell Dorian was that Ehren
felt himself clinging to the other man, if only so that he could give himself a rest from his visions. “Can I tell you something personal? I don’t mean to unload this on you I just don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about this.” His visions were a secret to most, a normal badge hanging from his clothing, and he shouldn’t have even told Dorian, but now that he had, it felt good to get it off his chest.
—
“I haven’t been there yet. But I know where it is.” Dorian nodded. He wasn’t big on huge gatherings, but he probably could manage it. Hopefully he wouldn’t cause too much attention with his ability being mostly passive. The taller man continued to smile, missing the freckles that he would have loved to see.
Deep down, Dorian was still very happy that he was able to relieve Ehren of one possibly terrible vision and also ease him through a panic attack. He nodded. “Sure. It’s okay.” He himself found it hard to keep things he wanted to share and talk through with someone silent.
---
Ehren looked up as Dorian accepted his proposal to tell him something personal, the red tint and freckles still visible. “When I was eight, I had my first..” vision he wanted to say but the government was listening everywhere. “...dream. I had it every time, my mom dying in a hospital somewhere, I couldn’t ever tell when it was. For six years I had nothing but those dreams and when I was sixteen she died. Then I dreamed of my dad comitting suicide. You can see the pattern here.”
And at first he did think they were dreams, that he was just slowly going crazy over the course of his childhood, but that’s what these abilities did to people. “If only I had met you then.”
—
Those freckles were cute.. But he breathed as he focused on Ehren. Dorian paled a little at the horrible nature of the other man’s visions at such a young age and having those visions come true. They both had gone through things in their life they probably wouldn’t wish on anyone. Quietly he nodded in response and offered his left hand palm up.
Dorian frowned and whispered. “If only. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.”
---
He shook his head at the comment. “You don’t have to apologize, this isn’t your fault.” It was the government. Chernobyl times one hundred. He realized that it was probably rude to ignore his apology so he added. “I do appreciate the sympathy though. So often people tell me to get over it and just move on. They don’t understand.”
And he wasn’t sure but something about Dorians mannerisms told him he had a rough life too. He wished he would give him more information about himself but as someone who was secretive himself, he knew it could be hard to open up to new people. “Are you hungry?” He asked suddenly. Ehren was and he wanted nothing more than to spend as much time with Dorian as he could.
—
“Most people don’t and won’t understand,” Dorian breathed as he nodded once more. He often wished he had a better ability - one that could have freed him of the traumatic situation or just let him fight back. But even psychological and emotional control was hard to fight against unless already free of the situation.
He didn’t like talking about what he had been through. There was guilt over what led him into the situation. Dorian often blamed himself for being so gullible. But Caspian had helped him through the aftermath and could always help him re-center his thoughts. Blinking at the question, he focused on it. “A little bit...thank you.” Deep down, Dorian was a kind soul. But he could be swift when the situation called for it.
---
He stood up and went to his kitchen to see what he had in his fridge. Not much, but he could easily make a few different things. “Grilled cheese ok?” He asked from the kitchen area since it seemed to be one of the most viable options. However, you never knew what kind of dietary restrictions people had so it was always safe to ask.
“I’m sorry, I’m not really good at cooking, I just let my friends cook for me.” Because really, he was a non functioning adult who never bothered to learn. That’s what everyone always said about his generation anyway.
—
Dorian wasn’t much for grilled cheese. But anything beat little containers of little squares of cheese, ham, and crackers his captors fed him years ago. He had learned to cook a few things. Maybe he could cook something for Ehren since the other man had made the tea.
“It’s okay,” he replied as he stood up and joined Ehren in the kitchen. “I could cook if you like.”
---
He smiled thoughtfully at that. “You’re very sweet. Thank you.” Normally Ehren might refuse but he was in way over his head and the last thing he wanted to do in front of Dorian was make himself look like an idiot. He felt a tinge of guilt though since this man practically saved his life and now he was cooking for him. It seemed like Ehren was getting the better end of the deal.
He stepped away from the kitchen counter to a small square table with two matching chairs and sat. “Who’s your favorite composer?” He wondered aloud. Ehren wasn’t by any means a musician but he remembered learning a bit in middle school band.
—
“You’re welcome.” Dorian smiled softly as he looked down at Ehren. Perhaps he could come up with something a little more hearty. Sometimes cooking was a good distraction. He immediately went to wash and dry his hands.
Opening a cabinet or two, he found a box of mac and cheese and some garlic salt and ground cayenne. Then in the fridge was a carton of small tomatoes. Dorian went to work - filling a sauce pan with water and emptying the elbow pasta in it before putting it on the stove and turning on the burner. He found a knife and carefully cut a couple handfuls of the tomatoes in his hands and placed the cut tomatoes in a bowl.
“Mozart, Beethoven, Mahler, Saint-Saens. Uhm, there is a more modern one I like a lot - Phillip Glass.” Dorian answered as he looked over at Ehren.
---
He watched Dorian begin to create something out of practically nothing and he was impressed. He definitely lacked the imagination when it
came to putting together food like that. “I love Mozart, he was only six years old when he composed his first piece.” It seemed wrong to have so much talent at such a young age, but nothing really made sense with the world these days.
“He emotes so much in just a few notes. I’ve always admired his work.” Ehren’s range of musical tastes varied but he always clung to music with historical importance.
—
Dorian found a small tub of butter and took a small glob of it and put in the water and pasta. Then he washed his hands again before he turned his attention back to the sauce pan to watch for the water to boil and also looked over at Ehren as he listened. “Such genius.” he smiled.
“Instrumental music is so much better sometimes. And Mozart does it so well. I wish I could be as artistic sometimes.” Dorian replied and sighed.
---
“I think you are artistic.” Ehren said, realizing he should probably explain what it was that he meant. “You’re taking basically nothing..” he began gesturing around him to suggest the emptiness of his kitchen, “...and creating something with it. I think that’s pretty artistic.” Wasn’t that the essence of art? Creation?
—
“Mmm, maybe. I just know it’s good to have something tasty,” Dorian shrugged as he backed away from the stove and pulled a length of blue yarn from his pants pocket and tied his hair back.
Soon the water came to a boil and the elbow pasta began to bounce about. Dorian found a wooden spoon and stirred it, checking every few moments to see if the pasta was become more white then transparent. Not knowing where a strainer or a lid to the sauce pan was, the taller man took down three plates from a cabinet and set one aside.
“This is almost ready. I mean perhaps something like painting or drawing.” Dorian commented as he found some utensils and paper towels to use as napkins.
---
“Have you ever tried?” He asked, standing up to look at the food he was preparing, practically standing shoulder to shoulder. Electricity sparked between their closeness and Ehren looked up at the taller man. “Sometimes it takes a long time to develop your skill but if you keep at it, you can do it.” He looked back on his own writing from when he was young and if he’d written that now he’d never write again.
—
“No, no I haven’t. I was more interested in climbing and swimming in school.” Dorian replied, biting his tongue at the third point he was interested in when he was going to school. He felt a bit of that electricity at the closeness. Breaking eye contact, he checked the pasta again. Soon. “Mmm, I’ve heard that before.” Then he looked at Ehren again with a soft smile. “This will be ready soon.”
---
It was silly to think about it but his lips looks kissable, like you could take a bite out of them and it would taste sweeter than any candy. He turned so that he didn’t have to look at it and his cheeks reddened again. It would be sweet if it wasn’t so damn obvious when Ehren was interested in someone.
“Well, you’ve heard it because it’s true.” He teased, sparing another look at Dorian with a smile.
—
“Yeah. I’ve heard it about a lot of things,” Dorian teased back, looking down at Ehren out of the corner of his eye. He was quite cautious when it came to new friends and he had briefly convinced himself that he shouldn’t be attracted to Ehren from the time he first looked into his eyes. Helping someone in need was just that. The taller man was very cautious about that since he had been taken advantage of in the past, but sometimes his kind nature was undeniable.
He leaned down at little as he lifted the wooden spoon as the water bubbled to look at some more of the pasta - white and becoming translucent.
---
Ehren chuckled a little at that turning around to lean against the counter next to the stove. “Well I’d say it’s a common fact, the more you do something the better you get. I keep telling myself that about singing and maybe someday I’ll be good.” He joked, another chuckle followed at he looked down at his shoes. The redness on his face had gone away but the smile remained.
It’d be easy now to just forget everything, to card his fingers through that long straight hair, to pull him close so that their bodies were flush. It would be easy since he held Ehren’s secret but he would never make a move like that, not right now and not after what had happened with Meg.
—
Dorian breathed through a smile. A little bit of redness reached his own face. “Very much a fact then.”
He would be lying if he said he didn’t want to kiss Ehren. Those blue eyes were beautiful. Shaking his head, he looked over at the other man and grinned. “I think we may be ready to drain and add the ‘cheese’.”
---
He turned back around to the counter next to the stove. “Would you like me to help?” He wondered aloud, since he seemed to just be standing there and distracting Dorian from making the food. Whatever he decided to make Ehren was sure that it would be better than what he was able to make.
—
“Set the table?” Dorian offered as he looked over at Ehren and turned the heat off under the sauce pan. Then he cringed as he remembered an ingredient he hadn’t found yet. “Uhm, do you have milk?” The taller man looked over at the other, a little red in his cheeks out of embarrassment.
---
He pushed himself off the counter and opened his fridge. He was sure he had some in there and after a bit of searching he grabbed the milk which was hidden on the side of the fridge and handed it to Dorian. “I’m not very organized.” He admitted, grabbing two plates and a couple utensils to put on the table. He grabbed two glasses from a cabinet and filled it with water from the sink. The tap water here was good, just like it always was in Washington and he placed the two glasses on the table.
He sat down at the table, wanting to get out of Dorians way as he prepared the food. “Thank you, again, for everything you did today, for your further discretion. I don’t really know why I told you, I don’t anyone but I guess I’m not good with holding my tongue when someone so good-looking is carrying me home.” It took him all of two seconds to realize he said ‘good looking’ and his face when red with embarrassment. Case in point.
—
“It’s okay,” he smiled as he placed the extra plate over the top of the saucepan and took the milk from Ehren. Setting aside, he carried the saucepan over to the sink and held the plate in place but for a small crescent-shaped sliver. He was about to start pouring out the hot water when the other man made that ‘good-looking’ comment. Exhaling slowly and then inhaling, Dorian looked over at Ehren. “...you’re not too bad looking yourself.” He smirked and then went about draining the water out of the sauce pan but not dumping the pasta out. The taller man could be brave at times, mysterious and attractive. But it wasn’t his own conscious default.
After draining the water, he placed the pan on one of the unused burners, removed the plate covering it, and poured some of the milk along with shaking some garlic salt and cayenne in. He stirred it and looked over at Ehren out of the corner of his eye, his face a bit rosy.
---
Ehren’s face mirrored Dorians, the brightness of his freckles showing through again. Damn, he thought to himself, there was no denying the chemistry now. He stumbled over his words. “I..um.” A short nervous laugh escaped from his lips. “Cool.” He finished, taking a sip of his water to try and hide his face.
A thought crossed his mind, he should get to know Dorian better, especially if he was going to trust him to keep the secret. “Where are you from, originally?” He asked, since it seemed like he was only one of a few from a Washington.
—
Dorian caught sight of those freckles and his smile deepened a little. But he went ahead with stirring the pasta, milk, seasoning, and now the powdered cheese packet. Breathing through it, he softly began to hum a song he hadn’t hummed in a very long time - Nature Boy.
“Uhm,” he spoke, breaking his humming, “I’m originally from the Bronx, New York...but moved to Portland, Oregon when I was eleven.” Dorian stirred the mac n’ cheese a little more and then placed the wooden spoon in the sink, put the remaining milk back in the fridge, found a serving spoon, and carried it and the saucepan over to the table.
---
He listened to the hummed tune, wishing he could carry one himself and watched the contents of the pot set as he began to scoop portions onto his plate. “What was New York like?” He asked because he’d never been. Ehren had never been anywhere outside of Washington and now more then ever he wished he could travel.
—
“Big, busy, an adventure,” Dorian replied with a smile. He missed his childhood. It was simpler, easier. He backtracked to grab a towel and the bowl of diced tomatoes. The taller man returned to the table to place the towel down and then the saucepan on top of it. Then he sat down at the table and sat the tomato bowl down by the saucepan.
—-
Ehren’s smile was bittersweet to that. He wished he’d be able to see it, wished he could escape this place and go as far away as he could. That’s why he had to work with the faction, because everyone deserves that freedom. “Sounds great.” He replied, scooping up the food onto his plate. He was hungrier than he realized and as he began scooping food onto his plate he could smell how good it was.
“This looks great, I’d kill to have you come over every day to cook for me.” There was more than the idea of him cooking for him that made him want that but he was sure that Dorian could already tell.
—
Dorian wanted to go back to New York. It held so many more pure and beautiful memories than Portland or Seattle area. Maybe someday he would find his way there again. He smiled at Ehren’s reply, letting the other man have the first serving. “I kept the tomatoes on the side just in case.”
The taller man raised an eyebrow. He smirked to himself and nodded, “Thank you. I wouldn’t go that far.” Dorian joked and went about serving himself some of the food and slid a few pieces of diced tomatoes onto his plate as well.
---
He began to shovel food into his mouth and his intuition was right. Dorian definitely knew how to season things and Ehren’s taste buds approved. After chewing and swallowing, paired with a drink of water he spoke again. “Obviously I wouldn’t kill anyone, maybe a fly or something.” He said with a bit of a chuckle as he scooped up another mouthful of food into his mouth. Really, he should grow up and learn how to cook but that would have to wait until later. Maybe he’d see if any of his friends could teach him a few things.
“Any pointers with cooking? I mean, just anything really because I’m pretty bad at it.”
—
Dorian ate a few bites and then watched Ehren eat - looking for signs of approval. More than one shovel or mouthful. That was a good sign. He smirked and sipped his water. It really wasn’t much in the way of food. He had experimented a little here and there when he was in middle school.
“Just add a little bit of something you like with something else you like. This is something I came up with when I was a latch key kid in middle school. I’m not a cook.” Dorian shrugged.
----
Ehren continued shoveling food into his mouth, enjoying every bite of it. Dorian may not have been a cook but anybody who could cook a little was probably better than Ehren. He was resourceful and Ehren respected him for that. After the plate was empty he took a sip of water and smiled. “That was delicious. I can’t believe you just made me dinner. I feel like I owe you so much for today.” He said, grabbing his plate to wash off in the sink.
—
Dorian finished eating what he served himself, leaving the rest for Ehren to reheat and eat later. “Thank you.” He shook his head and stood up, picking up his plate and fork to go wash it off as well. “Don’t worry about it.” He was being useful today even with a minor emotional rollercoaster. Hopefully he had made a friend today.
---
Grabbing the plate out of Dorians hands he smirked a little. “Here, let me.” Their fingers grazed each other and Ehren felt that stupid little blush come to his cheeks. “It’s the least I can do for all that you’ve done for me today. I mean, they’re my dishes.” He said with a little bit of a chuckle, hoping it masked the ridiculous look that was probably on his face.
—
The taller man laughed as Ehren took the plate out of his hands. A smile remained as the other man’s fingers grazed his. “Well, I made the mess in the kitchen.” A little bit of color reached his cheeks and he sighed. Dorian turned and finished his water, hiding his amusement.
---
As he finished cleaning the dishes he shook his head and looked back up over at Dorian. “I would have made an even bigger mess so don’t even worry about it.” He retorted, placing the clean dishes on the dish rack to dry. He turned around to look at the taller man. “I should probably take
a bath or something and lay down. This whole day has made me kind of exhausted.” It was still early and Ehren definitely didn’t want him to leave but he was afraid of what he might do to embarrass himself even further.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me today, I mean it.” He said, walking over to his table to grab a piece of paper and a pen. On it her wrote his cellphone number and handed it to Dorian. “Call me, if you want to hang out or something.” Well he was awkward to say the least but at least he did it.
—
“A bath and some rest sound like a good idea,” Dorian nodded as he reached over with his right hand to gently grasp his left arm. He sometimes fidgeted and this was one of those times. It was nice to have a normal meal with someone new.
“You’re welcome,” he smiled and then watched Ehren come over and write down his cell number. “Yeah,” Dorian nodded with a grin, “I would like that.”
—-
Ehren smiled as there was no rejection and began to lead him to the door of his apartment. “I’ll see you around Dorian.” He said, trying not to stare at the other man's lips as he approached the front door. He still had a lot to figure out when it came to himself and when it came to Meg and wanting to kiss him like he did wasn’t going to make any of this easier.
“Please, call me or text me. I would really like to thank you for real.” Dinner, a movie, it didn’t matter, he’d go anywhere with him if it meant that he’d have a moments peace from his own mind.
—
Dorian nodded as he took the piece of paper, folded it, and slipped it into his pocket. “I’ll see you.” He said as he followed Ehren to the door. Those blue eyes were still beautiful. What was he staring at? Self-conscious, the taller man wiped his mouth in case there was still some mac n’ cheese on it.
Then he blushed a little at Ehren’s wanting to thank him for real. “I will.” Dorian promised, excited for the possibilities, and exited the other man’s apartment.