The market was a nice place to go for Ehren, mostly because it meant that he could watch the former bass player of his favorite punk band baking. Her long pink hair pulled back, wrapped up with a scarf, he stared from afar often. It was never really Ehren’s forte, approaching people, due to his social anxiety. He’d decided, however, that today was the day he would say something to her because if he was ever going to get over anxiety he’d have to submerge himself in it.
He figured the ruse of picking up some bread might encourage him to just go for it. He took a deep breath as he approached, focusing on his breathing instead of the thousands of thoughts running through his head. He cleared his throat before he spoke to her. “Hello. Do you guys have any rye breads?” So it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to ask her but it was good enough to break the ice at least.
Lithe fingers scattered sprinkles over the bright swirl of a cupcake. Megan smiled, the end of her lips twisted upward in a real expression of happiness. Creating things was her true calling: music, food, painting, crafts. Whatever the media she relied on an outlet of expression lest she explode and crack the island in half. And she was grateful for the chance to do something for someone else.
No longer was she jumping around on stage with her friends warning people about governmental propaganda or touching on deep issues with the environment. She was making cupcakes, bread, pastries. But she was no less happy.
Her light eyes lifted and through long lashes she looked at the tall, young man. “Sure, what kind are you looking for?” A hand would lift, waving at a basket which held a few remaining loaves of bread. “The one on the left is a Jewish rye, the one next to that is marbled.” It was about as fancy as they let her get.
A moment would be taken to put the small treat into the case of glass before her attention went solely to the man. He looked familiar but she couldn’t place why.
He considered his options for a moment before coming to a decision. “Marbled.” He replied finally, offering her a soft smile as an appreciation for her help. He used to be on a keto diet but these days it wasn’t as easy to do, so he was happy to take the bread home for some sandwiches.
His eyes followed her as she fetched him bread and his heart beat began to race. He’d be ok for the time being but he couldn’t let his anxiety get too out of control, not out in public like this. He took another deep breath before he finally decided it was time. “Hey, I know this is crazy but did you used to be in Playing Mantis?” He asked her, knowing full well that it was exactly who she was.
A nod coupled with a smile would come.
Megan moved with grace to where the bread was kept, and after cleaning her hands she swept the loaf into a bag. “Anything else?” The bag would be lifted and offered out toward him. Had she the equipment an offer would have been extended to slice the bread but as it was no such machine existed in their little shop. She was lucky to have a working oven.
At his question Meg seemed to brighten visibly. Her smile grew, eyes widened. “Yeah! I played the bass.” Always happy to meet a fan she couldn’t help the excitement bubbling up inside of her. They had never been a mega huge act - it went again the punk tradition to be mainstream - but she knew they had a good enough following. Social media had been a blessing and a curse.
“Did you get a chance to see us play?”
He smiled back at her, thankful she was so friendly. He didn’t always get those courtesies. “Yeah I saw you guys a couple of times in Seattle, drove for like a day to check you out.” Ok maybe he didn’t need to share that last part, it was all apart of the foot in mouth syndrome he was born into. He remembered sleeping in his car the night before because he couldn’t afford a hotel and waking up to a loud knock on his window.
It wasn’t that Ehren was obsessed per se but for some reason, punk music calmed him and her band was one of the best. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” His next response was, taking the bag of bread and holding it next to him. “How long have you been here?” He knew how long she’d been there, he’d spied her on one of the first days he’d been there but that was definitely something he needed to keep to himself.
“Aww, really? That’s so sweet. Thank you for driving all the way out to see us.” She meant it. A lot of their fans were the die-core type but he didn’t seem like a punk rocker. It was refreshing that others were open-minded to things and glad that she could still be surprised by the world.
“I’m Meg, by the way,” she offered kindly. A handshake would have normally followed except for the fact that she was covered in icing and there was a counter between them.
An eye roll was offered, playful and coupled with a snort, “Longer than I thought I ever would be. I miss the band, the road.” A sigh was heaved and her gaze fell upon him again. Smile returned. “But I guess that’s the funny part about life, huh?”
Ehren did tend to stand out like a sore thumb at those shows, clad in some of the most ordinary clothes a person could buy and not a single tattoo or piercing on him but the people were always respectful enough and he stayed far away from the mosh pits so he never got hurt. It reminded him of a more simple time in his life when he didn’t have to think too much about his anxiety. “Ehren.” He replied with a bigger smile. This wasn’t so bad, he started to feel himself relax around her.
“Do you still play? I’d love to see you back up on a stage again.” He knew the arts center had plenty of resources for musicians and there had to be some others out there with some semblance of talent besides just her.
Who was she to judge a book by its cover though? Everyone had their thing and she had been fighting for equality for years now. Establishment. Pft.
“I’m really glad to meet you, Ehren. Have you been here a long time, too?” He was familiar because he’d been to a show or two, but beyond that she couldn’t recall having seen him. Or maybe she had and didn’t realize the connection.
Her smile faded a little, “Nah. They don’t have a bass guitar here. A few instruments like drums, a piano. Stuff like that. I’m really addicted to my bass. Nothing else feels right when I play it.” She missed her band, too. They had become a lot like family. “I wish there was a way to get it here, you know? I’d be rocking the hell out of this island for sure.” Even the callouses on her fingers had begun to soften from the years of going without playing but those nimble digits would never forget the notes or chords.
“Four years.” He replied, and man were those four years long and full of sad stories but he wouldn’t bore her with that, not when they were having a delightful conversation. He had been by the arts center a few times but Ehren had no real musical talent so he was unaware that there were so few options. “I wasn’t doing anything quite as exciting as you but I still miss home sometimes. I miss my dog.”
And that was a memory he hadn’t dared touch until now. Daisy was a hound dog he’d had for six years but when he was told to move to the island, she wasn’t allowed to come with him. It was one of the most heartbreaking moments in his life and the thought of her caused him to frown. “Here’s hoping someone is taking good care of her.”
A thought crossed his mind. Daniela and Ehren were like brother and sister and since she ran the arts center, he was sure he could influence her to stock up on a few instruments, including a bass. He didn’t know how possible it was but it didn’t hurt to ask. He watched people walk toward the bakery and so he stepped back to allow her to take more customers before returning to their conversation.
That part about missing his dog elicited an “awww” from her coupled with a pout. “I love animals. Mostly cats because they’re picky, but poor little doggy.” Being separated from your family was one thing, your furry friend was another. “What kind of a dog was it? What was his name?” It was a general term, him but she was curious regardless.
And then another pout. “Her, excuse me.” That was breaking her heart. Poor guy losing his dog.
At the approach of new customers Meg held up a finger to Ehren in a gesture to wait a minute and then she was dancing away to help the other residents. Once their requests were squared away Meg bade them farewell and she was back to Ehren.
“I’m outta here in like five. You wanna walk with me home?” The guards loved to pick on residents and while she was little she was bound to create an earthquake to get rid of a guard rather than put up with their crap.
“She was a pointer/basset hound mix. Her name was Daisy.” He referred to her in the past because he wasn’t even sure if she was alive anymore. There was no way he could know.
His eyes lit up at the offer and he nodded, perhaps a little too eagerly and looked at his watch to check the time. He didn’t have to be to work for at least another hour and a half so he could spare some time walking her back. It was a beautiful day today, although the cloud coverage was suggesting it might rain. “Yeah, I can do that.” He finally said when he realized an over enthusiastic nod wasn’t going to do the trick.
Maybe he was a little star struck or maybe what struck him was how pretty she was. “I’ll wait for you over here.” He offered, pointing to an empty bench behind him. Either way, Ehren’s heart rate began to rise. He wasn’t in danger of a panic attack yet but he would start feeling a little bit overwhelmed if he didn’t focus on keeping himself calm. He took another deep breath, focusing on the simple act of breathing.
Another aww came about. She was trying to picture the dog in question: floppy ears but a long body. Meg would bet all the money in the world that the dog was adorable and loyal.
The way his face lit up at the offer was adorable. She smiled, cheeks flushing with color. “Cool. Thank you. That means a lot to me.” There was no denying that he was cute, those blue eyes caught the light as a kaleidoscope might and…
A nod and she smiled, looking over in the direction where he was pointing. “Meet you in five,” she promised. When he left for the bench the next series of seconds seems to drag. Longest five minutes ever.
Her apron finally came off. Her band tee shirt and fitted jeans were exposed. Plucking up her purse Meg bade the next employee a goodbye and she nearly skipped over to meet Ehren.
Ehren was used to walking people home, he’d done it for a while with the faction. His anxiety ended up getting the best of him in more dangerous situations and he had to stop. As they started off in the direction of her place, which incidentally was the same complex as his, he tried to think of things to ask her. He pushed his hands into his pockets as they leisurely walked, the long sleeves of his Henley pushing up from the fabric of his jeans. “So, where are you from, originally I mean? It seems like everyone around here is from somewhere else.”
Ehren wasn’t. Ehren never knew anything outside of Washington, never got to travel, never once saw anything of this world besides the great state of Washington. More than anything he yearned to travel and maybe one day he’d be able to do so.
“California,” she replied. Her shoulders would shrug at him nonchalant. “My family is sort of from all over, but I grew up in Hollywood. It’s not as cool as everyone makes it out to be, though.” Venice Beach was neat, San Diego was rad. But Hollywood was full of elitist types who couldn’t control themselves and who looked down on anyone who didn’t fit the posh lifestyle. “I love this part of the country though. I’ve always liked the beach, the ocean. Something about the way the water and the earth mix together is so peaceful.”
Living in a remote cabin in the middle of nowhere sounded nice. “No thinking, okay? What’s your favorite dinosaur?”
He smiled at her as she spoke about nature. It was beautiful out here where it felt like the world expanded above and around you, but these days it was only a distant memory. He loved to spend endless nights under the stars where no one else could bother him. That was his ideal state of being.
Her random question caught him off guard and he chuckled. He tried not to think long about it and was surprised by how easily the answer came to him. “Pterodactyl. I’d like to be able to just fly away whenever I didn’t want to be somewhere.” Not to mention that it would revolutionize the way he got around. “What about you?” He asked her. He imagined she would have already an answer ready for him.
“Brontosaurus,” she admitted.
Her hand dove into her bag and after a bit of rooting around Megan brought up a plastic dinosaur toy. She’d had it for years and considered it her lucky charm.
Showing it to Ehren, Megan handed it to him. “Here. I want you to have it. It’s lucky, treat him well, his name is Burt.”
He smiled at the small token. “That’s very kind of you, but I don’t want to take Burt. He’s yours.” It seemed like something she’d had for a while and he was all but a stranger to her. “Why a Brontosaurus though? What appeals to you about them?”
They were fast approaching the complex and he’d wished things were a bit further away so he could spend more time with her but he did have to get to work eventually.
“Oh,” she replied. A bit of an awkward feeling overcame her, cheeks pinked and Meg nodded at the refusal. It was rare she offered anything to anyone without a good reason but the dinosaur was tucked back beneath the flap of her bag.
“They’re plant eaters, they understood the balance of the earth. Nature.” She wasn’t a vegan or vegetarian, but she could appreciate what vegetation brought to the wholeness of the earth.
The apartment complex was in sight. She didn’t want it to come up so fast. “You’re stranded on a deserted island. What and who do you bring with you? No thinking.”
His smile faded when he saw her cheeks blossom into a color closely matching her hair. He hadn’t meant to offend her, only wanted to be polite. Her questions were definitely off kilter but it helped him keep his mind off of his anxiety.
“I would bring my old dog, Daisy and probably as many William S. Burroughs novels that I could manage.” Reading was always one of his favorite things, it was a way for him to escape from the reality he was living in day to day. “You?” He asked her, trying to pace his steps as slowly as possible so they could extend the time a bit more, but it only seemed to help a little.
“My singer,” she said, wrinkling the end of her nose, “And my bass.” They’d make sweet music until they died of sunburn and dehydration. Sorry Burt.
A laugh escaped her. Overhead the complex was looming. “So I guess we’re neighbors.” Observing the string of apartments she smiled up at Ehren. “I’m glad.” Her footfalls were slower but no less graceful, and she didn’t mind at all.
It was then Ehren realized that his mouth had begun to take on a mind of its own, leaving his brain to wonder what was happening. “Listen, I know we just met and I could be some sort of freak or whatever but some friends and I are getting together for some drinks next Saturday for my birthday and I was wondering if you’d like to come?”
It was a long shot and he knew it, mentally kicking himself for being such an idiot. She was out of his league and once she got to know him anyway, she’d probably realize how much of a mess he was.
At the invitation Megan paused. She looked up at him and smiled, “I would love to come to your birthday party. And happy early birthday.” It was so sweet of him to invite her. She would bring a cupcake. “You mentioned drinks, are you having it at Josie’s?”
“I hope to see you again before then, though.” A toss of her head and she continued the walk. There was a short distance between them and the complex, and shorter still between their apartments.
He watched her walk away and after a brief pause ran to catch up with her. “I’d love to keep in touch with you. Do you want to exchange numbers?” He asked her, his heartbeat speeding up as he felt the fear of rejection settling in.
It always started this way, the rosy cheeks, the heightened heart rate, this was going to be another panic attack if he didn’t breath properly. He tried to remind himself of that but his lungs seemed hell bent on holding his breath until she answered.
At the question she smiled playfully, “Do you ask all of the girls for their numbers?” A soft laugh and Megan nodded, pausing again as she slid her phone out of her bag. “Sure, we can exchange numbers.” Her gaze lifted and she waited, watching expectantly.
He seemed nice enough and while she used to not give her number out before she didn’t mind so much now. Ehren was easy to talk to, she wanted to get to know him better.
He chuckled at that. “Not at all. I honestly don’t have the balls to most of the time.” Well that secret was out. Who knew how long until she got to see the side of him that was sad and pathetic and helpless.
He pulled his phone out and handed it to her so that she could punch in her phone number. She looked young, that was for sure and maybe he was out of his depths asking her out but Dani would have probably murdered him in his sleep if he didn’t. “And yeah we’ll be at Josie’s.” He realized he hadn’t actually answered that question yet, too concentrated on asking for her number.
Honestly she was thrilled about the comment. A lot of cute guys turned out to be players, or people who only wanted to get with someone in a physical sense. The fact that he wasn’t giving his number out to a lot of people she found endearing. It made her feel special and more excited about offering it over. “Really? That’s hard to believe,” she expressed, offering a kind smile. “You’re a nice guy. I figured the ladies would be lining up to hang out with you.”
The phone she had dug out of her bag was exchanged in kind, offered to him as she took his. Nimble fingers plugged in the numbers and she saved it to his phone under - Megan Avery (the baddest bassist) - and then offered the mobile device back.
A nod and a smile, “Great! Is there a specific time to show up on Saturday? Or just whenever it gets dark?” It wasn’t as if she had plans to cancel she just wanted to make sure she was there on time.
He laughed, a laugh that said it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. The idea that anyone would line up around the block for him was crazy. “The only reason anyone would be lining up to hang out with me was if I was made of gold.”
He shook his head and brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck. He was definitely not so charming he couldn’t put his foot in his mouth. “I think it all starts around seven.” He said, trying to take attention away from his self-deprecation. He grabbed the phone back and stuffed it into his jean pocket. “I have to get to work but I’ll see you then, if not sooner?” He asked, hoping desperately he’d be able to see her before. She was only a quick one walk away.
Megan shook her head at Ehren, “Nobody is that perfect. It’s your flaws that make you unique and special. If people can’t love someone for what makes them them then those people can go jump off of a cliff. We are better off without them.”
“And besides, I like hanging out with you, so more for me!” A soft, musical laugh would flutter from her lips. She smiled warmly at him.
When he mentioned the time Meg nodded. “I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” It was a promise she would keep the best she could. Hand lifted in a wave, she wiggles her fingers at him bading him farewell. “Sure, just text me, yeah?” A thumb would be thrown over a shoulder at the apartments. “I’m in 109, come by anytime.”
With that she let him head off to work. Meg turned and nearly skipped the rest of the way toward the building they lived in.
He listened to her squash all his insecurities and he couldn’t help when his cheeks reddened and his smile grew. Meeting her had been more than he expected. She was really sweet and he got her phone number. Was he going to call her, text her or come by her apartment. He was unsure. He wanted to but his nerves usually got the best of him in these situations.
“See you.” He replied as he walked off in the other direction. At least if he was too chicken to contact her she’d show up to his birthday party. He took another deep breath and felt himself relax a bit before heading off to work.