Who: Zoe and Zayne What: Friendship When: March 5, 2018, evening Where: cafe
Zayne noticed there were more people at the support meetings. He supposed with the increase of disappearance, people wanted to reach out more. Zayne worried that these groups weren’t doing enough. Then again, what more could they do? The next step after talk was action and the support group was not for action. It was for, just that, support. Still, Zayne worried.
He supposed Zoe there and while he wanted to give her room, he decided after the meeting that he would go an approach her. He didn’t to pounce on her right away so he waited a few minutes before walking over. He raised a hand in a wave.
“Hey,” Zayne greeted, “How are you?” Such a loaded question but it left it open if she wanted to open up or keep it small talk.
Zoe sipped her coffee, waiting for others to clear out before leaving- not wanting to run for the door or anything. She had been to most of the support meetings but never talked. A few times she was going to, but then she’d get an instant replay of her attack or some good moment with someone who was gone and she couldn’t bring herself to go up.
She was a little surprised when Zayne approached her, not because he had a reason not to, just that she wasn’t expecting anyone to approach her. Recently some people who worked at the facility- government or not- seemed to be persona non grata. “Hey,” Zoe said with a soft smile. “As well as can be expected.” She replied. “I think these things are getting bigger every time.” She commented, looking at the people still left and knowing there were even more before.
Zayne had heard that before; that government affiliated people thought they were unwelcomed. Hannah seemed to think that, for one. Zayne wanted everyone to feel welcomed, even those with connections to the government. Even those who thought the government were doing right. Everyone was entitled to support. No one deserved to be alone.
Zayne looked around and nodded, “I hoped that people would come but at the same time, I guess, I hope that no one would come because no one would need it.” It was sad to know that people did need it. There were a lot of things that were sad. “I just hope it helps. Even to those who don’t say anything.” He smiled to her to show that he wasn’t judging her. If she didn’t feel like speaking, that was okay. It was whatever anyone needed.
“It’s a circle.” She shrugged. His comment about not talking made Zoe shift slightly. She tucked some hair behind her ear. “I hear others talk about what happened to them and…” She shrugged. Maybe she felt as if she didn’t have room to talk. Others seemed to be much more emotional about losing people and it was such a touchy subject. She didn’t seem to have the right emotional responses to her situation and that seemed to put people off.
Zayne understood that and nodded. When she trailed off, he waited a moment to see if she would continue before saying, “I get that. I mean, I’m the weird mutant whose stuck on this island and I have no idea what my abilities are. People are talking about their struggles and I’m like, nope, nothing. But that doesn’t make anything you feel less valid. They have their stories and struggles and you have yours. If you want to share, it doesn’t matter what it is, we’re an ear. We support. Support group even.” He smiled at his very lame joke.
She smiled softly at his joke. “I guess I just cope differently than others.” Alice had been one of the few people who could ever get her to actually cry and be emotional over things since her powers developed. “Everyone gets up there and shares and cries. I’d rather not alienate myself any more by not crying.” She did hurt, but logically she knew tears wouldn’t do anything to bring people back.
“Not crying does not mean you don’t feel anything,” Zayne said, “but I hope you don’t think I’m pressuring you to speak to the group. If you aren’t comfortable then that’s okay. Or if you want just one-on-one support, that’s okay too. Do you have anyone to talk to? So you aren’t just bottling it up?”
Her parents were already going through so much and her brother was… she wasn’t sure what was going on with her twin anymore. “I used to.” She said, two images showing in her mind, one of Alice and her eating popcorn and watching Groundhog Day- for the hundredth time. A second of her being held in Rahim’s arms as she rested against his chest in bed. She closed her eyes a moment, trying to ‘close’ the memories, she could remember the feelings in those moments and it felt so real. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and shook her head. “They were taken… wherever people are taken.” She shrugged.
“I’m sorry,” Zayne said softly. There had to be more they could do. They had to be able to find out more. But how? It wasn’t like they could ask Phobia or Thursday to risk more by adventuring further into the Facility. Who did they have on the inside? Zayne had hoped Hannah would want to help but she didn’t. They had a mysterious source but that didn’t help either.
“Can I give you a hug?” Zayne asked, “And tell you that I’m here for you.”
Zoe let out a small laugh and nodded. “Sure, that would be nice.” As she let Zayne hug her she remembered the time Rahim had done the same, after her attack. How overwhelmed she’d been that she’d started to cry and he’d just held her, without a word. A wave of loss washed over her as the memory played out for her alongside the moment she’d found out he was missing. Zoe felt her eyes well up as she buried her face in his shoulder a moment, gathering herself before breaking the hug. As she did, Zoe wiped at her eyes and cleared her throat.
Zayne held Zoe close as he hugged her. He didn’t say anything as Zoe pressed her face against him. He let her have the moment and he wished he could do more. His ability could heal physical but he didn’t think it could heal emotional. He didn’t even know, if it did, if it was something he would want to do. That seemed much more complicated than any of the healings he had done.
“This place is hell,” Zayne said softly, “but we are all here together. We have each other and we can hold onto that.”
“Until they decide someone else meets the criteria for…” Zoe shook her head and stopped that thought. “I miss my sister.” She said softly. “And my…” What has Rahim actually been to her? “I miss Rahim.” She put an arm around her stomach. “It’s hard, seeing them everyday… but not having them there.”
“I know,” Zayne said softly, “and it’s hard not having answers. Why were they taken and where are they now?” Were they even alive? Zayne hoped they were, “But we can’t disengage ourselves from people because we are afraid to lose someone else. Thursday and I were talking about that before. If we are alone, then they kind of win, don’t they? We are strong together, not separate.”
“You know there are a lot who feel that I’m the enemy somehow, because they assigned me to work at the facility when I arrived here. I mean, not those I’ve helped… but others.” She shook her head, it was hard enough to admit that it was difficult to go to work everyday without her co-worker by her side, much less that she was hated just for trying to help people. “It’s hard seeing my parents get the same grief. A teacher and a doctor being bad guys…” It seemed that people couldn’t separate those working at the Facility and those working for the government. “Then getting grief from the guards too…” this was the most she’d spoken about things since Alice disappeared.
Zoe shook her head. “I’m sorry. I logically understand where people are coming from. They’re scared. It’s understandable.” She constantly looked at things with a logical eye, it was a side effect of how her brain worked. It was a large part of why she didn’t share. Beyond the fact that it was hard when she relieved memories as they played back for her, she also knew that she wasn’t a special story. Other had things much worse than her. Why should she complain. She still had over half her family with her.
“It may be understandable but it’s not right,” Zayne said softly, “I know you aren’t the only one who feels like that. We need to be more united. Especially with those who work in the Facility,” Zayne paused. He didn’t want to get preachy. He wanted to be an ear. “Does it help to know that I don’t think you are the enemy?”
She nodded. “Yea. It’s nice to know I have one friend still.” Who, if he didn’t vanish, would prove to the illogical part of her brain that it wasn’t her causing the disappearances- that by connecting with her people were vanishing. “You’ve always been nice.” She remembered the first time they met- it started playing for her and again she closed her eyes to stop it. This time it took longer. “Sorry… that’s been happening a lot lately… memories replaying.” She wouldn’t admit she’d sort of lost a little control.
Zayne smiled to Zoe and said, “Of course you do.” He wouldn’t promise not to disappear on her. He knew that he was probably at risk for disappearing. But he would always be there for her, as long as he could and was able. He reached and squeezed her hand when she apologised.
“Is there anything that helps?” he asked, wondering if there was anything he could do.
Zoe half shrugged and shook her head. “I’ve not found anything yet. And most of the scientific ways I can think of are probably non-reversible and not very humane.” Though there were moments she was tempted to try one. Of course, the answer was as probably as simple as just talking about it, but that wasn’t something that Zoe had ever considered for a solution. It was too simple.
Zayne blinked when she said she hadn’t found anything that wasn’t very humane. He thought of her post the other week. He had read the comments between her and Matty. He wondered what ways could be done to help people without hurting them. There had to be some good to these abilities.
“What about non-scientific? Like mediation?” Zayne suggested. Not that mediation wasn’t scientific but not exactly lab coats and experiments.
She shrugged slightly. “Never tried,” Zoe shook her head. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my gifts and the way my mind works has allowed me to see things I’d never noticed before and to really help people.” She rubbed her arm a little. “There are nights I just wish I didn’t have to relive and it would make losing people easier I think, if I didn’t close my eyes and remember exactly how it felt to be held by them.” God, Rahim had hit her more than she’d thought. A casual thing, but now that he was gone she realized she could have fallen for him. “I need to find more positives.” She said with a small smile.
Zayne shook his head and said, “I don’t think it’s easier. I… my siblings aren’t here. They haven’t disappeared but I can’t talk to them. Each day that goes by… it’s still hard and it’s hard to not remember things that I used to know very well. I don’t really think there is an easier way.” Zayne returned her smile and nodded, “And find things that make us happy. And remember we are all in this together. I find those things help.”
“Positive, I helped a boy suffocating under the emotions of other people be able to function again.” She put out there. “Positive, the guy who makes the best cup of coffee on the whole island is still here and my friend.” Zoe said with a smile. “Positive, the guards who attacked me on New Year’s are gone.” And probably dead. But Negative, that’s probably why her sister is gone.
Zayne smiled. See? There was one positive! He laughed at her second positive. That was also a good one and he added, “Probably the whole world. But only if you ask my opinion.” He winked at her. Though his coffee skills? Were pretty amazing. He nodded at the third positive. Maybe not the direction he would have gone but that still worked, “See? That’s three right there and I bet you can come up with more.”
Zoe shrugged. “Maybe.” A small smile, only slightly forced, graced her lips. “Thanks Zayne… for still being here and a friend.” She placed a hand on his arm. “But I’ve been all gloomy on you… how have you been?”
“I’m always here if you want to talk. Night or day, okay?” Zayne promised and touched her hand lightly. How was he? He was slightly overwhelmed with the fact that they had found a kid and Thursday and Phobia kept sneaking into the Facility. Not that he could say that out loud, “I’m… I’m doing better than a lot of people so I shouldn’t complain.”
Zoe nodded. “You should come over for dinner one night. My parents would love to meet you and my mother loves to feed people.” She invited, barely managing not to relive the last time someone had come over for dinner.
Zayne smiled and said, “I would love that but I have to warn you, I’m the worst dinner guest. I’m vegan and I know it’s super hard to get food like that around here,” he grinned, “Why else do you think I’m so skinny?” That was mostly a joke and he had gotten Remy to eat vegan with him but he knew it was hard some days, which was why Remy didn’t keep up with it before.
“She’d probably be up for the challenge.” Zoe laughed a little. “I should probably.” She glanced to the door, leaving while she could, before she let herself get any more emotional and lose it in front of Zayne. He didn’t need her drama. Others had so much of their own and he was such a good guy.
Zayne nodded and said, “Then let me know when? Maybe I can bring over some food too. I promise I’m not a bad cook, actually.” Hey, he had been feeding him and Remy for a bit and Remy wasn’t complaining about what he had been making. He saw Zoe glance to the door and he shrugged, “Come by any time. I mean, Zoe, I’m always an ear for you.”
She risked another breakdown and stepped up to hug him. “Thank you.” She whispered in his ear, not able to let go right away. After a moment Zoe released him and stepped back. “I’ll see you around…. Gotta get that best cup of joe in the morning after all.” She smiled softly as she turned to leave. It would get easier- it had to.