Characters: April & Phobia Setting: Phobia’s house, Saturday, February 10, 2018, evening Summary: Asking to come to the party Rating: Low
To say that April was nervous about the party was an understatement. All April wanted was for people to like her, and to make friends. And a party seemed like a good way to make that happen. Initially. Then when she realized how little she knew about… well, everything, she was anxious that the party would be horrible, or worse, no one would come. A few people said they would make it, but that wasn’t very many people at all. Everyone was invited. EVERYONE. Why was everyone not responding?
But truth be told, April was only upset that one person in particular hadn’t responded yet. At first, she figured maybe he didn’t see her posting on the message boards. Then she figured maybe he didn’t like parties, even though they first met at a party. But, if he didn’t like parties, at least he could say something, like he didn’t want to go, or couldn’t make it. The more April thought about it, the more it bothered her. Not knowing any better, April grabbed her coat and headed over to his place to just ask him in person about it. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer, chewing at her lip as she looked at the ground and waited.
Phobia saw the post. He thought about answering but then he looked at who was replying and he assumed that Ashe would want to go and would make him go. He supposed he could say something but when did he ever reply on the boards and not be snarky? There was something about April that made him reign in his snark. So it was probably best that he said nothing. Besides what would he say? Matty was really annoying and needed to be tranq’ed more? That was mean.
He was home when April came knocking, sitting in his room, music blaring as he tried to decide when he wanted to get his ID. He also said he would go with April to get it and he wondered if he could just go with her so she could get her ID and not get his. But what was the alternative? He had no desire to hang out in detention. He heard the knock and got up, not bothering to turn down his music. Eh. He opened the door to the house, surprised to see April.
“Hey,” he said, “Come in?”
April was practically in full pout when the door opened. And out of habit, her expression changed to her usual smile. She was still bothered, but she didn’t need to be rude about it. That would be bad. Taking the invitation, she went inside, glancing around curiously when she heard the music. “Hi. Did I come at a bad time? I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“Nope, just doing nothing,” Phobia said and he was relaxing without turning into shadows, which was always a good sign. “Hold on,” he gestured that she could take a seat in the living room and he went back to his room and turned off the music. He head back and hesitated. He didn’t host well. Should he offer her something? “How are you?”
April took a seat in the living room and waiting for him to return. Looking up to Phobia, April shrugged a little. “Anxious. How are you?”
Phobia sat down and frowned slightly, “Why are you anxious?” That seemed more important than how he was feeling. He wondered if something happened. Or if she was reading the file more and had questions.
April looked down at her hands with a little frown. “I got talked into throwing this party, which is good, I like parties, parties are fun. But I don’t know how to throw a party, or what this whole holiday thing is really all about, and I don’t know some of the people who said they would come, and then a bunch of other people I do know, I don’t know if they are going to come and I just want things to be nice.” She was rambling, but she didn’t care. “And then I thought you would come, but then you didn’t say anything and that makes me sad.”
“You’re sad that I didn’t say anything?” Phobia asked, surprised. She was sort of like Ashe, wasn’t she? She cared and she liked him and he kept expecting her to realise he wasn’t worth the energy and she kept not walking away but she wasn’t. It was confusing.
April nodded and looked to him with wide eyes. “Yes. I want you to come to the party, but you didn’t say anything so then I was worried that you didn’t want to be my friend anymore. Or maybe you just don’t like parties or didn’t want to come, or you’re busy, but then why not just say that?”
Phobia felt bad. He didn’t realise that she thought that much about this. Should he have realised? Should he have been more aware of the fact? He looked down at his hands. Why did she care so much? She clearly had other friends, people who were probably a lot more fun to be around than he was. He wasn’t that important.
“I didn’t know you were looking forward to my response,” Phobia said after a moment, “Yeah, of course, I still want to be your friend,” he hesitated. Should he say that he didn’t like parties? He should go, right? She clearly wanted him to go. He hesitated again and said, “I’ll be there.”
April brightened and smiled hesitantly. “Really? Do you mean it? Or are you just saying that? If you don’t want to go, it’s okay, I don’t want to force you, I just wanted to know instead of having to guess.”
“I’ll go,” Phobia said, “I don’t usually go to parties unless Ashe drags me but this seems important to you so I’ll go.” That felt big of him to say. Ashe would definitely be surprised but maybe this was good. Right? Hopefully.
Smiling brightly, she jumped up to give him a quick hug. “Really? Thank you! I hope it’s a good party, I hope you will like it. Will you ask Ashe to come too?” She couldn’t really expect a definite on that, since she hadn’t even met the guy yet, but if he was Phobia’s best friend then she wanted him to be there if he could. He talked about Ashe a lot, so she would like to meet him.
Again, he was surprised by the hug but, at least, this time he raised his arms and gave her a quick hug back.
“I will make Ashe come,” Phobia smirked, “He always makes me go to things so we’ll switch roles for the night,” that thought amused him, “So what do you have planned for this party?”
April was surprised by the hug back, but didn’t make a big deal about it. She was just happy that he was going to come to the party. Sitting back down again, she shrugged. “Matty said there needs to be pancakes. And beads? And food and drinks and alcohol? I don’t know anything about this stuff. And I don’t think I like alcohol, at least not the kinds I tried at the last party.”
“He is helping you with this, right?” Phobia asked. He knew Matty. He seemed… annoying. Too happy and flighty, no pun intended. He assumed there was probably a good reason why Thursday hadn’t pulled him into the Faction. “Do you have everything you need?”
April just shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I will find out. I think we’re going to make practice pancakes first though. I don’t really understand why there are pancakes at a party but I like pancakes so it sounds good. But I have a question…” She wasn’t sure if Phobia would know the answer, but he seemed like the best person to ask.
Phobia did not understand why there were pancakes at a party either. Did Matty even know what he was talking about half the time? He didn’t think so.
“What’s the question?” he asked. Maybe he could make some sense of what was going on.
April hesitated before asking. “So, you’re supposed to show your boobs for beads? Why? What’s so special about these beads? How do guys get beads? Does it not matter, just as long as you show your chest? I don’t understand what this has to do with pancakes or religion.”
“Oh for fucks sake,” Phobia groaned, “Please do not tell me that Matty told you that. I don’t even know where that comes from, probably some stupid drunken frat boy thing,” he could see Matty as a stupid drunken frat boy, “You do not need to show your boobs for beads. In fact, don’t. And that has nothing to do with pancakes or religion. It just has to do with drunken mistakes people make because they think it’s fun.”
April furrowed her brow but just nodded in response. She didn’t know how she felt about showing her boobs for beads anyway, so she was glad that Phobia advised against it. She trusted his judgment, he seemed to know a lot more about things than she did. Not that she thought Matty would tell her to do something bad, she just didn’t understand it. “What other kind of things are people supposed to do for Mardi Gras parties?”
Phobia shrugged, “I don’t really know. Mardi Gras is a thing that happens in New Orleans. Lots of noise, food, drinking. I don’t think your party needs to be just like that. You could just.. Have snacks, music, hang out. Have fun or something.”
April nodded slightly. “Why does it happen in New Orleans? I don’t think I know where that is.” But she got the point, it was something specific to one place, and this party was probably going to be different. “I hope it will be fun, it would be nice to have fun things around here.”
“South,” he shrugged again, “I don’t know why. I’m sure it’s traditional or something like that. I’ve never asked.” He looked to April and said, “You don’t need to copy what a Mardi Gras party is. Just be you and do whatever you want. A party is just a bunch of friends hanging out and having fun.” Or it’s supposed to. He never really had fun that way.
April nodded slowly, thinking about it. That sounded right, that parties should just be hanging out and having fun. She had the distinct impression that she hadn’t gone out to all that many parties in her life before, maybe that was where this feeling of doubt was coming from. Trying not to think to much of it, she smiled a little. “Okay. Thank you.”
“And make sure Matty comes back the next day to help clean up,” Phobia said, “You shouldn’t have to do that on your own if he came up with the idea.” Maybe he ought to come by the next day to help. He decided not to say that in case something happened.
April nodded hesitantly, but was already pretty sure she wasn’t going to do that. Asking someone to help clean up didn’t seem very nice, even if things were their idea. And April didn’t mind cleaning, it gave her something to do. And hopefully the party would be such a success that she wouldn’t mind cleaning up after it anyway. “Okay, but I could probably clean myself.”
Phobia made a note to swing by no matter what. She probably would need a hand. Hopefully. So he simply shrugged. He wasn’t going to argue with her and said, “If you are sure. Cleaning after is a bitch.”
April just shrugged and smiled. “I guess I will find out.” She figured that even if no one showed and it was the worst party in the history of the world, she would still have to clean up afterward. So maybe then it might be a b-word. But hopefully not.
“Yeah,” Phobia said, falling silent for a moment, “So when does the party start?” He should probably ask that if he and Ashe were going to go. He wondered if he should offer to bring anything. He should look at that post again. Or maybe he would bring her candy. Like those gross chocolate marshmallow hearts they sold this time of year.
April paused for a moment, making sure she remembered the right time. “Six? Yeah, six. Is that a good time for a party? That’s what Remy said, and he does all the parties, right? So I just did what he said.”
“I don’t know,” Phobia said, “I would trust Remy on that. He is the Social King,” heh. No wonder he was dating a Coffee Fairy, “so he would know those things. Some people like to come late. Something about making a fashionable entrance or something stupid that I don’t get.”
“What does that mean? A fashionable entrance?” She was glad to hear that Remy didn’t steer her wrong with the timing. Not that she thought he would, but hearing Phobia’s confirmation of it put her at ease. “I guess maybe I should decorate or something? I don’t know what it’s supposed to look like, maybe I can find pictures online?”
“It means they come late because they think making an entrance like that is cool,” Phobia said. He resisted calling people who did that a bunch of douches. He shrugged and said, “I don’t think you need to decorate but you could look online. I’m not sure what you would use. I’m really the worst person to ask these things about.”
April just nodded a little, maybe she would look later. She hadn’t even thought about where she would find things to decorate, she just wanted to know what it was supposed to be like. Although, it did make her think about something completely unrelated. “So, I don’t use the internet a lot, but we’re allowed to look at things, right?”
“Yeah,” Phobia said, “Technically we are allowed to do anything we want but they block our communication to the outside. So probably social media is off limits but looking up party decorations. That should be fine.” He hoped. He hoped he wasn’t going to get April in trouble but, come on. Party decorations.
April bit her lip, thinking for a moment. “What if I wanted to look up something else? Like...a video or something. Do you think I would get in trouble for that?”
“Of what?” Phobia asked. He didn’t want to tell her it was okay if it really wasn’t going to be. He wondered if it was private or something to do with her file. Still, he’d be as honest as he could be with her.
“Well…” She hesitated again before looking to him warily. “I read some of my file. And a lot of it I didn’t understand. But, I read the part about dancing. I want to see if I can find a video of myself dancing. Maybe if I can look up that place, that company I was with, maybe they have something? I was hoping maybe it might help me remember.”
Phobia frowned. He wanted to encourage her. He really did. He also wondered if they would draw a red flag to her, especially if they knew what her history was.
“I can look that up if you’d like,” Phobia said after a moment, “I don’t know if that will get flagged and make them have extra attention on you. Which may mean nothing but still. Let me see if I can find anything and I can bring it over to you. Then there is no connection.” Unless they were wondering why he was looking up those things now that they were friendly. Stupid big brother watching everything.
April smiled, glad that he was willing to help. “Really? Are you sure? But… won’t you get in trouble then? I don’t want that. I just wanted to try to make sense of some of the stuff in there. Why did they have all that information on me anyway? I’m not anyone important, why did they need to know all those things? And who made that file? And where did you find it?” April hadn’t really thought about all of these things until now, in the moment, and it worried her a little.
“I’m sure,” Phobia said. He wondered if they could search together, somewhere that it wouldn’t get flagged. Maybe they could go to the diner and use the WIFI there or something? He didn’t think that would work. Her questions gave him pause because he did not want to lie to her. He also could not necessarily tell her the truth.
“I think they have information on everyone,” Phobia said, “Keeping records and tracking on all of us. Why? I have no idea but I think it’s a part of being on this island. They can just… watch us.” And maybe destroy us one day.
April just nodded a little and played with a strand of her hair. That didn’t really make sense, but she couldn’t figure out why. Phobia seemed to know a lot more about this, and April didn’t think she should question him. “Do you think it will help? Watching a video?”
Phobia had no idea. He wondered if Daryn could help. Or help understand the medical terms in the file more. Maybe he should suggest that April go talk to Daryn.
“I don’t know,” Phobia said, “but I don’t think it would hurt to try it? The worst thing that could happen is absolutely nothing changes, right?” And the government gets upset and throws them in detention and forgets about them. But he’ll leave that bit out.
April nodded a little, still unsure. “When are you going to that place to turn in your ID? Can I still go with you? I don’t like that place and I don’t want to go alone.”
“Yeah, we can go,” Phobia said, “Um, I guess we should do it soon. Before Thursday. After the party? Like Wednesday?” Talk about waiting until the last minute but he didn’t want to go before. He didn’t want to go at all. Maybe if he showed up at mist, you couldn’t put an ID on mist, could you?
April nodded. Other than the party, she had no other real plans for most days, so she would go whenever he wanted to. “Okay, that sounds good.”
He wondered what would happen if they did another protest, another bonfire and burnt the new IDs. They wouldn’t be so relaxed next time, right? He would gladly burn his again and again.
“Hey, you get an extra $100 for turning your old one in, don’t you?” Phobia asked, “What are you doing to do with it?”
April shrugged a little. “I don’t know. Probably buy more candy.” If they had gone before the party, she probably would have bought something for that, but since they were going after, she really didn’t have anything else she needed or wanted. “Or maybe I should save it? That’s what people are supposed to do, right? What are you going to do with yours?”
Phobia ducked his head to hide the smile. It seemed like an April thing to do. It seemed wholly innocent too.
“Save it for what? It’s not like we need to worry about saving for retirement,” he wondered if they did leave the island, if they did have any money in the bank from this place, would they be able to keep it? Heh. Maybe they could all sue for wrongful imprisonment. That was a thing, right? At her question, he couldn’t help but smirk and said, “I’m not getting any. I burnt my ID in the bonfire.”
April’s eyes widened. “Why did you do that? You’re going to get into trouble! Aren’t you worried about that?” April didn’t entirely understand the whole point of the protest, which was obvious, but all she did know is that she didn’t want to get in trouble. Those guards were scary enough and mean enough when she didn’t do anything wrong, what would be like if she actually did do something?
“Not really,” Phobia said, “I think we need to make a stand, we need to make a statement that what is going on here isn’t right. Maybe burning our IDs is just a statement and it didn’t do anything but it’s a statement. If they get angry with me, then so be it. I think I’m doing the right thing.” This was one thing Phobia was passionate about. He wanted others to have that hope, to have freedom. If he was in trouble, hurt, whatever in the effort to get others that freedom? He was okay with that.
April went quiet, thinking about what he said. He was right, things on the island weren’t right. But she didn’t see how risking getting hurt was going to help anything. She just nodded slightly, chewing on her bottom lip. “But… but you’re still going to go and get a new ID, right?”
Phobia nodded and said, “I don’t want to. I don’t like the idea of being forced to wear IDs and to force to show them but I don’t think putting myself in detention is going to help anyone. All it’s going to do is piss everyone off.” He wondered if he was in detention, if he could escape and then what would happen. Probably not help anything so he wasn’t going to do that.
April breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.”Okay. Good. I would be really worried if you got into trouble.” April might not know a lot about a lot of things, but she’d already realized that you couldn’t always predict when or where trouble could happen on the island. She was just relieved that Phobia wasn’t purposely trying to get himself into trouble with the ID situation. “Sometimes they’re helpful. Like when I forget someone’s name.” She was trying to look on the bright side, as always.
Phobia thought about warning her that he may not always be not in trouble but he didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily. Maybe one day what they did would actually change things and he wouldn’t be in trouble. They would just be free to resume their lives.
Phobia nodded and said, “Or you could ask them?”
April shrugged a little. “I guess, but it’s rude if you ask someone you already met what their name is because you forgot! I try very hard to remember people’s names, but there are a lot of people here and some I only met once, so how am I supposed to remember them all? But I guess maybe asking people to wear name tags is different than forcing people to wear our IDs.”
“Exactly. If you only met them once and there are a lot of people here, how are you supposed to remember them all? I don’t remember them all,” Phobia smirked, “Hell, I still call the guy who took over the coffee shop Coffee Fairy and I’m pretty certain I ought to be calling him by his actual name.” Coffee Fairy amused him and seemed more likely. Point being? You couldn’t remember everything.
April tilted her head, considering. “Is that supposed to be a nice name, or a mean name?” It was hard to tell. April thought fairies were pretty and fun, but something told her it wasn’t meant in that way. Plus, Phobia told her himself that he was not always so nice. So she just wanted to check. She didn’t want to call someone a mean name by accident. “And his name is Zayne. He showed me how to bake cookies and helped me decorate for Christmas.”
Phobia tried to laugh and said, “It’s probably mean. He just zips and zooms around that coffee shop like a fairy.” And he always smelt slightly of coffee. Though he was sure Remy knew what he called his boyfriend and never said anything so maybe it wasn’t that mean.
Phobia shrugged and said, “I’m sure he’s nice. I haven’t interacted with him much.”
April just shrugged. “He is nice. You don’t interact much with a lot of people, do you?” It was just a hunch, based on things he’d said before.
Phobia looked to her. What did that mean? He shook his head and said, “I really try not to.” Most people were annoying.
Confused, she furrowed her brow. “Why not? You interact with me.” Which she appreciated, obviously. But she didn’t see why she was any different than anyone else.
“You were going go hand your ID and you were radiating fear,” Phobia replied. That wasn’t the reason, was it? “Besides the first time we interacted? You thought I was being mean. That’s why I don’t interact with people.” I’m mean.
April wasn’t following, but the question seemed to bother him so she didn’t push. “Oh.” She was silent for a few minutes, thinking about it before offering a little smile. “Well, I am glad that you interact with me, even if it’s just because I’m scared all the time.”
“I didn’t say all the time. Just at the time that we met,” Phobia said. He did sense her fear but when they hung out? Like this, it was background noise. It was harder in groups of people. People were loud with their fears.
April nodded a little. Sometimes, like after all the bad things that happened at new years, she did really feel like she was scared all the time. But she wasn’t around Phobia during those times. When she was around him now, she just felt like herself, and like everything would be okay, and she enjoyed that. “So… if I get scared, do you want me to go away? Does that make it bad?”
“No,” Phobia said, “You being more afraid of something over a normal mood doesn’t really change. Um, well, that’s not true. Like if we were somewhere and you were super afraid of something, as opposed to your regular day-to-day fears now and I lost control? I’d more likely be able to turn into the thing you were largely afraid of but that control is more dependent on my emotions and state of mind than yours,” he paused, “If that made sense.” He wasn’t sure if that made sense except that’s what he had learnt. It was his own state of mind that kept him solid and him as opposed to anything else.
April wasn’t entirely sure she understood, but she thought she got the point. “So… sometimes you don’t do it because you’re being mean? It just happens? But usually you can control it?”
Phobia nodded and hesitated, “I did it to a friend because we fought. I think I really screwed things up there but I don’t know how to fix it.” He glanced down at his hands.
April thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. “Maybe say you’re sorry? I don’t know if it will fix it, but it might be a good way to start? I don’t know for sure, but I think when you say you’re sorry most people understand. Maybe that’s how to fix it, if you’re friends already.”
“I tried,” Phobia said. He shook his head, “I shouldn’t have lost control like that. What happened is my fault.” This was why he didn’t have many friends, he messed up in the end. Maybe one day he would get better control.
April frowned. “If it bothers you that much, try again? And if that doesn’t work… maybe you weren’t friends like you thought? I don’t think friends would not accept an apology, that doesn’t seem very nice. And if you lost control, then it wasn’t on purpose, so it’s not really your fault. Maybe… maybe explaining that might help too. I don’t know, I’m not good at things.”
Phobia nodded and said, “I know you’re right,” he paused then just nodded again, “I should. At some point, I’ll try again.” Or he’ll keep avoiding her until he really couldn’t and that wasn’t the best course of action, really.
April offered a smile of encouragement. “Is there anything I can do to help? I like to help.”
Phobia shook his head and said, “Thank you but I’m not sure what you could do. I just need to either get the balls and deal with it or…” he trailed off. Or let it go. He couldn’t let it go, not while Ashe and Daryn were dating. So he needed to find the balls somewhere.
“Or what? What makes it hard to fix it? I mean, I don’t know what it’s like to have a fight with a friend. I’m sure I must have in the past but I don’t remember. I don’t see why it needs to be so complicated.” April just wanted to understand, because maybe then she could figure out a way to help.
Phobia kept looking at his hands. He wished he had a simple answer for her. Maybe if he was more like her other friends, like Matty or the Coffee Fairy, he could put on a big smile and say it was nothing. It wasn’t a big deal to try to make up with someone. He wasn’t like that, however. He didn’t have that hope in him that everyone else had.
“No, I just make it more complicated,” Phobia said, his voice quiet, “I just… it’s hard for me.”
Scooting over to sit closer to him, April put her hand on his. “Well, then let me try to help. Maybe I can help make it less complicated and less hard. It’s worth a try, right?”
Phobia looked up at April when she touched him. He wasn’t expecting that. He held his breath for a moment, before letting it out slowly. He wasn’t pulling back yet. He didn’t even know how to explain it. What else could he say?
“I don’t know,” Phobia said, “People are just hard for me. It’s… it just is.”
April didn’t move or take her hand off of his. Instead, she squeezed it a little. “Was it always hard? Or just since all the new powers and stuff? Maybe that’s what makes it hard?” It was an idea.
“Abilities always makes things difficult,” Phobia said, “I don’t know how it would make socializing harder.” He was more social before but life was different before. It didn’t have a dark shadow over it. He didn’t think his lack of socialness had anything to do with his abilities.
April listened, not really sure where to go with that. But she was going to try. She could tell that Phobia was upset and she wanted to make him feel better. “Is it difficult to socialize with everyone? Or just some people?” She thought he had no problem talking to her, but April knew that everyone was different. And he had his roommate, it seemed like there was no problem there, either. She was missing something.
“Everyone,” Phobia said. He took a deep breath in and shrugged, “I’m just not a social person. It’s fine. I don’t need to be.” He didn’t need to be social and he could do what he needed to do around the island. There was no mystery. He was just who he was.
Nudging him gently, she shook her head. “Wrong. Not everyone. Not with me, and not with Ashe. We count for something, right?” She didn’t give him the chance to protest. “You don’t have to be social with everyone. Just the people you want to be. Like your friends. And if they are your real friends, then they know it’s hard for you and they will be patient with you.”
“And I am,” Phobia said, “I answered the door to you today, didn’t I?” See? They didn’t need to try to make him social. He was social with those he wanted to be with and while it was a very small number he was definitely okay with that.
“Then why do you seem so sad?” She didn’t want him to be sad, but she was having trouble making sense of this. But that didn’t mean April was ready to give up. If nothing else, she was determined to cheer him up, and would keep at it until she was sure it worked.
Why was he so sad? He wasn’t sad. He probably was. He didn’t know. He couldn’t say that he didn’t see the bright side of things, not when things felt so dark. Then she would probably question that and it was something else he wasn’t entirely sure if he could explain it.
“I’m not,” Phobia answered, “This is just me.”
April considered his answer. But it made her wonder something else. “Are you happy?”
“I’m not unhappy,” Phobia replied. That didn’t mean he was happy either. It didn’t matter. Happiness could come later when they were off the island and weren’t living like misfit toys.
“What makes you happy?” Not being unhappy was not the same as being happy, April knew enough to know that. So now she was developing some way to try to make Phobia feel happy. Even if it was just a little bit for a little while. That was better than no happy at all.
Phobia shrugged and said, “I don’t know. I’m sure there are things but I can’t come up with a list off the top of my head. Can you?”
“A list of things that make me happy?” April thought that sounded pretty easy. But a list of things Phobia likes did seem like it might be more challenging. Not because he didn’t like things, but because it was hard to tell by just being around him. He kept so much inside, and April wasn’t going to pry.
“Yeah,” Phobia said, “And you can’t include candy because I know that one already.” He gave her a small smile at that. He may not be able to list his own but he knew from talking to April that candy was important to her.
April smiled and thought about it for a minute before beginning her rambling list. “I like meeting people, and making friends, and learning new things, oh, I like animals, especially the baby ones. I like funny TV shows, but sometimes I don’t understand why it’s funny, but I still like them anyway. And I like being around you.” There, that was simple.
She actually had a list. He shouldn’t be surprised. Nothing on that list actually surprised him, except the last item. That just didn’t make sense. How could being around him be happy making? How was that possible?
“That’s a good list,” he said lamely. What else could he say?
“It is? Thanks.” April beamed and squeezed his hand again before moving back to sit where she had been before and give him some space. Some people didn’t like to be close and April didn’t want to make Phobia uncomfortable. “I bet you could have a good list too, maybe you just need to think about it for a while. I think about the things that make me happy when I am sad, that’s how I already knew my list.”
“I just sort of turn to shadows when I’m sad,” Phobia said. No thought required and it was easy that way but he knew not everyone had an easy escape. Probably better that most people didn’t. He nodded to her, “I’ll have to think on it for a while.” Like, maybe, forever.
April nodded. “You should write things down when you think of them, so you don’t forget. Oh, and don’t lose the list. I do that sometimes.” Life tips from April.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Phobia said. He thought about mentioning that phones had a list option but then she might lose her phone and that seemed like an entirely different conversation. It was probably best not to get into that one, “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” April was glad that he might actually take her advice. She wasn’t sure if it was good advice, but it didn’t feel like bad advice, so that had to count for something. “I should probably go, I came and bothered you. I bet you want to go back to your music now.”
“You didn’t bother me,” Phobia said. He laughed softly and said, “I always want to go back to my music but that’s nothing unusual.” It was a good barrier between him and the rest of the world, “It was nice to hang out a bit.” He was surprised to find out that, yes, he did really mean that.
“Why do you always want to go back to music?” She hesitantly stood, she really should leave him alone now, but she wanted to know more about why he liked music. Plus, he did say it was nice, so maybe that meant she didn’t have to leave right away?
Phobia stood when she did but shrugged at her question, “It is a good barrier between people and myself, I guess. Plus… I don’t know. It’s music. It can have so many meanings to different people and… I like it, I guess.”
“Then you should put music on your list of things that make you happy.” Look, she helped. Maybe. Or maybe she just repeated things. Could it be both? April wanted it to be both.
“Yeah, that may be a thought,” Phobia said. It could be a bad thing but he decided to ask, “What sort of music do you listen to?”
April shrugged. “I don’t really listen to music much. Maybe I should. Maybe that would help remember about dancing too. What kind of music should I listen to?”
“To help remember dancing? Probably the stuff you used to dance too? You were, what? A ballet? So classical stuff?” Phobia suggested, “Or just listen to stuff that makes you happy.” Which he imagined that April would probably really like pop music and not so much the stuff he listened to.
April nodded, that sounded like a good suggestion. “What kinds of things do you listen to? What were you listening to when I came by and so rudely interrupted your music time?”
“I listen to more rock, metal, that sort of thing,” Phobia said. He sat down again. If they were talking music, there was no point in still standing, was there? “Not rudely but I was listening to the new album by Asking Alexandria.”
April sat again, this time on the edge of the couch, mostly just because she was interested and that sometimes made her a little bouncy. “Do you like it so far?”
“Yup,” Phobia said, “I need to listen to it a few more times to get a real hang of the album, however.” It had been out for a bit but he had just got his hands on it. Sometimes getting music here seemed slow. At least it was one thing that wasn’t censored.
April smiled and nodded. “Maybe I should listen to it sometime soon. And then you can tell me what you liked about it and didn’t. I don’t know a lot about music, so it would be like learning something new.”
“Uh, I’m not sure if you would like it?” Phobia said, “Maybe you would but it’s very loud and very,” he tried to think of the word, “angry? If you want, I can make you a playlist? Of stuff I think you would probably enjoy?”
April smiled brightly. “Really? You would do that for me? That’s so nice! I would like that. But I also want to hear loud and angry music. Just because I try to be happy, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like those things. I’d like to try to like them, anyway.”
Phobia did not really think she would like angry or loud but, sure, he could add some into it. If he was right and she didn’t like it, there was other options but if she did like it? That would also be cool.
“Sure, I can do that,” Phobia said.
April was glad that he agreed, but since it was his idea to offer, she wasn’t too surprised. “Thanks. I should actually go this time though, I’m taking up all your time and I bet you had things to do today. But, I will see you at the party?” He had said he would come, but she felt the need to ask again just in case.
“You aren’t,” Phobia said. Listening to music and hiding in his room was hardly anything he had planned. He nodded to her question and said, “Yeah, I’ll be there. You’ll see me.”
“Okay!” April gave Phobia another quick hug and then headed to the door with a wave, seeing herself out. “Have fun listening to your music and have a good day!” She slipped out quietly, heading back to her place to think more about the party.