Characters: Daryn and Phobia Setting: Phobia & Ashe’s place, Sunday, January 21, 2018 afternoon Summary: Trying to repair things Rating: Low
Daryn was relieved that the fallout of the protest was minimal. For now. She assumed IDs would be reissued, and until then those who worked at the Facility or needed their IDs for other things would be inconvenienced. So she’d spent the days after the protest, checking in on people and seeing if she could help them in any way. But she kept herself purposely busy so that she couldn’t think about things that were bothering her. She was very good at avoiding things, but Daryn also knew that the longer the tension persisted, the worse things would be.
So after a lot of arguing with herself, Daryn made her way over to Ashe and Phobia’s house, knocking on the door. She’d wanted to talk to Ashe, about a lot of things, but she knew that she needed and wanted to talk to Oliver first. She waited for an answer, unsure if Phobia would even agree to talk to her.
--
When the guards came at the protest, Phobia had swept into action, creating diversions to allow people to run and get away from the guards. It wasn’t until almost everyone was gone before Phobia ran off himself. He hoped that Daryn and Remy were alright that night. He had seen Remy and Zayne run off. He was grateful to hear the next day that Dary and Remy were safe and that the fallout was not as bad as Phobia had thought it would be. Plus he was able to get rid of his ID card, which he was grateful for.
Phobia still fought with the desire to hide in his room. He tried to come out a bit more often, help with cooking with Ashe, not that his help was really needed. He tried to be a bit more social, even if it was only with Ashe. The rest of the time, he spent in his room, reading and avoiding everyone else. It was fine.
Phobia heard the knock and thought about ignoring it. He wasn’t sure if Ashe was home, he didn’t think so, and even if he was, he supposed he ought to get it. He crossed to the front door and opened it, surprised to see Daryn. He raised his eyebrow and said, “I don’t think Ashe is here right now.”
--
Daryn took a deep breath when the door opened, already hearing the familiar thoughts of the person on the other side. When Phobia spoke to her, she nodded a little. That’s alright. I would like to talk to you, if you’re willing. She was prepared for him to say no and tell her to go away, which she probably would do against her better judgment.
--
Phobia wasn’t going to shut the door. Though the thought was there but Daryn could be here on official business and that was, most likely, the reason why she was here. Maybe there was a meeting. Or maybe something did happen post protest. Maybe there was some big news and she had to talk face-to-face. He certainly didn’t think it was non-Faction, whatever the reason.
He nodded and said, “Come in. Take a seat.” He knew she had been here before so he let her lead herself to the living room. He could feel his control slip a bit and he took a deep breath. Hold on. He was fine. There was no reason to think she was here for any negative reason other than someone high up was hurt. Great. That was a terrible thought too.
---
Slowly stepping inside, she nodded to him in thanks for allowing her inside to talk. She moved into the living room and took a seat. She sat on the edge of the chair, ready to go if he chose to kick her out. Hearing his thoughts, she sighed. No one is hurt, I’m not here on business. I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day.
--
Phobia was glad to hear that. He worried that since Remy spoke out that they would go after him. He took a seat on the edge of the couch, frowning at what she said. Was she here to tell him what he had done, letting himself to become the guard was unforgivable? Or that she was going to talk to Remy about what happened and kick him out? He wished he had a better mental wall because he was certain she could hear his fears and thoughts.
He shrugged, the only invitation for her to continue or not.
--
Hearing his thoughts, Daryn frowned but kept her eyes on the floor in front of her. He thought that she would say or do those things, and it bothered her because it was not her intent at all. She wondered exactly how well he knew her at all, obviously not as well as she’d thought. Tucking her hair back behind her ears, she hesitated before beginning. When we were speaking the other day, you said something that struck me deeply. You didn’t know. But it did, and I reacted poorly. And for that I apologize.
--
Phobia looked down at his hands. He wanted to tell her not to worry about it. Why should it matter? It didn’t change anything. At the same time, she was talking to him about and that meant something, right? He looked at his hands still.
“I,” Phobia said then paused, “I said a lot of things wrong then.”
---
His thoughts didn’t put her at ease that this conversation would fix things. But she was making the effort. If it didn’t work, at least she’d tried to set things right. You’re entitled to your reactions and your feelings. You weren’t wrong.
--
Phobia looked up at Daryn. It was probably something he struggled with very hard, that he was entitled to his reactions and his feelings. It may look like he owned his feelings, with how he acted all the time, but he struggled a lot with how he felt, how he was supposed to feel and where he was.
“I felt very wrong,” Phobia said, his voice soft, “I felt…” he trailed off. Did she want to hear it?
--
Staying silent, Daryn looked to Phobia and waited for him to continue, if he chose to. She didn’t want him to feel like he had to explain, but if he wanted to talk she would listen.
--
Phobia didn’t like talking about his emotions either. He took a deep breath. Did it matter what he felt? He forced himself to look at her and asked, “I said the wrong thing and it hurt you but did you mean what you said? That I’m not ready? That I’m immature?”
---
Frowning, Daryn looked down to the floor again with a sigh. For the record, I said that you weren’t ready to train with me. That is very different than saying you’re not ready at all, I never said that and I never meant to say that. I also didn’t say you were immature, I meant that your assumption was immature, that I would ‘dismiss’ you because of a disagreement? I wouldn’t do that, I’d like to think that I am a bit more level headed than that.
--
“If I was not ready to train with you, then why would you have wanted me around then?” Phobia pointed out. At that point, he meant that he was dismissed as it was time for him to leave. It wasn’t until later, after he had lost control, did he began to fear that dismissal may also have meant bigger things? “So what did you mean?”
---
Arching a brow, Daryn shook her head a little. Just because you weren’t ready to train, why would that equate to me not wanting you around. Besides working together, I’d thought we were friends, that I would want you around regardless of what we were doing in terms of the Faction. Feeling very foolish now, Daryn shook her head and looked to the floor once more. It seems like I’d made the wrong assumption about that, if that is how you see things.
--
Phobia didn’t look at Daryn as she spoke to him. It took a moment before he replied, “I… I don’t do friends well,” just ask Ashe, “I… I am used to being pushed aside if I don’t measure up.” Maybe it wasn’t fair to think Daryn would do it. He had expected Ashe to push him aside over and over and over again. Ashe never did. He still half expected Ashe to declare he was sick of Phobia’s bullshit. He had expected that this last weekend. People didn’t want him around.
---
Listening, she looked back to Phobia with a sigh. I suppose we’re a lot alike in that way. Except I tend to be the one to push people away before they can do the same to me. However, that is not what I was doing when we last spoke.
--
Phobia peeked up at her before looking down and said, “People don’t usually want to get that close to me and when they do…” It didn’t take much for them to change their mind. It wasn’t always like that. He didn’t think it was. He had friends when he was younger but that was a lifetime ago.
He looked at her for a moment, “I disappointed you.” He was sorry for doing that, even if he didn’t say that word exactly.
---
Daryn shook her head no and sighed again, rubbing her forehead. No, you didn’t. You proved me wrong and you did and said what I deserved. Daryn left it at that, she didn’t need to recount the entire thing for him.
--
“You said not to count on my powers and that’s the only way I proved you wrong,” Phobia said. He didn’t want to recount it either. It still stung and he didn’t want to become smoke and shadows again, not around Daryn. He didn’t want Daryn to think he couldn’t handle this. He shook his head, “Remy came over last week. He started training on Wednesday, before the protest.”
---
Daryn nodded, glad to hear that he hadn’t given up on training. How is it going?
--
“Alright,” Phobia shrugged, “Starting with the basics. Remy doesn’t pull any punches.” Not that he thought the other man would. He expected Remy to give everything that he had and Phobia gave it back. It was the only way it would work.
---
Daryn nodded and kept her eyes on the floor. That’s good to hear. Unsure of what else to say, she sat in silence for a moment before standing. I won’t take up any more of your time. Thank you for talking to me.
--
Phobia hesitated. No. There wasn’t anything else that needed to be talked about in that regard but he hesitated and said, “You can stay if you want. I can make… tea or coffee or something. If you want.” Look at him, trying to be a good host.
---
Daryn thought about it for a moment and then just shook her head. I should go, there’s a few people I need to check in on before it gets too late. But thank you for asking. Daryn had hoped that after this discussion, she would feel better about things. But instead, it just solidified what she already knew in the back of her mind. I hope your training continues to go well, and if you need anything you know where to find me.
--
Again, Phobia couldn’t help but feel dismissed. He wondered if he was putting too of his own insecurities into what Daryn was saying. Or what she said about pushing people away was just this: she was pushing him away. If he was more like Ashe, he might have insisted she stayed. Or offered to go with her to check on people. Or done something. Instead he sat in his insecurity, wondering how much more he could mess things up. Being shadows and mist was easier. No one paid him any attention.
Phobia nodded, standing up as well. He shoved his hands into his jeans, trying to shut down his thoughts.
“Alright,” he said, hesitating, “If you change your mind, I’ll be here.” Where else would he go?
---
The problem with being able to read someone’s thoughts was how to deal with things when they got it completely wrong. Daryn struggled with this a lot, and more often than not, she just let things be. If she couldn’t read someone else’s mind, she’d never say something to the contrary, so what right did she have to do it now. So instead, she just shook her head a little and kept it to herself.
Moving to the door, she offered Phobia a small smile and nodded. Thank you. Have a good rest of your day. And with that, she stepped out silently, moving on to the next person she needed to see, hopefully pushing it all out of her mind so she could focus on someone else.