After their first date, Ehren felt an overwhelming urge to see Logan all the time. They’d been keeping in touch with text messages but with work schedules they hadn’t had much time to see each other. Finally they got a day off together and Ehren tucked Daisy into a small box, placed Logan’s wedding ring into his pocket and made his way to his front door.
Over the last two months, the two had grown close and they’d had a successful first date. However, because of his incarceration, things had gotten off to a slow start. Ehren didn’t want to wait anymore, he wanted to be Logan’s and he was pretty sure Logan felt the same way. He was scared but he knew that doing things that scared him would probably yield the best outcomes. Knocking three times he waited for the response, hopeful that he didn’t catch Logan while he was in the shower or out buying groceries.
Tidying up was not a favorite chore of his but it needed to be done. A bag in hand, Logan worked diligently to ensure that his apartment was clean. There wasn’t any particular reason other than not wanting Daisy to get hold of something or into something that could hurt her when she came back home.
Barefoot and dressed casually in a tee shirt and jeans, Logan hummed quietly to himself as he worked. He just finished gathering the last of the junk and tying up the bag when the knocks at the door came.
Bag was taken into the kitchen and set into the trash before he made his way cautiously to the front door. Seeing that no danger was present, he pulled the obstacle open and smiled at Ehren. “Hey,” he greeted, stepping aside to allow the other man inside.
“Hi.” He said with a smile, happy to see that handsome face again. Once the door was closed he placed the box down on the ground and took the lid off so that Daisy could hop out of the box. The little pup looked up at Logan and her tail began to wag. Looking back at Logan he walked up to him and leaned up to press a chaste kiss to his lips.
He looked back down at the pup with a smile. “I think she missed you.” Just like Ehren had even over the last couple of days. He then remembered what was in his pocket. His hand went there to feel the circular object. There was a lot riding on this ring, especially considering what he was going to propose to Logan. Still, it belonged to him and he deserved to have it back. Taking it out of his pocket he held it out to Logan. “I believe this is yours.”
Eyes would go to the floor in time to see the pup revealed; he was so glad to see her after the whirlwind of things that had happened recently. Lifting his head Logan leaned into the kiss offered by Ehren and once it was done he pulled back only a bit to look at Daisy again. An arm would wind around Ehren gently.
“I’ve missed her too.” He really had. It was overwhelming to have both of the things in his life together there at the same time, but not in a bad way.
Turning to Ehren, Logan looked at the ring sitting in the other’s palm. He reached out and accepted it, turning it over in his own fingers. “Thanks.”
Leaning into Logan he felt his heartbeat speed up a bit. “I was hoping we could talk.” He said looking up at Logan. He was scared, yes, but being around Logan felt so right and comfortable that he had faith things wouldn’t go sour. Letting go to grab Logan’s hand he lead him toward the couch, the memory of what they’d done there bringing a slight blush to his cheeks.
As they sat he let out a sigh and tried to compose himself a bit. “I know things are still new and you were married before so I don’t want to pressure you into anything but…” he breathed, trying to keep his hammering heart at bay. “...I just like you a lot and I want to be with you..” he wasn’t getting to the point and he didn’t quite know how to get to it.
As his hand was taken Logan moved with Ehren, the curiosity present on his face. His ring would go into the pocket of his jeans for now, safekeeping to ensure it wouldn’t get lost. He stepped over Daisy so as not to trample over her and once they’d reached the intended destination Logan would sit down next to Ehren, looking patiently at him. “Sure,” he said, nodding, “about what?” Talking didn’t always come with a good context but he hoped that wasn’t the case here.
Eyebrows would arch as Ehren began to speak what was on his mind. Head would tilt. “...so, what are you asking me?” This didn’t seem like a proposal for marriage - thank goodness - it seemed less formal but no less important. “You want to be together?” He concluded from the context that he was in the general area of what Ehren had been getting at.
His heart beat faster still and he nodded his head in response to Logan. Of course he probably didn’t want to, when they’d met Logan had been mourning his dead wife, how could he possibly want to take this next step with Ehren? He knew it had been a stupid idea from the start and he should have just left it alone. Things might have progressed eventually. It wasn’t like he was sleeping with anyone else, but maybe Logan needed more time.
While he wasn’t looking to put labels on things or really find himself tied into something, the dynamic with Ehren was different. He was always going to mourn, but he knew Casey would want him to start moving on and having a life. He could already hear her voice in his head telling him not to be dumb and to move on.
“I’d like that.” A nod would come with those three words and he hoped that Ehren wanted to be with him, too. It seemed that way, but after what they’d been through he knew that could put undue strain on a relationship.
All of a sudden it was like his whole body relaxed at once. His heartbeat returned to normal and his muscles loosened. A smile crept onto his face at those three words and his hand came up to brush through the manic hair of Logan’s beard. “Me too.” He replied, just in case Logan didn’t understand that part of it.
“Wow, that was exhausting, I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest, run out of this apartment and hop onto a plane off this island.” He said with a chuckle, staring into that soft stare that made him go weak in the knees. Maybe the idea that he would be alone forever was just what he needed to think before Logan fell into his lap, so to speak.
Intrigued by the response, Logan smiled a bit and his eyes would narrow in a playful way, “You thought I’d say no?” That was comical. He was far from the type to lead anyone on or flirt, or do much of anything and the time they had invested in each other should’ve spoken more to the fact of connection and solidarity than any words had to.
Logan reached for Ehren’s hand, drawing fingers up to place kisses upon them.
Daisy barked, scrambling over toward them. She lifted herself up onto front paws, scratching at Logan’s leg as the stub of her tail wiggled.
“I have low self-esteem.” He retorted but he still had a smile on his face. The kisses to his fingers made the butterflies in stomach flip and he bit down on his bottom lip is response. “And you’re completely out of my league so, I don’t know, I guess I thought it was a possibility.” The words began to ring in his head from his conversation with Riley. You know when you’re in love, Ehren. It was like his heart skipped a beat and his breath was caught in his chest.
When Daisy barked, Ehren was brought out of his stupor and a laugh erupted. “I think someone needs a little attention.” He said, gesturing to the dog. She wagged her tail excitedly and tried several times to hop up onto Logan’s lap.
Little back paws would flail as she made her way up onto the couch and Logan laughed, scooping her up carefully. She was cute, he had to admit that. He had no idea what she was like or would have appeared to look like before seeing her for the first time when he’d presented her to Ehren.
“Maybe you should set your standards higher,” he suggested, shrugging his shoulders. He was not out of anyone’s league but he didn’t protest.
He raised his brow at Logan’s comment but smirked anyway. The both of them obviously had low opinions of themselves and maybe over time they could change that. He grabbed Logan by the shirt to pull him forward in a kiss. As it broke he stayed close, fingers still dug into the fabric of his neckline. “I do now.” He whispered and pressed one more quick kiss to his lips before letting go.
Easily Ehren moved closer to Logan, leaning against the other man as he looked down at their dog. He gave her a pat on the head and she moved her face to lick at his hand. It was pretty magical that he’d procured such a good looking dog. It was even amazing that he got one at all. Ehren might have to delve more into that and find out what other ways Logan would be resourceful.
There was still a secret between them, the faction. No one outside of the faction besides Caspian knew anything about that part of his life. He’d have to tell him sooner or later, but keeping that part of himself a secret was important to him and he had to make sure that Logan didn’t endanger himself by knowing it.
The kisses were met with deeper, harder kisses as he was drawn forward by the shirt. “Good,” Logan would murmur. Ehren deserved only the best and if Logan couldn’t give that to him he hoped someone else eventually could.
An arm would wind around Ehren, drawing the other man close. His boyfriend. Wow, that was strange but good. He couldn’t help the little smile of delight that touched the corners of his eyes as he thought about it.
Daisy whined, trying her best to gnaw at Ehren’s fingers in a playful manner as Logan held her toward the other man. He had his family - as much of a family that it could be - and he was at a loss for words.
Ehren continued to pet Daisy who was loving it. It was clear that him and his friends had taken good care of her because she was the happy little dog. “I’m going to be best man at a wedding.” He said, remembering it suddenly. That was what couples did right? They talked to each other about all the little things they did.
“My friend’s Finn and Riley. I’ve never done that before, I’m actually a little scared.” He admitted. Sure it wasn’t his wedding but Riley and Finn meant a lot to him and he wanted to make sure he did it right.
“I’m going to throw Finn a bachelor party. Do you have ideas about what I could do? I’m hoping we don’t end up just reading silently together in the library.” He joked, though he wouldn’t put it past Finn.
“Oh?” Logan would inquire. He didn’t even know getting married was a thing but now that he knew it made a bit of sense. Why wouldn’t you be allowed to get married or have kids? He’d been moving through the last five years with blinders on. “Sounds like fun.” He didn’t know a lot about Ehren’s circle of friends but he was glad all the same.
“All you have to do is stand there and witness,” Logan explained. His own best man had been there when he and Casey had tied the knot. “Be supportive.”
Logan would shrug. “I don’t know Finn or Riley, what are they into?” At least he couldn’t identify them by name. He might’ve recognized them if he saw them in person. “Why don’t you take him to Josie’s?”
“Oh that’s a good idea actually. And yeah if you want to know the type of person he is, he’s the type to sit quietly in a library and read. Actually, he helped me get this gift for you.” He said, pointing to the projector behind him. Even though Logan didn’t know them, he still had a good idea on what people generally liked. Ehren didn’t do things like that, Ehren wanted things to be deeply personal, hence the gift.
“I’ll introduce you to Finn, he’s good people.” Ehren said with a smile, looking back up into those eyes. There was something about his eyes, they reflected so much honesty. He didn’t want to force his friends on Logan, but they would be around him and he thought it might be important for them to at least meet.
“And Dani, she’s my best friend.” Longtime love, shoulder to cry on, etc. They were never together but there was a point when Ehren thought they would be. Those days were long gone, especially with the addition of Roman.
Turning, he looked over at the projector. Studying it for a moment Logan would nod and turn to view Ehren again. “So that’s how you did that.” Friends were good to have. “I’ll have to thank him next time I see him.” He was familiar with the librarian only by reputation, Logan didn’t go in there unless he was fixing something.
He needed to get out a bit more and having friends was a good thing, even if they were inherited. “Tell him I said congrats on the wedding.”
With mention of Dani, Logan would nod. “You have a lot of friends. I’m glad.”
He looked back up at Logan, a smile permanently plastered to his face. “Yeah, and now I have a boyfriend.” He mused, nuzzling his forehead into Logan’s neck. While some things seemed to be falling into place, there were still things he needed to work on. Namely his relationship with Dani. Ehren had come by her house after he was registered and the two had argued about Roman. He didn’t like how that ended, she was holding back from him and he felt like he was slowly losing her.
His hand found Logan’s and intertwined their fingers, using his other fingers to gently trail along Logan’s arm. “I’m happy you let me drag you home drunk that night.” It could have easily gone the other way, a tense angry acquaintance that Ehren would never truly know.
The title brought that little smile back from where it had faded a bit. It seemed so official, so permanent and it scared him a little bit. What if he messed it up? What if he hurt Ehren in some way without meaning to? It was in his history to be combative, short-tempered. The other man hadn’t yet seen that side of him in that sort of manner though Logan knew he could be visually intimidating. That was the way he wanted to appear, though. It was safer to look tough sometimes. An arm would wind tight around Ehren, embrace him, and then it relaxed but didn’t let go.
“Me too,” he confirmed, nodding in agreement. They both had a boyfriend.
Fingers falling in between Ehren’s, he held onto that hand gently, naturally. “Did you drag me home?” He inquired, question playful, “Because I remember walking.”
Ehren chuckled at that a little and nuzzled his head into Logan’s neck. “Actually what really happened is that I slung you over my shoulder and carried you home.” He teased, squeezing Logan’s hand in his. Daisy let out a small bark and he patted her head gently. Clearly this puppy needed some attention.
“But you know if it makes you feel better to remember it that way I promise to let you have that little secret.” Truthfully, Ehren couldn’t lift Logan if he tried but it was clear that Logan could do that to Ehren. The idea of being manhandled a little was sort of a turn on for Ehren. He wasn’t a masochist by any means but Logan was a big man and could easily pick him up if he wanted to.
This was nice, just sitting here in Logan’s arms. No immediate place to go, no expectations of what would happen. He was starting to feel the feelings he was trying to suppress creep up. The four letter word hung in the back of his mind and he knew, of course he knew, but Logan was fragile and Ehren didn’t want to scare him away.
Laughter, a sound soft and amused echoed as a response. “You must have super strength that nobody told you about.” Both of them knew that Ehren picking him up in any context was out of the question. Logan was solidly built and while he didn’t have doubts as to Ehren’s good intentions but the reality of it was true fact.
“Thanks, dork,” he quipped, before his gaze lowered to Daisy.
Logan wasn’t above being a little rough or playful when the opportunity arose, but it was nice just being able to sit and enjoy the company of each other rather than get swept up in obligation.
Looking up at Logan he smirked. “I like it when you call me a dork.” It brought chills down his spine for some reason, like dork was his way of saying how much he liked Ehren. It was humbling in an odd way. “Because that’s what I am. Better address it now so I don’t surprise you later.” He said, bringing his fingers up to Logan’s beard to rake them through.
“Your boyfriend is a certifiable dork, can you live with that?” He knew the answer was yes, and it was still odd to call him that, the word hadn’t quite settled in yet. It had been a long time since anyone had been his boyfriend or girlfriend that he felt like it might take a bit of an adjustment period.
That little, four letter word had become a term of endearment for him when it was expressed to Ehren. In public he would find another word to use, but between them when there was no one else he would continue to use it as if it were a little secret shared between them. “Yeah?” He was glad it wasn’t taken in offense.
Logan’s expression shifted - he pretended to consider the question posed before answering, “Yep. I think I can handle that.”
A smile came to Ehren’s face and he leaned his lips up to press a kiss to Logan’s. He knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, this thing they had, but he knew it had been the most real thing he’d had in a long time. “Did you ever play on the super nintendo?” He wondered aloud, thinking back on the game he’d had with Riley recently.
There were still things he needed to learn about Logan and maybe the best way to do it was over a couple of friendly games. Pool had been a good lubricant to their conversation before so maybe some old school video gaming would help Ehren learn more about him.
Kissing Ehren was delightful. He enjoyed the connection while it lasted and once it was done and the question was posed he shook his head. “I think you asked me that already,” he replied, but he couldn’t remember. “No, I don’t think I’ve ever played.”
He wasn’t much into video games. Sitting in front of the tv for hours on end seemed sort of boring, but if Ehren liked it maybe he could try.
It was definitely possible that Ehren had asked that before, often times he’d forget those details about a person. He knew Logan wanted to travel but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon so he’d figure out a way they could entertain each other while still on this island. “Well, I have one. I can teach you if that’s something you’re interested in.” He offered. They’d clearly be spending more time together, why not learn from one another?
“I have like a dozen games or so that we could do. Mortal Kombat and street fighter were my favorites.” Ehren wasn’t what one could call a gamer per se but he did enjoy playing for a little bit on an old gaming system. That was the last one he ever had as a kid, was too busy reading books and coming up with stories to bother with a game.
Akin to a deer in the headlights Logan peered down at the other man. He’d heard of Mortal Kombat or something similar to that somewhere before but he’d never played it. A few people in Chicago that he’d known prior played a few games, stood in line for games or the latest consoles.
“Uh, sure.” He wanted to at least try it out since Ehren liked it so much. There was no promise that he’d have any interest but trying to find things in common was what you did when you liked someone.
Ehren raised a brow at Logan. “Sounds like you’re excited.” He said sarcastically, smirking a bit at Logan. “We could do other things too, you know. I happen to be a very good storyteller. Also, I think I might have time to go see a movie or two.” Ehren wasn’t interested in making Logan be a part of things he could care less about. He wanted both of them to enjoy themselves, not just himself.
He was smothering him now, wasn’t he? The two had barely made it official and he was already making demands. “I’m going to shut up now.” He said, a little embarrassed. His cast his eyes down at their hands to hide the redness in his cheeks.
Whatever Ehren wanted to do would be met with little to no protest. He would even have been dragged to the library to sit for hours if only to be there with the other man. A shrug would have to suffice. At least he was willing to try, right? “I don’t doubt your skills,” Logan replied with a nod, “and we can go to the movies any time.”
The best part about being with someone was being present in their lives. What sounded good to him just then was being there with Ehren, with Daisy.
Releasing Ehren’s fingers, Logan’s drifted to meet the underside of the other man’s chin and he gently lifted it up so that their eyes would meet again. “Why? Did I do something?” Concern caused his brow to crease.
Lifting his eyes up with the tilt of his chin, they softened in his gaze. Those little touches made his bones turn to jelly. “No, God no. I’m just… still trying to get over my self esteem. I’m not used to this, I just think everything I’m going to do is going to fuck it up, somehow.” He pleaded, bringing his fingers up to try and smooth out the worry on Logan’s brow.
Nothing Logan could ever do would be wrong, even if the outcome didn’t suit Ehren because he knew that Logan was a good person. Ehren himself had done some things he wasn’t proud of, for selfish reasons and he didn’t want Logan knowing about any of that, lest he find out who Ehren really was. “I’m sorry. Just...bare with me, ok?”
Thumb would graze the line of Ehren’s jaw as he listened. A breath of relief would be expelled and his smile came back. “Good. I’m nervous,” he admitted. “I don’t wanna screw this up.” It seemed they both were on the same page about things. He found it a bit amusing.
A nod would come. “As long as you can bear with me, too. It’s been a long time, I’m not that good at this.” Dating. He wasn’t good at dating, never had been.
“You’re better at it than you think.” He breathed, lost in the touch and the stare. Ehren was clearly hypnotized by Logan because there was no other logical explanation for the kind of pull he had over him. Those small touches and his honesty was more than he could have ever hoped for in a partner. It just seemed unreal to be dating someone like Logan.
He leaned his forehead against the other man’s, letting his hand fall from his brow to his beard and then down to his nape. “You’re sort of perfect, actually.” He found himself saying without any thought. It was like the words formed in his mouth without any communication with his brain.
Palm would move to cup at Ehren’s jaw as they spoke. Tender brushes from the pad of his thumb would graze that hard line. Logan’s cheeks flushed a bit. He still had butterflies in his stomach but it was good to know that Ehren didn’t think he was horrible at dating. Those beautiful eyes staring at him bore holes into his brain but in a way that he knew was good - almost as if Ehren could read his mind.
“Hardly, but thanks,” he breathed, smiling a bit, sheepishly.
“That's one of the things that makes you perfect. Your modesty.” He quipped, leaning his head in to grasp at Logan’s lips. It felt so good to be held again, he found safe haven in Logan’s arms. If he could read minds he would have seen that response coming from a mile away. He saw it regardless because he was beginning to know the real Logan and that was fascinating.
His fingers squeezed at the ones still linked with his and let go to bring an arm closer to Logan, feel the material of his shirt beneath his fingertips. There was no suggestion there, Ehren just liked to touch the other man as much as he could.
He didn’t mind those little touches, the way Ehren’s fingers danced across his shirt. There wouldn’t be suggestion found in every touch because he wanted more from their relationship than that. One built on expectation and obligation was dangerous and toxic. Logan didn’t want that for them.
The kiss was returned. He basked silently in their closeness. It was rare to find a person who was as willing to find serenity in silence the way he could.
His eyes shut at the returned kiss, deeply entranced by it and by him. As it broke silently, Ehren’s face brightened up and he leaned up to turn the projector on that sat behind them, illuminating the screen once again with pictures from Alaska. Finn had done a lot of work scanning all these images onto a flash drive and putting together a slideshow for him.
Turning back around to settle into the crook of Logan’s arm he basked in the glow from the screen. It really was a beautiful place and he hoped that Logan and him might be able to see it one day.
As the image flickered on and up Logan’s attention was drawn to it. It was a thoughtful gift; the scenery was enchanting and every time he saw them he felt as if he were there. A cabin in the woods, piles of snow. It was perfect.
Arm would settle around Ehren and he shifted closer in effort to get a bit more cozy.
He watched with Logan for a while as the pictures changed, eliciting a sense of calm in him. “It really feels like you’re there.” He commented absentmindedly, bringing Logan’s arm closer around him as if he were cold. The icy summits with the cool blues and greens, the white over everything. It was beautiful, and he was glad he could enjoy it as much as Logan.
“I should get Finn to put some pictures of Croatia on the flash drive.” He didn’t realize he’d said it out loud, even after he’d said it. A fleeting thought that barely made it past his lips.
“You should,” Logan replied. Croatia would be breathtaking, too. He knew photographs would never do justice to the real thing but if this was as close as they could get he would make sure the best of it was made between them. Arm would tighten around Ehren as the other man drew closer as if cold.
“So I can take you there.” Not in a formal sense, but in the experience part. He really wanted to take Ehren all over the world but for now they’d put that idea on the shelf.
For a moment Ehren was confused at Logan’s remarks until he realized he’d just said that out loud. He’d have to be careful about doing that, something might slip that he wasn’t ready to let slip yet. “I’d like that.” He settled on, absentmindedly stroking Logan’s hand. In his wildest fantasies he could fly away from here forever and see what the world really has to offer. The dreams made more sweet with the idea of Logan by his side.
“We should escape someday. I think we could do it.” He’d thought about it a lot actually. The safe points they would find for an escape route, maybe hop onto the ferry when it brought a new batch of people. He was too scared, too scared to take the opportunity to do something out of his element for the chance at freedom. But what did that freedom look like? He’d be constantly worried that he’d get tracked down and what kind of life would that be?
It was risky, what Ehren proposed. He didn’t want to lose the other, jeopardize what they’d built. While he wanted to tantalize the fantasy he knew the reality of it. He’d lived the reality of it for two weeks. It made his heart sink as he smiled and shook his head. “I don’t think we can.”
They knew what they were dealing with here, not that he hadn’t thought of an escape. When it was just him, a man with nothing to lose it was easier to succumb to any obstacles or barriers. But now he had a lot to lose.
He looked up at Logan then, away from the beautiful Alaskan landscapes. “If we could, I’d want you to come with me.” He admitted, knowing now that his own freedom meant nothing without Logan. Ehren was really not trying to fall so quickly into this but he was having a hard time holding himself still.
“I have a feeling you’d be a good travel companion.” He added, just to take a little weight off that previous statement. Didn’t want to give himself away so easily, it usually ended up in disappointment later.
“I’d go with you anywhere.” He meant it. His freedom would’ve meant nothing without Ehren. Given the chance to go he would refuse if the other couldn’t go. This was his last chance.
“I pack light,” Logan quipped. There was nothing here, beyond Daisy, that he wanted or needed.
Those words had so much complicated weight behind them that Ehren’s breath caught in his throat for a moment. He quickly and softly pressed his lips against Logan’s at that, not really knowing how to respond otherwise. Words could slip that neither of them were ready for.
He chuckled, running his fingers over his trimmed beard. “Well that’s good because you’re going to have to help carry my luggage around.” It wasn’t that he had things with sentimental value, just a lot of clothes.
“At that rate we will never make it,” Logan laughed, making a face at the idea of not packing light. Whatever you needed could be bought where you were going, there was no point in loading yourself down with unnecessary things. Or maybe he never had anything of value worth taking before now.
An arm would lift, Logan flexed his muscle playfully, “I have super strength, I can carry a hundred suitcases.” It was all said in jest, both of them knew better.
Ehren’s laughter was boisterous then, bringing his arm up to touch Logan’s flexed muscle. “Hmm, yeah I guess, I mean you’re no Arnold but I guess that’ll do.” He teased, bringing his arm down again to wrap around Logan’s waist
There was so much comfort in these arms and the cool landscapes on the projector calmed him. With a yawn, he stretched a little then resumed laying against Logan.
Logan was laughing too. Ehren know how to bring the silliness out of him, the playfulness that hid away in the recesses of his mind. He felt younger for it, bolder. “I could totally be Arnold,” came the reply. But he didn’t protest, only curled his arm around Ehren again and held on.
Turning back to the pictures he closed his eyes and tried to imagine what being there was truly like.
He remained silent for a while, feeling an exhaustion hit him. Maybe it was contentment, or more realistically he wore himself down by worrying about Logan’s response. He wasn’t sure why he’d been so worried, Logan didn’t seem like the type of person to just screw around.
His eyes closed on their own as he felt the calmness wash over him. Within minutes he was fast asleep against Logan.
It wasn’t too long before Logan had drifted to sleep, too. There was something so calming about Ehren, the moment they were sharing, and the pictures on display. With his head leaned upon Ehren’s, Logan breathed in and out in a daze of slumber, arm still around his boyfriend in an oddly protective way.