Which part of you will you let live again? - Yvonne, Jinx
When Jinx arrived at Cherry Orchard Lane, Yvonne was sitting outside on the step smoking one of Chloe's cigarettes. Whatever this conversation was about to me, Yvonne was fairly sure she wasn't ready to have it. She wanted to start with the easier conversation, the one where Jinx had slept with his ex-girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend who had thrown him into a wall, his ex-girlfriend that he'd pined for, his ex-girlfriend that was capable of literally tearing him limb from limb, his ex-girlfriend that Delilah would freak out about if she ever heard about this most recent dalliance.
But Yvonne knew as soon as she saw him that it had to be the other conversation first, the worse one: I almost raped Stephie. Because Yvonne had to know right now every detail of that. She had to know how it had happened, every word spoken, every action taken. She had to know all these things so she could know if it was time to punch Jinx or if it was time to sit him down and have a long hard talk about his current life.
Two weeks would make it three months since Alice had been born into the world dead. Three months wasn't enough to get over a loss like that, but she couldn't excuse his actions.
"Hi," Jinx said, standing in front of her and waiting. Yvonne looked up at him from where she sat and then she stubbed out her smoke in the ceramic bowl that served as ash tray and stood up.
"Let's do this inside," she said, pushing open the door and letting him go through. Then it was into her room she led her old friend, shutting the door behind them. There was silence for too long, but Yvonne wanted to at least give him a chance to lead this conversation. When he didn't she said, "out with it. Stephie. Every detail, right now."
So that was what Jinx did. He sat down on the window seat in Yvonne's room and told her everything exactly as he remembered it. He was guilt-ridden and Yvonne kept thinking good.
When he repeated what he'd said - stop fighting me - Yvonne stared at him in open horror. It was the sort of thing Sanders had said to her, over and over. It was the sort of thing reserved for scumbags and Actual Bogeyman Rapists, not for Jinx, nothing she could have expected from Jinx.
"I feel terrible," Jinx said when he reached the end.
"You fucking should," Yvonne told him without softness. "How did you think that was a good idea? How could you even get to that place?"
"I don't know," Jinx said pathetically, looking up at Yvonne, her arms crossed as she glared down at him. "I'm fucked up, Von. I know that. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Yes, you do," Yvonne reminded him. "You lost a child. You're grieving an awful thing. But," she added, sitting down next to him, "the minute you start hurting other people you lose all right for sympathy. I love you, Jinx, but you're going to have to find a way to make amends for this, and you're going to have to start moving on."
"Moving on? How can you-"
"I'm not saying forget Alice," Yvonne interrupted him. "I'm not saying stop crying, stop mourning. I'm saying that you need to find a way to start being a person again instead of just hurting everyone around you. Like Stephie." Jinx dropped his head and Yvonne watched him sadly. "I know what she means to you, Jinx."
"No, you don't," Jinx told her, not looking up. "I don't even know what Stephie means to me, just that the idea that I hurt her makes me want to kill myself. I love her so much, Von." He looked at Yvonne then. "Steph, she's... she's Steph.. I don't even know. And if I've lost her because of this, I don't know what I'm going to do."
"Well," Yvonne said, "that's a possibility to might have to face, because she's the one who gets to decide if she's going to forgive you or not."
Jinx just nodded sadly, once again looking down at the floor.
For a while Yvonne let him sit there in his own thoughts. She wanted to bring up Josie, but that one felt less important right now. She wanted to talk to Stephie to find out how the other woman was doing and if she should actually hit Jinx. But for now she had to give her attention to Jinx. He may have done wrong, but that just meant he needed Manc Mothering more than usual. She could give him her love and support, but Yvonne knew it might be time for the tougher versions of that.