Who: Jakoby & Phil Where: Jake's room; Johnson 202 What: A discussion on marriage. ...Really. When: Tuesday, April 5th, late afternoon/early evening Rating: SFW
Having outbursts over journal comments was the least mature thing possible for Phil to do, yet here he was, 19 years old, still getting pissy over this crap. It happened before with Fletcher, with Walker (and then he got drunk over it), and now he was taking everything Jakoby wrote way too personally. He grimaced at his own behavior, not surprised that Blake had decided to go ahead and drown his sorrows as well. He had let his friend down, and he couldn't even get his own shit together. He wasn't supposed to get emotional like this. He wasn't a weak little boy anymore, and he hadn't been for a long time. Opening up to people... he just wasn't ready for it.
Phil pushed away from the computer and left his room, wandering down the hall towards Jakoby's. He raised his arm and hesitated once before knocking.
In all honesty, Jakoby was still struggling to determine the underlying feelings behind Phil's lashing out. Something about the whole, "least of all, from you," thing just wasn't sitting right - what exactly was his boyfriend trying to insinuate? Looking up at the knock, Jakoby raised an eyebrow in surprise. He hadn't expected Phil so soon - provided that was who it was, in any case. And who else would it be, really?
Getting up, he crossed the room and answered the door, leaning against the frame for a moment. The look he gave Phil was definitely one that showed his perplexity at the entire situation. "Hey," he offered after a pause, "Thought you were headed for the track?"
"I'm sorry," he said as soon as he saw Jakoby, stepping towards him for a hug. "I've been-- Maybe we should talk." As much fun as meeting the family had been, it had also opened his eyes. Phil wasn't going to be good enough for everyone, and it worried him. He could only imagine the conflicts that would arise if he and Jakoby were still together in the future, and all these things he knew nothing about scared him. It wasn't good to look so far ahead, and that was what bothered him the most.
Granting him the hug without protest, Jakoby sighed softly, "I'm sorry for sticking my nose in where it didn't belong." It really hadn't been his place to get involved; he wasn't nearly as close to Blake as Phil was. He tensed a little at Phil's next words, forcing himself to nod as he pulled back, "Okay."
We should talk. Weren't those the words that you never wanted to hear? Biting his lip, Jakoby retreated into his room, gesturing for his boyfriend to follow. It had been too much, hadn't it? Forcing his entire family onto Phil like that... What had he been thinking?
Phil felt achy hearing Jakoby apologize when he was the one who started it. "No, I had no reason to take it personally." But maybe he had wanted to, just to start making up excuses as for why he and Jakoby shouldn't have been together. He tensed at the thought and shuffled inside.
He had a seat on the couch and looked up at Jakoby. "While we were still at your parents' house, I texted Ron. I guess you could say I was freaking out." He chuckled at himself, a little self-depreciative laugh. "I mean... We are just from such different worlds, Jak. It's amazing. I love it even. Seeing a family like that, but... But I don't think I belong. I'm worried for your sake."
Taking a seat next to him, Jake looked down at his hands as he listened. "You belong in my world," he interjected, his voice full of conviction. He truly meant that; he could see it so clearly now - their future. Phil was meant to be a part of that. Blinking at the final confession, he looked over at Phil. "I don't think I understand," he admitted, confusion lacing his tone, "Why are you worried for me?"
Neither of them were even done with high school yet and both of them thought they were destined to be together forever; Phil cupped Jakoby's chin and lifted his head up, looking him in the eye. "You are just... unbelievable. I've done nothing to deserve you and yet you're here." His smile softened. Wasn't it simple? He placed Jakoby before himself. "They're your family. If they have something wrong with me, then maybe you'd be better off... Not that I want to. No, I never want to leave you again. That time was hard enough. I... I make you happy now. Will I still make you happy in five, ten years?"
"Love isn't about earning or deserving something... it just is," he countered, his eyes meeting Phil's as he seemed to search for an indication that the older teen was lying. That he did really want them to go their separate ways. Just the thought of it killed him, though; he was relieved to find honesty in Phil's eyes.
Bringing his hand up, he covered Phil's with his own, "What makes you think they found something wrong with you?" As far as he'd been able to tell, no one had. Not with Phil as a person, anyway. Some of them were just... still warming up to the idea of Jakoby with another man. He closed the space between them, pressing a gentle kiss to his boyfriend's lips. "Yes," he answered, meeting Phil's gaze again, "You will."
Phil shrugged and mumbled, "You being with me would just complicate things. I mean, I know we can handle it. I've just been... insecure." He cringed as he went on about his emotions. But he couldn't half-ass this. He had to finish what he began, and he could do it with a little more dignity. "Don't you ever feel that way? Worried that I might just... run off and do something stupid." Phil smiled sheepishly and kissed him back.
Jakoby's smile was tinged with sadness as he replied, "Of course I do." More than once, he'd found himself fearing the day he'd lose Phil to someone else - Joel, Vince, Blake. Especially Blake - though that concern had died out considerably since Asher had confided in him. "But I also trust you - and I trust us. What we have. This," he continued, gesturing between them, "isn't something that can be faked; I know you feel the same."
Phil mumbled against his lips, "You felt the same before you even realized it. I've got you good, Jakoby Smith." With another kiss to the cheek, Phil tugged at Jakoby's wrist and pulled him on top, wrapping his arms around his waist. "I'm going to wait until you're 18, and then I'm going buy you a pretty little ring."
He smirked at that, raising an eyebrow, "Perhaps." It was true, though, wasn't it? The way Phil had always seemed to look right through him had driven Jakoby crazy. He'd wanted Phil - he'd just never realized that he'd wanted him for keeps. Settling in comfortably, he kissed feel again, ignoring the slight blush rising in his cheeks. When he was 18, that would put them right around the one-year mark. That was plausible. "Yeah?" Kissing the tip of Phil's nose, he grinned, "I'd wear it proudly, you know."
Phil repeated Jakoby's gesture, pecking him upon the nose. He winked and pressed another to the corner of his mouth, waiting for him to do the same. "If I can skimp on the rock, I'll get you white gold. Maybe engrave it with something on the inside. 'Jakoby Adrian Gentry-Smith'. Just like a dream come true." Maybe as few as several weeks ago, Phil wouldn't have spoken so confidently. Knowing that Jakoby was with him in all his life-beyond-now fantasies, he didn't feel the need to hold back anymore. Simply talking about this would be the guarantee between the two of them.
Jakoby did, of course, mirror the kiss, and then sighed happily, nuzzling into Phil's neck. "I'd rather the engraving than a stone," he mused, unable to keep from smiling at the sound of their last names together. He didn't care what anyone else thought - he was perfectly content with the pace they'd set for themselves.
Phil relaxed and closed his eyes. He imagined little feet running around, and hummed at how Jakoby had changed his mind. He hadn't been aware of the change in his own opinion. "Do you want to invite everyone?" As much as he preferred a small wedding, Phil had a feeling that Jakoby wanted everyone to show up.
"Yes." The response was full of honesty - a bit of longing, even. While it was true that he probably couldn't even get away with not inviting everyone, he genuinely wanted them all there. "Is that okay?" Jake knew that big family ordeals wasn't really the norm for Phil, and he wouldn't want him to be uncomfortable at his own wedding.
Phil thought it over, likening it to the usual Vegas routine. There'd be less booze and more clothes involved. He chuckled and teased, "Most guys your age don't spend their time with their boyfriends discussing how the wedding's going to be. I'll never find another one like you." Phil nuzzled his nose against Jakoby's cheek. "Of course."
With a smirked, he replied, "I guess I'm not most guys." He'd always known that. Coming from such a big and close-knit family, he'd spent more than a normal amount of time thinking about his future; about how he would expand and contribute to that family. Jakoby couldn't withhold his smile when Phil confirmed that he was okay with a bigger wedding; the only appropriate response he could think of was to catch Phil's lips in a - somewhat heated - kiss. "Thank you," he whispered, breaking the kiss but not pulling back too far.
A little more than surprised by the kiss, Phil debated whether or not to preserve their once tender moment. He ran his fingers along Jakoby's neck, slowly weaving into his hair. He curled them and gave a slight tug. "You're welcome."
Jakoby supressed a shiver as Phil's fingers traced along his neck, moving into his hair. "I love you," he murmured, his eyes slipping closed for a moment as he gasped softly, clearly pleased with the tug.
What more could three simple words convey that Jakoby hadn't already? Phil murmured the same phrase into his boyfriend's ear, nibbling against the shell of it. "Is it okay with you?" He'd be happy either way, cuddling or something more intimate, so long as he could have Jakoby to himself.
Jakoby shared his boyfriend's view on this matter - so long as Phil was staying, he didn't much care what they did. Still, the feeling of Phil's breath ghosting across his ear sent another shiver down his spine. It was insane how easily Phil got under his skin. Instead of replying, Jake kissed him again; slower, this time. More loving than desperate.
As Jakoby set the pace, Phil returned the kiss and chuckled. He rubbed his palm against the small of Jakoby's back. "I think it's time for a nap." And never before had he felt so relaxed, simply holding a loved one in his arms.
"Sounds good," he mumbled, nuzzling into Phil's neck again. He wasn't entire sure he wanted to pull away long enough to move to the bed, though. But it'd be more comfortable... Not that he didn't already feel completely at ease where he was; Jakoby would be perfectly content if he never had to move again.