Title: Lessons in Hornyculture
Author: alisanne
Characters: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape/Luna Lovegood, Dean Thomas/Seamus Finnigan, Neville Longbottom/Bill Weasley (implied)
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Elements of crack, public sex, anal, oral, slash, het.
Themes/kinks chosen: Fake Spoiler: The trophy room turns out to have an entirely new meaning: Den of Love!
Word Count: ~2920
Summary: An experiment of Neville's goes awry.
Author's notes: Thanks, as always, to sevfan.


~

Lessons in Hornyculture

~

Neville carefully placed the Mimbulous Mimbletonia in the corner, patting it before standing up. “There, you should do fine here,” he murmured. “No one ever comes in here, I don’t think. This should keep you out of the way of people and other plants long enough for you to bud in peace.”

The plant trilled softly and Neville smiled. This was his prized plant; it had been with him since his fifth year at Hogwarts, and now that it was its time to bud he wanted it to do well. The greenhouses, unfortunately, were still under construction and a plot outside was simply too dangerous. He needed a quiet place for it to rest and he’d been wracking his brain to think of somewhere.

He would have taken it to his own quarters but ever since Bill had moved in, things hadn’t been too quiet there lately. Neville blushed. Not that he was complaining, Bill was an exciting and inventive lover, but that was not what his Mimbulous needed to be exposed to, hence this room.

With one last pleased look around, Neville exited the trophy room, closing the door. Walking down the hallway past the armour gallery, he returned to his greenhouses, satisfied that his plant was now safe.

Harry stuck his head about the corner and watched Neville walk away. “I think it’s clear now,” he whispered.

Draco strolled out from behind him and started for the trophy room. “Well? What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation?” he snapped. “Come on!”

Harry scurried after him and the two men slipped inside, shutting the door and charming it locked. “I dunno if this is a good idea,” Harry said. “It’s a bit out of the way...”

“Which is why it’s perfect,” Draco said. “Ever since the place has been rebuilt, all the rooms have been accounted for, so there are no more fun places like the Room of Requirement for people have a nice, semi-public tryst.”

“We do still have our quarters,” Harry said.

“Where’s the excitement in that?” Draco scoffed. “We fuck in our bed every night. At least here we have the excitement of possible discovery on our side.”

Harry shook his head. “You are such a prat.”

With a sultry grin and a flourish, Draco whipped his robes off, smiling as Harry boggled. He struck a pose, his hand on his hips. “Oh? Am I a prat now?”

Harry nodded, but said nothing, his eyes roaming over the expanse of flat stomach, thighs and legs that Draco’s racy outfit revealed.

“So, do you like it?” Draco spun, wriggling his arse so that the pleated skirt he was wearing shifted, revealing tantalizing glimpses of the curve of his arse cheeks beneath. “I managed to get my hands on a girl’s uniform and thought it could make things... interesting.”

“You... that... I...”

Draco threw a seductive look over his shoulder. “Are you just going to babble or are you going to come over here and fuck me?”

Harry didn’t have to be asked twice, and in mere moments he was shoving Draco up against the wall, his mouth devouring Draco’s moan.

Draco wrapped a leg around Harry’s hips and began thrusting against him. Tearing his lips off Harry’s he gasped, “Come on. Fuck me... hurry...”

Making short work of his trouser fastenings, Harry muttered a Lubrication Spell and, reaching under Draco’s skirt, he groaned to find him already naked. He stroked Draco’s prick a few times, then reached behind to find his hole.

“I’m ready, just do it,” Draco was whispering into Harry’s neck. “Hurry up.”

His finger sunk into the greedy hole and Harry moaned. “Fuck, you are ready,” he whispered. “Lift up.”

Draco did, allowing Harry to position himself. With a grunt, he held onto Harry and wrapped both his legs around Harry’s waist, allowing his weight to push him down onto Harry’s cock.

Harry moaned as the sensation of Draco’s tight heat surrounded him. “You feel... amazing.”

Draco was clutching Harry’s shoulders and holding on, but then as Harry began thrusting, Draco started to chuckle.

“What’s so... funny?” Harry gasped.

Draco arched, his laugh turning into a keening noise as Harry shifted and hit his prostate. “I think... that plant... is watching... us,” he panted.

“Plant?” Harry followed Draco’s eyes only to see the Mimbulous Mimbletonia undulating, its limbs appearing to stretch yearningly in their direction. “Oh.”

“Maybe we’re inspiring it,” Draco gasped, pushing back against each of Harry’s thrusts.

“Let’s give it a good show, then,” Harry said, laughing, and he bent to his task with renewed vigour, and in only a few moments he felt Draco’s muscles tighten around him. When Draco cried out, his seed spilling between them, Harry came soon after, pumping his essence inside Draco’s welcoming body.

Harry’s legs buckled and they slid to the floor, Draco’s legs still wrapped around his waist. As they caught their breath, Draco snickered. “I think we need to get out of here before that plant tries to join us.”

“Mm,” Harry muttered. “Can’t say I blame it. You do look amazing in that outfit.”

“It’s ruined now, though,” Draco said, pulling at the stained and crumpled skirt.

“I suspect we’ll come up with another outfit to wear here,” Harry said. “Come on. We should leave before a human sees us in here.”

Retrieving his robes, Draco put them on over his soiled schoolgirl’s uniform while Harry did up his trousers. Once they were ready and they had checked to make sure the hallway was clear, they left, although Draco did cast one last amused glance at the Mimbulous Mimbletonia before he did so.

The plant shuddered, then gradually began to relax, its buds changing from bright red to a pale pink, denoting calm. It twitched as the door opened.

Taking a quick look around, Luna slipped inside followed closely by a taller, cowled figure.

“You can take that off now,” she said, trailing a hand over her companion’s black-clad arm.

Severus sighed. “This is where you wished to bring me?” he asked. “The trophy room?”

She smiled and hopped up onto a table. “Um hm. No one ever comes here,” she said. “And with the Room of Requirement gone, it’s a room that we can have all to ourselves.”

“Why do we need such a room?” Severus compressed his lips as Luna crossed her legs, allowing him a glimpse of creamy thighs and long legs. He resolutely turned away.

“Because you wouldn’t have believed me if I tried to say this anywhere else,” Luna explained.

“Believed you about what? What are you babbling on about? And what in Merlin’s name are you doing?” Severus stared, appearing uncharacteristically shocked as Luna began unbuttoning her blouse.

She shrugged, slipping the blouse off. “I’m taking my clothes off,” she said.

Severus’ mouth fell open. “I... I can see that, but why are you doing that?”

“Because I want you, and knowing you, you’ll believe actions more than words.” Luna folded her blouse carefully and laid it on the table next to her. She reached behind her to undo her brassiere, and Severus stepped forward, his hand out.

“Stop!”

She paused, tilting her head to the side. “Oh, do you want to remove it yourself?” she asked.

Severus licked his lips, trying with all his might not to look at the creamy mounds of her breasts encased in pink lace. “Professor Love... Luna, am I to gather from this that you are... interested in me as a potential lover?”

Luna smiled brightly and nodded. “There, I knew you would get it. Now, shall I remove your clothes after mine or do you want to do that?”

Severus cleared his throat. “And what... What makes you think that I wish to do this with you?” he asked.

“You watch me,” Luna said, beginning to undo the buttons of her skirt. “All the time, in fact.”

“What? I do not!” Severus sounded defensive and Luna shrugged.

“You do,” she said. “But I watch you, too, so that’s all right. Anyway, I think sex with you would be good, and since you probably would have thrown me out of your quarters if I’d come to you there, and you would never have accepted an invitation to mine, I decided this place was the best.”

“The best for...?”

“For us to have sex and see if we like it with each other.” Luna looked up at him, her gaze appraising. “You have done it before, haven’t you? You seem as if you would have, in fact you seem as if you’d be very good at it...”

She gasped as Severus swooped down on her, leaning over her until her back was pressed flat against the table, her thighs around his hips. Her skirt was already half off and with a strong pull, he moved it out of the way, leaving her naked but for her sheer pink underthings.

“You have imagined having sex with me?” he asked silkily, his mouth hovering just above hers.

She smiled, her hands roaming his shoulders before curving up into his hair. “Mm,” she said dreamily. “Many times. But I think this will be even better than I imagined.”

“Be sure this is what you want,” he growled, dark eyes searching her face. “I am not the type who likes to share.”

Luna shifted, her breasts brushing his chest, and she smiled. “I know. I’ve watched you for years, remember? I’m ready.”

With a groan, Severus buried his face in her neck while his hands caressed her body, agile fingers plucking at her bra then her nipples once he removed it, his other hand cupping her mound. He pulled back and watched her face as he brought her pleasure over and over until she was quivering beneath him.

“Your turn,” she finally gasped, sitting up. She proved she was surprisingly strong when she hopped down, and turned, pushing him back against the table. Before he could say a word, she was kneeling at his feet looking up at him, a mischievous smile playing about her lips.

“You don’t have to... oh...!” Severus’ head fell backwards as Luna’s mouth engulfed him. He had been hard ever since following her down the hall to this place, so it didn’t take long before he was convulsing and coming down her throat.

When he looked down again, she was sitting back on her haunches, her mouth glistening with his come, and Severus reached for her, pulled her up and kissed his essence from her mouth.

“Do you have some need to continue this in this venue or shall we retire to my quarters, Professor Lovegood?”

Luna giggled softly. “Mm, yes, let’s go. That poor Mimbulous is about to explode anyway.”

“What?”

Luna shook her head. “Never mind. Come on, let’s go. We need to have more sex before you’ll believe this is happening.”

Severus froze, then, shaking his head ruefully, helped her get dressed, and although he did purloin her knickers, Luna didn’t say anything, she simply smiled. When she had clothes on she grabbed his arm, and as the two of them left, she glanced towards the shuddering plant in the corner. Some of its buds had burst, their fluid seeping onto the stone floor, and she sighed. She would have stayed to talk to it but Severus wasn’t that patient. With a sigh, she entwined her fingers with his and closed the door, leaving the plant in darkness and silence.

It trembled, trilling softly before settling down in its pot. All around it, trophies of all shapes and sizes rested on shelves and tables, muted light bouncing off the metal to cause patterns on the wall. All was peaceful until the door again opened.

Two figures slipped in, shutting the door, and the automatic lamps again flared to life.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Dean said, shaking his head.

His companion grinned mischievously. “I’m telling you, it’ll be brilliant. Neville’s off in the greenhouses so he won’t miss us, Bill’s doing something with his dragons...”

“Probably trying to keep Hagrid from adopting them all as house pets,” Dean muttered.

Seamus laughed. “Aye, probably. Anyway, our hosts are away, so we may as well play.”

“We were supposed to visit with Harry and Malfoy, too, though,” Dean reminded him.

Seamus shrugged. “They weren’t in their quarters, so how’re we supposed to know where they’ve gone off to? Harry’s probably pounding Malfoy’s arse by the lake or something.”

“We could do that,” Dean said hopefully.

Seamus grinned. “Nah, I swear that squid is a pervert. I think it watches people who snog there.”

“Anyone could walk in here.” Dean sighed. “I don’t know what it is you have about almost getting caught...” He gasped as Seamus sprang for him, pushing him up against a large table that was in the centre of the room.

“It’s exciting and sexy,” Seamus growled, nipping at Dean’s neck. “Can’t you just see it? Me, pounding into that shapely arse of yours, and in comes Harry or Neville or Malfoy, and they watch as I make you scream. Don’t you think that could be fun?”

Dean pursed his lips. “The possibility is intriguing, but not the actuality,” he finally said. “I’m not the voyeur, you are.”

“You mean you wouldn’t want me to put on a show for you?” Seamus stepped back and did a sexy shimmy, a sly smile on his face.

Dean smiled despite himself. “I suppose,” he said. “Although I’d much rather have you back in my sunny studio, spread out in our bed where I could lick you all over...”

The rest of his words were muffled by Seamus’ mouth as he reached forward and dragged Dean into his arms.

They fumbled with their clothing, Dean moaning when Seamus cupped his cock and began stroking firmly. Their pricks aligned, and Dean was soon babbling as Seamus wanked them in tandem.

“So good,” Dean groaned.

“Mm, knew you’d love it,” Seamus whispered, speeding up his hand motions and capturing Dean’s lips in a heated kiss.

As the two traded tongues, moaning and frantically clutching at each other, the Mimbulous swelled just a bit more, its normally waxy green colour glowing brightly. Where its sap had previously spilled, several new Mimbulous plants were springing up, their fronds also undulating towards the couple.

Dean was rocking against Seamus, arching frantically, his misgivings clearly forgotten. Seamus sucked kisses into Dean’s neck as they barrelled towards orgasm, their every gasp echoing through the room.

Just as he was about to come, Dean felt something brush his foot and he gasped, looking down. There, its frond prodding his ankle, was a Mimbulousplant.

“What the...?”

Seamus executed a particularly skilled twist of his wrist that had Dean seeing stars and he convulsed, his seed spilling from his cock over Seamus’ hand and onto the floor. Some of it splashed onto the plant and it shivered, but neither man noticed, too caught up in ecstasy to care.

When he felt the evidence of Dean’s pleasure spurt over him, Seamus came as well, shuddering to completion as Dean clung to him.

They collapsed together against the table, holding each other as they caught their breath.

“You all right?” Seamus asked a moment later.

Dean nodded, laughing shakily. “Yeah, that plant just spooked me.”

“Plant?”

Dean pointed towards the floor, smiling when Seamus jumped. “What the hell is it?” he cried.

Dean shrugged. “Dunno. Looks like one of those Mimbulousthings that Neville used to like so much. We should ask him.”

Seamus nodded. “Bloody hell, where did they come from? Were they here this entire time?”

Dean laughed. “We were a bit distracted when we came in,” he reminded Seamus, who had the grace to blush.

“Aye, all right,” he said, grabbing Dean’s hand. “Still, it’s a good idea to get Neville. Maybe it’s an infestation of some kind. Let’s go find him.”

Readjusting their clothing, they left, Seamus shooting a last glance towards the plants scattered on the floor. For a moment they appeared to be waving at him...

Shaking his head at his folly, he closed the door, leaving the room in darkness.

The Mimbulous swelled and stretched happily.

~

Neville hurried towards the trophy room. When Dean and Seamus had found him, they’d been babbling about a killer plant infestation in the castle, and after ascertaining that they had been in the trophy room, Neville had left them to check on his baby.

Opening the door, he poked his head in. Initially, nothing seemed amiss until he checked the corner where he’d placed his plant. It was gone, and before Neville could react he felt something brushing his neck.

Spinning, he gasped. There was his Mimbulous Mimbletonia, but it was huge, and it was surrounded by smaller plants all trilling happily. The plant’s fronds undulated towards his head and patted him.

Neville blinked and smiled. “Oh, I guess you did fine with the budding, then, hm? I guess the quiet was good for you. Maybe I’ll put some more plants in here.”

Humming, he gathered up all the plants in preparation to leave, but before the walked out he looked around speculatively. This really was a nice, private place to have a snog. Maybe he’d bring Bill here later...

~