Title: Friendly Disturbances
Author: alisanne
Characters: Viktor Krum/Susan Bones, various OCs, Severus Snape/Harry Potter
Rating: R
Warnings: Public sex, group sex, exhibitionism. (And despite those warnings, this is oddly vanilla. Oh well...)
Themes/kinks chosen: group sex, docking, alternate pairing (Krum/Bones).
Word Count: ~1525
Summary: Sometimes a routine patrol isn't.
Author's notes: Thanks to lilyseyes for the bunny (and for checking the police-y bits for verisimilitude) and to sevfan and emynn for beta reading. ♥
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.


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Friendly Disturbances

~

“I’ll flip you for it,” Harry said.

Ron grinned. “All right, but you’re going to lose.”

“We’ll see.” Reaching into a pocket, Harry pulled out a Knut. “Heads or tails?”

“Heads.”

Tossing the coin, Harry held his breath, groaning as it landed head side up. “Damn. Best two out of three?”

“Not a chance,” Ron laughed, standing up. “Right, it’s time to go. And since you lost the coin toss, you’re first responder. Let me know if you need backup.”

Harry sighed. “Fine.” He shook his head. “Maybe it won’t be too bad tonight.”

Ron clapped his shoulder. “Keep believing that, mate. You keep believing that.”

~

Every Auror team had to take their turn on Diagon Alley evening patrol. It was Harry and Ron’s night and it seemed to Harry that there were an inordinate number of disturbances being fire-called into the Ministry on their assigned shifts.

“That’s because it’s summer,” Ron said when Harry mentioned it to him. “It’s hot and people want to be outside.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, looking around. “And I suppose the heat does account for the...nakedness, too.” He rolled his eyes.

Ron chuckled. “Probably,” he agreed. “Although I have to tell you, the other teams don’t seem to get nearly as many ‘friendly disturbances’ as we do.” He nudged Harry’s shoulder. “Maybe they do it more when you’re on because they want to show off in front of the great Harry Potter.”

Harry snorted, holding up two fingers. “Or people could just be perverts.”

“There’s that.” Ron winced as his wand buzzed. “Right, here we go. First call of the night.” Holding his wand flat in his palm, he cast a quick Point-Me Spell. “Ready?”

Harry grasped Ron’s arm. “Go,” he snapped.

They landed in front of a nondescript building. The lights were on and screaming was audible through the windows. Harry made a face. “Cover me.”

“On it.”

Ron hung back while Harry approached the door, wand in hand. He knocked firmly. “Auror Corps! Open up!”

The shrieking abruptly stopped and a moment later the door slowly opened. A sheepish-looking man stood there in a dressing gown. He was clutching the front closed. “Sorry, Aurors. We forgot the Silencing Charms.”

Harry nodded. “That’s fine, sir, but I’ll just need to come in and ensure that everything’s all right. Those are the rules.”

The man nodded, resigned. “Yeah, all right.” He tilted his head. “Hey, are you--?”

Harry sighed. “Harry Potter, yes, sir.”

“Well isn’t that something?” The man grinned. “Oi, Gladys! Look who it is!”

Ignoring the sound of Ron’s poorly smothered giggles from behind him, Harry entered the house. The living room looked all right, as did the kitchen. Gladys, a trim woman in a floral dressing gown, was beaming when he finally entered the bedroom. On the bed sat several dildos, a strap-on, and a flogger.

Biting his lip and focussing on the woman, Harry said, “Are you all right, ma’am?”

“Oh yes.” Gladys blushed. “We were just trying something new, you see. There’s this thing called docking that you can do with a strap-on, and--”

“That’s fine,” Harry interrupted. “I don’t need details.” He coughed. “Is anyone else in the house?”

“No.” Gladys’s face went brighter red. “The last of our children are gone, you see, so we thought we could--”

Harry held up a hand. “I understand. Well, since everything looks all right, I’ll be off.” Under his breath he cast a soft Homenum revello as he walked out just to be sure, but, when nothing was revealed, he quickly exited.

Ron was leaning up against a lamppost, looking relaxed. “Friendly disturbance?”

Nodding, Harry groaned. “They were experimenting with dildos, strap-ons and floggers.” He shuddered.

Ron raised an eyebrow. “Did you take notes?” he chuckled as they started down the street.

“Fuck you,” Harry muttered, shaking his head. He glanced at Ron’s smirking face. “Although I can always Floo Hermione with the details if you like.”

Ron’s eyes widened. “Don’t you dare. She doesn’t need any new ideas, trust me.”

Harry smiled. “Yeah, and that’s about all I need to know about that, thanks.” His wand buzzed and he sighed. “Another assignment. Let’s go.”

When they landed that time it was in the centre of a park. It was quite dark since the lamps didn’t quite cover every corner of the heavily wooded area. In the distance Harry could hear giggling and moaning.

“Sounds like a party,” Ron said, tone dry.

Harry sighed. “A party that’s about to be crashed.”

“Spoilsport,” Ron teased. “I’ll wait here. Let me know if you need help.”

“Yeah, you’re always so helpful, although you never seem to have brain bleach available when I need it,” Harry muttered before stomping off in the direction of the noise.

The noises grew louder as he neared the party location. When he arrived, Harry drew his wand and, exhaling, stepped through the brush and into a clearing.

Blinking, Harry tried to focus on what he was seeing. It looked like a pile of writhing bodies, and it took Harry several moments to count how many people were actually present. One man, with his back to Harry, looked vaguely familiar. Harry squinted at the broad back and hips that were flexing rhythmically. “Viktor? Viktor Krum?”

Krum raised his head, allowing Harry to see the face of the person he’d been so thoroughly fucking. Harry’s eyes widened. “And Susan Bones?”

Susan squeaked, burying her face in Krum’s neck. “Harry Potter?” Krum growled. “Vat are you going here?”

Harry coughed. “The houses abutting this area called in a noise complaint to the Ministry. And since this is a public park--”

“Ve just von our match!” exclaimed another man whose cock was being sucked by a redhead. “This is how ve celebrate!”

Harry sighed. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to move the...orgy to another more private location.”

Another player, who was being fucked from behind, raised his head. “But in Bulgaria--”

“You’re not in Bulgaria at the moment,” Harry reminded him, trying hard not to focus on the players who were still...celebrating. “I’ll need you to, er, wrap this up in a minute or else I’ll have to report this and bring you all in, and I’d really rather not do that.”

Susan raised her head and whispered something into Krum’s ear. Krum smiled. “Ve vill go.” Snapping something in another language that Harry presumed was Bulgarian, Krum disengaged from Susan and stood up, tucking Susan next to him. “Ve are sorry for the trouble. Let me make up. You vant tickets to next game?”

Harry ran a hand through his hair, doing his best not to look at anyone. He ended up staring at a point just to the left of Krum’s face. “Sorry, but that would probably be considered a bribe and I’m not allowed--”

Krum smiled. “No vorries! I vill fix. Come, everyone! Ve go!”

Just as the pop of multiple Apparations had faded, Ron walked into the clearing. “Everything okay? You didn’t need help, did you?”

Harry shook his head. “Just that brain bleach that you never seem to provide.”

Ron laughed, clapping his shoulder. “Relax, mate. We only have another hour on duty.”

Harry groaned. “I swear, if we get another call to a ‘friendly disturbance’--”

Ron’s wand buzzed and he coughed. “Don’t finish that sentence unless you want to jinx us.”

“Point.” Harry grasped his shoulder. “Go ahead, let’s go get this over with.” And as Ron Apparated them away, he began praying for something simple. A ward disturbance would be perfect about now--

What they found wasn’t a simple ward disturbance but a customer complaint at a local tea shop that was easily settled. The shop owner even gave them cups of tea as a thank you and Harry was so exhausted he accepted.

“I certainly won’t tell,” Ron said, his mouth full of the pastry he’d accepted.

Back at the Ministry, Harry did his paperwork in record time, managing to make it home by midnight. Walking in, he smiled to see Severus was still awake and reading.

Looking up from his book, Severus gave Harry a slow once-over. Checking for injuries, Harry thought, touched. “Waiting up?”

Severus hummed. “So it would seem.”

Tossing his Auror robes into the hamper by the door, Harry walked over to him. “Well, as you can see, I’ve arrived home in one piece. You can relax now.” Leaning down, he plucked the book out of Severus’ hands, setting it aside. Then, straddling his lap, Harry grinned. “Or not.”

Severus smiled faintly. “Indeed.” His hands settled on Harry’s hips. “So how was your night patrol?”

Harry groaned. “Frighteningly educational.”

After he’d told Severus about his night, Severus chuckled. “Sadly, I’ve no orgies or adventures in docking planned tonight, but perhaps some good old-fashioned lovemaking will work?”

“Mmm.” Leaning forward, Harry pressed his mouth against Severus’. Smiling, he whispered, “That sounds positively divine.”

~