Title: Muggles Are Geniuses
Author: eeyore9990
Characters: Fred/George
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, rimming
Themes/kinks chosen: Sperm Banks
Word Count: ~1450
Summary: Fred and George discover the Eighth Wonder of the World... God bless Muggles.
Author's notes: I saw this theme and just... how could I NOT write some twincest for it?! Enjoy, y'all!

---

"George!"

"Fred!"

Fred's face twisted, and he stuck out his tongue while crossing his eyes. A lazy twirl of George's wand froze his face like that and George cackled. "Mum always said..."

"Shut up you berk," Fred slurred around his tongue. "Or I won't tell you what I found today."

George considered this for a moment before twirling his wand again. "What'd you find?"

"Oy!" Fred massaged his closed eyes and said, "Haven't we always said that Muggles are geniuses?"

"Not especially. Why?"

"Well, I was out in Muggle London today and happened upon a bank."

"No way it's better than Gringotts," George said, already tuning out the conversation as he went back to poking at the small lump of goo that was sort of oozing across the work table.

Fred grabbed George's chin and lifted it so their eyes met. "A sperm bank."

George blinked. "Errr. What?"

"A sperm bank! You go, you wank, they keep your sperm, and they pay you for it!"

"You're having me on."

"Would I--"

"Yes!"

"Oh, right. Well, this time I'm not!" Fred crossed his heart with one finger and smiled winningly. "Come on. Surely it's at least worth checking out."

"If there's no such thing, you're sucking me off." George stuck his hand out, a challenge in his eyes.

Fred slapped his hand into George's palm, squeezing hard as he shook on it. "Deal!"

---

"My God," George breathed as they walked into the clinic.

"Told you so. Guess this means you'll be sucking me off."

"Not bloody likely. Especially as I have the feeling we'll be setting up house in this lovely place." George smiled mistily at the institution-green walls and ran a hand over the back of an orange plastic chair.

Fred dragged him to the counter where a pretty Muggle girl looked up, a studiedly bored expression on her face. "We'd like to make a deposit."

"Have you been examined?"

"You do that, too?" George asked, awed.

She arched a brow at him even as Fred thrust some paperwork under her nose. "It's all here. All square."

George frowned at the papers, trying to read the gibberish upside-down. "What's--?"

"I got our doctor to give me a copy of our last physicals. We had to have them to donate." Fred's eyebrows were about to wiggle off his forehead.

"Well. Everything appears to be in order." She looked slightly disappointed at this before glancing up at them and folding her hands on top of the paperwork. "Which of you would like to go first, Mr Weasley?"

Fred looked at George, who shrugged. "Why can't we both go at once?"

"We have only one room available at the moment."

Fred laughed. "We can share. 'S not as if he's got anything I haven't seen before, after all."

At the girl's scandalized look, George hastened to say, "He means because we're identical. And seriously, we've shared a room all our lives. This won't be much different, will it? I promise I'll turn my back, okay?"

She pursed her lips and didn't say anything, but stood and marched around the counter. Narrowing her eyes at them, she sniffed haughtily and turned to push open a swinging door into a long hallway. "Follow me, gentlemen," she said stiffly, still looking as if she'd sucked a lemon.

She showed them to a small room with one chair and a telly. "Magazines are there," she pointed, "videos there."

"Thank you," George said with a grin. "I'm sure we'll have a lovely time."

With a scandalized sound, the girl turned and pulled the door closed, practically slamming it.

"Georgie! Look what I've found!" Fred said, waving a magazine in the air. George hurried over and looked, slightly disappointed in how... still and plastic the women in it looked, though he was impressed at their flexibility.

"Muggle," he sighed, then turned toward the telly, expertly sliding a random video into it. "Oy, look at this!"

They both watched as the girls on the screen did rather obscene things to the outrageously hung man. "Good lord," Fred whispered, palming his cock through his trousers. "He'll split them in half with that thing."

"Yeah, 's a wonder the Muggles are able to get it up, what with that making them feel utterly incompetent."

Fred's hand slid over the front of George's trousers, squeezing his erection. "Not that you have any problems," he said, his lips trailing over George's neck.

"None at all." George gasped and turned, hands fumbling with Fred's clothing. "Get it off."

"Haven't I always?" Fred asked, leering as he stroked the front of Geroge's trousers.

"Ha bloody ha."

Thankfully nothing got ripped, and they were both standing in nothing but tees and socks within moments. Fred leaned down and bit George's chest through his shirt, somewhere in the vicinity of his nipple, as his hand slid around George's cock and began to slowly wank him. Going quickly boneless at his brother's touch, George sighed and said, "Chair."

Fred nodded, raising his head to suck at George's neck as he steered them both backward. When George's knees hit the chair, he sank into it awkwardly, his left arse cheek hitting the wooden arm. "Ow," he said, shifting his hips and opening his legs wide to give Fred access to all of him.

"Oh yeah, put them over my shoulders," Fred whispered, kneeling and bringing his mouth close to George's straining cock.

George did so just as Fred's tongue began to swirl over the head of his cock.

"Wait! No, you can't," George moaned.

"What? Just because we're here? You've never said no before."

George smacked Fred. "Of course not because we're here. You can't because the sign says saliva will ruin the sample."

"Oh," Fred said, turning and reading it. "Well, that's a bit disappointing." Shrugging, he knelt again and bypassed George's cock to suck one bollock into his mouth. His hand, greased with lube he'd found on the table beside the chair, stroked slowly over George's cock.

"God," George said, one hand in Fred's hair as he watched the telly through slitted eyes. "She's taking that whole thing down her throat."

Fred moaned, slipping the hand not stroking George off between his thighs.

George thrust his hips into Fred's grip, hissing as that caused Fred's teeth to scrape over the thin skin of his scrotum. "Fuck!"

Fred mumbled something around his mouthful and tightened his grip, sliding his hand faster and faster.

"Cup!" George shouted, whole body tensing to hold back his orgasm.

Fred fumbled on the table for a moment and managed to unscrew the lid with one hand. George's feet hit the floor and Fred climbed on his lap, holding the cup at an angle as his fist blurred on George's cock. George leaned forward, sinking his teeth into Fred's shoulder to muffle his shout as his hips jerked, come shooting in ropes into the cup, a bit going wild and landing on Fred's hand. Stroking him through the last shudders, Fred leaned forward and kissed George, slow and sweet.

After a long moment, George pushed Fred back and grabbed another of the plastic cups. "Your turn," he said, his voice rough with pleasure.

Fred smiled, eyes bright with anticipation.

"Hands and knees," George said, pointing to the floor. With a groan, Fred complied.

George knelt behind him and said, "You clean?"

"As a whistle."

"Lovely." George didn't hesitate, simply pulled the cheeks of Fred's arse wide enough and immediately set to work licking and slurping at the wrinkled brown hole he'd uncovered. Once he had worked his tongue in good--and had Fred mewling helplessly, his arms spread to either side where they'd slid, the side of his face taking the whole of his upper-body weight--George reached under and gripped Fred's cock, stroking it fast and hard.

In no time at all, Fred stiffened and George was able to get the cup lined up just in time to catch the thick spurts of come in it. He stuck the stip of his tongue in Fred's arse, delighted at the feel of the muscles fluttering around it.

"God, God, George! Fuck!" Fred wheezed, a limp mess, as George worked him thoroughly. George removed his tongue, and the cup, and smirked as he watched Fred collapse to the floor. Screwing the cap on the cup, he brought both samples to the discrete little door in the wall and, opening it, set them inside on a shelf.

Pulling on his trousers, George glanced at Fred, still a heap on the floor, and said, "You said they pay for this?"

"Yeah," Fred mumbled, dazed.

"Seems almost a shame."

"How's that?"

"We've been doing it for free all this time."