Title: Moving the Goalposts
Character(s): Teddy/Snape
Rating(s): R
Chosen kinks: Drugs, Gender-bending
Word Count: 4,850
Beta: Thanks to Sal, for the quick read through
Disclaimer: All familiar characters and situations belong to JK Rowling. No profit is being made.

Summary: While on a drugs investigation, Teddy gets dragged into a situation weirder than his wardrobe.
A/N: Inspired by two songs – I'm Going Home from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Moving the Goalposts by Billy Bragg – and very, very strange because of it. Sorry if it's too strange.




Watching the prostitutes flaunting themselves, Teddy felt the tingle of his magic caressing the skin of his chest. However, no matter how easy it would be to let his magic go, tonight he was on assignment and would have to play by Harry's rules.

Shifting his weight to lean more comfortably against the shadowed wall he was watching events from, Teddy channelled the nervous energy into something mundane, changing a well hidden hair at the back of his head from the brown of his disguise to his normal electric blue and back again.

Letting out a quiet breath, Teddy returned his focus back to the job at hand.

The dealer they had caught hadn't been inclined to grass up his organisation, but the application of Veritaserum and some keen questioning had tripped the man up enough for him to let slip this location. From the briefing Harry had given him, it wasn't thought that this was a base of operations, but the dealer had been so appalled at having mentioned The Tamed Shrew in Lower Knockturn Alley, that it was definitely worth staking it out; which was why Teddy was now discreetly casting a warming charm and watching the parade of prostitutes gathered outside the run down pub.

To Teddy's way of thinking, the dealer had probably been upset because he had revealed one of his hobbies. The Tamed Shrew was definitely on the Vice Department's hit list, but it wasn't normally associated with drugs and hadn't previously cropped up in the Blue Skies investigation Teddy's team had been assigned to. Absently, Teddy wondered why Victoire's team hadn't shut The Tamed Shrew down yet. Most of the brothels he had been forced to visit in the past were more discreet than this place. He frowned; maybe it was because the girls gathered outside that the pub couldn't be shut down?

Giving up on the thought – Teddy had no interest in preventing sad old men from getting laid – he watched as the first of the patrons arrived. His keen gaze swept disinterestedly over most of them, recognising in an instant that they were nothing special. A few he studied more closely, only to realise that the reason they were acting so uneasily was because they were dressed more finely than their fellows, and therefore had a lot more to lose if they were caught.

Growing bored, Teddy let his hair grow.

It was when he was distracted with the trickier task of making it short again that an arm shot out of the deeper shadows to the side of him, and he was dragged around the corner of the building.

Teddy was quick to draw his wand, but even quicker to recognise in the sudden flare from a match that it would be better to hold off and hear what his assailant had to say.

"Conjure us a light, or put that away," the woman instructed him.

Teddy cast a low Lumos, and the woman shook out the match. Surprisingly she was smiling at him and Teddy tilted his head to one side in silent enquiry.

"You're an Auror, aren't you? I can tell just by the look of you."

Teddy sighed, and nodded. This was exactly why he had argued with Harry about changing his appearance. If he'd been allowed to go out as he normally looked nobody would guess that he was an Auror.

"Yes, I am, but I'm not interested in whatever the girls are up to."

The woman's smile widened, and Teddy thought that she would be quite attractive if she didn't apply her make-up so thickly.

"I thought as much. You're after the other one, aren't you? The potions bloke."

Teddy couldn't help smiling in return. "What if I am?"

The prostitute crossed her arms under her generous breasts and Teddy felt a pang of jealousy. He forced his gaze back up to her cocky expression.

"If you were," the woman said, drawing the words out to lead up to something. "I might be inclined to help you."

Teddy narrowed his eyes. "And what would be in it for you?"

*****

"And what's in it for her?" Harry demanded, his forehead creasing in thought.

"The madam doesn't want her girls getting hooked on this junk," Teddy explained, swinging his legs as he perched on the edge of Harry's desk, and admiring the growing look of irritation on his godfather's handsome face. "She wants him to stop visiting. She's not fussed whether that means killing him or turning him in. She already tried killing him, by the way. Apparently the results were messy."

Harry rose from his seat and shoved Teddy off his desk. Teddy grinned, and stood up, smoothing down the folds of his skirt. He had gone for a more whimsical look today, but it seemed that seeing him dressed in more innocent clothing distressed Harry more than the leather did.

"I don't understand why he would keep visiting the joint if he knows that the people running it want him dead," Harry thought out loud.

Teddy studied the toes of the cream slippers he was wearing. They went well with the linen skirt and silk blouse.

"There's a particular girl that he's interested it. The madam removed her from circulation on the nights he came, so he started taking the other girls out and getting them high. I get the impression that he hasn't got a very good temper."

Harry shook his head. "I can't believe you sometimes, Ted. First you get caught, then you tell this woman that you're an Auror- "

"She guessed," Teddy interrupted, "because you made me look like one."

"I only insisted that you look like a man for once."

"Really? So I don't look like a man?"

Teddy watched Harry struggle with his temper. He knew that Harry only wanted the best for him, but this was his revenge for Harry thinking that what was best was for him to deny his nature. Of course, his desire to wind Harry up had become stronger since he had become his boss as well as his godfather.

"Do you know why he favoured the particular girl?" Harry eventually asked.

Teddy nodded slowly, wondering whether what he was about to do next would make Harry completely flip. It had certainly shocked him when he had gone into the pub to meet the potions bloke's interest, and had met a ghost from the past Teddy had been shown in photo albums as a child.

"I met her," Teddy said, closing his eyes and releasing his magic as he pictured the girl in question. "She looked like this."

When he opened his eyes, Teddy felt an instant regret that he hadn't warned Harry. "I'm so-"

He was cut off by his shock, as Harry shakily reached out a hand and brushed his fingers over Teddy's changed face. He felt his face blush with his mortification when he saw the tears shining in Harry's green eyes, a green the exact same shade as that Teddy was replicating.

"I'm sorry!" Teddy shouted, running from the office and the heartbreak he had caused.

*****

"Teddy, open up, or I'm hexing the door down."

Teddy reluctantly slid the latch open, but he didn't move from the toilet's lid. He didn't bother looking up when the door was opened and Victoire stepped into the cubicle, but he did rouse himself enough to comment, "I like your socks."

"Good," Victoire commented, pushing on Teddy's shoulders so he was forced to sit up straight and let Victoire settle herself on his lap. "I've bought you a pair just like them for your birthday."

After sliding the latch shut again, Victoire pulled Teddy against her, cradling his head against her chest.

"So," she sighed. "What did you do?"

"What did you hear that I did?" Teddy replied miserably, nuzzling his cheek against Victoire's breasts.

"I know that you found a lead last night. What I don't know is why Uncle Harry has locked himself in his office ever since you burst out of there. Well, I don't know, but I suspect it's got something to do with you looking like a red-head at the time."

"It looks like one of the dealers has got a thing for girls that look a lot like Lily Potter," Teddy explained, feeling calmer now that his best friend was there. "I just decided to be a total bastard and showed him what she looked like."

"Sometimes, Teddy..." Victoire whispered resignedly. "You're so fucked up," she added.

"That's me," Teddy agreed.

"Come on," Victoire said, standing up and tugging on Teddy's arms so that he followed suit. "Let's get you tidied up. You look awful in that get up."

*****

Teddy felt a lot better after Victoire had transfigured his clothing for him. She hadn't done much more to the silk shirt than remove the frills around the neckline, but it was unbuttoned to mid chest, and the bra he had been wearing was now black and could be seen through both the gap at the front and the silk itself.

"You look bigger today," Victoire commented, prodding his chest with the end of her wand.

"Thanks," Teddy said with a smile, although he knew full well that he wasn't. Without the ability to reproduce mammary tissue, he could only let his breasts swell so much before they sagged into middle-aged bitch titties. The illusion of a cleavage was all in the padding and the push of the bra.

"I prefer you in trousers," his best friend observed as she put the finishing touches to the tight leather.

"I prefer me in trousers," Teddy agreed, admiring the visible outline of his cock.

He had learned to love it after his disappointment that he could no more get rid of his penis, than he could grow female breasts. By the time he and Victoire had realised that they were just close friends and that he needed something more than the norms his extended family wished on him, he had also accepted that he was a man, just an extraordinary one. He didn't want to be a woman, but that didn't mean he couldn't embrace the elements of femininity that felt natural to him.

"I wish my hair was as thick as yours," Victoire bemoaned as she ran her fingers through the long blue tresses Teddy had allowed to tumble over his shoulders.

"You just wish you were as sexy as me, full stop," Teddy retorted. "Now help me fix my eyeliner."

Walking back to his desk to retrieve the dragon-hide boots he always kept nearby, Teddy felt a lot more normal. He realised that seeing the red-headed prostitute had weirded him out almost as much as it had Harry, and that he had been a bastard to inflict his own shock on his godfather. Zipping up the boots, and flashing a grin at Victoire as she slapped his arse in farewell, Teddy gathered his courage and returned to Harry's office.

"Harry? It's Teddy. Can I come in?"

Teddy was surprised when the lock immediately clicked in response, but also very grateful. Hoping for the best, he opened the door and stepped inside. He silently bore the critical glare from Harry, and let out a breath of relief when Harry said, "Thank Christ, you're back to normal. Don't you ever pull anything like that on me again."

"I promise."

*****

"Clever disguise," Madam Jewel complimented him as they sat down at one of the pub's tables. "You don't look anything like an Auror this time. In fact," she added, sweeping her gaze up and down Teddy's body, "you sure being an Auror's your calling?"

"Probably not," Teddy replied, "but I can't play a musical instrument."

Jewel laughed: "Definitely not Auror material with that sense of humour."

Teddy smiled, but said nothing. He had often wondered whether it would blow the Wizarding World's mind if they knew just what a bunch of freaks made up the MLE, especially the Vice Department.

"Has Daphne told you anything more about the times she visited with him?" Teddy asked, cutting straight to the heart of the matter.

Jewel shook her head. "She swears blind that he never touched her. He would just take her out to dinner and talk to her. Never offered her drugs either."

"So it was only after you kept her away from him that he started taking out the other girls and giving them drugs. Why did you keep her away in the first place?"

"Didn't like the look on her face when she came back," Jewel told him in a disgusted tone. "Doesn't do for a whore to get her hopes up."

"Is she in love with him?"

Jewel shook her head. "No, but she liked him, and thought he might do something for her. I don't know what she imagined it would be, but she was turning down other clients for him. She needed to learn her place."

Teddy wet his lips, wondering if Harry was right and this whole thing was a ridiculous cover for something else. The story sounded like the bastard child of The Phantom of the Opera and one of the more puerile Muggle soap operas his Nan used to watch.

He looked up as Daphne entered the room. The sight of her sent a shiver down Teddy's spine. The resemblance to Lily Potter was uncanny. However, he forced a smile when the girl let out a surprised sound, exclaiming, "Oh! It's you again! You look so different!"

"That's the idea," Teddy agreed, standing up and slipping his leather jacket back on. "Shall we get going?"

"Watch yourself, Auror," Jewel called after them.

*****

Teddy took Daphne to the nearest night café. Apparently the dealer always came on Thursday evenings. The first week Jewel had tried to remove Daphne from him, she had sent Daphne out with another client. The client had ended up drugged and dumped round the back of the pub. It was after that Jewel had taken to keeping Daphne indoors, and the dealer had started taking the other girls instead.

The strange thing was that the dealer hadn't touched them either, but whereas Daphne had received a hot meal and some conversation, the other prostitutes had been offered as much booze and Blue Skies as they liked. Already being addicts, or recovering addicts of the usual Wizarding and Muggle drugs on the market, being offered as much of the newest and most expensive drug on the market had been a dream come true for them. It was a pity that the come down involved the need to sleep for 48 hours.

As a side effect it wasn't that bad, as the drug induced slumber purged the body of any toxins and left the user feeling fine upon waking. However, it was a side affect that would seriously jeopardise any organisation – Madam Jewel's in this particular case - if enough of its people started taking the junk regularly. People couldn't keep losing days at a time, and it seemed that while the body developed no physical dependence on Blue Skies, the high that it gave people was psychologically desirable.

"Could I interest you in a trade?"

Teddy stopped in his tracks at the sound of the deep voice behind him, and pulled Daphne sharply in front of him.

Turning slowly, Teddy prepared his friendliest smile. However, it was smacked off his face when he came face to face with another ghost from his godfather's past.

"Snape!"

"Lupin!"

The dark eyes narrowed and then flicked over Teddy's outrageous clothing. "No," Snape corrected himself. "Not the Lupin I knew."

"I can't believe it," Teddy stammered. "How can you...? Is it really- ?"

Teddy was cut off by the hand that suddenly clamped over his mouth. He was tugged against Snape's body and a wand jabbed him in the neck. Snape must have cast something because his vision began to blur, and the last thing he was aware of was the sound of Snape apologising to Daphne.

*****

When Teddy came to, he was stretched out on a double bed that was set against one wall of a bedroom which would have been neat if it weren't for the piles of books everywhere.

Hearing the creak of a floorboard outside the room, Teddy immediately reached for his wand, only to find the pocket inside his leather jacket empty. It figured.

There was another creak, and then the bedroom door opened. Snape entered, balancing a tray on one hand, while in the other he held a notebook, which he continued to read from as he crossed the room.

It was definitely Snape, Teddy thought, studying the tall, lean man. Even with the shorter hair and the Muggle clothing, Snape's face was unmistakable, and Teddy would bet his dragon-hide boots that the man was wearing a scarf to cover whatever wound was left from his encounter with Nagini.

"I was half convinced that you would mount an escape the moment I opened the door," Snape drawled, bringing Teddy's attention sharply back to the man in front of him and away from his memories of the past. "I suppose Potter's curiosity rubbed off on you, though."

"How did you know my name?" Teddy asked, eyeing with suspicion the tray of tea and crumpets Snape had lain on the bedside table.

"I would like to ask you the same thing," Snape responded, sitting down in the chair beside the table. "I can't believe that Potter would have circulated my picture as a possible suspect. You see, I'd been very careful to give over the impression that I was dead. Do you have sugar in your tea?"

Teddy shook his head. "I don't have Blue Skies in it, either."

"I know that you aren't inclined to trust me, but I can assure you that I would rather you answered my question first, before I do anything diabolical to you."

Teddy laughed despite himself, Snape's twisted humour appealing to his own. He took the offered mug and took a defiant sip, before snatching up a crumpet for good measure.

This seemed to amuse Snape, as his lips curled up at the edges.

"I really can't see the Auror in you," Snape remarked. "But then, I can see parts of your mother, and I didn't think she was Auror material either."

"How did you know who I was?" Teddy asked again.

"You look and sound a lot like you father," Snape said with a nonchalant shrug.

Teddy laughed again. "You're joking!"

Snape shook his head. "Despite all this," Snape waved his hand, "decoration, when you looked round at me and said my name, you looked very much like your father. Same face, same voice..." Snape's gaze bore into Teddy's. "Same hazel eyes."

Teddy widened the described eyes in shock, realising just how surprised he must have been upon seeing Snape for his eye colour to return to normal. Not many people knew the true colour of his eyes, as most of the time he kept them blue to match his hair. Only those who had watched him growing up knew that whenever he was upset and couldn't control his magic, his hair turned a dark reddish brown and his eyes returned to their natural hazel.

"So, Mister Lupin. How do you know who I am?"

"I've seen pictures. Everybody has."

Snape nodded. "Yes, everybody has, but most people would not on seeing me now know who I am. I can only think of a few people who would actually recognise me in the flesh."

Teddy wet his lips. He knew that his youthful misadventure would come back to haunt him one day. He had thought the same when he had first clapped eyes on Daphne. This was all a punishment for the day that he had broken into Harry's study and looked at a few memories he shouldn't have.

"Well?"

"I've seen Harry's memories of you," he admitted. Not adding that he had also seen Snape's memories of Lily.

"So his curiosity did rub off on you," Snape declared with some satisfaction.

Teddy sipped at his tea and tried to ignore the fact he was blushing.

"So, Auror Lupin, what is it that I should do with you?" Snape mused. He picked up the notebook again and flicked through it. "I have a great deal of information on you here, but none that strikes me as particularly advantageous. You seem peculiarly bad at keeping your own secrets. The cross-gender fetish might have been quite useful, if you hadn't already let the cat out of the bag and dressed it up for public viewings."

"Where did you get that?" Teddy demanded, gesturing at the notebook.

Snape snorted. "Did you forget that I am the head of a crime syndicate? I have my sources."

Teddy smiled. "So, you're the head of the outfit. I'll remember to jot that down in my own notes."

Snape tossed the notebook across the room. "You seem very satisfied with your own cleverness," the man commented, rising from the chair he had been sitting in and approaching the bed.

Teddy forced himself not to move, despite the nervous chill that danced over his skin. He gasped when Snape roughly grabbed his chin and forced his face upwards.

"Leave them like that," Snape said, staring him in the eye. "Blue doesn't suit you."

"I think it suits me fine," Teddy stated, forcing his eye colour to change again.

He was disconcerted by Snape's smile. "Your body seems to disagree with your brain," the man commented, and Teddy felt the tickle of Snape's fingers sifting through his hair.

Teddy shoved Snape away from him, and looked with horror at the brown strands falling past his face. He tried to focus and turn his hair blue again, but it seemed that his magic wouldn't respond. Freaked out, he bolted across the room, but rather than heading out the door, he stopped in front of the long dressing mirror.

His hair was now dark brown, made a little more interesting by the reddish tone. The combination of this and his large hazel eyes made the heavy eye-liner he was wearing look less of a statement, complimenting his natural colouring rather than clashing.

Teddy spun around and stared at the tray on the bedside table. "You bastard, what have you done?"

"One of the affects of Blue Skies is that it negates any magic that has been cast upon those taking it. It was one of the reasons why I developed it in the first place. The high was just a pleasant side affect. Followed, of course, by a healing sleep to allow the patient time to fully recover."

Teddy gaped. "Are you telling me that this stuff is actually a medicine?"

Snape grinned, an ugly expression on his narrow face. "A lot of recreational drugs are when used in the right ways."

Teddy felt sudden warmth low in his belly, which blossomed outward, dancing up his torso and tingling in his nipples. Not caring that Snape was watching him, he groped at his chest, moaning half in disappointment that his chest had now hardened with muscle, half in arousal at just how sensitive the area had become.

"I take it you poured quite a lot of magic into creating the illusion of breasts," Teddy heard Snape saying. He seemed to be a lot closer, although Teddy couldn't see because he couldn't currently open his eyes.

"Personally," Snape continued, and his breath tickled Teddy's throat. "I prefer what nature gave you."

Teddy arched his back as a cool hand plunged down the front of his shirt and bra and smoothed over his pectorals.

"You’re a surprisingly well built young man," Snape commented as he groped at Teddy's chest. "You also appear to be a little taller than you'd like other people to know. However, it seems that you really are slim hipped enough to fit into those trousers, otherwise I imagine they would have become quite painful by now."

They were painful, Teddy thought, if only where his erection was pressing against them. He kicked out his feet, trying to get off his boots that were now pinching his feet, but he couldn't quite wrap his brain around the right way to achieve this aim.

He heard Snape saying something again, and Teddy choked out a cry of relief when all of his clothing disappeared. He found that he could open his eyes again, and was surprised to find himself lying down, Snape sitting beside and leaning over him.

"The strange thing about Blue Skies is the different way it takes different people. They invariably enjoy it, but whereas some enjoy a mellowing affect, for others it acts as a stimulus. Personally, I found that it sharpened my thoughts, for you, it appears to be acting rather like an aphrodisiac. The effect tends to reveal something about the person experiencing it. My guess is that having realised Miss Weasley was not what you needed, you haven't actually... hmm, how should I put it...? You haven't had a dose of what you do need."

Teddy's hips jerked off the mattress at Snape's touch. The brush of fingers had been fleeting across his inner thigh, but for a moment he had thought he would come from that alone. His body felt so hot. Unable to contain himself, he rubbed his own hands over his chest and groin, groaning loudly when Snape's cruel fingers closed around his wrists and forced his hands away.

"You really are a needy thing."

Snape's amused hum seemed to vibrate the air, and Teddy arched upwards, desperately hoping that pushing himself into the words would be enough to bring him to completion. His eyes had closed again, and his eyelids felt too heavy to part. His arms felt heavy as well. No, not heavy, but they couldn't move. Oh, his wrists were tied to something....

"Oh, God!" Teddy screamed as a tongue swiped at his nipples.

"You almost deserve breasts, you're so sensitive."

Teddy whined as the tongue and then teeth continued to tease him, and all the while hands were groping at his body, kneading at his flesh as though he could be moulded into something else. He giggled at the thought that would be quite easy to do if he wasn't high as a kite, but his laughter was swiftly muffled by the mouth that had just abandoned his chest.

"...open your eyes, Lupin. Theodore! Open your eyes!"

Teddy felt impatient thumbs push at his eyelids and he looked blurrily up at the swimming face with its blobs of black. There was a loud smacking sound, and then all of a sudden the pain arrived and Teddy stared up in shock at Snape.

"Good boy," Snape praised him.

"Wha- ?"

"You were falling asleep a little prematurely."

Teddy blinked. Not quite sure what Snape was going on about.

"You should at least have the courtesy to stay awake until I'm finished," Snape admonished.

Teddy's body jerked on the bed, and then, as with the slap, the delayed sensations from his body poured in upon him: the ache of his hips and lower back, the burn in his arse, the raw sensitivity of his nipples, and the throbbing pressure in his cock and testicles. Snape was inside him, fucking him, and he was... he was...

"Fuck!"

*****

"How are you feeling?"

"A bit groggy, but otherwise all right," Teddy said, giving Victoire's worried gaze a reassuring smile. "Sleeping for a couple of days isn't all that bad."

"I'm so glad that Harry found you. I'm glad you were still asleep, too. How creepy, to be dumped in a cemetery!"

Teddy said nothing. He had spoken to Harry when he had first woken up in the spare room he used whenever he visited his godfather. He knew why he had been dumped in the graveyard, and why it had specifically been that grave. Harry was there now, digging it up to check whether Teddy had lost his mind to the drugs, or whether the grave really was empty. Teddy was just glad that Harry had fixated on the name of his assailant and hadn't bothered asking any more questions about what had transpired in Snape's room. It had also prevented Teddy from asking a question of his own – why exactly had Harry been visiting Snape's grave on a Saturday morning?

"That was a big sigh," Victoire commented, bringing Teddy's thoughts back to the present. "Penny for them."

"I was just wondering why he let me go."

Victoire frowned. "You don't sound very happy that he did."

Teddy gave her a sharp look. "I'm just annoyed that I can't figure out what he's up to."

The look Victoire gave him told him that she was not convinced, and her words furthered that: "So what exactly happened after he fed you the drug?"

"I fell asleep," Teddy answered dully.

"Before that."

Teddy turned his face to the window. With the sky still dark outside, Sunday morning barely a hint on the horizon, Teddy could see his reflection in the glass.

"Before that... I woke up."




End