Conrad was anxious. Why was he anxious? It was ridiculous to be anxious. He had no reason to be, did he?
..did he?
Wesley had spoken of Fox before. Conrad roughly knew who she was and the role she played within the Fraternity. They had worked together. She had made a huge impact on his life. But Wesley had never mentioned that she was extremely attractive. Had had that been intentional? Did Fox and Wesley have more than just a professional relationship? Wes had said over the Network that he didn't completely trust her. But Conrad had fooled around with plenty of women that he hadn't trusted, so that didn't bring him any comfort..
The real question was: why was Conrad worried about it? He cared about Wesley. The man really was his best friend around the Crown Plaza and it mattered to Conrad if Fox was a foe or an ally. But ultimately, it really wasn't his business if Wesley and Fox had a history. Or a future..
So he tried to remain in good spirits when Wesley came knocking. He opened the door and before Wes could even say anything, Conrad lifted the camera, snapping a quick picture of him. There wasn't a flash, but it was clear from the clicking sound of the device that it had taken.
"You received a pet and I received a relic. I wonder what the hotel is trying to tell us," he laughed, taking a step back so that Wes could enter the room, "I bet you've never seen a camera that looks like this, have you?"
- - -
Fox showing up was like a gift of its own. Except Wes wasn’t sure whether to be excited or apprehensive. The last time they’d talked, she’d aimed a gun at his head. But then she’d taken the bullet herself. He didn’t know how to feel now that she was here. It was impossible to know exactly what was going through her mind. He’d once thought that he knew her so well. Now he wasn’t sure. There was no loom of fate to hand down kill orders here so he guessed for now, there wasn’t much to worry about.
If that showed up next in the hotel, Wes knew he’d have to have another conversation with Fox. Until then, he was glad to put it off. He didn’t want to go back to being enemies with her unless he had to. He already knew a few names that he’d protect if they ever came up. Sorry, Fox, but fuck the code. Call him selfish but there were some things that were worth getting into a little trouble. Maybe he could convince her of that if she stuck around.
Conrad’s mention of a surprise also worried him. He had tried to sound excited about it, and he was a little, but the timing of Fox showing up and the rat on his nightstand were too coincidental not to at least give a second thought to. Was the Fraternity coming back? Sloan had appeared here once already and that had been plenty for Wes. But he showed up and knocked at his friend’s door with those feelings stowed away. Maybe he was just over-thinking everything.
When the door opened, instead of Conrad’s face, he was greeted with the end of something that looked like a very old telescope. Click. Wesley blinked, then snorted as he came in closer. “Is that what that thing is? Where was the flash?” That had to be the surprise Conrad had mentioned. He reached out and tapped the top gently as if he was afraid it would turn to dust right there. “You do know that’s what these are for, right?” Wes pulled the cellphone from his back pocket and with only two swipes of his thumb, opened the camera and snapped a picture of Conrad with his ancient artifact. Flash included.
After, he looked at the picture and grinned. “Hm, that’s a good one of you. I’ll keep that one.”
- - -
Conrad blinked and rubbed his eyes over the sudden flash. "I know, I know. Technology has rendered cameras like this as useless and outdated, but," the Brit paused, leaning in close to show Wesley the camera, "I'm sure the photo quality isn't quite as good, but this belonged Mason. Look, right here.. This scratch on the side? I remember when this happened. This is her camera. And maybe, since Fox showed up, she will as well?"
He didn't want to get his hopes up, but there had already been a woman around who looked like her. Perhaps he'd get lucky?
"At any rate, it showed up with plenty of film. I didn't get too much practice with it on Skull Island. I was hoping you'd let me test it out on you. I'd like a consistent subject. Someone to take pictures of. You know, from different angles, different light settings, so I can get good at it."
The Brit paused, his blue eyes studying Wesley's face. He had come by once to meet Kong, but ultimately, he hadn't spent too much time with him since they had cuddled in Wesley's bed. Nor had they talked about that 'cuddling'. Looking at him now, Conrad was awfully conflicted. Some part of him wanted to be happy. The hotel was giving instead of taking away and that was a blessing in itself. But Conrad couldn't stop himself from being horribly jealous of Fox, even if, thus far, he hadn't been given a huge reason to be.
He forced a smile. "What do you say? Will you be my muse, Wes?"
- - -
He hadn’t meant to blind Conrad! Immediately, Wes lifted his hand out to his friend’s eyes as if touching them could help rid Conrad of the bright spots. “Shit, sorry. Guess these new phones are a bit intense.” But at the last second, his hand changed course and he rushed it through his hair as if that had been the plan all along.
It wasn’t like he was nervous at all about touching Conrad. They’d had plenty of physical contact before. Why act like a shy shutterbug now? Speaking of-
“That’s Mason’s? You’re sure?” Wes followed Conrad’s hand as he showed him the scratch. It looked strangely fresh. And knowing the reason behind it? Wes shook his head and winced. “Have I mentioned lately how glad I am you survived that?”
Conrad’s mention of Fox and Mason had Wes’ head spinning again. He didn’t know why his stomach felt heavy at the idea of Mason showing up. That wouldn’t be a bad thing. Mason had sounded nice the way Conrad had gone on about her. Why wouldn’t be thrilled to see Conrad have one of his friends here? Alright, he knew why.
“You want to practice on me?” Wes made a poor attempt at holding back a smile. “I mean, if you want to.” He shrugged, still unable to shake the stupid grin off his face. It was just a few pictures. What was the harm? Conrad just needed some help. “I didn’t know you were into photography. I don’t know much about it but if you want to waste all that valuable film on me, well you better make it some good shots.”
And since he was going to be the model, why not act like one?
He leaned in the doorframe, posing with one arm above his head in an attempt to make himself taller and less like the desk troll he’d spent most of his life being. “Where do you want me, Michelangelo?”
- - -
"I'm glad I survived as well." He laughed, but it was an uneasy sort of laugh. It was honestly an act of god that the few of them had escaped Skull Island. And to know that Monarch had planned on going back? Idiots, the lot of them.
"Mm, well. Mason's the one who got me into it. The photos she took of Skull Island are incredible. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I'd even know how to use this damn thing." Come to think of it, he wondered if some of the film still held her pictures. If it did, he'd be able to show Wes what Skull Island looked like. The tribe that lived there, the soldiers they had traveled with.. The thought alone caused another smile to surface.
"And it won't be wasting film. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather take pictures of.. Hey, stay right there. Don't move --"
He knew that Wes was being playful, but honestly, he looked good draped against the doorframe like that. Like the cover of some romance novel; dramatic and utterly handsome. He lifted the camera, taking the picture.
"Already off to a great start," he beamed, his free hand reaching for Wesley's.. Conrad's fingers just barely brushed along the other man's knuckles before he second-guessed himself and pulled his hand away. Yes, they had kissed recently and yes, Conrad was absolutely becoming more bold. However, he felt like today was probably a bad day to go around pushing his luck. Especially if Fox caught them holding hands. He gestured for them to move out into the hall instead.
"Let's go to the lobby, maybe? I bet we can get a few great shots down there."
- - -
Wes stepped out of the doorway and out into the hall, making sure to leave plenty of room for Conrad to join him. Keeping personal space had long stopped being a thing for them, especially after what they'd been through together so far, but-
Things weren't weird. They were just unclear. It'd been almost two weeks since Conrad had decided to kiss all those bruises better. Every time Wes thought about it, recalled that moment to the front of his mind, he got hot all over. They'd gone way beyond being friendly. There was no denying that. But neither of them had acknowledged what had happened either. Wes had thought about bringing it up several times but he hadn't wanted to before Conrad brought it up first.
It was a game of chicken and Wes was too stubborn to give in first. That didn't stop him from trying to push some reaction out of Conrad that would give him a better clue to what was going on behind those blue eyes. Because maybe Conrad was practicing on him. Playing with him. If that was the case, was he alright being the toy?
He waited until they were walking together towards the elevator to bump his elbow playfully into Conrad's side. It was easy since the other man was that much taller. "Lobby then. Maybe once you've got the hang of that old thing, we can try bringing it into the twenty-first century and take a selfie with it? You should have something pretty on that film roll besides me. Although I bet I look groovy in a vintage filter. What do you think? Maybe I should try on some of your clothes, put me in the mood for this little photoshoot."
Wes remained alert as they made their way to the lobby. Even in the elevator, though he looked relaxed as he leaned into the back wall, his eyes were still everywhere. "I saw you talked to Fox on the network. You didn't forget what I said, did you?"
- - -
"You want to wear my clothes? What, is wearing vintage attire considered groovy in the future?" Conrad seemed less tense once they stepped into the elevator. At least, for a moment. The elbow bump had helped. Wesley's calm body language made it even easier. It was clear that Wes wasn't weird around him, wasn't put off by the events that had happened in his bedroom. Funnily enough, Conrad had been on the verge of working up the nerve to say something when Fox had appeared... Talk about bad timing. Or good timing, depending.
"What specifically? That she's.. an assassin like you? Which makes her dangerous and unpredictable? That she's untrustworthy?"
Probably the latter. Or all of the above. Either way, Conrad's posture had gone rigid again at the mention of Fox. He was going to have to get over it. One way or another, he was going to have to stop this petty behavior. But the emotional wound of her arrival was still fresh and Conrad was rather huffy about the whole ordeal.
The elevator doors opened, letting them out onto the lobby floor. As they moved out of the elevator, Conrad spoke a rather bitter-sounding, "She's quite pretty."
- - -
On the surface of the brief interaction, Wesley could see both Conrad and Fox behaving beautifully with each other. They were polite and friendly. It had almost been flirtatious between them. That didn't help the brunette's mixed feelings. Of course he wanted them to get along. Conrad had become an important part of his life. There was very little that he didn't share with him these days. And Fox? She'd been something important to him too.
"Specifically? She took out almost a dozen highly-trained men in a room with one bullet. If your name came up-" Wesley cut himself off. He snapped his mouth closed. Chastising his friend on being reckless was kind of hypocritical of him, wasn't it? He sighed. "This isn't about if she likes you or not. To her, it's a higher calling. She was willing to take her own life for it. I don't want her to take yours. So just be careful."
He followed Conrad out of the elevator. Pretty? Wes narrowed his eyes, turning to look up at him. What exactly did he mean by that? Probably nothing. Fox was pretty. It was impossible not to notice. Wes had been dumbfounded by her beauty when they'd first met. Women like Fox didn't just come up to him. Or men like James. "Yeah. She is. Even Ciri noticed that. And she is nice too. She's not a bad person," Wes's voice went soft. "She's funny too. You know, once you get over the whole loom-cult business, she's actually fun."
Eventually, the two of them would have to meet. The hotel was a small place. He didn't want to freak his friend out. Conrad just needed a healthy dose of keep-my-ass-safe if he was going to be around more assassins. To lighten the mood, Wesley skipped a step and bumped into Conrad again. "Seventies are very hip in the future. Bell bottoms are making a big comeback. You don't think I could rock those?"
- - -
"Bell bottoms? Making a comeback? You are such a liar." It was difficult to tell whether or not Wesley was teasing the Brit about his fashion. For all Conrad knew, maybe what was cool in the seventies had come back into style. ..but he kind of doubted it.
Once they were past the elevators, Conrad reached out. And this time, he did take Wesley by the hand -- but mostly just so that he could pull him aside, close to the wall and away from the main path. Usually, when Conrad dodged a particular subject, it was for a reason. When meeting someone for the first time, he wasn't very forthcoming with information about himself. And, in the case of Wesley, he was horribly in denial about his own sexuality.
But talking about Fox was not something he planned on skirting around. He knew this was serious, knew it was better to cover these things now rather than later. So he'd prolong that trial photoshoot another five minutes. Conrad lowered his voice as he spoke to Wes, his attention very much on his friend's face.
"Wes, what's wrong? Talk to me. What do you mean by that: you don't want her to take my life. Are you really afraid she's going to try to kill me? Why would she do something like that?"
- - -
Wes snorted, shook his head and looked away. "I'm not afraid," he insisted stubbornly.
So why hadn't he tried taking his hand away from Conrad's yet? Wes glanced down at them, even wriggled his fingers further with Conrad's. It was a lie. He was terrified. The last time he'd trusted someone, trusted a family he thought he'd found, they'd turned against him. Even Fox had been willing to keep him from taking his shot at Sloan at first. Until Sloan made the mistake of exposing the corruption of the Fraternity to all of them.
He squeezed Conrad's hand but didn't lift his gaze. "I don't know if I can trust her yet. I want to. I know how bad this sounds but she wasn't like the others. She was different. But she also had known about my dad. And still tried to kill me. For me, that was over a year ago. For her, that all just happened. I just want to be sure I can trust her. I don't need more nightmares." He rubbed the side of his face with his other hand. That sounded selfish. Maybe a little paranoid too.
"I'm worrying too much. I know. It's just the way my mind goes. Worst case scenario." When he did look back up into Conrad's face, he tried a grin but couldn't quite make it. "I'm sorry I'm so on edge. I didn't think her showing up would bring up," Wes waved his other hand around his chest in butterfly patterns. "You think you let something go and then find out you didn't bury it as deep as you thought. I just don't want to lose you is all."
- - -
Conrad was listening. Really, truly, he was. He was hanging off of every word, sensing the apprehension in Wesley's voice. But at the same time, in the back of his mind, he was partially paying attention to how Wesley was touching him. Conrad desperately wanted to pull the other man into his arms and comfort him, just as he done after that Danger Room fiasco.
But two things were stopping him. Conrad didn't know Fox nearly as well as Wesley did. He didn't know what she was capable of or where her mind was (hence why he had wanted to meet her in person). So, frankly, he didn't want to lie and tell Wesley that everything would be fine when he didn't know that for certain.
He also still wasn't sure what was appropriate and what wasn't, as far as physical interaction was concerned. That line seemed to forever move - sometimes forward, sometimes backward - and right now, Conrad didn't want to overwhelm Wesley with too much affection when he was obviously uneasy.
He did return that squeeze to his hand, though; as if trying to remind Wesley that he was still very much present. "Don't apologize. You're right. You don't need more nightmares. I think you've had more than your fair share. Just remember that you don't need to bear this burden alone." Conrad wasn't just referring to himself. He knew Ciri and Rogue and that weird bard that had a tendency to pop up supported Wesley, too. Fox was the outsider here, and Conrad dared her to step out of line.
"I believe in you, Wes. Don't let Fox shake your confidence. She may be exceptionally skilled like you are, but this is our home. And no one is going to let her march in here and start causing trouble. Least of all with you." Conrad hesitated before he added, "Is there.. anything else I should know about her?" Another pause followed before he clarified because he wasn't convinced he wanted to know the answer to his question.. "Any sort of.. personal history between you two?"
- - -
Forget everything he’d said up to this point. Forget everything that Conrad had said even. Except for one part. Two words.
Our home.
When he’d first arrived, all he could think about was finding a way off the island. He’d spent too many years wasted in one cage and wasn’t about to let himself get caught up in another one. Even if the beds were comfy and the kitchen was fully stocked. Not for all the whiskey in the world. He hadn’t expected to find any reason good enough to keep him wanting to stick around. Now he was standing here holding onto the exact reason that would. Funny how things had turned out.
He rubbed his thumb over Conrad’s knuckles as he gently swung their hands. Lifting his gaze, he gave a smile that reached his eyes and went cheek-to-cheek. “Our home, huh? That’s got a nice ring to it.” For just a second, he dropped his eyes to Conrad’s mouth but quickly flicked them up again. This wasn’t the time for that. Even if the urge was there.
But maybe it wasn’t as subtle as he thought because Conrad was throwing questions at him that were hard to misconstrue. Personal? Wes smirked. “Are you asking if we’ve dated?”
- - -
"Well.. it sort of is, isn't it?" Conrad continued, careful of his words. "Not in the traditional sense of the term, but it is starting to feel like home. At least, to me it is."
Conrad remembered his 'home' in Saigon. Or rather, the apartment that held his belongings. He had no emotional attachment to it. Or anything in that one-bedroom abode. It was where he slept at night, but it didn't feel like home. The Crown Plaza, on the other hand, very much did. Which was hilarious, to some degree, given how much the hotel liked to torture them. And yet, Conrad willingly chose to stay. Everything he could have ever wanted was right here, and he'd happily tolerate ghost torture to keep it.
The Brit made a face at the question. "Yes.. I am asking if you dated." But.. it was relevant, right? To know if they had a history? Well. Relevant or not, it was clear from Conrad's expression that he was also asking for personal reasons. Those blue eyes were turning green with envy. "Did you?"
- - -
“I don’t think any of this can be considered traditional or normal. It’s definitely not a place I’d pick just on looks alone. I can’t even get a Cubs hotdog all the way out here. But it’s grown on me. It’s not like the Cubs are gonna be winning the World Series any time soon anyhow.” It was more than that though. “They say its not really the place that’s home. It’s the people. As long as you’re with the people you care the most about, you’re always home.” and I care about you.
Why was it so hard to spit it out? It wasn’t a secret that they cared for each other. That’d become clear almost from the start. But how deep those feelings went continually surprised him. The problem was that he didn’t know how far those feelings went in Conrad’s mind. He kept doing one thing and then saying something else. Kissing him and then never mentioning it after. Not once. He could feel himself getting more and more attached which was weird because he didn’t even know if there was anything here to be attached to.
He’d already confessed to feeling jealous now and then. Was that what he was seeing in Conrad’s face right now? Why else ask that question? Guess the only way to know was to go off Conrad’s reaction to his answer. “No. We weren’t together. We kissed once but I think she only did it to make my ex-girlfriend jealous at my old apartment. But what’s a kiss between friends, right?”
- - -
Hearing Wesley talk about the Cubs brought a nostalgic sort of smile to Conrad's lips. It made him think of Marlow. Wes was right. Conrad couldn't say he was homesick for Saigon. Or England. Definitely not Skull Island. But he did miss Mason and the friends he'd made during his journey. Home is where the heart is. As much as Conrad missed the life that was familiar to him, his heart was very much here.
Something he wished he could tell Wesley. But he couldn't. Especially with those other emotions bubbling up and getting in the way.
"Yeah.. what’s a kiss between friends?"
Conrad was trying so hard to laugh it off. Play it cool, sweep those festering feelings under the rug. Like everything was fine and he'd been silly for asking in the first place. He even tugged at Wesley's hand, indicating he was ready to stop talking and get back to the reason why they were even down in the lobby -- And immediately stopped and dragged them back to where they'd been standing.
He was torn. On one hand, he was terrified of voicing how he truly felt. Once those words were out in the open, he'd never be able to take it back. Conrad had taken chances like this before. And every single time, it had blown up horribly in his face.
But this was Wesley. Wesley was different. Wesley had been pouring his heart out; both here and back in his room weeks prior. It was unfair to expect transparency from the other man when Conrad himself couldn't bring himself to spit out basic emotions. So he abruptly pushed out an unsteady, "Fox has made me jealous, too."
Something seemed to snap inside of Conrad. Whatever barrier that had been holding back that flood of emotions was gone. Those feelings came rushing forward and Conrad hadn't been ready for it. And yet, somehow, he forced himself to stammer on. His eyes were watering and he couldn't bring himself to look Wesley in the face, but he refused to chicken out of a conversation just because he was scared. "I'm jealous. She just arrived today and I'm jealous. I have no right to be, but I am. Isn't that ridiculous?"
- - -
Wes was used to the back-and-forth by now. He didn't think Conrad was doing it on purpose. Not in a mean way. Wes had been used before. Plenty of times. The crap part about knowing you're being manipulated was letting it happen anyway. For whatever reason. Because he'd been lonely. Bored. Depressed. It didn't matter what kind of attention he got. As long as there was someone around who could give a shit sometimes. Or at least pretend to. Wes knew what that looked like.
Conrad wasn't like that at all. He went out of his way to seek him out, to talk to him. It didn't always have to be about anything in particular. Sometimes it was just to hang out and talk about nothing at all. He rarely asked for anything from him. If anything, he was more eager to give him something than he was to take.
So Wes knew that when Conrad pretended not to remember certain activities, he hadn't taken it personally. When it came to stuff like that, he felt that maybe this was an area that Conrad wasn't himself very comfortable in. Wes had mentioned his sexuality a few times, in passing. He assumed at first that Conrad's own preferences swung only one way and it wasn't in that direction. After that first kiss though, he started to question if maybe even Conrad wasn't sure what his preferences were. And if he was, the next day made it clear that he wasn't ready to acknowledge them. Everyone experimented. It was how people found out what they liked. He'd played along. The last thing he'd wanted Conrad to feel was pressured into being something he wasn't.
They were two kisses in now though and now Conrad was telling him he was jealous of Fox? And less than two weeks after Wes had admitted to feeling the same way. Why was still on the tips of their tongues. But maybe he'd hold that part back. It looked like Conrad had pushed himself through the wringer just to say that.
Wes bit his bottom lip, trying not to look like he was actually pleased to hear that. "You're really jealous? No, no, no. That's not ridiculous at all. If it is, then the boot's on my foot too. And I think it's sweet. I ..like that you're jealous." But Conrad wouldn't look at him. Wes leaned this way and that, trying to catch his gaze. When that didn't work, he hesitated and then pushed himself up on his toes to sneak a quick kiss of his own to Conrad's cheek hoping that might bring that intense focus back on him.
- - -
That kiss to his cheek caused him to crumble further -- but perhaps, in a good way. He didn't know what the 'right' thing to do here was. All he knew was what he wanted to do. But what he wanted was selfish and shallow and honestly, Conrad was terrified of the potential consequences. He couldn't lose Wes. And logic dictated that if he listened to his dick instead of his brain, Wesley would vanish from his life, just like every other man he'd ever developed feelings for.
But that stubborn resistance to the truth was starting to wither away. Wesley said that he liked that Conrad was jealous, and as a result, the Brit finally lifted his gaze, looking the other man in the face.
"It's not a good thing, Wes. For me to get jealous like this. It's petty, it's stupid. What are you going to do when you get a girlfriend and I get moody every time you speak of her? What are you going to do when you're trying to get someone's attention and I can't be bothered to help you? Because I'd rather you kiss me instead of anyone else?"
Oh, that last question slipped out without Conrad really meaning for it to. Shit. Well. Maybe he'd be going to the bar after this instead of the main lobby. He gave Wesley's hand another squeeze, as if offering an unspoken apology for the raw display of emotion that was happening right now. "That would make me a really, really bad friend and I'm.. sort of supposed to be the opposite of that."
- - -
Maybe he shouldn't have done that. It was only a kiss. Except it wasn't and Wes knew that. He wanted to much more than just a peck. It would have taken very little effort on his part to move his lips down and down to that little curve of Conrad's mouth. So little effort. But they weren't in a darkly-lit bar or in their rooms behind closed doors. They were out in the middle of the hall, not even that far from the lobby where everyone was coming and going. It was all very public and out-there. So he was careful to not push Conrad too far past his comfort zone. Though a part of him wouldn't have minded pushing him into the wall-
"It's not stupid. Why would you think that?" Wes tried to interrupt but Conrad kept going, caught in something of a whirlwind of words and emotions that he hadn't seen come out of him before. Frankly, the brunette was stunned. So the kiss had been a good idea? Or a bad one maybe. This was a lot coming out of Conrad all at once and Wes was, unfortunately, sometimes a little slow on the uptake. He let what Conrad had said repeat in his head a few times.
At least they were finally talking about it now. Sort of. Conrad was saying that he wanted to be kissed by him over someone else. Not that they hadn't already done that a few times now. It was a start and that counted. A lot. Fuck. He just wanted to hug Conrad so bad right now. The man was starting to crack open his heart to him and it was the sweetest thing he'd ever seen. "I guess that would make you a bad friend," he said slowly, eyes falling to their still joined hands. "Maybe I'll just do the same whenever you start dating someone. Get possessive over your time. Hog you all to myself. Try not to think about you making out in bars with anyone besides me."
Friends was the dangerous word here. Of course that's something Wes felt that they always would be but it no longer fit what they were anymore, did it? "What if I've been already been trying to get someone's attention?"
- - -
There was a visible record-scratch happening on Conrad's face. He blinked. And stared. And processed. And for a good thirty seconds or so, said nothing.
Okay, yeah. He needed that drink. Whether they continued this conversation or not, he needed that drink. He was at his limit. Words refused to tumble out of his mouth, even if that blockade in his mind had been severed. Keeping a firm hold on Wesley's hand, he led them to the bar without telling his friend where they were going.
He didn't understand. He hadn't been trying to be cute when he'd told Wes that he was bound to get jealous again. There was nothing coy or evasive about it. He'd meant it.
Then Wes went and threw those words right back in his face, but it almost seemed.. No, no. He couldn't possibly have meant it that way; that he'd get jealous if Conrad found himself a lover. Wesley had literally followed it up with: What if I've been already been trying to get someone's attention? Which.. sort of implied that he had been trying to get someone's attention. And surely it wasn't Conrad himself.
The bottom line was, Conrad wanted to finish having this discussion, even if his brain and his heart were fighting it. Even if Wesley had things to say that the Brit didn't want to hear, he'd listen. Because he refused to be a bad friend to the man who meant the world to him.
..he just needed some whiskey first.
So he'd finally let go of poor Wesley's hand - which had practically been squeezed to death during the walk to the bar - and slipped behind the counter to seek out a bottle of something nice. "I'm sure miss Fox won't be too pleased to hear that," he spoke, deciding on some Scotch and practically ripping the cap off, "Who is it?"
- - -
Shit. He'd broken him.
Conrad wasn't Miss Chatty Cathy but half a minute was still a long time to go without giving some kind of response. Wes didn't feel like he'd said anything too crazy. He wasn't the one that had said he wanted exclusive kissing rights. Conrad had. Or at least that's what he thought he meant by what he said. If that was the case, how was he going to explain to Conrad what he had with Ciri? He and Ciri weren't anything serious. But then, neither by definition were him and Conrad.
The pull to the bar was sort of a response. Just not the one that Wes was hoping for. Conrad's hand was tight on his and he couldn't help feeling like he'd done something stupid himself and hurt his friend's feelings. If that were the case, he felt like Conrad would have stormed off. Not drag them both towards booze and bad decision-making.
When their hands did finally break apart, Wes stood awkwardly at first on the other side of the bar. He was still waiting for Conrad to say something. Then, when he did, Wes swore he could have heard his jaw actually hit the floor. Who? You! He wanted to scream it. But Conrad had that look on his face again. Taking a few cautious steps towards the counter, he leaned into the lip's edge. "I don't think Fox would care. Not as much as you obviously do."
Was that the problem? He was being too subtle.
Wes propped up an elbow onto the bartop and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. He watched Conrad tear into the booze. "I'd make you guess but now I'm thinking that you'd go through the whole hotel and still not get it right." With his other hand, he gestured for a glass. "When I tell you that I want you all to myself, after you just said you want me to kiss you, that doesn't give you any hints?"
- - -
Not as much as you obviously do.
Conrad gave another visible response to that. His shoulders sank, his eyes lowered to the floor; an unspoken admission to Wesley's accusation.
He didn't mind that Wesley was calling him on his bullshit. He needed this. He needed to stop avoiding things and come to terms with all the issues he fought so hard to ignore. Conrad was mostly upset that it had taken something like Fox's arrival to bring them to this point. That all it took was one pretty face to get him so worked up, he couldn't help but become an overflowing fountain of thoughts and opinions he could no longer keep to himself.
That's when he heard Wesley speak and nearly dropped that bottle of Scotch on the floor.
He could feel it: his mind actively trying to work it's way around what Wesley had told him. Trying to block it out, trying to tell him that he had misheard what the other man said. That he was only imagining this. But that wasn't the case, was it?
It was a good thing Wesley hadn't forced him to guess. Conrad really would have gone through the entire Crown Plaza guest list and still never would have believed it was himself. Even with the cuddling, even with the kisses. But instead of retreating back into that cloud of denial and fear, a smile curved on his lips. He pulled out an empty glass, slid it over to Wesley, and poured him some Scotch.
"Wes.. do you mean that?" Conrad set the bottle aside, leaning on the counter and craning himself in Wesley's direction. "I want to hear it.. Tell me right now, to my face. Tell me what you want. And in return, I'll do the same for you."
It was unfair, really, pushing Wesley to repeat himself when they'd already gone through so much in such a short timespan. But Conrad needed to hear it; to make damn sure he wasn't twisting Wesley's words and hearing only what he wanted to hear.
- - -
Wes took the Scotch and nearly cut himself on the rim as he all but shoved the glass into his mouth. The dark liquid burned on its way down but he was grateful for the brief distraction it gave him. This conversation kept spiralling further and further away from where it started. The emotional levels they were sinking to and finally unburying had been covered and hidden for awhile now. Unearthing them now was like pulling out a ticking bomb. At some point, it was going to go off and Wes had no idea what that was going to look like.
What if he was wrong? What if Conrad was just saying he was jealous because he was worried they'd stop hanging out? But he'd said he was jealous of Fox and had asked if they'd dated before. And that he wanted Wes to kiss him instead. Conrad was already bringing up having to watch him date other people and be jealous of that. That implied that he wanted to be someone that Wes chose to date. Right?
He dropped the empty glass back on the counter but didn't ask for a refill. Not that he wouldn't have taken another shot if it was poured. With a deep breath, he turned his gaze to Conrad. His eyes narrowed just slightly, staring. Would Conrad actually stick to what he said? He was going to come out? Was this that moment? Wes swallowed and licked his lips. "I mean it, yeah. I like you. A lot. I didn't think I would. You were so prickly at first. I like being your friend. But I think I'd like it too if we were more than that."
They'd gone this long without talking about anything close to this heavy but now that the walls were coming down, Wes was starting to realize how much he actually did want that. But there'd been a reason he hadn't said anything until now. And even in this moment, he was hesitant to let it all spill out. "I didn't know if you felt the same. When things did get ..." Wes blushed at the memory. "Uh, a little more than friendly between us, you acted like it'd never happened." So there it was. Wes spun the empty glass idly on the counter but kept his eyes on Conrad's face. "I want your attention. I want to kiss you. And more than that. If you don't want to talk about it, well, everyone's got their rules about things. We can still be friends but maybe with ...benefits?" That was a start, at least. Except Wes could already feel that he'd want more.
- - -
It was finally starting to click. The pieces were finally starting to come together. And Conrad's heart simultaneously swelled and ached. He reached out, taking Wesley's hand and guiding it to his shoulder.
"When I told you about this knot, I lied when I said it was an accident. It wasn't. It was intentional. And he wasn't aiming for my shoulder when I blocked it." Conrad kept his fingers on the back of Wesley's hand, his eyes searching his face. "These conversations about feelings, about kissing.. They have a tendency to go south for me. Really south. And Christ, I couldn't let that happen with you."
He took the bottle of Scotch, pouring another shot for Wes and taking a swallow directly from the bottle for himself. "I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I pretended like we'd never done anything. I was just scared. I should have known from the start that you'd be different. You'd never treat me so poorly. It's part of the reason why I started to like you. Other than that handsome face of yours."
There was a tiny little smile on his lips as he leaned across the counter again, his full focus falling upon Wesley. "I want to kiss you, too. More than just kiss you. I want to take you back to my room right now and properly apologize for all the confusion I've caused you. I want to make it abundantly clear just how infatuated I am with you. I've never wanted to sleep with someone so badly in my entire life, Wes. Controlling myself around you has been damn near impossible. And now that I know you'd allow this sort of behavior, I'm not too sure I'll be able to keep my hands from wandering."
"But more than that - more than anything else - I want you to be happy. Things could get messy if we go down this path, dear. Friends with benefits always sounds uncomplicated on the surface, but I know myself well enough to know I won't be able to stop there. I'm already jealous. I can only imagine what sort of monster I'll became if I feel like I actually have a say in your affairs. I'll want you all to myself. And if that's not something you foresee yourself agreeing to, it might be better if we don't do this."
- - -
After hearing the truth about what had happened the last time Conrad had tried opening himself up to someone, it all made sense. Why Conrad had been so stiff when they first met. Why it had taken him time to feel like he could be himself. Why he'd said nothing when they'd kissed. How could anyone have been so cruel? Wes could feel the knot underneath the other's shirt. He'd touched it once before. Conrad had said that it was the one he remembered the most vividly. No wonder. Wes could only imagine what had happened. What if he hadn't blocked it? What had the guy been aiming for? Thinking about it all over again had Wes' temperature rising. He steadied it as Conrad went on.
Except the blonde only made it worse. He felt hot all over. His mouth was dry but he pushed away the Scotch so he could move further over the counter towards Conrad. And he soaked up every word.
He knew he'd been attracted to Conrad from the start. He'd spilled his drink the second he spotted him in the bar that first day. Conrad wasn't just pretty. He was gorgeous and way out of his league. Still was! That hadn't stopped Wes from flirting here and there. Nothing serious though. He had never expected Conrad to return any of it. And when he had, Wes still hadn't been able to accept that it was anything serious. He'd done relationships before and had pushed the idea of getting into another one far out of his mind.
Now here was Conrad tempting him to try again and goddamnit, he was thinking about it.
Wes had been quiet as Conrad had let everything spill out. Now and then, a small smile would slip. His cheeks had gone exceptionally pink when Conrad had said how much he wanted to take him back to his room. Oh, didn't that sound nice? He'd shivered at the thought. After Conrad had finished, he was silent for a little while longer. He hadn't moved his hand out of Conrad's and tightened the grip before he spoke, eyes stuck on their fingers together.
"I mentioned friends with benefits because that's what I have with Ciri. I haven't had the best experiences with relationships. I'd kinda sworn them off before coming here. I honestly didn't think I'd meet someone who'd get me to try dating again so it made sense to leave labels off everything and just be with who we wanted to be with. I don't ask Ciri what she does. She doesn't ask me." Wes looked back up at him. This was the messy part Conrad had mentioned and it was here already. He should have mentioned it and he felt like a dick for not doing it sooner. "I think I'm really under-stating how much I like you. It's, um, it's actually not as easy as I thought to tell you how much I really, really like you." He laughed nervously. "Can I say that I don't know yet?"
- - -
Ciri?
Conrad's head sort of spun over that. He knew Wesley and Ciri were friends. He'd even met her once, spoke with her over the Network. But Conrad never would have guessed that something that going on between them.
And there it was again. That awful jealousy monster, gnawing away at his stomach. Now over someone else instead of Fox. Had he known about Ciri, Conrad likely never would have mentioned his feelings. Now he felt rather silly for doing so and pulled away.
Be a good friend, he reminded himself. This wasn't a competition to win Wesley's heart. He'd promised himself that he'd stay loyal to Wes, regardless of what happened, and he absolutely meant it. It didn't matter if Wes was with Fox, or Ciri, or anyone in the hotel. Wesley Gibson deserved happiness and Conrad would continue to support him in every way that he could. But lord, if his heart didn't ache.
"You don't have to tell me anything, Wes."
He flinched a little over how that came out. It absolutely gave away how hurt he was. So he reached out, giving the other man's shoulder a squeeze. "Maybe we both just need some time to think things over."
- - -
"I don't have to. I like to," but his voice had lost its strength and cheerfulness. "But you can say what parts you don't want to know about."
Just like that, it felt like the walls were up again.
He finally did go for that Scotch. It went down as rough as the first but the burn in his throat was a welcome distraction from the one in his chest. He couldn't be selfish and show that he was the one hurting over this. Conrad had been the one who confessed to having feelings to him and what had he done? He'd floundered like a moron. I really really you was the best he could do?
Maybe this was for the best. Conrad could do way better than him anyhow. Someone who wouldn't be afraid to come out and say that he wanted him and only him. Conrad deserved better than rotten men who tried to stab him or cowards that couldn't make up their minds what they wanted. He deserved to be loved, every part of him, by someone that ..well, someone that Wesley was already going green with envy for and they didn't even exist yet.
"Right. Time."
- - -
"I don't want to hear about any of it, if I'm being completely honest with you," he admitted, his eyes studying Wesley, "And yeah, I get it. Bad friend. But right now, I just wouldn't be able to handle it."
He was going to be far less friendly with Ciri in the future, that much was certain.
But something stuck Conrad as odd. Why was Wesley suddenly upset? He'd said himself he didn't have a solution to the problem that had arose between them, and truly, Conrad wasn't trying to pressure him for one. Conrad was hurt, yes, but in time, he knew he'd be able to be happy for his friend, regardless of what the future held. Isn't this what Wesley wanted? Time? Some breathing room to sort things out?
Had he been unreasonable for suggesting such a thing? Why did Wesley appear to be just as wounded as Conrad was? He gave a sigh, leaning in an attempt to look the other man in the face. Despite his sullen mood, he was able to keep his tone calm and even as he spoke. "Wes, I think we're past the point of holding things in. What is it? What's wrong? Talk to me."
- - -
Like he was always able to do, Conrad got a smile out of him. “You’re not a bad friend, James. A bad friend would wouldn’t be as honest with me as you’ve been.” That sounded like keeping secrets was a bad thing. Conrad had his reasons for not opening up about his feelings. Wes understood that so much better now than he did before. He winced. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me everything. Even though I like it when you do.” It didn’t matter if it wasn’t something he didn’t want to hear. Holding in jealous feelings was something he was used to. But the thing was that he liked it when Conrad talked to him about anything and it was clear that the other man felt the same, his own jealous feelings aside.
“Nothing’s …wrong, exactly.” He ran both his hands through his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. “I guess I was just so focused on watching you let those walls down that I forgot about letting my own down. I act like I have everything together, or maybe I think I do anyway. It’s easier to act like everything is okay than worry about being a burden on someone. You spend enough time keeping up your guard, you forget it’s been up at all.”
Wes had started to pull back and slouched over the counter but then he reached out his arm across the bartop towards Conrad, touching his hand with his fingers. “Have you ever walked by a store and seen something in the window that you really want? Like a really nice leather jacket. The nicest one you’ve ever seen. And you really want it but you know as soon as you get it, it’ll end up ruined like everything else you own. So you don’t get it because it’s safer there behind the glass and it probably looks better on the mannequin than on you anyway.” He took his hand back. “I don’t know anything about relationships. And I’ve been shit at ‘em up until now. I don’t want you to end up hating me.”
It hadn’t been easy saying all that but it was even harder to meet Conrad’s gaze after that.
- - -
"Wes, I could never hate you. And if I'm supposed to be the leather jacket in that scenario, well. I think you're placing me up on a pedestal where I don't belong."
Conrad moved, weaving his way out from behind the bar. As much as he liked being able to look Wesley in the face, he didn't like that physical divider between them. So he neared Wes, gently slipping his arms around his midsection and lightly hugging him from behind. "Come here. Let me tell you a story," he murmured, resting his chin on Wesley's shoulder.
"The first crush I ever had was on a guy named Patrick. We were in secondary school, I was sixteen years old. Towards the end of the school year, Patrick got himself a girlfriend.. Miss Henrietta. Now, Henri and I were friends, but I immediately became envious of her. And it showed. I was the worst at hiding it, Wes. I mean it, the worst. So Patrick called me on it one day. He looked at me and he said, 'James, what's gotten into you? You've been acting horribly jealous lately.' And what did my idiot self say in responce?"
Conrad tilted his head, his chin still resting on Wesley's shoulder. "I said, Patrick, why on earth would I be jealous of Henri? And tried to laugh it off. He just stared at me for a really long time. I'll never forget that expression. He was so horribly confused. He finally asked back, 'why would you be jealous of Henri?' Because, to him, the only obvious explanation was that I had a crush Henri, not him. That I was jealous because I wanted to be around her, when in reality, it was his attention that I wanted. Such an awful mess. We never spoke of it again. I did take every opportunity that I could to put gum in that poor girl's hair. By the end of the school year, she had a god awful haircut because of it. Horribly petty of me, wasn't it?"
"My point to all of that is: Patrick and I remained friends, even after that. I'm not going anywhere, dear, but you might have to tolerate some pettiness along the way. I won't be sticking gum in anyone's hair, I promise. It's going to take more than some silly jealousy to get rid of me." His embrace tightened ever so slightly, giving Wesley a squeeze.
"I think, when it comes down to it, you are I are afraid of the same thing. We're afraid of hurting one another. It's good to be cautious. And considerate. But I don't think we're doing one another any favors by being too careful, either. I'm not sure what we should do. I don't know if this would make me a friend with benefits, but I do know I'd still like to be able to kiss you. And be around you. And hold you. Is that.. too much? Can we start there and see where it takes us?"
- - -
His dad had left when he was barely a week old. That alone could give a kid a complex about their worth. When half of the family that was supposed to raise decided to take off right when you joined the picture, it was the world's first fuck you to him. Sure, there had been more to the reason that his dad had left but in the end, what did it matter? Wes had still spent almost his entire life believing that he hadn't been enough and that was to someone he'd never met. He'd only known Conrad a few months but he could tell that the man was cut from a different cloth. A five knew a ten when it saw one.
Maybe putting him on a pedestal had been a mistake but it was hard when the only place he knew was below the shelf.
Conrad came around the bar. Wes watched him the entire way. He tilted his head even as the blonde curled his arms around his stomach, the nape of his neck against his chest. What sort of guy had this Patrick been? He already wanted to punch the guy in the face. When Conrad told him how bad he'd gotten with his crush's girlfriend, Wes' mouth dropped.
"Gum in her hair? You didn't. You did!" Wes didn't know if he'd ever been mad enough at a person to actually do that. Maybe think about it. But he laughed and lifted his hand to Conrad's cheek, scratching it playfully. "You are scandalous."
Conrad's arms went tight so he dropped his hand and he grabbed both of them, keeping the both of them like that. Scandalous or petty, he'd still take Conrad any way he could. He still didn't know how this would play out but Wes knew that he'd do his best to not let things get too messy. He leaned his head back enough to leave a light kiss across Conrad's jawline. "We can start there." With a nose nudge, he smirked. "If I see you chewing gum, I'll just steal it from you before you can cause trouble."
Exactly how was he going to do that? Wes stuck his tongue out at him and stole a second spot on Conrad's cheek for a kiss.
- - -
"Mm, like I'd ever stick it in your hair. C'mon, it might be a little funny, wouldn't it?"
It would not. And he knew it.
He was laughing, though. Wes was kissing his cheek and Conrad was leaning into it, enjoying the feeling of that beautiful mouth upon his skin.
He didn't particularly like that he'd have to share Wesley. He had absolutely meant it when he claimed he didn't want to hear about Wesley's other partners. But at least now, Conrad was also allowed some part of him. A piece of Wesley belonged to him and that alone was more than he ever could have hoped for. Conrad could kiss him now. Freely. Without fear, without hesitation. And that's exactly what he planned to do.
Conrad moved again. He reached out, twisting Wesley's bar stool so that the other man was facing him. Normally, he wasn't a big fan of public displays of affection. But right now, from what he could see, that bar was empty. Even if it hadn't been, Conrad wasn't sure he'd be able to stop himself from leaning in and pressing a kiss to Wesley's lips. Something warm and affectionate and utterly blissful.
When he leaned back, Conrad was smiling, ear to ear. "You know, I think I might have left the film upstairs.." That expression on his face had turned purely mischievous. There were certain lines he wasn't ready to cross, but god, if he couldn't spend the rest of that evening keeping Wesley's mouth busy. He gave the other man's knee a playful squeeze. "We should probably go back up and get it, shouldn't we?"
- - -
Wes snorted and jabbed the blonde affectionately with his elbow. "My hair is my best feature, sir. Mess it up and there'll be no kisses for at least a week for you." Even though they both knew that would be a hard rule for him to follow.
It was good to hear Conrad laughing again. The sound made his chest swell. He knew there would be some moments ahead for them both that might be trying but he was confident now that they could get through it together. It was weird being this open and honest about his feelings and not being made to feel like a fool. A good weird.
Suddenly, he was spinning. Wes grabbed at the stool for balance but missed it as he was moved and had to go for Conrad's arms instead. Conrad didn't wait for him to steady himself before coming down and stealing his lips with something that made Wes want to curl his toes. Even his ears were red by the time it was over, as well as the rest of his face. God, it wasn't fair how much this man could affect him.
Then, Conrad turned a little naughty. "You forgot the film?' Wes smirked, running his tongue over his top lip. "Are you going to photograph me like your French girls?" He laughed a little. Not his best Kate Winslet impression. "Future reference," he explained. "The point is yes," Wes squeezed Conrad's arms. "Let's go upstairs."