It was always easier. That was it, wasn't it? It would just be easier. She'd lived her life out from one anxious moment to another with only breaks when it came to her eating, scavenging, or doing simulations. There had always been some sort of threat on the horizon. But that's not what had pulled her the first time. It had called to her with the promise of knowledge. It was her curiosity that drew her. She just needed to know.
But lately, it had just been allowing herself to just bathe in her anger if only to quell the fear inside of her. The anger had just felt better than the pain. It felt like a form of control. Luke had shown her other ways, but they were harder.
"I would." Because the only way she'd be able to stop feeling all those bad things would be to let them go. Him pointing it out was sobering. She separated herself from them when she was feeling vulnerable or hurt. Rey had started to rely on them, but not completely. Ben and Finn just had the luxury of just knowing and Poe could always read her easily. Armitage understood her on a different level.
"I let go of my parents thinking they'd just left me, but I was wrong," she said shaking her head. "And I know they all care for me." There was love there. There was something to hold on to. There was something to keep her to keep fighting for, no matter how much she wanted to indulge her selfishness. "I can't let go..." But. There was that guilt knotting in her chest. "I know if I did, I wouldn't feel this way, but I can't even if it hurts when they're not around." And Finn said he'd follow her. That would be his decision, even if it felt like it was hers.