Dean Winchester (agentplant) wrote in crownplazaic, @ 2021-06-08 09:42:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log/thread, castiel, dean winchester |
Who: Dean Winchester & Castiel
Where: Pool & Hotel Room
When: 6/7/21
What: Dean is a dick and apologizes.
Status: Complete
Warnings: Profanity
Cas was enjoying that there were all kinds of brand new ways to stave off the inevitable waves of boredom he felt in the hotel when it was in between its adventures and gave its residents time to relax and recuperate. Being an angel who never had the need to sleep (though he did sometimes - just lying quietly with Dean was both peaceful and amazing, and he felt at times this was the closest two people could ever be), he was often roaming around the hotel and its grounds, attempting to find ways to entertain himself. He had already looked in on some of these new places, the chapel being his favorite as he felt closer to his son Jack there and made it simpler to talk to him for reasons he couldn’t put into words. It made him sad that Jack never replied to him, or even gave him a hint that he was there, but he knew Jack was busy, controlling the universe and all that. In the other rooms he had actually tried out some things, some very briefly and others he had actually tested out (the arcade room reminded him so much of Benjamin and the other angels love for those games) but in the end, he decided he would take his time with these, give himself something new to do for at least a few months. But there was one place, tried and true and familiar as it had been there since before Cas had come, that he loved and felt the most comfortable in. And as luck would have it, the place was generally empty when he wanted to use it. Donning a plain black t-shirt and the red swim shorts that he’d found in his closet, Cas touched Dean to get his attention and let him know he was going swimming at the indoor pool. “You can join me if you decide you feel like it,” he took a clean towel from their just laundered stack and draped it around his shoulders like a cape. “I’ll probably be there for a few hours.” And with a kiss to Dean’s forehead, he made his way down to the empty swimming pool area, took his shirt and towel, and left them at the side of the pool before he dove in. There were some days where Dean really didn't give a fuck about anything, and laid there in bed, watching television or playing on the switch. When Cas told him he was going to swim in the pool, he just grunted and nodded his head to acknowledge he had heard what the other said. He was in the middle of a movie and completely engrossed, despite having watched it multiple times. When the credits began to roll, he rolled out of the bed with a groan and moved over to the table that still had the dishes from breakfast. He stripped off his clothes and pulled on his swim trunks. Glancing at his reflection in the mirror he reached down to grab his belly, squeezing some of the fat that he had been gaining, due to too much inactivity. "Ugh, whatever, not like I'm trying to impress anybody." Dean shrugged it off and pulled on a t-shirt before stepping into some sandals. He tossed a towel over his shoulders, grabbed the dirty dishes and made his way to the kitchen. It didn't take too long to wash everything and he was on his way to the pool. The smell of chlorine hit him just as he stepped into the room and he looked down to the other end of the pool, spotting Cas doing laps. "Dude, why do you even need to exercise? You're an angel, you never get fat." Dean walked over to the bench, set his towel down and stepped out of his sandals. Leaving his shirt on he took a running leap into the water, doing a solid belly flop. He surfaced to the top and shook his head like a wet dog. "Okay, that hurt." The pool was honestly the most relaxing place for Cas; the chemical smell that was oddly pleasing, the near noiselessness save for the gentle sounds of water splashing against the tile edges and cement that he had caused to splash, the weightlessness of floating, letting the water control your body and movements while you just floated. He would never be sure of the amount of time that he had spent in the Empty, but for most of it, he was awake. The silence there was deafening, like being in a vacuum of sound - in that there was none - there he couldn’t even hear himself think, the sound was just - gone. And being alone yet surrounded by so many other sleeping entities was one of the hardest parts. There wasn’t waking anyone from the slumber that the shadow kept them in, and he was just doomed to walk through their essences, silently, being punished like that for all eternity. This, however, wasn’t like that. Here he could be alone anywhere and just reach out mentally to feel the dozens of souls that surrounded him, a literal jumble of noise from their breathing alone. He was surrounded by so many. Not alone, not silent. “I’m not exercising, I’m just swimming,” Cas called back when Dean entered, and he stopped swimming to watch him, to hear him better. “I’m a little envious of others whose bodies can change. I can’t even get a haircut without the hair growing to this exact length again in seconds. I would happily be fat, as long as I was a healthy fat.” He started to swim closer to where Dean was getting in but saw his intentions before he jumped and instead, Cas swam back and held on to the side of the pool. He bit his lip trying not to laugh at Dean, but he failed so miserably and was laughing as he swam closer to his boyfriend, smoothing Dean’s wet hair back from his face. “I like that you decided to come,” Castiel said, still grinning. “Did you enjoy your movie?” "For the record, I totally meant to do that." He declared upon hearing Castiel's laughter. "Is there really such a thing as being healthy fat?" He questioned aloud, not having heard that before. "Is that like me, now? I'm healthy fat?" It sounded strange, but he was more than happy to get behind that. "Your hair is great the way it is. You don't need to grow it longer or anything like that." Dean had only seen Cas with some stubble a handful of times, and while he didn't hate the look, he was fine with Cas being nice and smooth. "Speaking of growing hair, I was thinking about not shaving for a bit. Add some rustic features to my soft and delicate face." When Cas reached out to smooth his hair back, Dean shifted to the left and splashed him in return. "I figured I would join you, and then we'd have the perfect excuse to shower together." He beamed proudly in return. "Of course, I enjoyed my movie. It's a real nail biter," Dean joked again. "You're just like Sam with his running. He does it to clear his mind and shit. Running for the hell of it is definitely not my definition of a good time." “Yes, I’ve seen quite a few in my time on earth. Some extra weight, still very healthy people. There isn’t anything wrong with them. And, you aren’t fat, but your organs are all perfect. No clogged arteries. Liver and heart are great. Every time I heal you, I heal you.” He was sure Dean knew that already, he was almost positive that he and Dean had had that discussion years ago, before he had gotten cut off from Heaven. But now that he was back in the fold and had favor with the new God, his powers were back up to par, perhaps even a little better than they had been before. “It’s good that you don’t mind my inability to change, since I can’t, unless I’m human or my powers are in a place that binds them, like Purgatory.” Cas’ grin was becoming softer, but it was still on his lips. The pool water rippled over his shoulders every time he or Dean moved, and it was nice, almost like friendly fingers on his back and shoulders. “I think you would look nice with some facial hair. Your bone structure is unnervingly perfect, there aren’t many looks that you can’t pull off.” He wasn’t just saying that because Dean was his boyfriend and Cas thought he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, he said it because it was true. It was just a fact. Even DaVinci so long ago had declared that features like Dean’s were perfect. Cas pulled his hand back quickly from Dean and tucked his fingers in, looking at him strangely and a little hurt that he had pulled away from him. He quickly smiled at the splashing, but he swam way back, away from Dean, and put a few feet of distance between them. He was quiet, listening to Dean finish speaking about the movie and then his brother. Cas almost didn’t say anything, but - “Will I be able to touch you in the shower? Behind closed doors and in the privacy of our room?” He looked around and saw that they were still completely alone here. Dean had forgotten that each time Cas healed him from any injury, he didn't just heal his wounds. He cleared him of all his ailments, scars and all. "Yeah, I know," he replied with a nod of his head. It was like an automatic restart button. It wasn't something he had ever asked Cas to do, but at the same time, he wasn't about to turn him down. "C'mon, Cas, my bone structure is not unnervingly perfect. I mean, I know I look good, but nothing about me is perfect." Though that didn't stop Dean from blushing a little. "Where are you going? I would ask if you peed in the water, but you don't do that, and it doesn't feel oddly warmer." He joked stupidly and swam towards Cas. He stopped about halfway there, looking at the other in confusion over his comments. "Well, yeah, of course, you can touch me. What's the point of showering together if we don't have a little fun?" He turned to look at the door and then looked back at Cas. "Wait, you're not going away from me to secretly make me work off some extra calories, are you?" “God - Chuck was a cruel and capricious god, but remember he was obsessed with you. It wouldn’t surprise me to find out that he had a heavy hand mixing your genetics up to make you look like you do. But as for me, you could have any face at all, and I would still think that you’re beautiful.” he shrugged, teasing a little. “I kinda like you. I might be biased.” After all that, Cas thought it would have been the perfect lead in to a kiss, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. They were too far apart now to do that anyway. He looked at Dean with a slight roll of his eyes when he joked about Cas peeing in the pool. “You don’t even realize anymore that you never let me touch you in public. Like now. You pulled away from me because we’re in public, and there’s always a chance that someone can walk through those doors and see me touching you, even if it's an innocent touch, like brushing your hair back.” And it was. Cas wasn’t asking for a makeout session or hand-holding, all he’d tried to do was brush back his hair while they were in a pool in an empty room. “I never pushed because I’m in a male body, and I understood that it might have - freaked you out, but Dean, I’m starting to realize that you’re just embarrassed to be with me. You would be more comfortable with a female, wouldn’t you?” "If God made me perfect, why the hell did he make Sam so much taller than me?" Dean joked, still not on board with God making him perfect. "You're right, I think you might be a lot biased. But, that's okay, I still love you just the same." He never liked to get too serious about much of anything, and he was ready to move on from his looks. However, when the tone of Cas' voice changed, Dean wished they were still talking about his looks. He listened to what the other was saying and he thought back to all the times he had dodged the touch of his boyfriend. Even something as simple as a hand against his back. He wasn't really sure what to say, but when Cas asked if he would be more comfortable with a female, that didn't seem right either. "Cas, I don't know how much of my life you're aware of, but I have had very few girlfriends. Three, to be exact. If I'm including Amanda, though we weren't together for very long." Then there was Cassie, which…" It had been a long time since then, but it was still emotional for him to think back on. "And then Lisa." He paused a moment and reached up to push the wet hair away from his face. "I'm honestly not used to being touched outside of the bedroom." He had spent the majority of his life engaged in one-night stands or wild weekends. It wasn't something that Dean had ever reflected on. Everything was always better left ignored. "Yeah, and maybe there's a part of me that's uncomfortable with it since you're a dude and all, but that doesn't mean I would be happier with a woman." “I only started keeping personal tabs on you after we met in Hell. Everything I was told was very basic, and didn’t include your love life. Just that Heaven needed you, and you were in my care.” For a while, anyway. He apparently hadn’t done his job right, and had fallen in more ways than one. When Dean mentioned Cassie, Cas looked at him and wondered if there were still feelings there, and not just sentimental ones from the past. Was she the love of his life? Why had they never talked about her? “You make me seem like an unreasonable ass for not wanting to be your dirty little secret. I don’t try to touch you intimately in public or hold your hand or anything that would be perceived as intimate. Even like this, no one is around, no one can see us. All I did was try to push your hair away from your forehead and you jerked away so fast that I almost thought you were hurt.” Cas licked his lips and was quiet for a moment before he turned and swam to the edge and pushed himself up and out of the pool. “If - any female did that as innocently as I tried, you wouldn’t have flinched. Or turned away. Or made sure no one was around. How can you say you wouldn’t be happier with a woman when you seem to be afraid of my touch?” Cas continued, sitting on the edge of the pool. “You talk so freely and openly with other people, you were happy for hours after you returned from the meeting with Daphne a few weeks ago. You don’t do that with me. I feel like I’m only good for you in the bedroom.” It wasn't exactly the best place to have such a conversation, but for the moment, they were alone, and Dean didn't want to escalate things by asking him if they could have this conversation elsewhere. He remained where he stood in the pool, watching Cas as he swam and then situated himself on the edge of the pool. "You don't know that for sure. That I wouldn't pull away from the touch of a woman." There had been times when he pulled away from Lisa, but it wasn't often. "It took us dying, Cas, to finally admit how I felt about you. There's still a part of me that believes I don't deserve your love. That I don't deserve anyone's love." His voice was a little softer and he started to move towards Cas, swimming until he was close enough to place his hands on the other man's knees and positioned himself between Castiel's legs. He was quiet for a moment, focused on the way his heart was beating against his chest. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reaching out to take his boyfriend's hands in his own. "I thought that you were finally gone for real and-" he paused again, taking another deep breath. "I gave up because I didn't want to live a life without you." A single tear rolled down over his cheek and he lifted his gaze again to meet Castiel's. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, and he ducked his head to the side, letting it rest against the other man's lap. "I'm sorry, Cas." “Dean, I’ve seen you. One night stands that you’ve picked up in bars or diners with Sam and I sitting there. You never flinched away from them. Not that I saw. But that - it really isn’t the point that I’m trying to make.” Cas sighed and scrubbed a hand over his forehead. “Even if we never touch in front of other people, that’s fine, believe me, I don’t have anything to prove to anyone and I don’t need to get accolades or approval because we’re a couple. It’s times like this that bother me. I love you more than my own life, and you know I do, but I can’t touch you unless our mattress is behind us or we’re alone in the shower. Or the movie theater, but I locked the door so that it was private.” He fell silent, looking down at Dean’s head in his lap and almost resisted the urge he had to smooth his hair away from his face and wipe the wetness from his face. Cas was gentle, his fingers caressed lovingly over Dean’s face as he bent his own head down barely just touching Dean’s head with his own. He hadn’t expected Dean to do what he was doing, touching him like that, opening up like that, but - it was what he had needed. Wanted. “You deserve love more than anyone I’ve ever known, and I know that what I say won’t ever convince you of that, but my love for you, that I give to you with no question or hesitation. As flawed and broken as I am, I’m yours if you want me. I just - sometimes I wonder if - perhaps you feel - you feel more than you wanted to because of what happened at my end, that you were just so happy because your best friend was alive again, like that - God I don’t remember, but when Jack brought me back and you were so happy to see your friend. Your friend.” It was rare for Dean to open up and allow himself to be vulnerable like he was now. He pulled away from Cas slowly and looked up at him in awe. "Are you fucking serious right now?" He questioned, clearly upset. "I just fucking told you that after you were gone-" he shook his head repeatedly and moved away from the other. "Yeah, you got me, Cas. It's just been a pity fuck all this time. You one hundred percent absolutely fucking nailed it." His voice grew louder as he continued, moving to another side of the pool to push himself up and out of the pool. Dean walked swiftly to the bench he had left his towel on and grabbed it. "A friend. That's all you are to me. Just a friend." He whipped the towel in the air and draped it across his shoulders. "Friends with benefits. You sacrificed your happiness for me and I just wanted to pay you back with sexual favors." There was a pause and he laughed dryly, shaking his head. "You've said some really stupid shit before, but that one really takes the cake." There was a difference between being harsh and choosing your words carefully, and Dean had chosen to go the harsh route and then calling him stupid put the nail in the coffin and told him that nothing had changed between them, Dean had still thought of him as the stupid angel that screwed everything up and then came crying to Dean to fix it. He stood up and looked at Dean while he dried himself off, refusing to get emotional or angry, or even fight about it. What would he even say? The things Dean had just said were cruel when all he wanted was just reassurance because he rarely seemed to get any affection or - anything good from Dean unless they were holed up in the room or in public being just friends. He was always Dean’s emotional punching bag when he got angry or sad, and he was tired of it. “You did answer my question, even though you believe you were being a smart ass. Thank you.” Tears tangling in his lashes, he turned and picked up his towel and shirt, looking around for his shoes until he remembered that he had worn none down. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard, composing himself a bit before he turned back to face Dean. “You act like you can’t be questioned, Dean, that nobody is allowed insecurities or vulnerabilities but you. I didn’t expect this from you when I voiced mine. I’m sorry that you came down here.” "No, you-" he took a calming breath, even more, irritated when Castiel and he was sorry he came to join him in the pool. "I have said the words to you before. I have said that I love you on multiple occasions." Dean noticed the tears that threatened to spill and his tone softened. "You didn't- I was-" he cut himself off, trying not to be as brusque. "You-" he lifted a hand to brush through his hair and let out a frustrated groan. "I said I love you, and you suggest that maybe I've only said that because I was just so grateful to have you back. I know the way I feel about you, and maybe I don't show you love in the ways you want, but that doesn't-" it felt like nothing he wanted to say was coming out right. "After all I've done for you, I don't-" he turned on his heels and moved to sit down on the bench, his head in both hands. "For the record? We're both broken and flawed, it's not just one or the other." He fell quiet as he sat there, struggling to find the right words to say. "Maybe I overreacted, I'm sorry," Dean muttered in apology, looking back up at Cas. "It sounded like you were saying I don't know how I actually felt about you. I didn't hear that you were struggling to believe that I-" he rose swiftly from the bench and moved towards the other. "I do love you, Cas, and that's not something I can easily say." Cas really didn’t know what to do with himself any more, so again, he just stood there while Dean stumbled over his words and attempted to make them sound less harsh as he spoke. “After all you’ve done for me,” Cas whispered, repeating the words and smiling incredulously to himself. The more Dean talked, the more it did sound like he was just a pity fuck, and while he didn’t believe that for one second and understood that Dean was just being sarcastic, it still left a painful lump in the back of his throat. “You did overreact, majorly,” Cas said, holding up a hand to stop Dean from coming any further toward him. “But you don’t need to apologize to me. I’m the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t be so stupid or say stupid things, you’d think I learned my lesson by now, but - that’s what happens to a stupid, stupidly insecure angel. I should be the grateful one.” Cas shrugged, shook his head and took a step backward.”Apology accepted Dean.” He had apologized, and of course, Castiel just had to be difficult. "You're twisting my words, Cas." Dean reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, not moving any further towards the other. "Just to reiterate, I'm not with you because I feel an obligation of some sort. I'm with you because that's what I want." Obviously, it was going to take some time to fix this, and Dean was just glad there was plenty of booze to be had. "I'm going back to the room. Join me or not, I really don't care at this point." He had tried to diffuse the situation, but it seemed like Cas wanted to drag it out. "Make myself an Elvis burger and watch tv. Have fun doing whatever the fuck you decide to do." “An apology doesn’t erase the words you said. I just -, whatever Dean.” Castiel wasn’t trying to drag this out, he hadn’t really thought that this would turn into a fight, but the fact that Dean had said what he said and then tried to take it all away with an apology? “Enjoy your hamburger.” And with a fluttering of wings, he was gone, wet footprints on the cement the only evidence that he was ever there. “Great, that’s just fucking great,” Dean mumbled under his breath, upon Castiel disappearing. He dried off his hair and put his shoes back on, leaving the pool to go back to the room. When he pushed the door open he looked around to see if Cas was there, but if he had been, he was already gone. Whatever. After taking a quick shower, he pulled on some jeans, a t-shirt, boots, and headed down to the arcade room. A few hours later he returned back to the room, and once again, no Cas. Feeling a little defeated he went to the kitchen to make himself something to eat and grabbed a few bottles of beer along the way. He kicked off his shoes, turned the television on, made himself comfortable on the bed, and went to town on his burger. After yet another movie had ended, he looked down at his watch, surprised to see it was nearly midnight, and still no Cas. “Cas, I’m in the room. Where the hell are you?” Hopefully, the angel would show up and not ignore him. Castiel left. He didn't go invisible for the sake of watching Dean to see what he would do next, or because he wanted to be near him no matter how much of an asshole he'd just been, Castiel left. He disappeared from the swimming pool area and reappeared just outside of the chapel, hoping that he would find it empty, or at least mostly empty. After he dried off he went inside the small building and took a seat, glad he hadn't yet thought to tell Dean he came here, just in case he decided to look for him. Castiel doubted he would have anyway, and that was just fine with him. Today wasn't supposed to turn out the way it did. It had been a normal, do nothing type of day and he would have never invited Dean to come swimming with him if he had any inkling that things would turn so bad so fast. All of the points he raised were valid, questions he had that he wanted answers to, but Dean probably thought that Cas was the bad guy now for the way he had gone about things. He wasn't completely sure of how to behave in a relationship, and the two men he had watched daily were definitely not shining beacons whose pristine examples he could follow. He was learning as he went, and he felt everything so much more deeply and so much more profoundly than when the 'I love you' words weren't exchanged between he and Dean. He would never, ever wish that that hadn't happened. Ever. No matter what else was said between them, hearing those words from Dean made everything that had happened to him worth it. He just needed to change. To adapt better. To be more of what Dean wanted. He couldn't change his gender, but there were other things he could try to do. Cas wasn't aware that he'd been sitting inside of this place for hours, not until he heard Dean's voice in his head announcing where he was that had Cas looking at his watch. The hotel would pull him back to the room soon, so he would just not fight it and go then, instead of when Dean had spoken to him. And that was exactly what he did. Once he was back in the room, he went to the closet and removed the neatly hanging trenchcoat and suit, and began removing his swimming clothes to replace them on his body. "Dean," he said, buttoning up his other shirt, sounding tired and defeated rather than anything else. "Did you need something?" He watched in silence while Cas changed out of his clothes, a little surprised that he hadn’t been to the room at all. “Yeah, I do need something,” Dean responded, noting that there had been a slight passing of time before the other had shown up. “Starts with C, rhymes with sass. You don’t happen to know where I could get some, do you?” He replied coyly, hoping to get at least a small smile out of the other. “Where you been all this time? You didn’t go back to the pool, did you?” His brow raised when he saw Cas put his trenchcoat back on, which likely meant that he was planning to leave. “Please don’t go, Cas.” He wasn’t about to beg the other man to stay, and he doubted that him getting naked would improve the situation. Dean waited a moment before deciding to get off the bed, though he didn’t approach Cas. “I missed you.” Cas did smile at Dean - because he was funny, okay? - but looked down and away to try unsuccessfully to hide the reaction from Dean as he continued to dress. "We're all out, but I'm told Castiel substitutes nicely." He knew the minute Dean asked him to stay that he would, and there was no point in fighting about things Dean saw no real problem with anyway. Cas was the one with the problem anyway, probably. He would just have to adopt Dean's mantra, 'ignore it until it goes away' and just let things he had been thinking earlier, go. And it wasn't like he was settling or unhappy, this was Dean. He knew him forever, and he wanted him forever. That hadn't changed. He sat down on the opposite bed, the one across from the one Dean had just vacated and slipped his shoes back off, a sign he hoped that indicated he wasn't going anywhere. "I'm here." When Cas removed his shoes, Dean beamed happily and moved to sit next to the other man on the bed. “You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life, and I hope you know that.” He shifted a little and reached over to take Castiel’s hands in his own. “You want to know how much I love you? If, for some hypothetical reason, that I hope never happens, If I suddenly had to choose between bacon and coffee, or you, I wouldn’t even think twice about it. I mean, I’d miss you a whole lot-” He laughed it off and gave his hands a squeeze, leaning in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I’m totally kidding, it would be sayonara coffee and bacon, I loved you dearly, but, as Sinead O’Connor said, nothing compares to you. You make me happier than I’ve ever been and, if I can’t have you, I don’t want nobody, baby. I have no idea why the hell I keep using song lyrics, but the sentiment is the same. You’re still the one I wanna talk to in bed.” He groaned in frustration with himself and moved to bury his face against Cas’ shoulder. “I think maybe you scrambled the signals in my brain somehow. Maybe your epic sexiness melted my internal core. Which is totally not a real thing, I made it up completely.” It was so much easier for Dean to go the comedic route. He would rather stay in a room with spiders than open up. Maybe. No, not really. Though he would consider it long and hard. “I love you, and I’m sorry for being a dick.” Cas felt like he was caught up in a Dean tornado when he sat down next to him, and that was fine. He was being cute and funny and dorky and Cas liked it so much when they were like this together. But it also told him, without even saying the actual words, how relieved Dean was that he was back, and that he was staying. He seemed like he was actually afraid that Castiel was going to leave or do something drastic, and that was enough to make Castiel feel butterflies all the way to his core, which were compounded by the kiss that Dean gave him. Brief and chaste, but his lips never failed to make him tingle. Or maybe that was because he knew that it was Dean behind those lips. As he wordlessly listened to Dean talk, Cas tilted his head a little and squinted his eyes to watch him, holding on to Dean's hands and rubbing the backs with his thumbs. He felt himself softening, even taking a relieved breath, as he realized that the bad was over for now, and he and Dean could just enjoy each other's company as they had intended to earlier in the day. Finally, Cas reached up to push Dean back a little so that he could see the face that had been buried in his shoulder. He briefly drew their foreheads together and gave Dean a kiss as well. And then another for good measure. "One, you're lying about the bacon and coffee, you'd find some kind of loophole or you'd die trying," Cas teased Dean, a small grin on his lips. "But I love you anyway for even thinking that way. Two, I do love you, more than I ever thought I did and that won't ever change, and I forgive you for being a dick. I'm sorry I overreacted to - I just never expected to feel like this, or like - that. It catches me by surprise every single time. And three, I believe in miracles, since you came along. You sexy thing." Dean was relieved when Castiel didn’t push him away and he seemed to be enjoying the embrace. He was more than happy to accept the kisses and he couldn’t stop smiling. “Cas, you know me too damn well. I would definitely die trying to find a way to have all three, but you’d still be at the top of the list.” He wasn’t really fond of fighting with Cas, and it felt like a tremendous load had been lifted from his shoulders. “In all seriousness, I’ll do my best to do better when it comes to public acknowledgment of us as a couple.” His voice softened in tone and he reached out to brush his fingers through Castiel’s hair. “I don’t want you thinking that I’m ashamed of you or anything like that.” His lips brushed over Cas’ jaw and nuzzled him with his nose. “I mean it, it’s important to keep you happy.” |